I Belong with My Brother
by FiliandKili'sGirl18
Summary: (AU) For Fili and Kili a day's riding seems like a good idea. But things soon take a tragic turn. Attacked and abducted by orcs, both brothers find themselves facing unimaginable horrors. Although Fili manages to escape he refuses to leave Kili behind, whilst Kili realises he is part of a far more sinister plan to bring down Erebor. AN: I don't own Tolkiens characters
1. Taken

_**AN: So I know I promised you guys a Lord of the Rings story but I've been really struggling with it so I decided instead of giving you guys a half baked effort it would be better to just drop it and do this instead. I am going to do a LOTR's fic eventually because I really want to but I'm afraid you might have to put up with everyone's favourite Durin boys for now…not that that's a bad thing!**_

Taken

Kili wasn't paying attention to the arrows. He couldn't hear them as they flew through the air. He didn't hear them hit their mark and he didn't notice the paper target was covered in arrows until one bounced off another and fell to the ground. Only then did he lower his bow. But that wasn't enough to curb his anger. It wasn't enough to stop his hands from shaking as he tried to control his temper. He could feel his blood raging through his body. His uncles words running round and round in head. Pushing his hair from his face Kili let his bow fall to the floor. Usually he was so careful with it. But today he just left it lying in a heap whilst he began pulling the arrows out. Every time one came away it was like he was remembering each thing Thorin had said to him earlier. He didn't understand why his uncle had gotten so mad. He used to tell Kili to defend himself. To stand up for himself when people were hard on him. He had always told Kili that he needed to show people that he wasn't afraid of them. That if they called him names he would fight back.

Kili had done just that. And now his uncle wanted to punish him for it.

* * *

 _Kili looked down at his boots nervously. Thorin paced up and down by the fire that covered one whole wall. Licking his lips Kili wished Fili was with him. More than anything he wanted his brother by his side. After all Fili had been there, he could help explain to Thorin. But Thorin had ordered everyone to leave. Fili, Dis, Balin, everyone. It was to be just him and Kili. Risking a glance Kili froze at Thorin's face. He had never seen him this angry before. He knew his uncle was under a lot of pressure at the moment. Even though Thorin hadn't told him anything Kili had heard the rumours that Azog was amassing an army to try and take Erebor. He sighed. He hated silence of any kind. What was the point of being in a room with someone if you were just going to sit side by side without saying a word?_

" _Uncle?"_

" _Quiet." Thorin didn't shout but Kili knew from his voice that he wasn't to speak unless spoken to. He clasped his hands behind his back. Taking slow, deep breaths to try and calm himself down. He didn't understand why Thorin had been so angry. Kili had acted in self-defence. Fili had seen it and so had a dozen other people. Kili didn't understand why Thorin hadn't hauled in his tormentors. They were the ones who should be punished. But instead the blame was falling on him once again. No doubt Thorin assumed he had been pulling a prank. Kili bit his lip; if only it had been that._

" _Look at me."_

 _At his uncle's voice Kili did as he was told. Thorin stopped pacing and stood before him. He crossed his arms over his chest and Kili wasn't surprised to see the disappointment in Thorin's eyes. Of course that would be there. That's all Kili had ever been to this family. A disappointment. Fili would never have done this. Or if he had he would have done something that didn't lead to the current situation. Thorin took a deep breath._

" _You will tell me exactly what happened."_

 _Kili nodded. Now he would explain things and Thorin would see where he had gone wrong._

" _They started it." He cursed himself. What better way than to sound like a child? He had just made it sound like he was trying to defend himself. Which he was, but he had meant to sound like he was innocent and not guilty. Thorin scowled and Kili realised his uncle wasn't in the mood for games._

" _I was just walking back to my room when they came up to me."_

 _Thorin held up a hand for quiet, "Get to the part where you're brawling like a dwarfling."_

 _Kili couldn't help but bristle at the tone. Why did his uncle always make him sound like a child? Fili had stopped doing it years ago and if he ever did it now it would be as a joke. He drew himself up and stuck his chest out._

" _As I said, they started it. They were saying things about me…and my father."_

" _And why didn't you walk away? Why did you begin fighting?"_

 _Kili clenched his fists. Because he had been taking this crap for too long._

" _Because I wanted to wipe that stupid smile from their faces. I hate what they say about my father! How he wasn't a dwarf. How I'm nothing more than a filthy son of a…"_

" _Enough!" Thorin's eyes flashed and Kili shut his mouth. When his uncle took up his pacing again Kili sighed. He knew what was coming now._

" _I cannot have my nephew and heir fighting in the streets. I cannot have such shame brought on our family."_

 _Kili bit his lip. His uncle had never said he'd shamed the family before. At least not directly. It had often been insinuated but hearing the words aloud suddenly made the whole prospect real. Licking his lips Kili let his uncle carry on._

" _You are not a dwarfling anymore Kili. If you were things would be different. But you are almost of age. You wouldn't see your brother doing such a thing."_

 _Kili wanted to roll his eyes at this comment. Why did Thorin have to bring Fili into this? Kili loved his brother beyond anything, but he hated it when someone compared him to Fili. His perfect brother. The one who had the looks and bearing the be king. The one who could keep a lid on his temper and talk his way out of a situation without diving in head first like Kili did. The one who never shamed the family._

" _That's where you are wrong uncle. Fili was there as well."_

 _Thorin nodded, "Breaking up the fight, not taking part."_

 _Kili wondered if he should mention that Fili threw a few discreet punches himself. He gave a small shake of the head. He wouldn't get his brother into trouble. Thorin gave him a sad smile._

" _Why must you always be so reckless? You are heir after Fili. As such you need to start taking your role more seriously."_

" _You doubt my dedication?" Kili blinked at his uncles words. "Thorin I work just as hard as Fili does. Just because I like to have a laugh once in a while..?"_

" _BE QUIET KILI!" Thorin yelled. Kili's eyes widened. Thorin stared at him for a few seconds – allowing his anger to clear. He looked back towards the fire._

" _Leave me. I do not wish to see you until tomorrow. Tonight you will take dinner in your room and if you try and sneak into the kitchen you will go without. Am I clear?"_

" _Yes Thorin." Kili could barely speak. Blinking back his tears he turned and hurried from the room. Never before had Thorin been this way with him. He knew how much of a failure he was. But Kili had always assumed his uncle still loved him as much as he loved Fili._

 _What if he was wrong?_

* * *

"Kili?"

At Fili's voice Kili pulled out the last arrow before hurriedly wiping his eyes. He hadn't even realised he was crying until that moment. He didn't need Fili to see how weak he was. Licking his lips he grabbed his arrows and turned to see his older brother standing there. To his surprise Fili's eyes were red as well. Dropping the arrows again Kili let his brother pull him in for a hug.

"He was just angry Kee," Fili muttered as he rubbed Kili's back. Kili shut his eyes and clung to his brother's coat. He didn't want to cry over what Thorin had said but as soon as his brother touched him he couldn't stop himself. Fili muttered softly to him in khuzdul before they both drew apart. Fili smiled weakly.

"Even so, he shouldn't have said those things. I think he's just stressed and you know what he's like when he's stressed."

Kili gave a small nod. Looking down he realised he was clutching Fili's hand the way he had done when he was younger. He tried to pull away. He was seventy seven years old. Too old to be holding his brothers hand. But to his surprise Fili held onto him.

"What do you want Kee?"

It had been an old childhood came of theirs. Hide and seek had been out of the question. Their bond had been so strong that if they were without the other for even a few minutes when they were children both brothers would cry and panic until reunited with the other brother. So instead they found games they could play together. One of them had been a sort of treasure hunt. One would ask what the other wanted and they had to go and find it.

Kili licked his lips, "I want to get away from here - just for a few hours. I want to pretend this place doesn't exist."

Fili nodded, "Okay brother. Get your things."

* * *

Neither said a word as they mounted their ponies and left Erebor behind. The thick forests that lay at the entrance of the Lonely Mountain were a welcome sight for Kili. Despite being a dwarf he loved the outdoors. Even now he struggled to resist the urge to climb a tree if he saw one. But after what Thorin had said to him earlier, tree climbing was the last thing on Kili's mind. Every so often Fili sent him small worrying glances. However Kili kept his head down, grateful his brother didn't try and force him into conversation. That was one of the reasons Fili was the best brother. He knew when Kili wanted to talk and when he didn't. Kili himself knew in about an hour he'd be feeling a lot better. But right now he just wanted to forget the morning had happened.

Fili didn't even speak when they set up camp. After finding a clearing both brothers dismounted. Kili began setting up a fire while Fili began bringing food out of one of the packs.

"Here you go brother,"

Taking the offered food Kili sat back as the fire swelled to life. Fili sat down cross-legged beside him. Waiting for Kili to finish eating. Kili knew what his brother was doing. It was the reason he was deliberately eating slowly instead of gulping it down like he always did. But the meat was going to be finished at some point. Swallowing his last mouthful he looked up at Fili.

"Thanks for this. I just wanted to get away from it…from him."

Fili nodded, "He shouldn't have said any of that Kili."

Kili's face burned, "How much did you hear?"

Fili sighed and Kili knew his brother didn't want to say. But, after some thought Fili nodded,

"All of it. And he was wrong to say what he did Kili. You have _never_ brought shame on this family. It's right for you to defend yourself."

Kili gave a small nod, "He made me feel so small and… I just wish he… I don't know what I wish."

Fili rubbed his back, "You don't have to talk about it Kili. Not if you don't want to."

"Why me? What is it about me that makes me so different from the rest?"

Fili shook his head and Kili clenched his fists,

"I'm no taller than Thorin and everyone knows my father is a dwarf. I look nothing like an elf…I mean I know I use a bow but…"

"Kili stop talking," Fili whispered, "You'll just upset yourself,"

Although he knew his brother was right Kili shook his head. He was sick of being treated like a child. He had expected that Fili at least would be more supportive.

"And then, when I try to fight back after _years_ of walking away I'm to be punished like I did wrong!"

"Thorin's just stressed. If these rumours about Azog are true…" Fili trailed off but Kili couldn't help himself.

"Don't make excuses. He'd be like this if it was his birthday."

Fili didn't say anything. Instead he opened up his arms and pulled Kili in for a hug. As both brothers embraced Fili kissed Kili's hair whilst Kili clung to him.

"I just want him to be proud of me. The way he is of you. I just want him to show me he loves me."

"Of course he loves you Kee!"

Kili muttered a curse and Fili sighed. Pushing his hair from his face Kili sighed.

"No he doesn't. You and I both know he blames me for almost killing mother."

Fili narrowed his eyes, "You cannot be blamed for that. You didn't cause the complications of your own birth."

"But…"

Fili gripped his shoulders hard, "No Kili. It isn't your fault and trust me when I say Thorin loves you. You know how hard it is for him to show any kind of emotion."

Kili nodded. He was about to talk when he realised something was wrong. Fili's whole body had frozen and his hand was hovering over his sword. Kili narrowed his eyes. However, as he looked over Fili's shoulder he too saw one. Although he couldn't make it out, he knew there was a huge figure watching the pair.

"There's one behind you Fee," he mumbled – trying not to move his mouth too much. He didn't want the person to know they had been spotted. Fili gave a small nod.

"One behind you as well."

Kili had already fitted an arrow to his bow. Fili gave a small nod and both brothers turned around in unison. Kili's arrow flew into the orcs neck whilst Fili jumped to his feet and cut the other one down before it could make a sound. Kicking the body away he looked over at Kili.

"We go back! Now!"

Kili had no intention to argue. He was already moving towards the ponies when two more orc barred his way. One jabbed its axe at him whilst the other cut the ponies free. As their mounts ran off into the trees Kili shook his head – aiming his arrow.

"This really isn't my day."

Of course he hit the orc. He was too close to miss. However, when the first one fell the other one was on him in a second. Kili had no time to fit an arrow and when the orcs boots hit him in the stomach it was as though all his breath was knocked out of him.

"KILI!"

Shaking his head Kili drew out his sword as the orc pulled him to his feet. It was this movement that made Kili pause. The orc had just missed a perfect chance to kill him. It took full advantage of the pause however. Kili gasped as the orcs sword came down on his hand; slicing the top of his palm and causing him to drop his sword. He reached for a knife when his arm was yanked behind his back and a knife was pressed against his neck. Kili lashed out but the orc holding him shook him.

" _Stop squirming filth!"_

Kili gasped as he was turned round. Fili was still taking on two orcs and Kili was cursing himself. Why had he not killed the orc before it was too late? He could have gone to help Fili instead of letting himself be caught. Fili pulled his sword out from an orcs stomach before looking behind him. As his eyes landed on Kili his face drained of colour. Kili struggled but the orc dug his knife in. As blood ran down his neck Kili could see his brother tearing up.

" _Drop the sword."_

Fili snarled. Kili shook his head, causing the knife to scratch his neck even more. As more blood fell Fili tensed. Kili knew what his brother would do. He opened his mouth but as Fili dropped his swords he shut it again. Fili held up his hands in surrender.

"Let him go. Please!"

" _You care about him?"_

Fili nodded, "Take me if you want but just let him go."

"FILI!" At his brothers words Kili kicked his captor in the ankle. The orc roared but his grip on Kili tightened. Wincing Kili looked over at Fili. Two more orcs were advancing on him. One pinned Fili's arms behind him whilst the others began searching his coat. Kili said nothing as Fili's knives were chucked on the floor by his other weapons. The orc holding Kili nodded.

" _Take them."_

Kili froze. He could see similar fear in Fili's eyes. So this whole thing had been planned. The orcs didn't want them dead. They wanted _them._ The orc holding Fili began dragging him away. As his brother kicked out Kili wished he could so the same. He had been so full of fight earlier. But now the orcs had his brother it was as though his fight had been sapped from him. The orc holding Fili screeched something in Black Speech before hitting Fili in the back of the head with his club. As his brother fell to the floor Kili could feel his fight coming back. The orc holding him removed the knife before dragging him along. Meanwhile Fili was being dragged by his feet and it was this above everything else that fuelled the anger in Kili.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE! LEAVE HIM!"

The orc holding him snarled. As he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head Kili gasped. The grip on his arm vanished and he fell to his knees. The world grew dark and as he fell forward the last thing Kili saw was his brother being dragged away.

 _ **One chapter in and already stuff's happening! Poor Fili and Kili! I'm gonna say it right now, this story will have a LOT of feels in it so you have been warned. xxx**_


	2. Questions and Answers

_**Big thanks to Celebrisilweth, DeLacus, JoeyM1227, Kihara01, Marg1780, MeghanA, Mereym Schneyder, Nenithiel, PurpleGlitter90, Stephanie Lou, TheFairyOfShadows, firefoxxe, g00239481, hobbit1999, jshplaura, ktime27, moszi, vlnelson55, yvonnebobby, Wraven and clarethornton for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – Glad you're being so optimistic!**_

 _ **MeghanA – Feels is one thing I can promise you for this story.**_

 _ **Syeern – So do I! But it'll be asking a lot I'm afraid.**_

 _ **EdhelwenOnieta – I know how you feel. Trust me, he'll be regretting his words soon enough.**_

Questions and Answers

"Kili?"

Kili's head hurt. He tried to open his eyes but as he did so the pain started back up. Leaning back he frowned as his head hit bark. Biting his lip Kili gently moved his head from side to side.

"Kili please?"

That was Fili's voice. Kili didn't understand why his brother was so upset. Even though he had his eyes shut images ran round in his head. As the orcs faces loomed into view Kili's eyes flew open with a gasp. Looking round he tried to stop his head from spinning. He didn't know where he was, all he knew was that it wasn't the camp he'd been at with Fili. He blinked the sleep from his eyes before trying to rub them. As he did so he realised that his arms were no longer by his side. For a horrible second Kili wondered if he'd somehow managed to lose them. Only when he looked up did his fear relax. He was standing with his back to a huge tree. His arms had been anchored above his head and bound to the closest branch.

"Kili?"

At his brothers voice Kili tore his gaze away from his own predicament. Looking in front of him he saw Fili sitting against the tree opposite. His arms had also been tied above his head and it was only now that Kili remembered what had happened. His feet lashed out as he heard the snarls of orcs coming from his left. Fili shook his head.

"Kili calm down. Just look at me okay."

As he did so Kili could feel his face burning. Nothing had even happened to him and he was already acting like a scared dwarfling. Not like Fili who was no doubt trying to remain calm and figure out an escape plan. He shook his head. He had always thought that, when it counted, he would be strong. He would show Thorin he was as worthy as Fili was. Clearly he had been wrong. As the edge of Fili's boots brushed his, Kili forced himself to look at his brother.

"It'll be okay Kee. I promise."

Fili sounded so confident. But Kili could see the fear his in brothers eyes. Oddly enough it made him feel a bit better. At least he didn't have to feel ashamed at being so scared.

"Are you alright?"

Kili nodded and Fili bit his lip,

"I came round hours ago. I kept calling your name but you didn't answer. I thought maybe…maybe they'd hit you too hard by accident. And then I kept remembering the knife against your throat."

"Why didn't you fight them?"

Fili flinched at this and Kili sighed. He hadn't meant to snap at Fili. But he didn't understand why Fili had surrendered so easily. His brother mumbled something before eyeing Kili.

"Why do you even have to ask that? That orc was going to…" he turned away for a second. Peering closely Kili was shocked at the sight of tears welling up in Fili's eyes. He'd never seen his brother cry before. The last time it had happened had been when Fili and Dwalin had been sparring. Fili hadn't dodged the blow and Dwalin had accidently sliced his leg. The pain had been too great to avoid any tears.

That had been almost twenty years ago.

Kili watched as Fili shut his eyes before facing him again.

"That orc was threatening to cut your throat in front of me! He may have been bluffing but there was no way I was _ever_ going to take that chance."

Kili lowered his gaze. The orcs snarls were getting louder and although he knew it wouldn't do him any good Kili couldn't help but imagine what they had in store. He had no idea why he and Fili had been taken, but he could make several guesses and none of them filled him with hope.

"Kili? Kili talk to me?"

Kili shook his head, "I'm scared Fee."

He sounded so small. So lost. Inwardly Kili was wishing he could be braver like Fili was. But he couldn't help it. He had never imagined he would ever be in this situation and now that was..? Fili nodded,

"I know _nadadith._ I know."

Kili scoffed. He couldn't help it. Fili was never scared of anything. He was the brave one. The strong one. Fili frowned at him and Kili forced a smile onto his face.

"You don't know Fili. You never get scared. You're always the one who stays brave and doesn't let himself be afraid."

Fili shook his head. As his brother began to laugh Kili frowned. Of all the places it was here that Fili was doubled over from laughing? Shaking his head a look of seriousness fell over Fili.

"That's not true Kili. That's far from true. I've been scared plenty of times."

"Like?"

Fili raised his eyebrows at the sudden tone before nodding,

"I was scared when I wandered away from mother once. I got lost in the halls and couldn't find anyone to show me the way back. I have a feeling I was only lost for half an hour but it felt like days. I couldn't stop crying – even when she found me."

Kili nodded and Fili carried on.

"When you were born I was terrified. I was only five at the time and our father had just passed away. But there you were a ray of hope. Only Oin said it was unlikely you would make it thought the month and even if you did the winter would kill you. For those long months I held you every day in case I never got another chance. And I kept telling you not to go. To stay because you had an older brother who loved you so much."

Kili shut his eyes as tears fell from his face. Looking over he saw Fili in a smiliar state. Kili sighed.

"But that's what you were younger. When was the last time you were scared?"

"Today," Fili said bluntly, "At least I think it's the same day. Not when the orcs had you. But when I overheard what Thorin said to you earlier. I was scared you'd believe what he had said when he was in a fit of anger. That you'd think you weren't good enough and that no one loved you. And I couldn't bear it if that was the case."

Kili opened his mouth only to shut it again. The orcs snarls had turned to screeches and as two came into view Kili's whole body stiffened. He was aware of Fili doing the same and he took deep breaths. Both orcs were tall and – to Kili's surprise – very thin. One had a hooked nose whilst the other had scars running across its chest. That one had a whip in one hand whilst hooked nose carried a thick stick. As he tapped it against his leg with a leering smile Kili licked his lips nervously.

" _Two little dwarflings!"_ Scar flashed Kili a glance before walking towards Fili. Although his brother didn't try to recoil away Kili could see the fear in Fili's eyes. He bit his lip; he wouldn't let them hurt Fili. No matter what they did to him he would keep his brother safe.

The only trouble was he knew Fili would have the same idea.

" _Two little dwarflings,"_ Scar gently poked Fili's stomach with the handle of the whip. Fili narrowed his eyes and Kili waited with baited breath. He knew the orcs wanted them to speak. To yell at them and try to fight. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction even though every fibre of his body was itching for a fight. Hooked nose inched closer to him and Kili noticed that every time the orc took a step he hit himself with his stick. Kili tried to move his gaze back to his brother. But when he did he found his view obscured by Scar. Only when Hooked nose's stick brushed his leg did Kili tense.

" _I wonder what a dwarflings cry sounds like?"_ Kili shuddered as the orcs fingers ran down his face. He shut his eyes. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction. He couldn't.

"Leave him alone!" At Fili's voice Kili was inwardly cursing. He knew that Fili wanted to protect him. But the thought of his brother putting himself in more danger just for Kili hurt more than the fear of being attacked. Kili said nothing as Hooked nose faced Fili before looking back at Kili.

" _Does it squeal? Does it scream? Does it beg?"_

At the last one he raised his arm before bringing it down on Kili's leg. Throwing his head back Kili shut his eyes and bit his lip. He couldn't cry. Not now. The pain wasn't as great as he had imagined. It wasn't much worse than falling from a pony. As he opened his eyes he saw Fili pulling against his ropes.

"I said leave him alone!"

It was Kili's turn to cry when Scar struck Fili round the face. But his only response was to have the stick hit him in his other leg. Hooked nose grabbed his face.

" _Why don't we find out?"_

Kili wanted to relax as the orc dropped the stick. It meant that it was now unarmed and he knew a well-aimed kick would send it staggering backwards. But after that Kili would be stuck. Bound to a tree meant all he could do was wait for the orc to hit him back. Or worse – take it out on Fili. He had to wait for the right moment. As the ropes came away from his wrists Kili couldn't stop himself from falling to the floor. He hadn't noticed until now but his legs had been aching from having to stand for so long. He absentmindedly rubbed his wrists before crying out as the orc kicked him in the stomach. Doubling over Kili shook his head.

He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't make a sound.

The orc kicked him again and – holding one hand to his body – Kili lashed out furiously. He could hear his brother cursing in the background, but all he could focus on was the orc in front of him. The stick came down on his back and as fire blazed through him Kili let out a pained gasp. He tried to call out but it was like his vocal chords had stopped altogether. Forcing himself onto all fours he made an attempt to raise his head. As he did so Hooked nose forced his head up even more by placing the stick under Kili's chin.

" _You disappoint me."_

When the stick hit his face Kili couldn't stop himself. With a cry he held a hand to his face. The orc moved round and repeated the action on the other side before hitting Kili in the back of the knees. Kili fell forward. Every breath hurt like hell and he didn't want to look over at Fili. He could hear his brothers angered cries. A hand grabbed him by the hair and pulled him back to his knees. Scar moved away from Fili and gently patted Kili's face.

" _That's your welcoming gift. Now then, we have questions."_

Kili nodded. Of course they did. Why else would the orcs have taken them? Licking his lips Kili shared a glance with his brother. Without even having to nod he understood Fili's message.

Don't say a word.

With his resolve building up inside him Kili allowed Hooked nose to pull him to his feet. Scar moved back to Fili who ignored the orcs presence and instead kept his gaze on Kili. As Hooked nose let go of his hair Kili said nothing. Only when Scar moved towards Fili did the temptation to strike become too much.

"Don't you touch him!"

With a powerful shove Kili broke free from Hooked nose and charged at Scar. The orc moved too late and Kili jumped onto his back in an effort to pull him over. But the orc – despite appearances – was far stronger than Kili realised. It took a well-timed kick from Fili to send the orc falling backwards. Kili grunted as Scar's body crushed his own but he tried not to focus on it. Instead he did his best to pin the orc down.

"Don't you _dare_ touch him!" He was careful not to let Scar know Fili was his brother. He doubted the orcs knew exactly who they were and Kili didn't want to give them any ammunition. He did his best to keep the orc down but he knew it was hopeless. As Hooked nose grabbed him by the back of his shirt Kili let the other orc go. He opened his mouth only to gasp as the orc grabbed him by the throat.

" _What were two dwarves doing so far away from Erebor?"_

Kili did his best to give the orc a harsh stare. It was easier said than done given he was slowly being choked to death. Hooked nose tightened his grip but Kili pressed his lips together. He wouldn't talk. If he did they would know how easy it was to get him to answer any other questions. The orc looked like he was ready to kill him there and then. But instead his grip relaxed and Kili staggered backwards. Scar nodded in Fili's direction.

" _Let's try this one."_

Before Kili could move Hooked nose grabbed him and held him back. Fili did his best to give Scar a blank stare as the orc undid his own bonds before prodding him in the shoulder.

" _Remove your shirt."_

Kili frowned before his eyes strayed to the whip in Scar's hand. As Fili shrugged his coat and tunic off Kili fought even harder in Hooked noses grip.

"Please! Please just leave him!"

"Stop talking!" Fili flashed him a glance – allowing Scar to re tie him to the tree. Only this time his bare back was facing the orcs. Scar allowed the whip to unfold and he cast Kili a small smile. Kili shook his head.

"Don't hurt him! Hurt me again, but not him!"

For a second it looked to Kili as though Scar was considering his offer. But as Kili caught a glimmer of a smirk on the orcs face he knew it was no good. As the whip came down on his brothers back Fili threw his head back. Shutting his eyes Kili turned his head away only to be smacked around the face by Hooked nose.

" _You will watch!"_

Tears pooled in Kili's eyes as the red marks on Fili's back slowly began to turn into gaping wounds. Blood ran down his skin and Kili could see the bruises forming on any clear patches of skin. He had to give Fili credit for not crying out. Instead his brother whimpered with every stroke. With a nod Scar turned back to Kili.

" _You will answer the question!"_

Even though Fili was weakly shaking his head Kili bit his lip. It's not like the answer would hurt anyone and he would be damned if he let his brother be tortured any longer.

"We were just riding that's all. We thought we might do a spot of hunting as well."

Scar nodded and as he dropped the whip Kili let out a sigh. Fili made no sound as he was untied and only when he fell to the floor did the grip on Kili's arms vanish. Running forward Kili knelt beside his brother who was coughing weakly. Scar whispered something to Hooked nose before turning back to the pair.

" _Very good. But this is just the start."_

As his hands were bound behind him Kili wanted to kick out. But both his legs ached from the beating and he knew if he tried anything the orcs would just hurt Fili. So instead he allowed Scar to bind his wrists and ankles before Fili received the same treatment. Neither said a word until the orcs moved away. Fili looked over at him.

"Are you okay Kili?"

Nodding Kili rolled onto his back before moving onto his side again. His fingers strained to try and undo the ropes and he wanted to think about something other than the gashes on Fili's back.

"Why did you answer them?"

"Because they were hurting you," Kili whispered, "They were hurting you and I wanted them to stop."

Fili opened his mouth when Kili cut him off. He had a question on his mind. One that he hadn't been able to get out of his head.

"Why us? What do they want with us Fee?"

Fili shook his head, "I don't know Kili. I truly don't know."

 **Translation**

 _ **Nadadith -**_ Little brother.

 _ **Aww my poor princes! How can I be so cruel to them? Quite easily it would seem. So some more brotherly feels. Thorin and the others are going to have their moment in the next chapter xxx**_


	3. A Painful Experience

_**Big thanks to DiKaiser, LittleDarlingXOX, Sol Phyllon, emmakmc, salwyn77, Syeern and Stendy fan101 for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **EdhelwenOnieta – Wish I could say this chapter was happier…no such luck.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – When I read that I read it in Gollums voice!**_

 _ **TheFairyOfShadows – Hope this lives up to your expectations. As for what happens you'll have to wait and see. And yes we all blame Thorin.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – Aww hope you keep thinking that.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – I just want to take Kili in my arms and hug him. I mean I do anyway but especially now!**_

A Painful Experience

Fili had no idea how long he and Kili lay like that. Trussed up like animals all Fili could do was keep his eyes fixed on his brother. This was his fault. He had known about the rumours that orc packs had been sighted near Erebor. He shouldn't have gone out. He certainly shouldn't have agreed to take Kili out. Now they were at the mercy of their captors for Mahal knew how long. Fili hissed as pain began to build up in his back. For Kili's sake he had tried not to show any signs of hurt. He needed to stay strong for his little brother. But as time went on that got harder and harder.

"Fili?"

Looking up Fili saw Kili blinking at him. Bruises were starting to show on Kili's face and Fili knew his body was in a similar state. He hated feeling so helpless. He hated being forced to watch as Kili was beaten black and blue by orcs. Forcing a tired smile onto his face Fili gave a small nod.

"Yes Kili?"

"I'm sorry."

Fili hadn't been expecting that. Eyes widening he began shaking his head.

"Kili you have nothing to be sorry for. This isn't your fault."

Kili sighed, tears pooling in his eyes, "But it is! I let that orc take me prisoner. I should have killed him but I didn't. You wouldn't have made that mistake! You wouldn't have gotten us captured!"

Fili rested his head on the ground. His whole left side was starting to go numb from lying on it for so long. But if he moved onto his back the pain would just get worse. So he gritted his teeth and carried on.

"Kili stop it! Stop blaming yourself for this. It's not your fault. It's mine. I should never have agreed to take you out. I knew the dangers but I did it anyway. And I'm so sorry Kee."

Kili didn't say anything. Fili wanted more than anything to reach out and hug him. Despite what Kili said about being too old to need his brothers hugs, Fili knew that – inside – Kili was far more terrified than he was willing to show. _He_ was terrified. He had heard about what happened to orc prisoners. He'd seen the bodies of some dwarves who had been unlucky enough to be captured. Fili couldn't let any of that happen to Kili. He needed to keep his brother safe now until help came.

At that thought Fili found himself smiling. Thorin or someone must have realised they were gone by now. He knew Thorin would have calmed down after his fight with Kili. He would have gone to see his youngest nephew only to find him gone. It wouldn't take long for him to realise they were missing and send out a search party.

"Why are you smiling Fee?"

Looking over his shoulder – something almost impossible to do when tied up – Fili eyed the orcs carefully. As well as Scar and Hooked nose there was another one. A far bigger one. He gave a small shudder at the thought of being in that orcs hands. Satisfied they weren't going to come over any time soon he looked back at Kili.

"Don't worry Kee. Thorin will find us. I promise."

Kili gave a small shake of the head and Fili sighed. He was running out of ways to comfort his brother and they'd only been prisoners for a few hours.

Snarls could soon be heard coming from the three orcs. They snapped at each other in black speech before Fili heard them moving towards him and Kili. Locking his eyes with his brother he gave a small nod of the head. No matter what happened now he would keep Kili safe. With his life if needed. A foot landed in the middle of his back and Fili saw spots for a few seconds. Rough hands prodded him and he saw Kili getting similar treatment.

" _Time to go dwarflings!"_ Scar spat.

Fili couldn't help but shake at this. If they were moved how was Thorin supposed to find them? Looking over he saw Kili lash out as best he could as Hooked nose shoved a cloth bag over his head and began dragging him towards the wargs. As his brother was taken away from him Fili too tried to fight. But when both his hands and feet were bound all his efforts were fruitless. Instead all he achieved was Scars boot coming down on his head. The woods were suddenly replaced with darkness as a bag was thrown over his head and the back of his shirt was grabbed. His boots trailed along the ground, kicking up mud and dirt. Fili knew his uncle was a good enough tracker to notice such marks. If he found this camp and saw them he'd be able to work out what happened. As he left the ground Fili gasped. His blindness was making him far more scared than he should have been – something the orcs were no doubt loving. As his stomach brushed against fur he froze. The wargs low growls sent vibrations along his body and as a thick hand rested on his back to keep him in place Fili allowed a single tear to fall. He was so sure he could protect Kili.

But what if he was wrong?

* * *

Thorin couldn't stop pacing outside Kili's room. The argument he and his nephew had had was still going round in his head. He shouldn't have said those things to Kili. He had been stressed. Stressed enough to make him lash out at the smallest thing. But that was no excuse. He said things that he knew Kili would take to heart. Things that he would believe his uncle meant when the truth couldn't be more different. He wanted to knock on Kili's door and tell him to come to dinner. But every time he went to do so he paused. Kili was stubborn and would sulk for days just to prove a point. Shaking his head Thorin rapped on the door.

"Kili? Can I come in?"

As expected he got no reply. Shutting his eyes Thorin pushed on the door. He was harsh to Kili. Sometimes far harsher than he needed to be. He tried to change, to be nicer to his nephew. But he wasn't alone in admitting that Kili could sometimes be frustrating. As the door swung open Thorin opened his eyes. He had been expecting it to be locked. Kili had a habit of locking his door when he sulked. Licking his lips Thorin peered round nervously.

"Kili?"

As ever, the room was a mess. Clothes were scattered on the floor, the bed was unmade and Kili's stuffed raven lay by Thorins feet. Picking it up Thorin couldn't resist holding it close. It had been a present for Kili's first birthday. Kili had still been very small back then and Fili had carried him around everywhere. At the happy memories Thorin kissed the ravens head before moving towards Kili's bed and placing the animal on the pillow. He bit his lip. He should have known Kili wouldn't have gone to his room. The archery range or the kitchens were the more probable destinations. Or even Fili's room.

At the thought of his other nephew Thorin frowned. He hadn't seen Fili all day. He knew Kili's brother had listened in on the argument – he always did. And he would normally confront Thorin later and tell him not to be so harsh. But that hadn't happened today. Thorin couldn't deny that worried him. For over seventy years he had looked after Fili and Kili. Sometimes he forgot he was their uncle and instead saw himself as their father. And that meant worrying over them when the slightest of things happened.

"Thorin?"

At his sisters voice Thorin couldn't help but smile. Dis was like Kili. You couldn't not smile when you saw her. Giving Kili's room one last look Thorin went back out into the corridor in time to see Dis hurrying towards him. Her braids flew out from behind her and as she got closer Thorin saw her face had gone ashen. That sight did nothing to quell the feeling in his stomach.

"Dis? What's wrong?"

Coming to a stop she shook her head, "Have you seen Fili? Or Kili?"

"No," Thorin clenched his fists nervously, "I was just about to go looking for them. Why?"

"Fili isn't in his room. They aren't in the training grounds or the archery range. No one's seen them in hours!"

At the hysteria in Dis's voice Thorin placed his hands on her shoulder and shushed her.

"This is a huge mountain Dis. You know what they're like. They'll have found some hidden passageway and gone exploring."

Thorin wanted to believe his own words. But even he knew he was lying. Fili and Kili had lived here their whole lives. If there were any hidden passages they had already found them by now. Dis wrung her hands together.

"Maybe… but I can't help but feel that something is wrong."

Thorin knew the feeling. He was about to say something to Dis when he heard Dwalin behind him.

"Thorin!"

Looking round Thorin bit down his laugh as his friend ran towards him. Dwalin had never been built for that sort of thing. He too stopped by the pair, bending over to take deep breaths.

"The scouts are back."

"And?" Thorin had completely forgotten about that. Of course any rumour about Azog wasn't something that could be forgotten as easily. Dwalin gave a grim smile.

"It's as we thought. Azog is building up an army and he's set his sights on this mountain."

"He has done for the past twenty years," Dis spat. Thorin rubbed her arm and Dwalin nodded.

"Aye, but their number's are getting bigger. Orc packs are being sighted close to the mountain. Far closer than they've ever been."

Thorin nodded, however he still noticed the look in Dwalins eyes.

"What is it?"

Licking his lips Dwalin shook his head.

"One of the stable hands said they saw Fili and Kili ride off several hours ago. They haven't come back yet."

Thorin winced as Dis's grip all but crushed his arm. Dwalin gave a small nod to confirm it.

"You have to find them!" Dis was all but breaking Thorin's arm.

"Anything could have happened to them!"

Nodding he pulled Dis away and kissed her forehead.

"Dwalin how soon can the ponies be readied?"

"Half an hour at most."

Thorin gave a curt nod, "Get Gloin, Dori and Bifur to come," turning back to Dis he forced a smile onto his face.

"Don't worry _namad._ They'll be fine, I know it."

Dis smiled. But he smile didn't reach her eyes.

* * *

Kili knew if they carried on travelling he'd throw up. His journey on the wargs was something he never wanted to go through again. Every time the animal landed from a jump his bruises ached and his stomach felt like it had been tossed around as though it was little more than a child's toy. Kili bit down on his sobs. That's all he and Fili were to these creatures. Toys, playthings. Kili knew his brother was no doubt feeling just as ill as he was. And when the horrible rocking motion stopped he let out a small sigh. He knew he should be terrified about what was about to happen to him and Fili. But all Kili could focus on was the fact that his journey was at an end.

Rough hands grabbed him, pulling him down from the warg. The cloth bag rubbed against his cheeks and Kili cursed as he felt a small itch start up on his nose. Of all the times for that to happen it would be now. He heard Fili curse several feet away. At least they were still together. Kili had to be thankful for that at least. The same hands pushed him down onto his knees and as the bag was removed Kili squinted his eyes. He had no need to do so. Darkness had fallen and the only light available was from torches held by the three orcs that surrounded them. Looking over his shoulder Kili saw Fili being dragged towards him. His brother stumbled but quickly regained his footing before being forced to kneel beside Kili. Scar tore the bag from Fili's head and Kili flashed his brother a smile. He'd keep Fili safe. No matter what the cost was.

"Where are we?" At the strength in Fili's voice Kili swelled with pride. Unlike him, his brother knew how best to hide his fear in the face of danger. Scar clouted Fili over the head.

" _We ask the questions!"_

Kili bit his lip, "Why do you want us?"

" _That is not your concern!"_ Scar leaned in close to Kili who did his best not to lean back. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Fili shooting him warning glances. But Kili shook his head.

"It is our concern! You abduct us and hurt us and I want to know why!"

" _Hold your tongue!"_

Kili hadn't been expecting the slap. Or at least, he had expected it, but the force behind it was off the scale. With his limbs bound he found himself falling to the floor. Scar spat on his face before dragging him back to his knees. As the orcs grip on his face got tighter Kili bit down the urge to keep talking. They might decide to hurt Fili as a punishment. Scar tapped his cheek.

" _Untie him!"_

At the other orcs voice Kili bit his lip. Scar got to work freeing his bonds whilst the third orcs stalked towards him. This one had red eyes that looked almost bloodshot. Kili tried to hold the orcs gaze but was soon looking down at the ground. His wrists and ankles throbbed like mad and he wanted to soak them in a hot bath. Fili spat a stream of curses as Scar grabbed Kili by the back of his neck and dragged him to his feet. Red Eye nodded.

" _Remove his coat and tie him to the tree."_

Kili lashed out as hands reached for him. He could see Fili being held back by Hooked Nose. As a knife appeared against Fili's neck, Kili gave up his struggling and allowed Scar to remove his coat. Without it he felt the drop in temperature almost instantly. But before he could pass a comment his back was pressed against thick bark and his hands were pulled behind him. The tree itself was thin and as his hands were re tied Kili tried to ignore the ache in his shoulders. Red eye gave an approving nod.

" _Open his shirt!"_

It was clear who the leader was out of the three. As Scar ripped his tunic open Kili tensed. Red Eye glanced back at Fili.

" _Make sure he watches."_

Hooked Nose dragged Fili forward whilst Kili kept his eyes on Red Eye. The orc had a thick stick with a length of rope attached the one end. The end of the rope was tied into a thick knot. Red Eye nodded at Kili before raising him arm. Kili shut his eyes out of instinct. The second the knotted end hit his chest he doubled over with a gasp. It was like being punched except this time you got friction burns as well. Coughing Kili straightened in time for Red Eye to land another blow. With each stroke Kili tried not to cry out. He didn't want them to think hurting him was easy. He wanted to show them he could be strong. But as the beating went on it was easier said than done. Risking a glance down Kili saw thin red lines criss crossing over his chest and stomach. Several had already turned into rope burns. He hadn't even looked over at Fili. He didn't want to see the pain on his brothers face. The rope hit in in the neck and Kili let out a violent cough as Red Eye dropped his whip.

" _Leave him where he is. He can rest there for the night."_

Scar nodded and moved away from Kili. Hooked nose did likewise and Fili fell forward onto his stomach.

"Kili? Kili say something?"

Kili gave a weak nod. He was fine. He could cope with this. The marks on his chest began to itch and burn and he tried not to look at them. Wriggling his arms a bit Kili gently knelt down on the ground – at least he would be a bit more comfortable. Fili gave him a tearstained glance. But Kili was too tired to even notice it. He was too tired to even notice the exact moment he fell asleep.

* * *

Thorin cursed as he jumped down from his pony and examine the area. Night had fallen half an hour ago – meaning they would have to turn back. He had spent the whole journey hoping to come across his nephews with every turn. This wouldn't have been the first time Fili and Kili had stayed out past curfew. But this was the first time they had been out alone in an area filled with orcs. Thorin shook his head. If he hadn't been so angry at Kili then none of this would have happened. He'd have both his nephews at home where they would be safe.

"Thorin?" Dwalin placed a hand on his shoulder, "We need to turn back. We'll never find them in the dark."

Thorin gave a low nod. Dis was going to kill him when he came back without them. And she had the right to. Gripping his ponies reins he placed his foot in the saddle when he heard a rusting coming from the trees behind him. Gripping his sword, Thorin as aware of the others following his actions. When two ponies trotted towards them Thorin let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding. Sheathing his sword he hurried forward and grabbed their reins.

"They're Fili and Kili's!" He tried to not let his fear show in his voice. And if it did then none of the others said anything. Fili and Kili never let their ponies out of their sights. Ignoring his shaking hands Thorin tied the ponies reins to his own before jumping into the saddle.

"Thorin we'll find them. I promise." Dori nodded. Thorin sighed.

"I hope you're right."

When they reached Erebor Thorin was fully prepared for the anger his sister would throw at him. When he told her about the stray ponies, tears flew to her eyes and she pushed him away.

"Why did you come back? You need to find them Thorin!"

He rubbed her arms, "I'm sending out a search party tomorrow morning. We'll find them Dis I promise."

She shook her head, "And if you don't? Tell me Thorin, what am I supposed to do if you don't?"

 _ **Aww so many feels. I know I blame Thorin for this (still do) but I do feel for him right now. And Dis, and Fili, and Kili. So at least Thorin is going to look for them. But why do I get the feeling things aren't going to go smoothly? xxx**_


	4. Breakfast with a Side Order of Escape

_**Big thanks to Marmie, PhoenixUniverse, eforrest213, Namaarie and muSiCxxAdiCt for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **EdhelwenOnieta – Given this story is full of bad stuff I have a feeling you'd regret faster updates lols.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – It's only because they expected to find them straightaway and they had no real back up plan.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – All will be revealed in a few chapters time.**_

Breakfast with a Side Order of Escape

Kili knew it was morning when he woke up with a sore chest and stiff arms. Fili was still asleep and Kili knew his brothers would soon be sharing his pain when he to woke up. The bark scrapped against him and Kili was glad he had the protection of his shirt at the very least. With his chest feeling like it was on fire the last thing he needed was to have his back rubbed raw from a tree trunk. Shaking his head to try and clear his hair from his face Kili saw Scar moving towards him. Fili still hadn't woken up and Kili wanted it to stay like that. At least now his brother looked like he was in peace. Kili knew moments like that wouldn't come very often. As Scar towered over him Kili avoided the orcs gaze. He knew if he looked at him the temptation to say something would prove too much – and that would just land both him and Fili in more trouble. So as Scar freed his hands Kili gave a meek nod and crawled towards Fili's sleeping form. He heard Scar mutter something in black speech before retying his hands behind him. Kicking the back of his legs he then moved off. Kili shook his head.

"Fee? Fee wake up?"

Fili scrunched up his face, "Five more minutes Kee."

Kili lowered his head to avoid laughing. He knew what Fili was thinking off. He was imagining all those times when they were younger and Kili wanted to go out and play. Kili sighed, if only they were allowed five more minutes. But he knew that once the orcs were up again they would be on the move. He needed to talk to Fili before that happened. Shuffling forward he nudged his brother with his boot.

"Fili wake up!"

The contact caused Fili's whole body to jolt. As his eyes snapped open Kili couldn't resist his wink.

"Morning."

Fili licked his lips and as his eyes flew to Kili's chest Kili sighed.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Fee."

"Fili shook his head, "I'm so sorry Kili. I should have tried to stop them."

"You had a knife at your throat," Kili hissed, "I was more worried about that than what happened to me."

Fili gave a small nod before setting his head back on the ground. Kili lifted his head up slowly to look around. Now that it was day time he had a better idea of where they were. This camp looked down different from the other one. They were both lying in the middle of a small clearing. Trees surrounded them on all sides and a few feet away Kili saw the three orcs sitting down by a fire. As they tore of bits of meat his stomach gave a small groan. He hadn't eaten since yesterday. Neither had Fili for that matter. Curling into a ball Kili tried to tell his stomach to stop it. He didn't want to draw the orcs attention.

" _Wake up!"_

Kili couldn't help but give Red Eye a scowl. Could he not see both he and Fili were already awake? The orc said nothing and instead placed two bowls in front of them. At the smell of hot stew Kili raised an eyebrow at Fili. He had never been an orc prisoner before but he was sure it didn't involve being given a hot meal. Red eye nodded.

" _Eat."_

That was easier said than done. Kili watched as Fili – with much difficulty – forced himself onto his knees whilst he did the same. Holding out his bound hands to the orc Kili gave him a pleading smile. He wasn't asking to be freed. But how could he eat when his hands were bound? Red Eye shook his head and grabbed the back of his head.

" _EAT!"_

Kili's nose was an inch from the stew. His already aching limbs ached even more. Giving a small nod he reached out with his tongue to lick from the bowl. Tears ran down his face and as he looked up he saw Fili doing the same thing. The hand on his neck vanished.

" _A meal fit for dogs!"_

At the laughter in Red Eye's voice Kili could feel his body shaking all over. He knew he was getting stew all over his face – not that, that was anything new by any means – and he hated the humiliation of the whole thing. When he was halfway through he sat back and looked at Fili.

"I'm not hungry anymore."

Fili nodded and pushed the bowl away with his bound feet. Kili did his best to wipe his face on his tunic before eyeing their captors again. They had gone back to sitting by the fire – no doubt assuming their prisoners were still eating. Kili gave a small nod before turning back to Fili.

"How are you?"

"Everything aches like mad," Fili sighed, "I can't feel my hands anymore."

Kili gave a small hiccup. "How will Thorin find you now?"

He cursed. He hadn't meant to say 'you'. He'd meant to say 'us'. Fili shook his head.

"Kili don't be ridiculous. Thorin will come for both of us."

Kili nodded his head weakly. He knew he shouldn't take Thorin's words to heart. His uncle had been angry and had said stuff he would no doubt be regretting. But Kili couldn't help it. He was so deep in thought he wasn't aware of Fili talking to him.

"Kili? Kili?"

"Hmm?" Kili frowned as he saw a glimmer of light in Fili's eyes. What reason could his brother have for being so happy? Fili licked his lips before shuffling towards Kili. This movement caused Kili to look over at the orcs. Whatever Fili wanted to say he obviously didn't want to be overheard.

"I think I know how we can escape."

At the word 'escape' Kili froze. He hadn't even considered trying to think of an escape plan. Of course Fili would have thought of one though. Nodding slowly Kili shuffled closer to his brother.

"There are only three of them. If we can distract them for long enough we can make a break for it."

"Where would we go?" Kili whispered. Although he was trying not to let his hopes get built up too much he couldn't help but get excited. Fili shook his head.

"I don't know. But I'll take that over being here."

"If we sat back to back do you think you could undo my ropes?" Kili whispered. Fili gave a small shrug.

"Worth a try. But for Durin's sake be quiet!"

No kidding, Kili sighed. He shuffled around so that his back was facing Fili. All the while he kept his sights fixed on the three orcs. They had finished their own meal and had no taken to shouting amongst themselves. As he felt Fili's back pressed against his Kili waited patiently for his brother to undo the rope around his wrists. He knew there was a fifty - fifty chance this wouldn't work. But it was worth a try at the very least. Fili's fingers pulled at the ropes around his wrists – fighting to find the loopholes.

"I think…I think I'm almost there Kili."

Fili sounded so tired. When they got back to Erebor Kili knew he'd be locking himself in his room and having several days of uninterrupted sleep. Assuming of course they managed to get back. Judging from the towering tress Kili had to guess that they were on the borders of the Greenwood. But he couldn't be sure. Fili nudged him and as the ropes around his wrists fell to the ground Kili couldn't help his grin. Without thinking he turned round when Fili shook his head.

"Stay where you are Kee. Hands behind your back."

Frowning Kili did as he was told. Looking over at the three orcs he gave a small nod in understanding. How could he have been so stupid as to almost alert them to his freedom? It took Kili a bit longer to untie Fili and he could feel the gashes on his brothers back press into his own. A tear threatened to fall but Kili shook his head. They would be free soon. That's all he could focus on right now.

"Almost there Fili. Almost…done."

Pulling the ropes away Kili didn't dare breathe as Fili hurriedly untied his ankles. Instead his eyes strayed to his leather coat. He had no idea how long it would take them to get home and he didn't fancy freezing. But he knew a single move in that direction would only end in their recapture. Besides, Fili didn't have his coat or his shirt and he was coping just fine.

"What now?" Kili wanted to rub his sore wrists. He'd already seen the harsh red lines from where the fabric had rubbed against his skin. He knew Fili's would look far worse. His brother gave a small shrug.

"I don't know. They seem to have forgotten all about us. Maybe we should just take our chances and run now. We don't know how long we have."

Kili nodded, "I'd rather not spend another minute here if you don't mind."

"Okay," Fili reached behind him and took Kili's hand. At the reassuring squeeze Kili bit his lip. Fili nodded.

"On three run to the left. The left understand?"

Kili nodded and Fili gave his hand a final squeeze.

"Don't stop running Kili. No matter what."

Kili didn't like the sound of that. It made it sound like something would happen to Fili. He couldn't allow that to happen. Fili let go of his hand and Kili gave a final look at the orcs. They were getting to their feet and moving towards the wargs. Kili knew any second now they would turn round and any chance of escape would vanish.

"Two, three!"

Kili didn't bother looking. Jumping to his feet he bolted in the direction Fili had told him to. Behind him he could hear his brother stumbling. Kili risked a glance round and cursed. Of course Fili would be slower. His legs had barely any feeling left in them after being tied for so long.

"Keep running Kili!"

Kili shook his head and instead ran back towards Fili. His brother gave him an exasperated look but Kili noted that Fili didn't complain as he took his arm and helped to pull him along.

"Do you think they saw us?" Kili whispered.

Fili shook his head when the sound of snarls and curses could be heard behind them. Kili dragged Fili along.

"I think it's a possibility Kili."

At the small attempt of humour Kili forced himself to smile. His grip on Fili never wavered and after about half an hour he noticed his brother was moving well enough by himself. Letting go Kili inched his head round. He couldn't see any signs of the orcs. But that didn't mean they weren't being followed.

"This way Kili!"

Fili grabbed his hand and pulled him along before Kili could so much as blink. He had to switch his gaze from the ground, to behind him to the ground again. Loose tree roots covered most of the forest floor and Kili lost count of the amount of times he stumbled. The marks left by the rope pulled on his stomach and as he felt the oncoming signs of a stich Kili gritted his teeth. He had to keep going. He couldn't afford to stop now.

Pulling his hand from Fili's Kili saw that the ground was starting to slope upwards. He had no idea where Fili was leading them. But he wasn't really too bothered. As long as it was away from the orcs. Although he knew he shouldn't get so hopeful he couldn't help it. Each step took them further and further away from their captors. But as a howl shot through the forest Kili stopped in his tracks.

"Come on Kee!"

Forcing his numb feet to move Kili followed his brother. Trying to ignore the fact that the orcs were getting closer and closer.

"Fili where are we going?"

His brother didn't answer. Instead he gave Kili a proud smile as they finally cleared the trees. Kili's mouth dropped as the wind ruffled his hair. Fili hurried across the flat plain towards the edge of the cliff. For a split second Kili thought his brother had gone mad. But as he followed Fili, the sound of rushing water proved him wrong.

"You can't be serious!"

"Do you have a better plan?"

Kili didn't. But as he looked down at the raging river he could feel the nausea churning in his stomach. Fili gently nudged him.

"Look at the direction it's flowing. It'll take us straight to Erebor."

Kili didn't need to hear any more. He trusted Fili with his life. But he wasn't going to jump first. He was going to make sure Fili got away safely. As the snarls and curses drew nearer and nearer Kili knew they had very little time.

"Fili…" Before his brother could protest Kili pulled him into a hug. Fili gently wrapped his arms around him.

"It's okay Kili. I'll get you home again."

Nodding Kili kissed his brothers forehead. "Tell Thorin I'm sorry I let him down."

"Kili?" Fili tried to pull away but Kili held on as tears fell from his eyes.

"And I'm sorry I was such a rubbish brother. I'm sorry I got us into this mess."

As soon as he finished the three orcs burst out of the trees. Kili didn't so much as blink. Letting go of Fili he shook his head.

"Goodbye Fili."

Fili shook his head before looking over Kili's shoulder. As he to saw the orcs he dug his arm into Kili.

"Kili don't be an idiot."

"Goodbye Fili." This time it was firmer. Without letting Fili say anything else Kili shoved him with all the strength he had left. Fili stumbled backwards before falling into the air. Tears streamed down Fili's face as he fell down towards the river. Kili didn't dare breathe until he saw the splash as Fili's body hit the river. As he saw the small shape of Fili's head clear the surface he let out a small smile.

Fili was safe.

As a thick hand clamped down his shoulder Kili couldn't help but tremble slightly. Turning round he saw Scar leering down at him. The orc poked him in the chest and Kili winced.

" _Where's the other piece of filth?"_

Pressing his lips together Kili shook his head. He had just saved Fili's life. He wasn't going to give it up just because things were looking bad for him. Scar's fist hit his left cheek and if he had been standing by himself Kili would have fallen from the impact. Instead he merely stumbled. Scar spat in his face whilst Red Eye moved towards the edge of the cliff.

" _He's in the river."_

" _What are we waiting for?"_ Scar gave Kili a small shake, _"After him!"_

" _No!"_ Red Eye turned and wrenched Kili from Scar's grasp.

" _One will be fine. Master might have wanted both Oakenshield's heirs but this one will please him well enough."_

Kili froze at the orcs words and he cursed his stupidity. Of course his royal status would be behind all this. How had he and Fili not guessed that? He had assumed the orcs didn't know who he and Fili were. Although there was still every chance they didn't know their exact relation to Thorin. Red Eye threw Kili to the floor.

" _We'll take this one with us. Let the other die from his injuries."_

Kili shook his head. Fili wasn't going to die. Fili was going to get back to Erebor and get help. Scar loomed over him and as the orc pulled on his hair Kili tried his best to bite down on his cry. He couldn't afford to show any weakness now. Scar stroked his face.

" _Can we not have some fun with this one before we leave?"_

Behind Scar, Kili could see Hooked nose looming towards him. Red Eye nodded and as the grip on his hair vanished Kili dropped to his knees.

"You can do what the hell you like…"

He was cut off as Hooked Nose's fist drove itself into his stomach. Doubling over Kili fought to take deep breaths as a boot connected with his back. Falling forward he shut his eyes as hands and feet began attacking him from all directions. He tried to curl into a ball to protect himself as much as possible. But the orcs guessed his plans and every time he moved a boot would come down on his head.

" _Won't you cry dwarfling?"_ Scar ran a finger along Kili's bruised and bleeding face.

" _Cry for us!"_

"Piss off!"With one hand held close against him Kili lashed out with the other. Hooked Nose caught it with a smile.

" _Maybe we should take a finger or two? That might keep him quiet."_

Kili's blood ran cold at the thought of losing a finger. He tried to wrench his hand from Hooked Nose's grasp. But the orc held on. Even going as far as to produce a large carving knife. Kili shook his head weakly.

"Please?" His lips were starting to swell. Hooked Nose gave a small shake of the head before placing Kili's hand flat on the ground and pressing the knife against the joints of his second and third fingers. Tears pooled in Kili's eyes as blood began to appear on his fingers. Hooked Nose looked ready to deliver the final blow when Red Eye lunged forward and pulled him away. With a gasp Kili pulled his arm back and hugged it close to his chest – curling into a ball whilst the orcs argued around him.

" _In one piece!"_ Red Eye spat, _"Do you not remember your orders? We can do what we like to him but he must be in one piece!"_

Kili rested his head on the ground. He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't help but thank whoever he was being taken to see. If they hadn't given that order he knew he would have lost more than a couple of fingers by now. Red Eye pushed Hooked Nose away before both he and Scar stooped over Kili.

" _Move out!"_ Red Eye barked.

Scar nodded and Kili wasn't surprised when his hands and feet were bound again. Looking up he saw three huge wargs walking towards him and his stomach shook as he thought about having to ride one again. Scar shoved a cloth bag over his head and as hands began dragging him Kili couldn't help but struggle. He had to show these orcs that he wasn't just going to be their willing prisoner. Black spots danced before him as a boot came down on the side of his head. The last thing Kili remembered was the feeling of soft fur on his stomach before he finally succumbed to the pain.

 _ **Poor Kili! At least Fili's escaped so he can get help! Or will it really be that simple? xxx**_


	5. Tough Decisions

_**Big thanks to ncis-lady, peanutsandtoast, xEmmPevensiePendragonx and yshxf for following.**_

 _ **Emmakmc – I know, poor Kili. And the feels will just get even more intense I'm afraid.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – I'd say he's lucky for the time being.**_

 _ **EdhelwenOnieta – Aww I want to give you a box of tissues now!**_

 _ **Nenithiel – I think the plan was make sure Fili is safe and then jump. And me to…but it might take a while I'm afraid.**_

 _ **Peanutsandtoast - Glad you like it so far. I think Fili will be hoping the same as well!**_

Tough Decisions

As he fell Fili lost all feeling in his body. It was like the time had had fallen from a tree when he was younger. Only this fall was a lot longer and a lot scarier. He could hear the orcs shouting above him whilst below the sound of the river got steadily nearer. The tears were still in his eyes as he saw the figure of his brother move away from the cliff edge.

"KILI!" Fili's words were lost as he carried on falling. The feeling of weightlessness unsettled him and he couldn't wait to land so he could get some feeling back into his body. He opened his mouth to call again when his body crashed into the water. Instantly his body buckled and curled up as the freezing water touched his skin. Out of the two brothers Fili had always been the weaker swimmer. Or at least he allowed himself to be the weakest. Swimming was one of the few things Kili was better at than he was. Fili had never had the heart to take that away from his brother. His legs were still slightly numb from being bound and the shock of the water wasn't helping. Each kick made his legs shiver and Fili could feel his lungs start to burst from the effort. Pulling with both of his arms he forced his way upwards.

With a choked gasp his head broke the surface. Pushing his wet hair away from his face Fili looked up where he could just about see Kili's tiny figure. His brother began moving away and Fili shook his head. Kili should be jumping? He should be falling through the air the way he had a second ago.

"KILI!"

He got no reply. Slowly treading water Fili shook his head desperately. This was all wrong. Kili should be here with him. They should be going home together. He thought back to Kili's words earlier.

" _I'm sorry I got us into this mess."_

"Oh Kili." Tears welled up in Fili's eyes. He should have known Kili would do something like this. He'd been planning to push his brother first and then jump after him. But the very notion that Kili gave up his freedom and possibly his life just to keep him safe caused Fili's blood to run cold. It shouldn't be this way around. He should be doing everything to keep Kili safe from harm. He should be risking his life to save his brother.

Fili stared up at the empty cliff for a few more minutes. As he saw a huge figure standing at the top he hurriedly ducked down below the surface. He didn't need to alert the orcs to his presence. He might be angry at Kili's sacrifice. But the least he could do is make sure he got back to Erebor to get help. Water stung at his eyes and as the back of his throat tickled Fili wondered if he should risk breaking the surface. The orc wasn't going to spend hours staring at a seemingly empty river and Fili had no idea how long his lungs would be able to last like this. Kicking upwards water sprayed everywhere as he surface. Spitting out the few mouthfuls of river he had accidently had Fili looked up to see the cliff above him was void of any life.

He had no idea what to do. Part of him wanted to climb back up and go save Kili. But the rest of him knew he'd never make it alive. His best chance would be to get help from Erebor. The water began to lap against his back and as his gashes burned into his skin Fili gritted his teeth. Either way he couldn't stay in the water forever. To his left he saw a small bank and he began swimming towards it as quietly as he could. The water lapped against the grass, turning it into a muddy mess. But Fili didn't care about that. Pushing himself onto dry land he ignored the mud and dirt that was being smeared into his clothes and skin. Instead he simply slid his clasp back into his hair and looked at the cliff one last time.

"Don't worry brother. I'll come back for you."

* * *

Thorin had never been so scared in his life. His hands were shaking as he struggled to saddle up his pony. All around him the others looked equally scared. Every five minutes Dwalin kept flashing him nervous glances whilst Gloin and Oin kept reaching out for each other. Thorin bit his lip as he watched them. They were the only other pair of brothers who shared the bond Fili and Kili shared. Thorin knew the older dwarves were no doubt imagining themselves in his nephew's situation and as more horrible thoughts bubbled to the surface on his mind, Thorin pushed the down. He looked over to see Dori and Nori were already on their ponies.

"Thorin?"

Thorin looked over to see Balin who gave him a tearful smile.

"How's Dis?" Thorin could still hear his sister's screams inside his head. He knew he'd never forget her pain in a hurry. Balin gave a small nod.

"Bofur's sitting with her as we speak. Oin gave me some sleeping draft in case."

"I'm not coming back without them," Thorin finally finished adjusting his ponies saddle. Balin gave him a small nod.

"If…if they have been taken by orcs…"

He didn't need to finish. Thorin shook his head; he had seen the bodies of orcs prisoners. Their mangled and mutilated remains. And those were the nicer cases. Often he had come across scorched bodies and he could still remember a time he had sliced a warg open – only to see the remains of a person inside its stomach. Swallowing the bile in his throat Thorin mounted his pony and flashed Balin a look.

"I'll bring them home Balin. I'll bring them home."

Thorin didn't look back as he ushered his pony out of the main gates of Erebor. He could hear the others following him but he refused to acknowledge them. He had always assumed his worst moment would be when he fought off Smaugs attack.

He had never been so wrong in all his life.

* * *

Fili could barely move. The mud clung to his clothes which in turn clung to his skin - making movement hard. And if that wasn't enough bruises were starting to form on his skin from his ordeal. His back was so in so much pain Fili was no longer paying any attention to it. All he could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other. He kept the river to his right the whole time. As long as he kept doing that then he would find himself back at the mountain by tomorrow morning at the earliest. He hadn't realised they were so far from Erebor. But given that they had travelled via warg to get where he was right now he supposed that was why he was confused.

Fili had no idea if the orcs would come after him. He had a feeling they wouldn't. They had Kili, that was no doubt enough for them. He still didn't know why they had been taken in the first place. His first thought was that it had been a random orc attack and their captors had just gotten lucky with taking Thorin's two heirs. But now he was starting to doubt that. He couldn't say whether or not the orcs knew who he and Kili were. But he was starting to get the feeling that their abduction had been far from a random attack. The fact that he had only been whipped told him something. The orcs clearly wanted him and Kili to be alive for a reason. And it was that thought that allowed the hope to build. If the orcs wanted Kili alive then Fili didn't have to worry about finding his brothers bloodied body.

Of course he could have been completely wrong about everything.

Fili shook his head as he forced his aching feet to keep moving. The grass had been replaced with a forest floor and every few seconds Fili was stumbling over tree roots. His legs were shaking with every step but he refused to rest even for a few minutes. He knew that the second he sat down he'd never get back up again. No, he had to keep going. He had to get back to Erebor and save Kili.

* * *

Thorin hadn't said a word all journey. He knew the others had been shooting him worried glances. But he'd forced himself to keep his gaze straight ahead and try to ignore the horrible images that were clouding his mind. His nephews bodies hanging from a tree with their bodies ripped open by wargs. The burnt body of Fili lying before him whilst the scattered remains of Kili joined it.

"Thorin?" Thorin!"

At Dwalin's voice Thorin gave a small shake of the head before looking up. It had been agreed at the start that Dwalin would lead the way. As the best tracker it made sense. But given that hours had passed with no sign Thorin wondered if his nephews were too far away. They had arrived on the borders of the Greenwood and Thorin pursed his lips at the sight. He didn't care how humiliating it would be. If he needed Thranduils help to find Fili and Kili then he would get it. Up ahead Dwalin jumped down from his pony and hurried forward.

"I've found something. It's not much…"

Thorin didn't wait. Getting off his own pony he placed a hand on Dwalin's shoulder.

"What is it?"

Dwalin shook his head, "Not a lot. There was a small fire but it's been dead for hours. But I found a lot of drag marks and bit of mud and dirt that had been kicked up."

"Is it them?" Gloin asked. Dwalin sighed.

"Possibly. I think…" he lowered his gaze, "I think there's a very good chance they've been taken by orcs Thorin."

Thorin bit his lip. He had been expecting that the second his nephews went missing. But to hear it being confirmed made his stomach churn. If anything happened to those two he'd never forgive himself. His sister wouldn't forgive him either.

"Can you find them?" Thorin whispered. Dwalin gave a short nod, but Thorin could see the uncertainty in his eyes.

"I think so. There's enough there to give us an idea of the direction. But I don't want to make a promise in case we lose the trail."

Thorin shook his head warmly.

"Just do what you can. I can't ask any more than that."

Dwalin nodded before a small rustling sound caused him to pull his axe out. Thorin followed his friends lead and he could tell the others were getting out there weapons. Dwalin narrowed his eyes before slowly inching his head in the direction of the noise. Thorin bit his lip. Chances were it was just a deer or boar making the noise. He had never been this jumpy before and he couldn't help but feel his cheeks burning from the thought of it. Gripping the handle of his axe firmly Thorin got into a fighting stance. If he saw the slightest sign of an orc he knew there would be no holding him back. The rustling got closer and closer and Thorin backed away to join the others in a small semi – circle.

"Fili?"

Thorin dropped his axe as a blonde dwarf stumbled forward. His clothes were covered in dirt, mud and blood. His braids were askew and most of his hair was plastered across their face. Thorin gaped at the sight. The dwarf forced his head up and when his eyes met his nephews Thorin shook his head. This couldn't be Fili. How could a day and a half make such a difference? Appearance aside he only had to look in Fili's eyes. The fear and worry was something he had never seen before. Holding his hands up Thorin took a baby step forward as he moved his head from side to side. Fili was standing right before him.

Just Fili.

"Where's Kili?"

Fili gave a weak shake of the head. As he did so his whole body trembled and he fell forward. Lunging, Thorin caught his nephew just in time. As he did so he caught sight of the dried blood that covered Fili's back. He didn't have to see the wounds to know what had happened.

"Where's your brother?"

Fili wriggled onto his side, his face scrunching up in pain.

"Stayed behind…with orcs."

Thorin didn't understand. He wanted to ask Fili what he meant by that remark. But as he took another look he saw Fili lay asleep in his arms. Pressing a gentle kiss on his forehead, Thorin lifted Fili up off the ground and gently sat him on his pony. Climbing up behind him Thorin held his nephew close against him. He was aware of the others watching him.

"What now?" Gloin whispered. Thorin shrugged.

"Go back to the mountain and get his wounds seen to. When he comes round he might be able to tell us where the orcs were taking Kili."

Thorin wished he didn't have to say those words. All he wanted was to stay out and look for Kili. But he needed to make sure Fili was safe. He needed time to get a better plan together before hurrying after his youngest nephew. Hugging Fili close Thorin shook the tears from his eyes. At least Kili was still alive. That was something at least.

 _ **So a slightly shorter update here and apologies for no Kili but I wanted this to be a Fili/Thorin kinda thing. So at least Fili is back and safe-ish. And I do kinda feeling for Thorin being forced to choose whether he carries on or goes back to get information from Fili. Let me know what you all think xx**_


	6. All Alone

_**Big thanks to MouseTalk, Niiroya and Sorrellkaren for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Peanutsandtoast – Hopefully this doesn't disappoint.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – No they will not. They'll be a lot of 'poor Kili' moments I'm afraid.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the edit help. And furious will be one way of putting it!**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – I agree with Thorin too but I feel bad about it.**_

 _ **EdhelwenOnieta – More is coming.**_

 _ **Vlnelson55 – I know what you mean. I only read the book after seeing DOS so had no idea they were even related until then! But yeah it always annoyed me – especially in BOTFA when Fili's death is just glossed over.**_

 _ **Guest – Yeah I know what you mean., I doubt Fili will see it that way.**_

All Alone

When Kili came to the world was still dark. As the rough fabric of the cloth bag brushed against his cheeks that nauseous feeling began to appear in his stomach again. The warg wasn't running but the continuing up and down motion was enough to make his stomach churn. Kili wriggled his body out of habit. His chest felt like someone had been sitting on it for days. As he did so a fat finger prodded the middle of his back – no doubt to stop him from moving.

" _Stop your squirming!"_

That sounded like Scar. Kili couldn't be too sure as the orcs all sounded pretty much the same. But this voice was slightly higher pitched than the others. Licking his lips he forced himself to take deep breaths. Fili was safe. He had to remember that. He'd made up for his stupid behaviour earlier by making sure his brother was out of the hands of orcs. And now Fili could run back to Erebor and get help. Kili knew his brother would fight tooth and nail to get a search party out there looking for him.

Assuming Fili made it to Erebor. He could have been attacked by another pack of orcs. Or maybe wild animals found him before he could get back home? Tears dripped down Kili's face at such a thought and he shook his head furiously. Fili would be fine. He was Fili after all. He'd make it back to Erebor and get help. Kili nodded his head at this, not yet noticing that the warg he was lying across was no longer moving. Only when hands grabbed his shoulders did Kili realise they had stopped. He barely had time to call out as he was dragged from the animal and forced to kneel on the ground. Within seconds that feeling of absolute terror had come back. Only this time it was far worse. He was on his own now. He didn't have to worry about Fili being hurt any more. But it meant he was completely alone to face this ordeal.

And face it he would. He was Kili, brother of Fili and son of Vili. He wasn't going to just cave in and tell the orcs whatever they wanted to know. He would be strong and loyal. He'd show Thorin that he was just as good as Fili.

" _Afternoon dwarfling!"_

The cloth bag was pulled from his head and already Kili could feel his resolve weakening. Glancing up at the sky he realised it was only midday. It had felt like an eternity since he and Fili had tried to escape earlier. Or in Fili's case – escaped. Shaking his head in an effort to move his hair from his face Kili looked around. The three orcs had left the wargs to sit by a thick tree whilst they got a fire going. Shuffling so he was sitting down instead of kneeling Kili wriggled his hands as best he could. They weren't watching him. If he could just break free then he could make another run for it. He had to laugh at the irony. For years Kili had been sick of running away from his tormentors. Now it was all he wanted to do. The wargs sat a few feet to his left and as he fidgeted Kili could hear their curious sniffs in his direction. Risking a glance over he gave a small shudder.

" _Oi"_ Kili looked up at Scar's voice. The orc leant over him and placed a water bottle to his lips. Kili had never drunk so fast in his life. He knew he'd only have seconds before the water was taken from him. Sure enough, the last few drops fell down his chin as Scar moved away. The orc looked over at the wargs.

" _They haven't eaten in a while. Maybe they'd like a nice juicy dwarf for dinner?"_

Kili gave the wargs another look and shook his head weakly. He knew it would only scare him but he couldn't help but stare at their stomachs. He could easily fit inside one. Pursing his lips Kili bowed his head, waiting for Scar to leave. He didn't want to risk getting caught. He was surprised the orcs were even leaving him on his own. He'd tried one escape, why shouldn't he try again? Biting his lip Kili pulled and twisted his wrist in an effort to get the ropes loose. He knew he only had to loosen them by a bit to free himself.

"Come on. Come on!" He didn't know why he was muttering to himself. It's not like it would make time speed up. Kili was soon wondering if he was destined to never escape when he felt the ropes move slightly. It was only the smallest of movement but it was enough to refuel his hope. Twisting his wrists Kili allowed himself a smile as he freed one wrists and then the other. Without even thinking about it he rubbed his aching arms before hurrying to untie his feet. Kicking the ropes away Kili forced himself to stand. His aching body was screaming at him to sit back down but he ignored it. He had to get away now while he had the chance. Kili licked his dry lips before inching a look in the wargs direction. None of them were staring at him but Kili had a funny feeling that the second he moved they'd be on him in an instant. But if he stayed much longer one of the orcs was bound to see him.

"Here goes nothing."

As he turned and ran Kili wasn't surprised to hear the wargs roaring. He could even hear one of them running after him. Kili forced himself forward even though his feet had no feeling left in them anymore. At the sound of snarling close behind him Kili fought against his instincts and turned round.

And that was his mistake.

A huge dark blur leapt up at him. With a gasp Kili found himself being pushed back as huge paws dug into his shoulders. The ground smacked into his back whilst the warg that pinned him down snapped at his face. Tears began to form in Kili's eyes as Scar and Red eye loomed over him. The warg took one final snap at Kili before backing away. As the weight left his body Kili forced himself to sit up. Scar grabbed him by the neck and lifted him onto his feet.

" _Is our hospitality not enough for you?"_

Kili shook his head. With a feeble kick he tried to free himself from the orcs grasp. Instead Scar shook him roughly and dragged him back towards the camp.

" _Let's show you what happens to those who aren't grateful."_

Grateful was certainly one way of putting it. Kili didn't understand why he wasn't fighting back. How else was he supposed to be strong if he didn't fight? Scar pushed him against a tree and as his arms were anchored above his head Kili could feel a small tremble start up in his body. With his nose pressed against the bark he bit his lip – trying to ignore the voice in his brain that was telling him what was about to happen. As Red Eye finished binding his hands Kili peered over his shoulder. Scar grabbed his face and pushed it back.

" _Stay still!"_ Spit landed on Kili's cheeks and he tried to resist shuddering. Being spat on was the least of his worries right now.

" _Open his shirt!"_ That was Red Eye. Kili barely had time to react when he felt the knife tear down the middle of his tunic. Even though the sun was out Kili shivered. Scar ran a finger down the middle of his back before moving away. Kili pressed his forehead against the tree bark. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't give in. He wouldn't break.

As the whip hit him Kili shut his eyes and clenched his fists. He hadn't cried out because he hadn't needed to. He'd been expecting his back to be on fire. But instead it just ached. Kili nodded. Maybe he could cope with this? Maybe he could cope.

" _Scream!"_

The strokes were getting faster and harder now. With each one the pain increased every time. Sweat began to drip down Kili's face and he could feel the blood on his back. Pained gasps were starting to leave him but he shook his head when Red Eye asked him to scream. He was a dwarf of Erebor. He wouldn't scream. No matter what happened.

But the orcs had other ideas.

The whip sliced into his back and this time Kili couldn't stop his cry. He had been stupid to think he could cope with this sort of pain. This was pain unlike any other. His whole back felt like it was being steadily set on fire. The orcs were laughing around him as his weak body leant against the tree. He'd lost count of how many strokes he'd been given. He just wanted it to be over.

"Stop it…" Kili didn't know if they had heard him or not, "Stop it…please?"

" _Only when you scream!"_

At Red Eye's voice Kili shook his head. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction. If he could just get through this pain then he would be fine. But as the whip came down faster and faster he knew he couldn't do it unless he wanted to bleed to death. As the whip hit the same gash that had been hit several times already, Kili gave in. Even over the sound of his scream he could hear the whip being dropped to the ground. Hands pulled at him. Untying him and lying him out on the ground. Kili shut his eyes as he was rolled over. All he wanted was Fili. Fili would make everything all right. Fili would make it all go away. With a limp arm Kili reached out. He was aware of the orcs wrapping something around his back but he paid them no attention. As the world grew dark around the edges Kili could have sworn he saw his brothers face smiling at him.

"Fili?"

Everything went black.

 _ **Okay so I know this is really short but any more felt like waffling. Plus I've been really busy with work recently so haven't had as much time to spend on this. Poor Kili (again!) sorry there's no Fili in this chapter but I wanted some Kili time xx**_


	7. It Can't Get Any WorseCan It?

_**Big thanks to C.H.W.13, Rebel Islander, jaymzNshed, Raija22 and lederra for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – I know! More Kili time coming up but I'm not sure if that's good or bad.**_

 _ **EdhelwenOnieta – I'd offer comfort but this chapter probably won't help things.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – I try to see both brothers as equally brave – but then I love them both so… Don't worry, Fili will share your anger towards Thorin.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – I've never seen Kili like that! I think he's great and I agree with you 100%! You're going to have to wait a few more chapters for Azog but it will be worth it I promise.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Spoilers! ;)**_

 _ **MouseTalk – Yeah I was worried it was too short but I didn't have anything else to write so I'm glad people still liked it.**_

It Can't Get Any Worse…Can It?

When Kili came to the first thing he remembered was the searing pain in his back. Out of habit he reached round to try and feel the damage. However as he did so he realised both of his hands had been bound in front of him. Shaking his head slightly Kili looked down at his legs. This time they had been left untied and he gave his feet slight shakes to try and get some feeling back into them. Kili looked up at the sky. Although the tree tops hid most of the sky he could make out the night stars. As he gazed at the sight he was aware of his brain hurriedly working out what day it was. It was night time – so he had been an orc prisoner for two days now. It felt like a lifetime to Kili. Curling into a ball he peered over his shoulder.

All he saw was orcs.

Kili saw Scar, Red Eye and Hooked Nose standing several feet away. But they weren't alone. In the low light he could make out at least another ten more and he had a feeling there were at least another dozen to add to that. Warg howls pierced the air and Kili couldn't help but shiver at the noise.

" _You're awake!"_

As Red Eye bent over him Kili tensed his whole body; expecting yet another beating. His back felt like it was constantly being set on fire every time he moved. Yet it was hard to stay still when he was lying on his side. Red Eye grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to his knees. Out of habit Kili forced himself to look down. He didn't want to give the orc a reason for whipping him again. But instead Red Eye drew out a water bottle and placed it to Kili's lips.

" _Drink!"_

Kili needed no encouraging. His throat was dry and with each gulp of the refreshing water he could feel himself getting stronger already. He half expected Red Eye to take it away after a few sips. But instead the orc waited until Kili had drunk it all. Licking the last drops from his chin Kili gave a small shiver. His ripped shirt was doing nothing to keep him warm even though he could feel rough cloth had been wrapped around his body. Looking down he saw bandages through the tears in his clothes.

None of this was making any sense. These orcs who had abducted him, beaten him and whipped him were now making sure he didn't die from thirst. Kili knew he was being kept alive for a reason. But he hadn't realised how important his survival was. As Red Eye moved away he drew his knees against his chest in an effort to keep him warm. If Fili had been here then both brothers would have huddled together the way they had done during Kili's first few winters. Even with several layers of fur he hadn't been warm enough. During his first winter Fili had wrapped him up underneath his shirts so Kili could share in his body heat. But Fili wasn't here now.

" _Eat!"_

Kili blinked as a thick slice of bread was shoved in his face. Red Eye prodded his cheek with it and before the orc could repeat his question Kili found his mouth leaping at the food. Pulling it away with his teeth he prayed he didn't drop any of it. He didn't fancy having to eat like a dog again. Red Eye waited until he swallowed the last bit before holding out another piece. Kili repeated his actions. He'd never tasted bread so good. It was dry and a bit stale but as far as he was concerned this was luxury for a prisoner. Red Eye handed him the last piece before moving away. Kili said nothing as he swallowed his last bite. Instead he forced himself to see where he was. This camp looked just like the other ones he had been in – only this one was bigger. Or maybe that was because there were now more orcs?

"Psst?"

Kili froze at the voice. It wasn't an orc he was certain of that. But he could barely make out anything else.

" _Psst!"_

There it was again. The voice seemed to be coming from his right. Licking his sore lips Kili inched round and his eyes widened. A young man gazed fearfully at him. Like Kili his hands had been bound and he had bruises covering most his face. Unsure of how to react Kili gave him thin smile. The man held his hands to his chest and Kili frowned at the actions. He could have sworn the man wanted him to move over. But with orcs never taking their eyes off him the last thing Kili wanted was to receive another beating.

" _Please!"_

At the fear in the man's voice Kili gave a small nod. He recognised that fear well enough. Sneaking quick glances to the orcs that guarded him Kili got to his feet and hurriedly ran over to where the man sat. Kneeling down beside him Kili realised that this new prisoner was a human. Even in his ragged state he still towered over Kili.

"I thought you were dead," the man whispered. Kili shook his head, ignoring the chill running through him. The man let out a small sigh.

"Then, when they were feeding you I wondered if you were someone important."

"You mean," Kili bit his lip. He had to keep his voice down unless he wanted orcs to be crawling all over them.

"You mean you've had no food?"

The man shook his head, "A little. And a few sips of water."

"How long have you been here?"

"A few days. You were brought here this afternoon. I've never seen them be so gentle with anyone. It was like they were trying not to hurt you."

Kili couldn't help his laugh. But as pain shot through his back he doubled over in agony.

"I wouldn't be too sure," looking up at his fellow prisoner he saw that – apart from the height – they looked almost identical. He held out his bound hands.

"I'm Kili."

The man took Kili's hands in his own and gave them an awkward shake.

"Corin."

Kili nodded at this before shuffling closer to Corin so he could sit with his back against a tree. Corin inched away slightly to allow him more room.

"What do you think they want with us?"

Kili shrugged. He knew why _he_ was here. Or at least he could take a very good guess. But as for Corin he couldn't say? He hadn't been expecting to meet another person on his travels and he couldn't help but feel a horrible pang in his stomach. Shaking his head Kili looked up at Corin.

"How did they get you?"

A look of pain flashed across the man's face. Kili wondered if he'd accidently opened up memories Corin would rather forget. But the man gave a brief nod.

"It was over a week ago. There was a raid on my village. I was protecting my wife when they set fire to our house. I got her out before running back inside."

Kili's face must have been filled with confusion because Corin gave a small smile.

"Our baby daughter was asleep upstairs."

Nausea churned in Kili's stomach at this. If he could help Corin escape then he would.

"I got back out and handed her to my wife before grabbing the closest weapon and running at the orcs. One hit me from behind and when I woke up I was the prisoner. There were several others. Two women and three more men."

Kili began looking around for signs of other prisoners. Corin shook his head sadly.

"They beat us and raped us constantly for two nights. But they couldn't travel with such a large party. They killed the women first; they slit their throats. Then they took the others and did the same."

"Why did they leave you?" Kili could have cursed himself for saying such a thing. Did it matter why they had let Corin live? What mattered was that he was still alive. Corin gave a small shrug.

"I don't know. I don't care." Shaking his head he turned to Kili.

"What about you? What's your story?"

Kili told him everything. He told him about Fili and how they had been caught. How he and Fili had been whipped and how they'd tried to escape. How he'd saved Fili's life.

"I…" Kili pressed his lips together. Until now he hadn't let the emotions of the past few days affect him. He knew if he did then he'd never be able to survive. But now that he was telling someone about it he found that he couldn't hold it in any longer. Tears were running down his face and before he knew what he was doing, Kili had his face pressed in Corin's shirt. The man shushed him gently.

"That was so brave Kili," Corin whispered, "You saved his life."

Kili nodded, "But I wish I hadn't! I wish he was still here! I know that's a horrible thing to say. How could I want Fili to suffer as well? But without him I can't do it! I'm not strong enough. Not without him. I just want him _here_!"

Corin rubbed Kili's back as best he could with his bound hands. Kili gave him a small nod before backing away. Wiping his eyes he swallowed the last of his tears.

"What do you think they'll do to us?" He whispered. Corin shrugged.

"I don't…" as he trailed off Kili felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Turning round he saw Red Eye and another orcs he'd never seen before. Both stalked towards them.

" _Let's go!"_

Red Eye grabbed Kili and hauled him to his feet. Kili looked over to see Corin being given similar treatment. Kili wanted to lash out at Red Eye. A few days ago he would have done it. But something told him to calm down. These orcs needed him for a reason. Best to find out as much as he could before taking action. So although his insides were itching for a fight, Kili forced himself to stay composed as he and Corin were dragged through the camp. Orcs and wargs snarled at them as they passed. Kili couldn't help his flinch when a huge wargs snapped at his legs. Red Eye shook him.

" _Stop squirming!"_

Kili opened his mouth when the grip on him vanished and he fell to the floor. A grunt next to him told him Corin had also fallen. Sitting up on his knees Kili glanced up to see a huge shadow walking towards them. He couldn't make out their features but he could tell they were huge. A thick club was in one hand and a sword in the other. Sweat dripped down Kili's face as the orc moved nearer. Only when he stepped into the firelight did all of Kili's fears come crashing down on him.

"No!"

He couldn't move. Even if he hadn't been tied up and surrounded by orcs. Kili found himself frozen in place as Blog stepped closer to him. Kili had heard the rumours about Azog's son and second in command. Until now he had hoped that they were only rumours. To be an orc prisoner was bad enough. But to be Bolg's prisoner..?

" _This is Oakenshield's heir?"_ Bolg jabbed in Kili's direction with his club, _"Where's the other one?"_

" _He escaped Master!"_ Scar interjected from somewhere. Bolg spat at the orc before rounding on Kili.

" _And this one? He's so small. He can't be older than sixty!"_

Kili could feel his face burning. He wasn't _that_ small. He had been gaining weight a lot recently as well as building up muscle. He looked younger than he was and he always would. But Fili had reassured him only last week that it was almost impossible to tell he was thinner than the others.

At the thought of his brother Kili pulled himself up to his full height. He would get through this for Fili's sake. He would be strong for his brother.

"I'm not sixty," he spat. Bolg raised an eyebrow.

" _And how old are you?"_

Kili bit his lip. He couldn't just give out information. Pursing his lips he narrowed his eyes at Bolg. The orc shrugged.

" _It's of no matter how old you are. Neither does it matter the other one escaped."_

Kili couldn't be certain but he could have sworn the three orcs who had taken him were letting out sighs of relief. Bolg nodded and Kili yelled as someone pulled him to his feet and began dragging him towards the nearest warg.

" _We will ride ahead!"_ Bolg spat. Kili could feel his legs tremble and he locked eyes with Corin. The fear on the man's face was beyond obvious. The orc holding Corin gave him a small prod.

" _This one?"_

Bolg flashed Kili a glance. Licking his lips Kili gave a pleading smile.

"Let him go. What harm will it do?"

" _Would you co-operate if we did so?"_

Kili paused before nodding. He only had to pretend to go along. Once Corin was safe he could play his own game. Bolg shook his head.

" _But then we wouldn't be able to have any fun with you."_

Kili's fighting and yelling was useless. Corin gave him a weak smile before the orc holding him got out his knife and opened his throat. Kili couldn't breathe as Corin's body fell to the floor. He'd known the man for a matter of minutes and yet it felt like forever. Kili didn't register Bolg grabbing him and dragging him away. All he could do was watch as the orcs moved away from Corin and the wargs close in.

"Murderers! Bastards! Murderers!

Bolg shook Kili so hard his teeth rattled.

" _Either you hold your tongue or you lose it!"_

Kili gave a small gulp. Bolg nodded before pulling out a rag and tying it over Kili's mouth. The rag stank of dried blood and Kili could feel the urge to retch. Forcing himself to fight it he allowed Bolg to cover his head with the bag before he was dumped onto the wargs back again.

 _Oh Fili. Please say you're safer than I am._

 _ **Bet you all thought things couldn't get any worse! Poor Kili (I'm hoping if I say it enough times you want hate me for doing this to him!) and before you all ask there'll be some Fili time in the next chapter. I just needed to get Bolg and Kili's…'meeting' out the way first xxx**_


	8. One Without the Other

_**Big thanks to hanatsuki14 and .x for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Traumatised is certainly the word needed!**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – I should just rename this fic "Poor Kili" shouldn't I. And yeah it'll be an….interesting reaction.**_

One Without the Other

Forcing his eyes open Fili couldn't help the smile on his face when he saw a celling instead of the sky. The feel of soft pillows against his head and thick blankets pulled over his body. Shutting his eyes again he licked his lips.

It had all been a dream.

Fidgeting in the bed to try and get more comfortable Fili sighed before opening his eyes again. He hadn't realised just how soft his bed really was. He would never take it for granted again. His grip tightened on the blankets as Red Eye's face loomed into view. Fili's chest tightened as he remembered the feel on the whip as it clawed into his back. Shaking his head he tried to block out Kili's frightened cries.

It had just been a dream. It hadn't really happened.

Fili didn't know what to do. He knew the second he was dressed nothing would stop him from rushing to Kili. No matter what Thorin needed him to do today he wouldn't. All he wanted was to be with his brother.

"Fili?"

At his mother's voice Fili frowned. She sounded upset. Turning onto his back he gave a gasp of pain and out of habit he opened his eyes.

This made no sense. If it had been a dream why did his back feel like he really had been whipped? Why did his mother sound so sad?

Fili risked a glance down. As he saw the fresh bandages wrapped around his body his blood froze. His limbs ached and bruises covered him from head to toe. Looking up Fili saw his mother standing in the doorway of his room. Tears were streaking down her face as she took baby steps towards him.

"Fili? They said you might not…you're awake!"

His mother didn't even give him time to think about this. Hurrying towards him she sat down on the bed and gently wrapped her arms around him. Although his back was starting to sting Fili tried not to show any signs of pain for her sake. His brain was too busy thinking everything through. Dis pressed her lips on his head.

"My beautiful boy!"

Fili could feel her tears on his face. Leaning back he gave her a weak smile.

"Mother please! I'm fine."

Dis nodded, "I know, I know."

Looking round at his room Fili bit his lip, "How long have I been out for?"

Thorin brought you back yesterday morning. Oin bandaged your back and we managed to get some food in you."

As she spoke Fili was slowly pushing himself up into a sitting position. Each movement tore at his muscles. But he couldn't just lie back like an invalid. His mother held his hands tightly whilst Fili tried to stop his shaking.

If it hadn't been a dream then Kili… His brother was still in danger!

"Where's Thorin now?" Fili had no idea where his sudden burst of energy was coming from. Dis bit her lip.

"He's with Dwalin. I said I'd find him the second you were awake."

Fili clenched his fists, forcing himself to stay calm. It wasn't fair to take it out on his mother. Instead he smiled through gritted teeth.

"Can I see him please?"

"Of course. I'll send him along later."

"No now," Fili wished he wasn't being so harsh. But he needed to see Thorin. He needed to tell him where he could find Kili.

He also needed to give him the biggest lecture he would ever give.

Dis nodded. Getting up she held her shaking hands together before hurrying into the corridor. Leaning back against his pillows Fili tried to keep calm. He would tell Thorin what he knew and then he would go and save his brother.

"Oh Kili. Please be alright," Fili drew his knees against his chest, "I don't know what I'll do if you aren't."

* * *

It took a few hours but eventually Fili saw his uncle standing in the doorway. Even though he had a whole speech planned out he couldn't stop the tears from falling as Thorin hurried to his side and embraced him.

"Oh Fili!" Thorin hugged him close, "I still can't believe it! We thought we'd lost you."

Looking over Fili saw his mother was struggling to compose herself. Thorin must have followed his gaze because he gave Dis a smile.

"Go and get something to eat sister. We'll send for you if we need you."

Nodding Dis gave Fili one last kiss before leaving them. Fili waited until her footsteps trailed off into silence. Meanwhile Thorin picked up a chair and sat down beside Fili's bed.

"When we found you in the forest…I thought I'd never see you again!"

Fili shook his head, "Why are you still here?"

Thorin frowned and Fili couldn't help himself.

"Why aren't you out there? Why aren't you looking for Kili?"

Thorin placed a hand against his cheek, "Fili, we _are_ looking for him. But we can't just go wandering off in any direction. I wanted to wait until you were awake and could tell us where he might be."

Relaxing Fili gave his uncle a short nod. It was at least a valid reason. He would have done the same.

"Well I'm awake now. Let me get dressed and we can…"

"No!" Getting to his feet Thorin pushed Fili back.

"No you aren't going anywhere Fili. No discussions!"

"But he's my brother!" Fili tried to push against his uncle's grip – ignoring the growing pain in his back.

"He's my baby brother Thorin! I can't leave him! Not again!"

Thorin gently eased him back, "What are you talking about?"

Tears dripped down Fili's face. He hadn't cried since this whole thing started. But it wasn't right that he was safe and Kili wasn't.

"We tried to escape. We reached a huge cliff and Kili pushed me off it first. The orcs got him before he could jump. He saved my life."

Fili found himself clinging to his uncle the whole time. Thorin gently hugged him.

"You can't upset yourself Fili. Kili did what he did and we have to move on from it."

"You make it sound like he's dead!"

"No," Thorin gripped Fili's shoulders hard, "No Fili. But we have to move on and do what we can to find him. He saved your life, now you can save his in return."

Fili gave a small nod, "I don't know if I can though. I never saw which direction we were taken in. I could guess we were going south as we were on the borders of the Greenwood when I escaped."

Thorin nodded, "Okay Fili. We'll send out a party tomorrow morning."

"No. No you have to go now!" Fili pushed away Thorin's calming touch, "How can you even think about waiting?"

"Fili it's the middle of the night…"

"You should be running to find him! To make up for what you did!"

"FILI!"

At his mother's voice Fili could feel his anger start to fade away. Dis pursed her lips before walking towards the bed.

"Fili this is not your uncle's fault."

"Yes it is!" Fili knew he should stop before he said something he didn't mean. But he was too wound up to listen to his own brain. Jabbing a finger at Thorin he unleashed every last bit of anger.

"If you hadn't made Kili feel so useless and so _unloved_ then we never would have gone out! Kili has feelings Thorin! For the love of Durin he's the most sensitive dwarf I know!"

"Fili…"

"Do you want to know something uncle? When we were prisoners Kili thought you'd only come for me. He honestly believed you only cared about me. And now that he's alone he probably thinks no one's going to save him!"

Dis placed a hand on Fili's shoulder but he shook it off. Throwing the blankets back he forced himself onto his unsteady legs and grabbed Thorins shirt collar. Even his uncle looked shocked. But Fili noticed the guilt in his eyes.

"When he went to push me," Fili forced his tears back, "He hugged me. And do you know what he said? He said _"Tell Thorin I'm sorry I let him down. And I'm sorry I was such a rubbish brother."_ He believed it was all his fault because of what you said to him!"

"Fili stop it!" Dis tore him away from Thorin. Fili took deep breaths as he leant against the bed for support. He could feel the wounds on his back opening up but he ignored it. Dis gripped his arm tightly.

"Do you think this is helping Kili? Do you?"

Fili shook his head, "I just wish he could see what his words do to us? Kili visibly shows how upset he is when you belittle him. Me I just hide it and pretend nothing's wrong. But sometimes uncle you make us both feel like we're nothing to you! And if _anything_ has happened to Kili. Anything at all, I'll hold you responsible!"

His legs shook and Dis tightened her grip, "Fili please! You have to calm down. I've already lost my husband to orcs. Now I face losing a son as well. Don't you dare make me lose you!"

Fili opened his mouth when the pain in his back exploded. Had it not been for his mother he would have fallen to the floor. Dis grabbed him and held him against her.

"Fili! Fili keep your eyes on me!"

As blood began to make its way down his back Fili could see Thorin looming over him. Shaking his head he wanted to tell him to go away. To go and find Kili. But all he could do was moan as blackness took him.

* * *

Thorin watched as Dis pulled the blankets over Fili's sleeping figure. Her fingers gently pushed stray hair from his face and as she kissed his cheek Thorin found himself wiping away tears. Everything Fili had said to him earlier had been the truth. He should never have said what he did to Kili. If he hadn't then this nightmare wouldn't exist. Dis silently wrapped Fili's old bloodstained bandages in her hands. Thorin reached out a hand to take them. He wasn't surprised when she flinched.

"Dis I…"

"He's right," Her voice cracked slightly, "It kills me to say it but he's right."

Thorin gave a small nod and his sister narrowed his eyes.

"I never understood why you were hard on them. Kili especially. They might be of age Thorin but their still young. They haven't seen the horrors you have until now!"

Thorin nodded again, "If I could take it all back then I would. Do you think I was proud of myself for saying those things to Kili. The second he left my office I regretted my words. But they're aren't dwarflings anymore Dis. We can't mollycoddle them."

"There are limits Thorin."

"I know!" Running a hand through his hair Thorin sat back down in his chair. He was aware of Dis pulling up her own chair beside his. Reaching over he took her hand.

"I promise you he'll be alright Dis. We'll bring him home safely."

As she nodded Thorin saw the tears roll down her face. He still remembered the look in her eyes when he had brought an unconscious Fili home. How she had given him a small smile – expecting to see Kili as well. How she had screamed when she realised her youngest son was still missing.

Thorin saw Dis shake her head, "How can you promise such a thing? You've seen the bodies Thorin. It's a miracle Fili wasn't more injured. How do we know Kili isn't dead?"

"Because it's Kili," Thorin took both of his sisters hand, "We'd know if anything happened. Fili would know it. I promise I will find him."

Dis nodded, "He's so young Thorin. And he's out there all alone!"

Unable to finish she buried her head in her hands. Unable to find the right words of comfort Thorin simply got up and stood beside her. His arms pulled her against him as he tried his best to console her. But he knew the only thing that would work is if he showed her Kili. Alive and safe.

* * *

When Fili woke up he wasn't surprised to his mother sitting by his bed. Her face couldn't be any paler and as he looked up Fili was glad not to see Thorin. He had half expected to punch his uncle earlier and admired his self - restraint. If his family thought his anger would have gone by now they were wrong. Easing himself up Fili groaned when Dis pushed him back down.

"Lie still Fili. You'll re-open your wounds if you don't."

Fili knew he should care. He couldn't imagine what his mother was going through right now. He didn't want to make things worse for her. But he couldn't let himself sit back when he knew Kili was out there somewhere at the mercy of those orcs.

"It's not fair."

"What isn't?"

Fili hadn't meant to speak so loudly. His mother took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"What isn't fair?"

"It's not fair that I'm here and Kili isn't." Drawing his knees to his chest Fili pulled his hand away from his mothers grip.

"I promised I would look after him! The moment I first held him I gave him my word I'd always be there for him!"

Dis gave him a sad smile and Fili bit his lip.

"They'll hurt him mother! They'll beat him and hurt him until he's not my little brother anymore! I should be there with him! It should be me who's their prisoner. Not him!"

Dis shook the aguish away from her eyes and retook Fili's hands.

"Listen to me Fili. Shouting isn't going to help Kili. The second the sun rises Thorin and a party are going off to find him. What you need to do is rest and allow yourself to heal. You need to be strong for when Kili comes back."

Fili hadn't the heart to replace the word "when" with "if". He gave a small nod.

"Can you go please? I want to be alone."

He knew his mother wanted to stay. But she simply kissed him on the forehead before rising and leaving the room. Fili forced himself over onto his side.

He would get better. And the second he did he'd go out there and find his brother.

 _ **So sorry for no Kili but I think we all needed some Fili time. Even if it's mainly "poor Fili!" time. And yeah Thorin you'd better be feeling guilty over what's happened! As ever let me know what you think xxx**_


	9. Not yet Beaten Not yet Broken

_**Big thanks to MutedNightingale, reach4theskye for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **MouseTalk – Yeah I always find Thorin harder to write than the others for some reason. I think it's too easy to make him mean.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – Thorin feels are gonna keep on coming.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – Yeah I do feel for Thorin but obviously Fili is scared about losing Kili.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – More brotherly feels coming up.**_

 _ **AN: Sorry for the late update. I've been without my laptop all week and only got it back last night.**_

Not yet Beaten, Not yet Broken

It didn't take long for Kili to lose track of the days. He'd first gotten confused four days after being taken by Bolg. And a few days later he just gave up counting. Everything rolled into a single monotonous routine for him. Wake, drink, be tied to a warg for several hours, make camp, eat, be beaten and then sleep. After a while Kili had stopped fighting when the orcs hit him. He knew it would only make things worse for himself if he did. He couldn't exactly blame them for their actions either. After two failed escape attempts they no doubt wanted to show Kili that – for now – there was no such thing as escape. It no longer existed.

Also they clearly enjoyed hearing him cry out from the pain.

The small group of orcs consisted of Bolg, Red Eye, Scar, Hooked Nose and two others Kili didn't know. Both looked exactly the same and were a lot shorter than the others. But just as cruel. After a few days Bolg had been forced to untie Kili's hands when Kili woke up to find they were turning purple. Instead he had thick rope binding his arms to his sides and was now sitting astride the warg with Bolg's arm round him to stop him moving. As ever he had been blindfolded. Kili didn't see the point. He knew they were still in the Greenwood; and one of his eyes was so badly swollen he couldn't see out of it anyway. The gag had been removed but the threat of having his tongue cut out never vanished. Every time an orc approached him with a knife Kili clamped his mouth shut and gave a pleading smile.

He wished Fili was here.

None of the orcs ever spoke to him. They very rarely spoke to each other. When they made camp Kili had tried asking them where they were going or why they wanted him. But his only answer was a boot to the face. But that didn't stop him. He asked every single day until his face was completely black from the bruises.

It was the tenth day - or maybe the ninth? – since he'd first been captured. As ever Kili sat in front of Bolg on his warg. His hands had been re tied now that there was no danger of them falling off, and as usual he had been blindfolded. Bolg arms cut into his stomach making breathing almost impossible. Kili knew if he had been gaged he'd have suffocated long ago. The wargs were moving fast but it wasn't as uncomfortable now that he was upright. Of course it would have been much more comfortable if he had been riding with Fili. Fili's chest against his back. His arm around his body to keep him from falling. To keep him safe.

But if Fili had been here then Kili would have had to watch his brother being beaten to a bloodied pulp alongside him. He'd have to see Fili's back covered in long gashes and watch blood drip down his skin. He knew he wouldn't be able to cope with that.

And yet he still wanted Fili here.

* * *

Hours had passed before the wargs stopped. Kili knew it would be almost night time by now. He hadn't caught a glimpse of the sun in over a week now. Most of the bruises on his body were starting to fade. But every so often new ones would appear when Red Eye or Scar thought he needed a constant reminder of his situation. When Bolg slid from his warg the sudden rush of air to Kili's back shook him. The marks left by the whip were still there but they were healing well despite everything. Kili hoped his brother's back was doing just as well. But he couldn't savour the feeling of air for long. Hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to the ground. The bag was removed from his head and Kili shook his hair from his face. His silver clasp had come lose during the fight when Bolg first took him. It had taken Kili a few days to realise and when he had he couldn't help but cry. He'd been so proud when Thorin gave it to him for his seventieth birthday. Finally he had something to show he was from the line of Durin. And now it was no doubt in a wargs stomach.

" _Keep moving!"_

Bolg pulled Kili along and his feet stumbled in the mud. Kili licked his lips nervously.

"Where are we going?"

As ever Bolg's first reaction was to slap him. Kili didn't fall and instead he fixed the orc with a glare.

"I'm not going to stop asking no matter how many times you hit me. Where are we going?"

Bolg threw him to the ground. Landing on his bound hands Kili gave a small wince. Risking a glance up he saw Bolg loom over him.

" _The only place we can go here."_

Turning round he walked towards the others; leaving Kili to think over his words. He knew very little of the Greenwood. He'd been here a few times when he was younger. He and Fili would play together on the outskirts. And once he'd been with Thorin to have a meeting with Thranduil But other than that Kili was completely ignorant. He'd had no need to know anything about this place. Apart from Thranduils palace and a few guard posts there was very little here except the old fortress.

The old fortress.

If Kili could have gone any paler then he would have. Nausea churned at the bottom of his stomach and he drew his knees close to his chest. He knew what was waiting for him at Dol Guldur. Or, to be more exact, _who._

"No. No, no, no!"

Kili had heard the stories about the orcs who had made the fortress their home. How most orcs would chose to avoid them and their leader. And he was being taken directly to them. Up ahead he could hear the orcs laughing. No doubt they were laughing at his fate. Kili shuddered. He knew he was needed by someone. And now he knew where he was being taken he had a good idea of who that someone was. He at least had comfort in the fact that he wasn't going to die. At least not straight away. But he still couldn't figure out exactly why he was wanted. He knew it was because he was a prince. But there had to be more than that?

" _Look at me!"_

With a jolt Kili realised Scar had been talking to him. He had been so caught up in his thoughts he'd almost forgotten about his captors. The orc loomed over him with a piece of meat. Kili gave it a small sniff. It had been cooked a little; but when he saw the last few drops of blood dripping off it he shook his head.

" _Eat or go without."_

Kili paused. This meal was the only one he got during the day. It hadn't taken long for his body to look ravaged. But neither did he want to eat raw meat. He bit his lip. He didn't think he'd last if he didn't have _something._ Scar grabbed him by the hair.

" _Eat it worm!"_

He pulled Kili's head back. Out of habit Kili opened his mouth to cry out. Scar took his chance and crammed the slices of meat in Kili's mouth. Tears leaked down Kili's face and he could feel the bile rise at the back of his throat. Scar never let go and as his fist wormed its way into Kili's mouth Kili was sure he'd be sick. Finally the pain was too much and he swallowed the first slice. The meat was fresh at the very least, but he still gagged at the taste of it. Scar eased his grip as Kili hurried swallowed the rest. Blood covered his chin and when Scar let go of his head Kili crawled towards the tree – all the time fighting the urge to be sick.

" _When we reach Dol Guldur you'll miss us,"_ Scar spat. Kili flinched. Deep down he knew he was right. Scar gently nudged him with his foot – clearly enjoying the terror on Kili's face.

" _I imagine they'll beat you first like we did. Just to soften you up. And then out come the whips and torches. You won't be able to smell anything beyond burnt and bleeding flesh. You'll scream but it won't do any good. You can beg but that won't stop them. In the end you'll tell them everything. And then, when they're done they'll string you up and let you hang there until the flesh rots from your bones."_

Kili didn't bother to wait until Scar had gone. Sitting up he turned and threw up on the ground. The orcs clouted the back of his head before moving away. Kili sat back with tears in his eyes. He had been so sure he could survive this. That he could make Thorin proud of him. But if that was going to be his fate..? He couldn't do it. He couldn't survive _that!_ Maybe, if he told the orcs everything now they would let him go? Or they would at least make things easier for him?

Kili shook his head in horror. How could he even be thinking such a thing? Ever since he had pushed Fili to safety he had sworn not to let the orcs know anything. How could he have been so weak over a few stories? Chances are they were all lies told by Scar in the hope it would break him. Well it wouldn't. He was Kili, son of Vili and brother of Fili. He wasn't going to be broke so easily.

He wanted Fili here.

Leaning against the tree Kili wriggled around to try and get comfortable. None of the orcs were guarding him – although he knew the wargs were. They no longer tied him to trees either. Kili had made it clear he wasn't going to try and escape again. It's not like it would ever work. He needed nothing short of a miracle to get him back home now.

* * *

 _Kili kicked absentmindedly at the stones littering his path. As his brown hair fell over his face Kili couldn't help but rub a hand over his chin. It'd been ten years since his beard was supposed to have started growing and still he had barely a hint of stubble. Fili had told him time and time again it didn't matter. Both he and Thorin had short beards and Kili's would come in time._

 _But that didn't seem to register in Kili's mind. It wasn't his brother's words that stayed in his head. It was the words of the other dwarves that always seemed to stick with him. The cruel jibes and taunts that had been thrown at him for as long as he could remember. Of course Kili knew he shouldn't listen to them. They were just trying to rattle his cage._

 _If only it was that simple._

 _As several shadows fell over the path in front of him Kili looked up and rolled his eyes. A group of five dwarves blocked his way; all of them grinning at him. Tensing his muscles for a fight Kili bit his lip as the tallest stepped forward. He was an inch shorter than Kili was but had far more muscle than Kili could ever hope to have. Rolling his eyes Kili could almost predict what the dwarves were going to say._

" _What do you want Cal?"_

 _Cal sniffed and another identical dwarf stepped up towards Kili. As he watched the two brothers Kili shook his head._

" _Move out of the way."_

 _Cal tutted. "Such rudeness. Didn't your mother teach you you're manners?"_

 _Kili rolled his eyes._

" _Move out of the way please?"_

" _That's better." Cal smirked at him before looking Kili up and down. As he whispered something in his brother Kili was sorely tempted to turn around and walk the other way. It usually worked and when he was younger his mother had always told him to walk away if someone was upsetting him._

 _But he couldn't do that all the time._

 _Cal inched closer and sneered at Kili._

" _How's your archery coming along?"_

 _At the bitterness in Cal's voice Kili sighed._

" _Whatever you want to say just get one with it."_

" _Like that is it?" Cal turned to his brother. "You know I think something's upsetting him Hal?"_

 _Hal nodded. "Maybe it's because he knows he'll never be as good as his uncle or brother."_

 _At this Kili froze. "Shut your trap."_

 _Cal gave him a sympathetic smile. "It's nothing to be ashamed of mongrel. No one is expecting a half breed like you to be as good as pure blooded dwarves."_

 _They'd never called Kili a mongrel before. He was used to being called half-breed or elf-spawn. But 'mongrel' made him sound like something picked up from the gutter._

" _I'm not a half breed. Both my parents were dwarves Cal."_

 _Cal nodded. "If that's what you believe. I'm sure you're mother never told you the truth about your father."_

" _She wouldn't want you to feel embarrassed by it." Hal added._

 _Kili shook his head; wishing that Fili was by his side to back him up. Hal patted his arm_

" _Face it Kili. You're too tall and thin for a dwarf."_

" _You use a bow." Cal added._

" _You have no beard." Hal said._

" _No dwarf has a face that sharp." Cal said. "And…"_

" _Piss off!" Kili's shove sent Hal staggering backwards into the wall. Clenching his fists Kili rounded on Cal who held up his hands in mock surrender._

" _What are you going to do? Get your tree shagging father to help?"_

 _Kili's punch knocked Cal off his feet. With a cry Hal leapt on Kili's back and pulled him to the ground. As both dwarves rolled in the dirt blows were landed on both sides and Kili knew his chest would be bruised by tomorrow. Wriggling away from Hal Kili pushed Cal against a wall._

" _Say anything like that about my mother and I'll skin you, you little prick."_

 _Grabbing his wrists Cal pushed Kili away into the opposite wall before bringing his knee up into his stomach. With a gasp of pain Kili fell to the floor; saying nothing as both brothers kicked his body._

" _KILI!"_

 _All Kili saw was a blonde blur flying towards him. Cal gave a grunt as he was knocked aside. Forcing himself up Kili watched as his brother pinned the other dwarf to the ground and delivered punch after punch to his body._

" _Lay a finger on my brother EVER again and I'll make you wish you were dead!"_

 _Fili sat back and allowed Cal to get to his feet. Hal looked like he wanted to step in but Fili flashed him a glance and both brothers ran off along with the others. Kili looked down at himself before getting to his feet. Fili took his shoulders._

" _Are you alright? Did they hurt you?"_

 _Kili shook his head, "Not really. Thanks though."_

 _Fili nodded and his gaze hardened. Kili bit his lip and his brother gave a sigh._

" _This has to stop Kili."_

" _I don't…"_

" _You need to stand up for yourself more! I know you're young but for the love of Durin Kili! You're Thorin's heir! You need to stop being so weak!"_

 _Kili backed away as Fili jabbed a finger at him._

" _I should have known this would be the case. You were always so weedy and sensitive! It a wonder it took this long for you to become someone else's punch bag."_

 _Tears fell down Kili's face. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Fili gave him a shove._

" _Sometimes I wish you weren't my brother!"_

* * *

Kili wanted to scream when he woke up. Sweat poured down his face and he held his bound hands close to his chest. He could feel more water on his cheeks and he gave a slight frown. He couldn't be sweating that much. It was freezing. But as he gave a small hiccup Kili realised the wetness on his cheeks was his tears.

Fili would never… Fili loved him.

Kili couldn't stop shaking. All of the orcs threats of beatings and torture were gone from his mind. All he could think about was what Fili had said to him.

But Fili loved him. Fili had always loved him.

Looking back Kili bit his lip. He remembered fighting the orcs when they tried to hurt Fili; but he couldn't remember Fili doing the same when they were hurting him. It had been days ago and he could barely remember a thing anyway. But he knew he'd remember what his brother had done. Or not done if that was the case.

Fili _had_ to love him. If he didn't Kili knew he was a dead dwarf walking.

 _ **Poor Kili! I want to hug him so much right now! But things are only going to get worse for him I'm afraid. As ever let me know what you think xxx**_


	10. Hunting and Hoping

_**Big thanks to Toomanyobsessionstocount, acciojd and Galaxy The Girl Wonder for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **PhoenixUniverse – He's in it somewhere. Bit of a mix to be honest.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – Things aren't going to get much better for him either.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – No it was definitely a nightmare. And although I know it's not a nice thing, the word' Orcland' did make me smile!**_

 _ **Mili – Really glad you are enjoying this.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – I do wonder how I can be so cruel to him sometimes.**_

 _ **Guest – Glad you're enjoying it. Thorin gets his bit in this chapter don't worry. And no Sauron has nothing to do with this story. I figured it was too early for him to really have any impact.**_

Hunting and Hoping

Thorin wasn't surprised when he woke before the others. The sun had only just risen and the others were still fast asleep. Thorin looked around at his company with a tearful smile. He hadn't expected so many to come. He'd expected Dwalin and Gloin and that was about it. He hadn't even had to ask. Instead he'd found ten dwarves waiting at the main gates with their ponies already saddled. The thought alone brought a tear to Thorin's eye. He knew it hadn't been just for his sake. Fili and Kili meant a lot to everyone in Erebor. When news of their disappearance had gone it was as though the mountain had gone into a state of mourning. Even Fili's return hadn't been able to bring them from their sadness. Thorin jabbed the dead fire with a stick. If only Fili and Kili knew how much people loved them. If only Kili knew. Thorin knew he would forever regret what he had said to Kili all those days ago. It had been over two weeks but he could still remember it like it was yesterday.

" _I cannot have such shame brought on our family."_

He hadn't meant it. He hadn't meant any of it. But that didn't matter now. The fact was that he had said those words and because of him his youngest nephew was in danger.

"Forgive me Kili," Thorin wiped away his tears, "Please forgive me."

"Thorin?"

At Dwalin's voice Thorin blinked back his new tears. His friend gave him a sad smile before sitting down beside him. Thorin noticed that – unlike him – Dwalin wasn't afraid to show he had been crying. There had been plenty of times when Kili had infuriated Dwalin with his endless pranks. But there were twice as many times the older dwarf had been seen playing with Kili. Helping him learn to fight and hunt. Thorin knew Dwalin would do whatever it took to get Kili back. But as his friend stared into space, Thorin could feel a horrible churning ion his stomach.

"What's the matter?"

Dwalin sighed and Thorin looked around at the others. He could make out Bofur's furry hat and Nori's strange hair but the others all blended into one. They'd managed to find the place where they had found Fili and by using Dwalin's tracking skills and Fili directions they had carried on. But so far they had found no sign of Kili or an orc pack. They hadn't even come across another camp. Thorin hadn't said anything but he hadn't been able to quell his worries. If he had the choice he wouldn't stop looking for Kili until he found him. But he didn't have a choice. He had a kingdom to run. He had to make sure his remaining family were safe. And all of that aside he didn't have an unlimited food supply. Dwalin took his hand.

"I have to be honest with ye Thorin. We're losing the trail,"

Thorin knew his friend was right. But hearing it caused the bottom of his world to collapse beneath him. He gave a small nod before looking at the bow lying beside him. A day after leaving Erebor they had come across the place where – Thorin had to assume – his nephews had been ambushed. Orc bodies lay rotting whilst a variety of weapons were scattered around. The others had picked up Fili's weapons whilst Thorin had held Kili's sword close to his chest. He'd almost stepped on the bow until Bofur stopped him and picked it up.

Looking at it now Thorin could still remember Kili's first lesson. The bow had been an old elvish one. It had been far too big and yet Kili was determined not to wait until he had his own. Thorin had given up trying to convince him and instead watched as Kili struggled the hold it. He only managed when Fili stepped up to help.

"Thorin? Thorin!"

"Sorry," Thorin wiped his tears before turning back to Dwalin. All around him he knew the others would be awake soon. Best get the tears out of the way now so he could be strong for their sakes. Dwalin nodded.

"Without a trail Thorin we won't be able to go on."

"You have to find something Dwalin! Anything!"

Dwalin nodded, "Do ye think I enjoy saying this? Thorin I would go to the ends of this earth and beyond to find Kili. But wandering around aimlessly isn't going to help him."

"So we give up? We leave him to his fate?" Thorin wished he wasn't being so harsh. He knew Dwalin was being honest with him. But he couldn't stop the guilt eating away at him.

"No. No we retrace our steps in case we missed something. We won't stop looking Thorin. None of us will."

Thorin didn't reply. Only Dis knew what Fili had said to him when he'd first come round. And he knew if they came home without Kili then Fili would be lost to him as well. He couldn't allow that. He had to put right the wrongs and save Kili. Clutching the bow tightly he nodded.

"So what do we do now then?"

Dwalin squeezed his shoulder, "When the others wake we're going to turn around and retrace our steps. When we find what we're looking for we'll be able to go after him."

Dwalin got up to go but Thorin held up a hand. Dwalin paused before sitting back down again.

"Was I ever…" Thorin lowered his head in shame, "Was I ever too hard on Kili?"

"I don't understand."

"It was something Fili said once. And Dis agreed with him."

Dwalin bit his lip. Risking a glance Thorin could see how friend was torn between giving the truth or the answer he wanted to hear. He smiled softly.

"Be honest Dwalin. Don't lie to me now of all times."

"Very well. Honestly? Yes. Yes I think ye were sometimes. There were times when he was annoying and reckless. There were times when you did need to be harsh. But there were other times when ye went too far Thorin."

Thorin sighed, "When Kili was born it almost killed Dis. For years I couldn't bring myself to look at Kili. I hated myself for doing so but I couldn't help it. I had lost my father to Smaug, my grandfather to Azog and my brother and Dis's husband to orcs. I couldn't cope with losing her as well. I knew it wasn't Kili's fault – you don't ask to be born. But by the time I was able to get over it, it was too late. He already believed I didn't love him.

"Thorin I don't understand what this has to do with anything?"

"Don't you? You said yourself I'm too hard on him."

"Well yes but ye'd never wish this on him!"

Thorin shook his head, "You don't understand. All of this is my fault. I'm the reason Kili was even outside the mountain in the first place."

"Thorin listen to me," Dwalin grabbed both of his hands, "This is not your fault! The orc attack was just a coincidence. Ye had nothing to do with it!"

Thorin knew Dwalin was trying to make him feel better. But he could see in his friends' eyes that he was lying.

* * *

When morning came Kili didn't bother to fight Bolg's grip. Instead he lay there as the orc rebound his hands before slinging him one over shoulder and carrying him towards the warg. He hadn't had any more nightmares about Fili and although his brain told him to forget about the first one Kili couldn't. How did he know Fili would come back for him? How did he know Fili loved him enough to get help? For all he knew Fili had only been pretending to love him this whole time. Now that Kili was gone he could act normally now and leave his brother alone with these orcs.

As he was forced to sit on the wargs back Kili let out a pained cry. His thighs hadn't stopped burning for the past two days and he knew he'd barely be able to walk if he had to. Bolg prodded the back of his shoulder.

" _Do not make me gag you again."_

Kili gave a small nod. It wasn't as though he wanted that bloodstained rag over his mouth. But his legs were in agony every time he moved. He felt the warg move slightly as Bolg got on behind him. Kili sat there patiently, waiting for the blindfold to come. His eyes were starting to shut from exhaustion and he knew he wouldn't be able to stay awake this time. He'd done his best to fight off exhaustion. But lack of food, water and sleep meant that was becoming more and more difficult each day. As soon as the bag was shoved over his head he shut his eyes – resting against Bolg's chest. He could feel the orcs leathery skin rubbing against his sore back. Kili resisted the urge to shudder. His marks from the whip had almost gone – leaving just a couple of scars. But that pain was swiftly forgotten as the wargs began running off. The pain in his legs intensified and if he could have he would have curled into a ball. But at the slightest movement Bolg hit him in the shoulder.

" _How long before we reach the fortress?"_

That was Red Eye. Kili sat up a little at this point. It was clear the orcs thought he was asleep; if he could find out just a tiny bit of their plans for him he might be able to use that in some way. Bolg paused before answering.

" _A week. Maybe less."_

" _I don't understand why we can't get the information out of him ourselves? Would save us dragging him along with us."_

" _NO! Azog wants that pleasure himself. He wants to see the pain on Oakenshield's heirs face. The fear in his eyes."_

Kili stiffened at this. He'd known he was being taken to see Azog the second he found out about the old fortress. But to hear his name still sent a shiver down his spine. But if he pushed that aside he had another thing to think about. The orcs knew he was Thorin's heir, if he could convince them that he was his _first_ heir then he had guaranteed Fili's safety. Whether Fili loved him or not Kili would do anything to keep his brother safe. Keeping his eyes shut he tried to listen to the rest of the conversation.

" _What happens to the dwarf when Azog is done with him? Give him back to Oakenshield?"_

" _No. Azog wants to offer the mountain king a trade. His life in return for his heirs. And when he agrees we execute them both."_

* * *

 _Fili couldn't breathe. It had been over a week since Thorin and the others had left to find Kili. Each day he woke up expecting to hear the news that they had failed. His own wounds had healed well and unless you knew what had happened you would never have guessed he had been an orc prisoner. But Fili didn't care about that. He just wanted his brother back._

" _Fili?"_

 _At his mother's voice Fili could feel the bottom dropping out of his world. She sounded so broken. Forcing himself to look at her he was shocked at how ill she looked._

" _What is it? What's happened?"_

 _Dis shook her head as more tears fell from her eyes._

" _They've come back."_

 _For a second Fili's heart stopped. His mother gave a small nod and he could feel the urge to be sick. Without so much as looking at his mother he ran from his room and through the corridors. Other dwarves passed him but Fili roughly pushed them out of the way. He had to be the first one to greet them. He had to be the first one Kili saw. Fili knew he shouldn't be Coming back now meant he had found him._

 _He had to have found him._

" _Open the gates!" Fili yelled. Both guards eyed each other carefully before nodding and pulling open the huge double doors that marked the entrance to the Lonely Mountain. The second he could fit through the gap Fili hurried outside. He could see most of the company were already dismounting. He blinked at them nervously._

" _Well? Where is he?"_

" _Fili…" Dwalin placed a hand on his shoulders. At the dwarfs red eyes Fili shook his head. He didn't understand why Dwalin would be so upset._

 _And then he saw it._

 _Thorin's arms were shaking as he pulled the figure from the pony. A blanket covered them but Fili knew who it was. He caught sight of Kili's boots poking out and he shook his head._

" _Uncle? Uncle what… Uncle what's happened?"_

 _Tears leaked from Thorins eyes and he gave a small shake of the head. Fili gripped Dwalin hard._

" _He's not…he wouldn't leave me."_

" _I'm so sorry Fili." Dwalin hugged him tight. Thorin said nothing as he carried Kili's body into the mountain._

 _Fili went with the others to Kili's room. He never let go of Dwalin's hand and he soon realised that the older dwarf had to pull him along. Fili sighed._

 _This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening._

 _Thorin placed the body on the bed and Fili realised the blanket was still covering his brother._

" _I want to see him."_

" _That's not a good idea Fili." Dwalin whispered. Fili shoved the other dwarf away and ran towards his brother's body._

" _Let me see him! Let me say goodbye!"_

" _Fili his body…it's in a bad way."_

 _Fili's stomach churned but he refused to let it show. Already his hand was moving towards the blanket._

" _I don't care. He's my brother and I'll look at him if I want to."_

 _He didn't let the others reply. Instead he took a deep breath and pulled back the blankets. Fili was surprised he didn't throw up there and then. The others burst into tears whilst all Fili could do was stare in horror at the state of his brother. The light in Kili's eyes, the huge smile he always wore. All the happiness and laughter that had radiated from him was gone. The remnants of his clothes had been burnt away to rags. Kili's skin was blistered and scarred beyond repair. His hair had been burnt away to leave small tatted clumps that clung to his melted scalp. Fili took his brothers blackened hand in one of his and shook his head weakly. This wasn't Kili lying here. This was little more than a shell. He was aware of someone rubbing his back._

" _What…" Fili's words got caught in his throat as anger surged through him. He would find the orcs who had done this and kill them. Oin gave a sigh._

" _It looks like they tied him up before…before they set him on fire."_

 _Fili didn't remember screaming. He didn't remember falling to his knees. He was oblivious to his mother's screams and Thorin trying to restrain her. All he could think about was Kili's hand in his. Fili had promised never to let Kili go. Something like this wasn't going to stop him now._

* * *

Fili woke with a gasp. Sweat drenched his skin – wetting his nightshirt. Flinging the blankets away he hissed with pain as he pulled on one of the more serious whip marks. Licking his lips he forced himself to look around.

It had just been a nightmare. Kili wasn't dead. He wasn't.

Turning back onto his side Fili wiped the sweat from his face.

"Hang in there Kili. Thorin will find you I promise. He isn't going to stop looking for you Kili no matter what you think. Just hold on. For the love of Durin hold on."

 _ **So many horrible feels! At least we now have an idea of what Azog wants with Kili. And I do feel for Thorin a lot here even though he can be a meanie to Kili. And poor Fili! If you thought Kili's nightmare was bad I imagine you've changed your minds! Let me know what you think and I apologise if I've completely destroyed you xxx**_


	11. When It All Becomes Too Much

_**Big thanks to LisaG16, lightning elf for following.**_

 _ **MouseTalk – I agree, poor Fili!**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – This has a slightly happier dream for Fili.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – Firstly that is awesome! I can't believe I never thought of that. Secondly I can't really answer without giving stuff away. But next chapter you'll find out.**_

 _ **Mollo92 – Sad is one way of putting it.**_

 _ **Syeern – Fili certainly won't.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Hugs all around for the Durin brothers.**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – Well I've had to portray Dis differently in this one to how I normally do because this is AU and she's had a different life. That said she's always strong willed and protective of her baby boys. And yes Kili will get to meet Azog (though why I'm making that sound like a good thing I don't know!)**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – I love Dwalin! He never gets enough love for my liking. And this is my revenge story for what Azog and Bolg did in BOTFA so don't worry you'll be happy with the ending.**_

 _ **Mili – Glad you're still liking it! I agree, they belong together no matter what.**_

When It All Becomes Too Much

Kili couldn't help his groan when Bolg dumped him on the ground. His thighs were numb and his whole right side was covered in bruises from being thrown on and off the wargs every time they stopped. It had been a few days since he had overheard the orcs talking about him and he still hadn't come up with an escape plan yet. The last one had been doomed to fail from the start. He'd given it no thought and instead just ran and hoped for the best. But with each day he was being taken further and further from Erebor. He couldn't afford any more mistakes this time.

If he could get hold of one of the orcs weapons he'd stand a chance. At the very least he could defend himself. But with his hands almost permanently bound and his body getting increasingly weak from lack of food he knew he'd be lucky if he made it several metres without collapsing from the effort. As a shadow loomed over him Kili forced his head up. This action alone took more energy than he could have imagined. Red Eye nodded before throwing several scraps of bread in front of him. Holding his bound hands against his chest Kili wriggled forward and picked up his meal. As ever it was three scraps of stale bread. This was all he had known for weeks and he was starting to forget what his mother's soup tasted like. Cramming the bread into his mouth Kili knew he should savour the food. He wouldn't get any more until tomorrow night. But his stomach was clawing at him and the need for food was too much. Swallowing the last mouthful he hugged himself and rolled over onto his other side.

He hadn't given his mother any thought until now. His brain had been crammed with either escape ideas or Fili. But the thought of her homemade chicken soup brought a tear to his eye. His mother was one person who Kili knew who loved him. He didn't dare think about the state she would be in right now. But at least she would have Fili to help get her through this. At least he had given her one of her sons if not both.

" _On your knees!"_

At Bolg's voice Kili mumbled several curses under his breath. He could barely move his head never mind get up. Hands grabbed him and forced him upwards. His hair fell over his face and Kili pushed it back in time to see Hooked Nose and Scar grinning at him.

" _Time to talk dwarfling."_

Kili held his bounds hands against his chest whilst he tried to ignore the pounding of his heart. He had assumed he was safe until he reached Dol Guldur. He had assumed he wouldn't be tortured until he saw Azog. But as Bolg came forward with a huge whip in his hand Kili realised how wrong he was. The whip was big but in Bolg's hands it looked tiny. Kili stiffened as he saw several small metal hooks on the end of the ropes. Bolg tapped his cheek with the handle.

" _Remove his shirt. Make sure he keeps still!"_

As his bound hands were grabbed Kili tried to pull away. Anything he could do to delay the oncoming pain he would do. Red Eye grabbed him to keep him in place whilst Scar threw away the ropes. Unable to help himself Kili wriggled his sore wrists. He could see the red marks had gotten worse over the past few days and he knew they'd leave a scar behind. With a snarl Red Eye pulled his shirt over his head and chucked it beside him. In the harsh wind Kili gave a small shiver before risking a glance down at his shrunken body. As expected he was covered in bruises and he wondered how many ribs were broken. A smack on the right cheek forced his head back up and as Bolg moved behind him Kili found himself forced to look at Red Eye who was gripping his shoulders to keep him in place.

" _Now then,"_ Bolg pressed his boot on the small of Kili's back – forcing him to lean forward.

" _What is your exact relation to Thorin?"_

Kili shook his head. He wasn't going to say anything. Not even throw an insult their way. To his surprise both Hooked Nose and Scar were watching Bolg nervously.

" _Is this right?"_ Scar asked, _"You said Azog wanted this pleasure for himself."_

" _You lost him Oakenshield's other heir!"_ Bolg roared. Kili jumped and to his relief even the other three seemed nervous.

" _I will not be blamed for your foolishness. If we can get him to talk beforehand we can pacify Azog with the information given to us."_

"What makes you think I'm going to give you any?" The words left Kili's mouth before he could stop himself. The orcs didn't say anything and Kili hoped they hadn't heard him. But as the hooks sliced down his back he knew they had. This wasn't like his previous whipping. This one was designed to cause as much pain as possible straightaway. Had it not been for Red Eye he would have fallen already.

" _Because everyone does eventually."_ Bolg snapped, _"It's all a matter of how strong you are."_

Kili gave a weak nod before forcing his head up. He _was_ strong. He'd saved his brother's life whilst allowing himself to remain a prisoner. He was from the line of Durin and he was Thorin's heir. He wouldn't give these orcs what they wanted – even if it cost him his life.

The whip came down again and Kili didn't bother trying to hide his pain. Tears dripped down his cheeks whilst blood began to soak his back. Bolg roared with laughter.

" _Again. Your exact relation to Thorin?"_

Kili gave a small shake of the head. "No…no…" He could barely hear his own voice. Bolg struck him again and Kili's screams were mixed up with orcs laughter. Looking over his shoulder he saw Bolg lower the whip before pressing down on one of the huge gashes covering his back. At the added pressure Kili gritted his teeth. Bolg sniffed his face, his one good eye boring into Kili.

" _I've got all night. Have you?"_

* * *

Fili pulled the blankets further around himself, his eyes never leaving the fire. This was the first time he'd been out of his bed since coming round. His mother would no doubt say it was a good thing. A sign that he was getting better. But Fili didn't see it like that. All he saw was two simple things. He was safe and Kili wasn't. He knew he had to try and think about something else. He was doing his brother no favours by moping. But what did people expect? Thorin and the others had gone to save his brother whilst he was doing nothing but sitting here like a pampered prince. With a shake of the head Fili groaned. He should have followed Kili from the start. He should have found a way back up those cliffs the second his brother had been taken. He should never have left him alone the way he had.

"I'm so sorry Kili."

Tears leaked from his eyes. Several years ago it took a lot to get Fili to cry. But over the past two weeks he had done nothing but cry. Fili looked down at the stuffed raven in his other hand. It looked crumpled and torn from years of Kili hugging it. And now Fili was holding it just as tightly. He could still remember the few months after Kili first got it. The night time panics when he couldn't find it. Fili running round searching everywhere for it just so his brother would smile again. The games they used to play with it. Those were Fili favourite memories.

 _Fili bit his lip as he looked down at his little brother. Kili wasn't even four years old yet and he'd already perfected that endearing smile. It melted even Dwalin's cold heart. Fili's chest swelled as he looked down at Kili. His brother dark hair fell over his face in a mess and Fili saw his tunic was covered in dirt yet again. But it wasn't that which got his attention. It was the sad look on Kili's face. He gripped his toy raven in one hand and brushed away his tears with the other. Fili knelt down in front of him and drew him close._

" _What's wrong Kee?" Their nicknames had come about when Kili's first word had been Fili. Or rather "Fee". The name had stuck and Fili had decided Kili could have his nickname as well. Kili held up his raven._

" _It won't fly." He sounded so upset that Fili tightened his hug. Kili wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve._

" _It only goes this high." Holding it up above his head he then brought it back down, "But it wants to go higher. It wants to fly properly. But it can't!"_

 _Fili took the raven from Kili's hands and stroked its back with a smile._

" _That's because you have to give it a special hug Kee." Fili gently cradled the toy in his arms and kissed the top of his head._

" _It needs a special hug so it has the strength to fly. Here."_

 _Fili watched as Kili held the stuffed bird close to his chest before giving it his own kiss. Watching his brother fondly he then turned round and leant forward._

" _Up you get brother."_

 _Kili scrambled onto his back and Fili shifted him so he was on his shoulders._

" _Now then Kili. When I say three your raven will be flying I promise. But you have to hold on to me okay?"_

" _Okay." Kili gripped Fili's shoulders with his small hands. Fili nodded._

" _Okay, one, two, three!"_

 _On that he stood up and Kili gave a squeal of delight. Inching forward Fili gripped his brothers legs tightly._

" _It's flying Fee! It's flying!"_

 _Fili nodded and when Kili gave him a kiss on the cheek he smiled even more._

" _If my raven gets a special hug then do I get one as well?"_

 _Fili nodded, "Every hug I give you is special Kee."_

Fili had given up wiping his eyes. He had never forgotten the joy in Kili's face that day. Even as his brother grew older and stronger Fili would always remember that day when they had made his raven fly. Drawing his knees to his chest he shook his head. He wanted Kili here. He wanted to give him his special hug and let him know everything would be alright.

And then he felt the pain.

It wasn't in his back. That had healed up. No this was coming from inside him. From his bond. No one had expected he and Kili to share such a powerful connection. And of course they had both had to put up with idiots who thought it wrong brothers should share a bond that was as powerful as the one between a dwarf and their One. As the pain increased Fili shut his eyes in an effort to deal with it. He could almost hear Kili's frightened screams. As it got worse he found himself kneeling by the fire.

"Fili!"

His mother rubbed his back as Fili doubled over. He couldn't bear this. He couldn't bear having to wait here whilst his brother went through such agony. His mother kissed his cheek.

"Fili what's wrong?"

"I can…feel it!"

"Feel what?"

"His pain!" Forcing his head up he looked over at his mother with wide eyes.

"He's in so much pain ma. So much pain!"

His mother drew him close and Fili let loose his tears.

"Listen to me. He won't be in pain for much longer. Thorin will find him and bring him home."

Fili nodded and as the pain gradually increased he curled into a ball; allowing his mother to rock him back and forth.

* * *

Kili didn't know what time it was. He couldn't even remember where he was. The orc holding him – he'd forgotten which one – had gone and he was lying on the floor. Grass and dirt clung to his face whilst blood drenched his back. He'd stopped feeling that pain over an hour ago. Bolg stood on his back and the scream that left Kili's mouth was so weak he knew no one would hear it.

" _Again!"_

Kili didn't want to have to answer. He knew if he answered this then the orcs would ask him more questions. He couldn't. He had to show Thorin how strong he was. Bolg dragged his boot across Kili's back and fire raged through his body.

" _What is your exact relation to Thorin?"_

That same question. Kili wanted Bolg to shut up and ask him something else. Something else that wouldn't matter to anyone. Licking his lips he let out a strangled sob.

"His nephew….I'm his nephew."

" _Very good."_ The whip was dropped by Kili's side. Meanwhile Kili let his sobs fall. How could he have done that? He had always believed he was strong. He knew Fili wouldn't have given in. And Thorin? Kili buried his face in the grass. This time he really had shamed his family.

" _The other dwarf? He is your brother?"_

Kili shook his head as his resolve grew. He couldn't betray Fili. He wouldn't. No matter what these orcs did to him he would never give up his brother to them. Bolg grabbed the back of his hair and pulled him to his knees.

" _You think by keeping quiet we won't ask you again?"_ Bolg's voice was mocking him now. Kili's lip trembled. Bolg prodded his cheek.

" _The pain you are in now. This is nothing compared to what you will go through later. Better get it over and done with now."_

"Shut up!" Blinking back his tears Kili shook his head, "Shut up!"

Bolg's punch sent him falling to the ground again. As the orc stood over him with the whip Kili clenched the ground in his fists. He felt no pain when the whip hit him and he screamed even so. He didn't understand it. He'd given the orcs their answer. He'd betrayed his family and yet they were still hurting him?

" _I like hearing you scream!"_ It was as though Bolg had read Kili's mind. Letting free a small whimper Kili shook his head as Bolg whipped him again and again. He thought back to the nightmares he had had as a child. How Fili would rock him to sleep – never leaving until he was sure Kili would be fine.

Kili would take those nightmares over this in a heartbeat.

 _ **Yet another horrible chapter full of feels! But at least Fili had a slightly happier flashback of Kili. Not that it takes away the pain our brave prince is in right now! And things are only going to escalate in the next chapter (god I can be so mean sometimes!) As ever tell me what you thought xxx**_


	12. Broken Promises

_**Big thanks to PhoenixUniverse for favouriting.**_

 _ **PhoenixUniverse – Glad you're loving it.**_

 _ **Emmakmc – Man you won't like this chapter then!**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Infant Kili is just the cutest! I think writing Fili and Kili feels are my fave scenes even if they do break my heart!**_

 _ **LisaG16 – Had to have nice moments despite everything.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – I guess it didn't help Kili that Bolg carried on despite him answering the question. And yeah I know what you mean, I'm excited but also a bit upset.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – I'm gonna have plenty more cute flashbacks don't worry.**_

Broken Promises

"Dwalin Please?"

Thorin didn't bother hiding his tears. He was aware of the others staring at Dwalin in shock. Bofur gripped Bifur's hand tightly whilst Dori was shaking his head. Dwalin lowered his and Thorin clenched his fist.

"Dwalin there has to be something? _Anything!_ "

Dwalin shook his head as tears dripped down his face.

"Thorin I'm so sorry. We've been tracking these orcs for over two weeks and we've found nothing."

"So we just give up? We just go home and leave him to die?"

"Wandering around in random directions isn't going to bring us to Kili!"

Thorin bit his lip. He knew Dwalin was feeling just as upset right now. He knew it wasn't his fault there was no trail to follow. Kili's abductors had done a great job of hiding their tracks. And Thorin knew that without a trail they would never find Kili. He clenched his fists before facing Dwalin.

"Dwalin I…are you sure there's no trail? Are you completely sure?"

Dwalin gave a small nod, "There's nothing Thorin. We have to go back. We have no choice."

Patting his friend on the shoulder Thorin nodded before turning round to face the others. At the ten faces gazing at him he felt his anger surging again. They couldn't just give up. Not now. They had to find Kili. They had to.

"Thorin I…" Gloin shut his mouth with a shake of the head. Balin sighed.

"I'm so sorry Thorin."

"What am I supposed to tell his mother?" Thorin hadn't given Dis a second thought until now. He knew if he'd thought about his sister he would break down. But now he had very little choice. How did you tell a mother her son wasn't going to be found? Balin sighed.

"I don't know Thorin. I truly don't know."

"And Fili?" Thorin's voice cracked at the mention of his other nephew. He knew the second he set foot in that mountain without Kili, then Fili would want to kill him. Forcing himself to remain calm he shook his head.

"How are we supposed to tell him any of this? That we couldn't find Kili so we gave up?"

"Thorin, ye didn't give up?" Dwalin growled. Thorin sighed. They didn't understand. Fili wouldn't see it like that. All he would see was an uncle who hadn't cared enough about Kili to keep on looking for him. Fili would never forgive him for this. He felt a hand on his shoulder, looking over he saw Balin give him a tearful smile.

"Ye'll find a way to tell him Thorin. And when ye do ye'll be there for him. We all will."

"This will tear him apart Balin," Thorin whispered, "Their bond…it's so strong. Without Kili he'll just wither away. I've lost one nephew. I can't lose another."

No one said anything as Thorin fell to his knees. He clutched at Balins robes whilst the old dwarf rubbed his back soothingly. As their kings sobs echoed through the forest the rest of the company bowed their heads in respect and in mourning.

* * *

As he saw the ruins of the old fortress Kili wasn't sure what his response would be. If he could move without crying in pain he might have struggled or even just shied away from the very sight. But his back throbbed with every breath and the slightest movement caused ripples of pain to flood through him. After having listened to his screams for over an hour Bolg had finally dropped the whip before roughly bandaging his back. Kili had pressed his face into the ground to try and muffle his cries. The second his shirt had gone back on he'd been bound and thrown onto a wargs back. The jolting movement had caused his screams to continue until Bolg tied a rag over his mouth in order to keep him quiet.

As Dol Guldur loomed over them Kili could feel a sense of dread creeping up his spine. It had been over a week since his whipping - and almost two months since he'd first been captured - and his back was still in agony. At least he was sitting up on the warg – that alone eased him slightly. His hands had been bound behind him and he'd still been gagged. The smell of dried blood still caused his nose to wrinkle – but it no longer wanted to make him vomit. Looking around Kili noticed the other orcs no longer looked as confident as they had a few days ago. They kept shooting him nervous glances and Kili realised Azog wouldn't be happy with just one dwarf prince. Sitting up straight – and ignoring the pain in his back – he shook his head. He'd say whatever it took to make sure Azog didn't go after Fili.

" _MOVE!"_

Kili gave a small start. He hadn't realised their small group had come to a halt. Bolg slid off the warg and grabbed his shoulders; pulling him off. Kili's legs trembled and he sank to his knees. He hadn't walked in weeks and he couldn't feel anything below his knees. Bolg pulled him up by his hair.

" _Walk."_

The orc gave him a sharp poke in the back and – with a meek nod – Kili obeyed. His first few steps were shaky. He was sure he would collapse at any second. But he knew he had to keep going if he wanted to avoid a beating. Bolg and Scar were behind him whilst the other two led the way. When they entered the fortress Kili forced himself not to lower his gaze. It was just as terrifying as he had expected. He could hear wargs howling and snarling all around him. Orcs laughed and jeered at him. Several spat at him and a few others threw stones. Most landed by his feet but one hit Kili in his thigh and he stumbled. Bolg grabbed him and pushed him forward.

" _Keep moving worm!"_

Doing his best to ignore his tormentors Kili held his head high. Most of Dol Guldur was a complete wreck. Only two towers were still standing and several staircases remained. Everything else had broken away. Forcing his legs to climb up a half standing stairway Kili could feel his fear growing with every passing second. He just wanted to get this over and done with. More than anything he wanted a drink. He'd had nothing for over a day.

As they reached what looked like the remains of a small courtyard Kili realised everyone had stopped moving. Bolg shoved him forward before pushing him down onto his knees. The other three stood nervously behind him and Kili looked over to see a huge figure standing in the middle of a doorway. He knew who the orc was before they'd even moved. He'd seen the claw that served as their left arm. If he had been able to he'd have said Azog's name. But both his gag and his fear caused him to stop. Azog strode forward and Kili shrunk under the orcs gaze. As Azog's claw brushed against his cheek he shuddered.

" _This is Oakenshields heir? Where is the other one?"_

Kili watched as Bolg moved forward, _"There was a problem. He escaped."_

" _ESCAPED!"_

Kili's whole body shook at Azog's roar. Even the orcs that surrounded him were backing away. Azog gave him another glance.

" _Find the brother and bring him to me! What use is the younger one without Oakenshield's first heir?"_

Kili began yelling at Azog. His gag muffled everything he said but Kili was beyond thinking about that. Bolg struck him round the face but Kili knew Azog was watching him carefully. He nodded and as the rag was untied Kili licked his lips.

" _You wish to say something?"_

Kili lowered his gaze. "He's not my brother."

" _Do not lie! I know he is your brother? He is Oakenshield's first heir."_

Kili shook his head, "No. He's not my brother. Not properly anyway. His real parents abandoned him as a baby and my mother took him in a few years before I was born. He's not Thorin's heir. How can he be when he's not a blood relation?"

" _Why should I believe you?"_

"Because…" Kili racked his brain madly, "Because I know what you do to liars. Why would I risk everything by lying to you?"

Azog nodded with approval. _"So you are Oakenshields real heir?"_

"Yes." Kili was glad Azog couldn't see the relief in his eyes.

" _Lock him up. I will deal with him later."_

Kili kept his head down as he was dragged to his feet. He didn't care what happened to him now. He had guaranteed his brothers safety. That was enough to keep him going. Bolg said nothing as he dragged Kili through the fortress. However Kili knew the orc was relieved Azog hadn't punished him for letting Fili escape. Bolg shook him.

" _I hope you will be comfortable?"_

Kili narrowed his eyes before turning to see what the orc was looking at. They had come to the edge of a stone floor. Kili's heart plummeted as he realised there was no stone wall. Only air. A huge, thin cage was sitting close to the edge and before he could try and fight Kili's hands had been untied and he had been thrown into it. Bolg nodded as the door was locked shut.

" _Enjoy the view."_

Gripping the bars of his cage Kili gulped as two other orcs grabbed a thick chain and began pulling the cage up into the air. He didn't dare look to his right as he would see a bottomless pit. Instead he leant against the bars and hugged himself. Fili was safe and – for the moment – he wasn't tied up. If he could get out of this cage then he would have a chance of escape. It wasn't much but it was something at least. As exhaustion crept upon him Kili knew he should be trying to think of an escape plan. But he couldn't help himself as he fell asleep instantly.

* * *

Fili bit his lip; pulling his thick coat around him as the wind picked up. It was getting late and he knew he'd have to move from the battlements soon. But he couldn't bring himself to move just yet. He'd often started coming here. Thorin had left to find Kili almost a month ago and Fili woke up every day hoping he'd returned with Kili in his arms. The battlements gave him the best view of the surrounding lands and he knew he'd spot Thorin easily. He had to keep watch for when they brought Kili home.

"Fili darling?"

Looking round Fili saw his mother give him a tired smile. She held out a hand.

"Come on Fili. Come and have some dinner."

He nodded, "In a minute."

"You'll be the first to know when they come back Fili. I promise."

"I know but…I just want to _see_ it for myself."

His mother said something but Fili wasn't listening. His eyes were focused on the small group of ponies that were travelling towards the mountain. He did a quick count in his head. Eleven ponies! It was Thorin and the others! They'd found Kili. They were bringing him home.

"Fili..?" As his mother moved to see what he was looking at Fili was already running. Hurrying down the stone steps he found himself racing for the door.

They'd found him. Kili was home again.

He didn't even need to tell the guards to open the gate. Running out of Erebor Fili watched as the company came to a halt.

"Kili?"

He couldn't make out who was who for a minute. They all seemed to blur into one huge mix. But as the dwarves started to dismount Fili knew something was wrong. Within minutes all eleven were standing before him.

Eleven. Not twelve.

"Where's Kili?" Forcing his wooden feet to move Fili was aware of the downcast faces of the others. He didn't want their sympathy. He wanted to know why they had come home without his brother.

"Where is he? What's happened?"

No one seemed willing to even look at him. Narrowing his eyes Fili spied Dwalin and Thorin at the back. The others stood aside as he ran towards them.

"Where, is, Kili!"

Dwalin shook his head. "We had to turn back Fili."

"Turn…turn back?" Fili knew he had to have misheard. They wouldn't have turned back. They promised not to come home without him. However, as Dwalin held out Kili's bow he knew he hadn't. Looking over his shoulder Fili saw Thorin lowering his gaze.

"You promised me." His voice couldn't be darker. Thorin mumbled something but Fili didn't listen.

" _YOU PROMISED ME!"_

Everyone gasped in shock as he launched himself at Thorin and knocked him to the ground. Forcing his uncle down Fili grabbed him by the neck with one hand and punched him squarely in the face with the other.

"You swore you'd bring him home! You said you wouldn't stop looking for him!"

Punching his uncle again Fili realised his uncle wasn't even trying to fight. Hands grabbed at him and dragged him back. Fili kicked out at Dwalin who shook him roughly.

"Fili enough! We had no choice!"

"Yes you did! You shouldn't have come back!"

"Listen to me lad," Bofur gave him a weak smile and Fili stopped his struggling. No one could ever get mad at Bofur. It was almost impossible. Bofur sighed.

"We had no trail to follow. We tried Fili. For the love of Durin we tried. But we had no choice. Do you think we'd have come back if we did?"

Sinking to his knees Fili looked over to see Thorin getting to his feet. Blood covered one side of his face and although he could feel his anger start to slide Fili shook his head. Thorin opened his mouth but Fili shut him up.

"I will _never_ forgive you for this! As far as I'm concerned I don't have an uncle. I have a mother and a brother. No one else."

The others were completely silent. Thorin bowed his head whilst Fili got to his feet and pushed Dwalin away. As tears fell down his face he forced himself to turn and walk back into the mountain.

* * *

Fili had no idea what time it was. All he knew was it was night. Looking around his room he did a final check in his head. He pack stood by his feet and all of his weapons were accounted for. He had enough food and supplies and he'd managed to fit Kili's stuffed raven in as well. Fili slid his fur coat on before grabbing Kili's bow. He couldn't use one to save his life but it felt right to have it. He needed a small bit of his brother by his side. Fili sighed as he placed the letter on his bed before hurrying into the corridor. Thankfully no one was up. The whole of Erebor had gone into mourning after Kili had been declared "missing, presumed dead."

Fili had refused to believe it. He wouldn't give up on his brother no matter what happened. Hurrying through the corridors it took him half an hour to reach the stables. Saddling Daisy he tried not to think about his mother reaction when she woke to find him gone. At least the letter explained it all. Most of it at least. Taking the reins in his hand Fili led Daisy towards the main gates. As expected no one was guarding them. Not tonight. As he pushed one door open he wondered if the noise would wake somebody. But even if it did Fili would be gone before anyone got here. Daisy gave a small snort as she was led outside; rubbing her neck Fili pulled himself into the saddle. His back still ached but he could ride. That was all that mattered.

He would succeed where Thorin had failed. He would save his brother.

Clicking his heels Fili gripped the reins as his pony galloped off. He gave one last lingering look at the mountain behind him before turning and steering the pony towards the Greenwood.

"I'm coming for you Kee. I'm coming."

 _ **So before it starts please don't hate Thorin too much! He didn't have much of a choice really did he? At least Fili's not given up just yet! And Kili finally meets Azog! I feel bad for getting excited but I can't really help it!There'll be a proper meeting in the next chapter. Let me know what you all think xxxx**_


	13. Honesty Is Not the Best Policy

_**Big thanks to Inavia, KHB123, marta madzia and Deathsoul74 for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Syeern – I've got it all planned out…sort of…roughly! But everything will work out in the end.**_

 _ **Emmakmc – Yeah I feel a lot for Thorin at the minute!**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Assuming Thorin is alive after Dis kills him then of course he will!**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – It's not really a great time for Thorin at the minute is it?**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – He's made it hard but all he wants is for Fili to be safe!**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – I know! I was really excited writing the first meeting and then I stopped and realised just how mea I was if I enjoy seeing my baby in cruel hands!**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – I'll always have a kiss for Kili!**_

 _ **Dojonson – I guess with everything going on something so simple just hasn't occurred to him.**_

 _ **Big thanks for the guest reviews as well. Hope you continue to enjoy this story.**_

Honesty Is Not the Best Policy

When Kili woke the first thing he did was shut his eyes again. The sun was streaming right into his face and he was forced to shuffle until he had his back to it. His cage was tall and thin – it had been built for a man, not a dwarf. Gripping the bars Kili forced his wooden legs to move so he was standing up. He could see the ground several feet below him along with two orcs who were no doubt there in case he tried to escape. Kili shook his head weakly. He wasn't going to run. He didn't have the energy to run. Rubbing his eyes Kili forced himself to look at his surroundings. Now that it was daylight the ruins of Dol Guldur looked to be just that – ruins. If he hadn't known there were orcs here Kili would have allowed himself to relax. There was nothing threatening about this place that he could see. Even the view was stunning. He could see the very edges of the greenwood giving way to barren landscapes with mountains in the distance. Kili gave a small gulp as he stared at the borders of Mordor. He had heard the stories of course, although they were little more than myths now. About Sauron and the ring of power. Kili smiled to himself – they had always been his favourite bedtime stories.

" _Wakey wakey!"_

At the orcs voice all of Kili's fear came rushing back to him. His cage jolted and as he grabbed the bars Kili heard them laughing below him. The wind rushed past him as he was lowered to the ground - all the while trying to build up some form of resolve. If he could fight these orcs he might be able to run? No one else was about and they didn't look too much for him to tackle. Kili forced himself to his feet and pressed his back against the cage wall. Clenching his fists he forced himself to look submissive as the cage landed on the ground and one of the orcs moved forward to unlock it. He would have one chance at this.

As the orcs stepped into the cage Kili reached for his sword with one hand whilst aiming a punch with the other. But he was weaker than he had realised. In the blink of an eye the orc grabbed his arm and twisted it before pushing Kili against the cage wall and throwing him to the round. With a groan Kili gave a feeble kick but he knew it was hopeless. One orc bound his hands whilst the other pinned him down.

" _Master wants to see you."_ The one tying his hands nodded before stepping back and allowing the other to pull Kili to his feet. Kili looked down at himself. His hands had been tied in front of him and one of the orcs held onto the end of the rope.

" _If you try that on him he'll have you skinned! Now move!"_

Jerking on the rope the orc then laughed as Kili fell forward. His legs had no strength left in them. The other orc kicked him in the back and Kili forced himself onto his knees.

" _Walk or be dragged!"_

The orc didn't give him any time to answer. Kili stumbled to his feet as he was pulled along. He could barely take a step and yet the orcs were all but running. Every so often he would fall and be dragged along for a few feet before getting back up again. As they walked Kili wondered if had imagined all the orcs from last night. The old fortress was void of any sort of life. Shaking his head he pushed that from his mind. Right now his main focus was keeping one foot in front of the other. These orcs wanted to hurt him. They wanted to humiliate him. He would be dammed if he let that happen. In an effort to keep his mind of the pain Kili forced himself to look around at the fortress. He never knew who had lived here when it hadn't been a ruin. All he knew was that it had been attacked by orcs – the very orcs who now made it their home. Keeping his chin jutted out he wondered if Thorin would realise he was here.

Assuming Thorin was looking for him.

No! No of course Thorin would look for him! Whatever he had said to Kili that day he still loved him. And of course Fili would look for him as well. But what if they couldn't find him? What if they had no choice but to give up? Kili shook his head; he knew the orcs had been careful not to lead any sort of trail. Had he been in Thorin position _he_ would have considered turning back if he had no idea where to go.

But Fili wouldn't give up so easily. Fili would carry on looking for him.

" _MOVE!"_

Before he could say anything something pushed Kili from behind and he fell to his knees. Looking up he saw his two captors standing on either side of him whilst Bolg stood beside a stone throne. Kili fixed the orc with a glare before turning to the figure seated on the throne. Azog smiled down at him.

" _Behold! The mighty heir of Thorin Oakenshield!"_

As the orcs began laughing around him Kili lowered his head. He couldn't afford to give up the pretence and he knew one ill-timed word would ruin everything. He was aware of Azog getting to his feet and he tried not to shudder as the orcs' metal claw forced his face up.

" _I have questions for you."_

"I'll tell you nothing." Out of habit Kili braced himself for the slap. But instead Azog's claw left his face and the pale orc laughed.

" _Such spirit! Such bravery! Let us see how long it takes for us to crush it!"_

He nodded and Kili found himself being pulled to his feet. One orc untied his hands whilst the other dragged him backwards. Now that he was free from his bonds Kili couldn't help fighting. He needed to show these orcs he was going to fight them. That they could do what they liked but he wouldn't break for them. The orc holding him didn't react and instead Kili found himself being pressed against a thick wooden pole. It dug into his bony back and as his arms were yanked and tied behind him he had horrible feeling build in the pit of his stomach. Azog nodded.

" _You expect me to beat you? To whip you?"_

Kili nodded before he could stop himself. As the other orcs began to file out Azog shook his head.

" _All in good time."_

Kili gave a small gulp as Azog loomed over him. _"Are you hungry?"_

Kili nodded again. He didn't dare open his mouth in case he said something that betrayed Fili. Azog nodded and Kili's mouth dropped as a huge bowl of boiling hot soup was held out in front of him. Giving it a cautious sniff Kili wondered if it had been poisoned. But why would they orcs drag him here only to kill him? And why not do it last night if they wanted to? He licked his lips and Azog nodded before the orcs took the bowl away.

" _You can eat, once you tell us what we wish to know."_

Kili pressed his lips together and Azog rolled his eyes.

" _You say you are Oakenshields only heir?"_

Kili nodded. He had to. Azog cocked his head to one side.

" _Oakenshield has no children of his own?"_

Kili shook his head. Azog nodded.

" _Very well. It is of no matter anyway."_

"What do you want from me?" The question left Kili's mouth before he could stop himself. Azog narrowed his eyes.

" _The Lonely Mountain, I want it. And you will get it for me!"_

Kili shook his head, "No, never!"

" _You think you can fight me? You think you can stand against me? You're nothing more than a worm. A worm can easily be squashed!"_

Kili nodded and Azog sat back on his throne.

" _How many entrances are there to Erebor?"_

Kili shook his head whilst thoughts ran round in his brain. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay completely silent. But what if he were to lie? These orcs wouldn't know the difference and if he gave them false information he might be able to use that to his advantage later on. Azog raised an eyebrow.

" _How many entrances?"_

Kili shook his head again. He would bide his time before trying out his plan. He wasn't going to betray his people for a bit of soup.

* * *

Thorin ran a hand through his hair as he hurried towards Fili's room. Dwalin and the others had told him to wait a few days before seeing his nephew but Thorin had ignored them. He needed to see Fili now. He needed to explain everything and apologise. It was hard enough with his sister treating him as though he didn't exist. He needed Fili to understand he'd had no choice. Thorin could still remember having to tell Erebor what had happened. All those crying faces looking up at him in the great hall. For a few seconds he'd wondered if he'd be able to say the words. Even now he didn't know how he'd gotten through it.

" _As you all know, Kili was abducted by orcs. We did everything we could to find him and bring him home but we now have to accept that we will never find him."_

Thorin shook his head, Dis's cries ringing in his eyes. As he reached Fili's door he paused before knocking. His face still ached from his well - deserved punches Fili had given him yesterday. Thorin was surprised Fili didn't do more than just hit him. He deserved more after all. Shaking his head he knocked on the door.

"Fili? I wish to talk to you?"

Why was he even bothering? Fili wasn't going to let him in. It would be a miracle if he let his mother in. When you thought about Fili you automatically thought about Kili. Thorin still remembered those five years when Kili hadn't been born yet. His nephew had been happy but Thorin had sensed something was missing. A hole in Fili's life. A hole on Kili could fill. Thorin knocked again.

"Fili I'm not here to ask for forgiveness. I just want to explain it all to you. I want you to understand why we came back."

When he was met with silence Thorin narrowed his eyes. He had expected Fili to yell something at him. Even if it was just "go away". But instead he got nothing. Licking his lips Thorin pushed open the door.

"Fili?"

The bottom dropped out of his world.

"No, Fili no!"

The room was empty. Clothes covered most of the floor and when he neared the bed Thorin saw it hadn't been slept in. Wringing his hands together he forced himself to keep calm. He didn't even have to search Fili's room to know what his nephew had done. Instead his eyes caught sight of something on the bed. Pulling the envelope towards him Thorin opened it with shaking hands. It was addressed to Dis but Thorin read it even so.

 _I'm so sorry mother. I really don't want to leave you like this without any goodbye but I have no choice._

 _Kili isn't dead. I know he isn't. I'm going to find him and I won't stop until I bring him home with me. I have to save him even if Thorin won't. He's my baby brother; surely you would do the same if Thorin was in danger?_

 _I did want to say goodbye properly. But I knew you would stop me and I don't want you to. I'll come home I swear, just not without Kili._

 _Fili._

Holding the letter to his chest Thorin forced himself to his feet. Already his mind was racing. Fili had several hours ahead of him, but Thorin knew he could still catch him if he was quick enough.

He'd lost one nephew. He wasn't going to lose another.

* * *

Kili could barely keep his head up. Hours had passed with Azog asking him the same question over and over again. Had he been given food last night Kili would have been stronger. But now his head lolled against the post and he could feel his legs giving way. Every so often Bolg would beat him to try and keep him awake.

" _How many entrances?"_

Kili licked his lips. If he didn't try his plan soon he'd collapse from starvation. Giving Azog a small nod he tried to look weaker than he was.

"Four. There's the main gate, a back entrance on the other side of the mountain, you can sneak in over the battlements and apparently there's a hidden entrance. But that might be just a rumour."

Kili had never heard of a hidden entrance into the mountain. Once you got inside there were plenty. There may have been one but even if there was he didn't know about it. But as for a back entrance that had been a complete lie. Azog nodded and as the soup was brought back out Kili gave a small smile and he wasted no time in drinking from the bowl. It burned the back of his throat but he forced himself to keep going. He didn't know when his next meal would be. All the while he could see Azog gazing at him and Kili couldn't help but feel his little plan was going to backfire spectacularly later on.

* * *

Thorin watched as Dwalin saddled up his pony. He had been shaking so much the other dwarf had gently pushed him aside before adjusting the saddle. Bifur was staying with Dis to keep her calm whilst Dwalin,Balin, Bofur, Gloin, Oin, Dori and Ori were all getting ready to ride back out to find Fili. Thorin shook his head. He should have known Fili would do something like this. Even if he hadn't his nephew had been in such a state he should have had guards posted to keep him from doing something stupid.

"Thorin?"

At Dwalin's voice Thorin turned to see the others were all on their ponies. Giving a sharp nod he mounted his own animal and led the others towards the gate. All around him dwarves were watching in earnest and Thorin could feel the weight of their gazes on him. Shaking his head he forced himself to think of Fili. He would find him and he would bring him back home.

 _ **So Thorin's going out after Fili (better get his arse in gear then!) and Kili got more time with Azog so you can decide if that's a good thing or not. There will be some Fili time in the next update as well as more Kili feels! Let me know what you think xxx**_


	14. Time Takes No Sides

_**Big thanks to Silhouettes of Starlight and phoenixriver for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **KHB123 – Indeed we will!**_

 _ **ColourGuardianoftheGalaxy – Fili and Kili are far to awesome to be underestimated!**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Glad Azog was scary enough for you. Things are just going to escalate as we go on.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – So do I.**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – Not sure if I should be happy you really enjoyed it or worried my story might actually kill you!**_

 _ **Mili – Glad you're enjoying it.**_

Time Takes No Sides

Fili had never known such pain in his life. He had assumed that his back had pretty much healed. And it had. But he'd been in such a hurry to find his brother he hadn't taken any spare bandages or pain relief with him. Even if the cuts were no longer there his muscles still pulled at him and more often than not he would wake up in the night with harsh shooting pains running down his back.

But that was nothing compared to the pain inside of him.

For the first few days since leaving Erebor Fili had been terrified of going to sleep. It wasn't the threat of orcs and even Thorin coming to take him back that worried him. He knew if he shut his eyes he would see Kili. He'd see him as a child running and laughing. He'd see him learning how to shoot and hunt. And then he'd see him being beaten by his captors. He'd see him being whipped and starved before an orc sliced his throat. In about three days Fili had managed only a few hours' sleep. If he didn't want to collapse he found himself forcing his eyes shut each night. He told himself they were only nightmares. That he would find his brother and they'd be together again. But that didn't mean the pain went away.

A week after leaving Erebor Fili pulled his pony to a halt before looking around him. The fact that he had been blindfolded during his time as a prisoner meant he hadn't much of an idea about where he was meant to go. He knew he had to go south, but did that mean just south? Did he need to head east at any point? He had no idea. Already he'd been forced to turn back and try another path and he was starting to appreciate how hard it had been for Thorin to find him, let alone Kili.

But unlike Thorin he wouldn't give up.

Jabbing a stick to try and keep his fire going Fili looked down at his pack. Even in the dark light he could see Kili's raven poking out. Each night he had found himself clinging to that toy in the hope it helped him get a better nights sleep. It had stopped most of the bad dreams but not enough of them. Instead Fili found himself thinking about the rare times when he had yelled at Kili or gotten angry. It had barely happened, but once in a while Fili had shouted at his baby brother. He knew he shouldn't dwell on thoughts like that, they would only make him feel worse but Fili wouldn't help it. He had no idea if he'd ever see Kili again; the idea that he hadn't been a good brother was one of his biggest fears. Biting his lip he doused the fire with his remaining water before lying down on the ground. Pulling a thin blanket over his body Fili gripped both Kili's bow and raven against his chest. He couldn't lose them. He couldn't lose his only link to his brother.

* * *

 _Staring at the numbers on the page Fili gripped his pen and gave a frustrated sigh. He'd been staring at these sums for over half an hour and they were starting to make even less sense than they had that morning. Balin had done his best to explain it but Fili didn't think he'd ever get the hang on things like this – which wasn't reassuring given he was going to be king one day. But he was only ten. He had more than enough time to get to grips with it all. Rubbing his eyes Fili looked at the numbers again. He could always leave it until tomorrow. It's not like it had to be done right away. But he just wanted to get it over and done with._

" _Fili?"_

 _At Kili's voice Fili bit his lip. It would be so easy to push away his homework and give his brother a hug. He wanted to do that. But equally he couldn't stand the idea that this was getting the better of him. So instead he ignored Kili and turned his attention back onto the page._

" _Fili?"_

 _At the sound of Kili's feet Fili looked up to see his brother standing by the desk. Kili's dark hair fell over most of his face and Fili realised his brother was about to go to bed. He hadn't known it was so late. Kili held a small book in his hands and held it out to him._

" _Story time Fee!"_

 _At those big wide eyes Fili wasn't sure how he managed to shake his head. Kili lowered the book slightly but he carried on smiling._

" _Just one? Please Fili."_

 _Fili shook his head again, "I need to do this tonight Kili. I'll read to you tomorrow."_

 _He'd said that before to Kili and his brother had gone away happy with that. But this time Kili's lip trembled. Fili bit his own._

" _Why not read it yourself? Help you practice?"_

 _He wasn't trying to fob his brother off. Kili had been learning to read for the past year and had been struggling much more than had been expected. Fili didn't worry about it, it would all come together one day. But he knew it bothered Kili. His brother shook his head._

" _I want you to read to me!"_

" _Kili I said I'd read to you tomorrow!" Fili snapped. This homework was starting to get to him more than he would have liked. Kili gave a small nod before turning and leaving the room. Fili looked at the pages in front of him before shaking his head._

" _Kili wait!"_

 _Getting to his feet he ran into the corridor and down to where their room was. Opening the door he saw Kili sitting up in bed with the book on his lap. He stabbed each word with his finger and when he heard him trying to pronounce each word – and failing with most of them – Fili bit his lip._

" _Kee?"_

 _Kili looked up at him and Fili gave him a smile before moving towards the bed._

" _I'm sorry I yelled at you Kee. I didn't mean to."_

 _Kili nodded, "You sounded like uncle Thorin."_

 _Fili grimaced before kicking his boots off and sitting beside Kili on the bed._

" _Come on. Which story do you want to read?"_

 _Kili didn't say anything and Fili snuggled against him._

" _What is it?"_

" _Why can't I read?" Kili mumbled, "I keep trying but the words don't make any sense! And then when I can't read something people think I'm stupid."_

" _You're not stupid," Fili hugged him tight, "It'll come to you Kee. I promise."_

 _Kili nodded and Fili had an idea. "I tell you what. Each night instead of me reading you a story I'm going to help you read it yourself. How about that?"_

 _Kili gave a small squeal and wrapped his arms around Fili's middle. Happy to see that big smile once again Fili sat back and turned to the first page._

* * *

The next morning Fili awoke to find a new burst of energy running through his body. He remembered that night. How – with his help – Kili's ability to read had come almost overnight. Even now Fili felt a stab of pride when he saw Kili with a book in his hands. It didn't matter how old Kili got he'd always be Fili's baby brother. Saddling his pony Fili wolfed down his breakfast before riding off. But not before double checking to make sure his trail was easy to follow. He knew it was a huge risk to leave it. It wouldn't be hard for an orc pack to find it and catch him. But Fili knew Thorin would be riding out after him by now. He needed to make sure his uncle knew which direction to take. And if he did find any orcs then Fili would make sure they took him to his brother. If not then he'd kill them.

As the day went on Fili couldn't help but wonder if he had gotten lost again. He'd managed to find the place where he and Kili had been taken and he was almost sure he was on the right track to find the camp he'd escaped from. But the Greenwood looked the same no matter which way he looked. For all he knew he could have gone wrong hours ago. Shaking his head Fili carried on. If he had to he'd travel all the way to Thranduils palace and beg for his help. Anything to get to Kili.

And that's when he saw it.

As he reached a small clearing Fili pulled his pony to a halt and dismounted. To anyone else this looked like just another clearing. But as he began to walk around Fili realised where he was. This was the place. This was where Kili had saved his life. He saw the tree where his brother had been beaten and he forced himself to keep calm. At least he was on the right track. But where did he go now? Where had they taken Kili from here? Leaning against his pony Fili rubbed her nose whilst he tried to think. He knew the orcs wouldn't want to risk being caught so they wouldn't go to near Thranduil and the elves. And there wasn't much else in Mirkwood except Dol Guldur.

But…that was impossible!

Fili shook his head. He knew the fortress was home to orcs, but he couldn't believe these same orcs would want his brother. Unless…unless the rumours were true. Unless Azog really _was_ hiding out there.

Ignoring the snorts from his pony Fili hurriedly mounted and spurred the animal on. If he was right then Kili would already be in that wretched place. Gripping the reins Fili watched as his knuckles turned white from the effort. The idea of Kili being alone and afraid was horrible. The idea of him being alone and afraid in Dol Guldur was the stuff of nightmares. His back began to ache again – far worse than usual – but Fili forced himself to ignore the pain. Right now this pain was nothing compared to what Kili was going through. Pain that he knew he had to stop.

 _ **So we got Fili time here but Kili's bit is coming up in the next chapter so no need to worry about that! I can't really decide which brother I want to hug more at the minute! Let me know what you all think xxx**_


	15. What Doesn't Kill You Still Hurts

_**Big thanks to SpobyTeam and BitterStrength for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Emmakmc – Glad you are enjoying it! Don't worry Thorin's right on his heels!**_

 _ **ColourGuardianoftheGalaxy – Indeed nothing is impossible…or is it?**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Glad you are enjoying it.**_

 _ **KHB123 – I have a ton of Fili/Kili fan art and one includes a really young Kili and Fili having Thorin read to them which is where I got the idea.**_

 _ **MouseTalk – Honestly? Generally I'll have random scenes get stuck in my head and I just write it down so I don't forget. As for sticking with stories I always have an outline before writing so I can stay on track.**_

 _ **Ncis-lady – No he wouldn't be strong enough – not that he'd believe it!**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – He'd do anything for Kili!**_

 _ **Lisag16 – Young Fili and Kili are my favourite version I think!**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – You'll love this chapter then!**_

 _ **Mili – Glad you are still loving it so much!**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – I apologise for killing you! And no not really…although even if they had I wouldn't say no to being told again!**_

What Doesn't Kili You Still Hurts

Kili wrapped his arms around his body – shuddering at how his fingers brushed against each other across his back. The wind wasn't as strong as it had been. Several hours ago he had clung to the bars as the cage was swung around in the small gale. Every time the cage hit the edges of the stone walls Kili was convinced the chain would break and he would fall to his death. What worried him even more was how much he wanted that to happen. Anything to end this ordeal. As tears fell down his face Kili furiously wiped them away. He couldn't break down now. He needed to cry when the orcs were watching him. He needed them to think he was broken, that he was little more than a shadow. He couldn't let them think he would try and escape. And then, when their guard was down he would strike.

Kili let out a sob before he could stop himself. Who was he kidding? He had no plan, no idea of how to get home. He was never going to get home. The orcs guarded him day and night and Kili was sure every possible way out of this fortress was under heavy guard. No one had said anything but the message was clear. He wasn't getting out unless Azog personally escorted him. And that would only happen when Azog was dumping his body somewhere for the wolves to pick over. Shaking his head Kili forced his head up. The sun was streaming in and he squinted as the ray hit his face full on. Licking his cracked lips Kili rested his head against the bars. He could hear the orcs standing below him. As the cage was lowered down he shut his eyes, not wanting to imagine the sort of ordeal Azog had planned for him today. Maybe if he kept up with his original plan then he would alright? If he could lie his way out of all this then things would be fine. But Kili knew he couldn't just hand over information; fake or otherwise. If he did Azog would know he was lying. No, he had to give the impression they had beaten him. He had to make them think he was broken.

" _One little dwarfling coming out to play!"_

The orcs high pitched screeching did nothing to rid Kili of his already pounding headache. As his cage came to a rest on the floor he didn't even try to stand up. There was no point as the orcs would just shove him to his knees again. Peering through his matted hair Kili saw his door being opened and the tallest orc entering.

" _Come on worm!"_ As Kili had expected he was forced to his knees whilst the orc bound his hands in front of him.

" _The Master has an extra special surprise for you today. But only if you're a good dwarfling."_

Kili fought back the urge to snap. All he could think about was how dry his throat was. He needed water, even if it was just a few sips. Stumbling to his feet he allowed the first orc to drag him through the fortress. Unlike yesterday the orcs weren't crowding round to have a gawp at him. They had seen enough and now they were going to leave Kili to face Azog alone. Kili forced himself to remain on his feet as he was hurriedly pulled along by the orc in front. When he caught a glimpse of the wooden post standing in the middle of the courtyard he found his fear creeping up on him. Kili knew that today would be a lot more painful than yesterday. The orcs shoved him to his knees and forced his head up so he was facing Azog. Kili wriggled free of their grip and spat on the ground beside one of them. Azog chuckled.

" _The worm is still going strong!"_

Kili tensed. He hated being called a 'worm'. It was better than 'half breed' certainly, but it still sent a chill down his spine. Azog got to his feet and he began pacing up and down in front of Kili. Even if he hadn't been on his knees the orc would have towered over him. Kili leant back a little. Azog eyed him carefully.

" _Remove his shirt and tie him up."_

Pressing his lips together Kili allowed the orcs to pull him to his feet and untie his hands. He didn't so much as look at them, opting to keep his gaze on the floor. When his tunic was thrown by his feet Kili's body shivered slightly in the breeze. His clothes were so badly torn they weren't offering much warmth. But he'd rather that than not have them at all. The orcs jerked him forward and as he caught a glimpse of his bruised wrists Kili fought the urge to be sick. Instead he stared straight ahead as his arms were forced above his head and he was tied to the pole. It brushed against his nose and Kili bit his lip when he heard Azog walking towards him.

" _I suppose you think silence will protect you? You know nothing! You are just like your uncle!"_

Kili bit his lip; he knew Azog was toying with him. Trying to provoke him. Fixing his gaze on the post he tried to avoid shuddering as Azog ran a claw down his back.

" _Oakenshield is stubborn and proud. He will not give up that mountain for anything. Or anyone – except you."_

Kili bit down on his laugh just in time. Thorin wouldn't give up Erebor for _him_! And even if he did Kili knew what would happen to him and Thorin afterwards. Azog pressed his claw into the small of Kili's back.

" _You are afraid. Do not try and hide it, I can smell your fear."_

Kili took a deep breath, "Whatever you're going to do just get on with it. I'd rather not stand here all day."

The claw left his back and Kili allowed himself a small sigh of relief. For a few seconds nothing happened and Kili wondered if Azog was still there. But as the whip came down on his back he screamed.

" _You are a liar!"_

Azog struck him again and Kili could hear his laughter through his screams. His first thought was Azog knew Fili was really Thorin's heir. Kili gripped the ropes around his wrists tight enough to draw blood. He couldn't understand how he had given the game away. He hadn't told Azog anything else about Fili beyond the lies. The whip cut through his back again and Kili's head fell against the post. Azog hit him again.

" _Do you take me for a fool? I know exactly how many entrances there are to Erebor! You think that you can lie to me!"_

Before Kili could answer Azog struck him again. At the thought of the blood running down his back Kili tried to stay standing. Azog ran a claw down his back and Kili fought off the nausea.

" _Say something,"_ Azog's voice was softer this time, _"I want to hear the pain and fear in your voice."_

Kili shook his head. When he heard Azog dropped the whip he found himself smiling. But instead Azog loomed over him, using his claw to turn Kili's head round.

" _Did you honestly think you could lie to me?"_

Kili found himself nodding, "I'm not going to tell you anything no matter what you do."

None of this was according to the plan! Kili knew he should be acting weak and feeble. If the orcs thought he posed no threat he would have more chances to escape. But he couldn't help himself. Azog patted his cheek.

" _You are more stupid than Oakenshield!"_

Kili found himself shrugging. Azog gave a low growl before moving away.

" _Now then, where shall I start? How large are your armies?"_

Kili didn't know what to do. He couldn't tell Azog the truth obviously. But equally if he lied how did he know Azog would believe him? Biting his lip Kili gave a small shake of the head. He knew the whip was coming and so he managed to brace himself for it. But that did nothing to stop the fire shooting through his back.

" _How many soldiers does Oakenshield have?"_

Kili pressed his forehead against the post. He wouldn't tell. He couldn't. The whip crashed into his back and Kili couldn't stop his screams.

" _Answer me!"_

"No…no I can't! I won't!"

Kili had never sounded more like a child in his life. Once again he heard the whip crashing to the floor and the sound of Azog walking off. Daring to peek over his shoulder Kili saw the courtyard was deserted. He licked his lips; this was his chance! He couldn't waste a single second! The ropes digging into his wrists had been tied well, but they weren't impossible. Kili frantically pulled at the knots, knowing every second spent here was another second Azog or Bolg could be coming back. But his fingers were stiff and numb from days of being tied up. Stretching on his toes Kili tried to reach the knots with his teeth. If he couldn't undo them he could bite them.

" _Going somewhere?"_

Bolg's thick hand grabbed his face and turned it towards him. Taking deep gasping breaths Kili forced his legs not to shake. Bolg sniffed his face before reaching up and slicing through the ropes. Kili hadn't been expecting such an action and before he could stop himself he was lying on the rough ground. Bolg nodded at him.

" _What would your uncle say if he saw you now? How ashamed would he be? How disappointed?"_

Keeping his head down Kili forced himself not to react. Bolg's words meant nothing anyway; he was already a disappointment to Thorin. This wasn't going to change anything. Trying to ignore the agony his back was in Kili forced himself to his feet. The knife in Bolg's hand tapped against the orcs leg. If he could only grab it! Kili pushed his sweat soaked hair out of his eyes as Bolg lunged at him.

Kili was weak and exhausted and could barely stand. But he was far smaller than Bolg's lumbering form and a lot more agile. Dodging the arm as best he could he hurriedly ran forward and grabbed Bolg's fat wrist. The orc roared and tried to twist his arm away. But Kili already had hold of the knife. Backing away he gripped it tightly with both hands. He had never valued a knife so much in his life. Bolg raised an eyebrow before drawing his huge cleaver.

" _You expect that to stop us? If anything it has shown you're far from broken…yet!"_

Kili spat at the orc feet before raising his arm. He'd never get close enough to stab Bolg. But the orc didn't know what else he could do with a knife. As it sailed through the air Kili didn't bother to look and see if it hit Bolg. He didn't have to. The roar of pain from the orcs mouth was enough for him. Instead his brain was already working out the best route to take. The only one he knew would lead him back to his cage. Kili's head flew from side to side until he found a small tunnel to his left. Not bothering to think he dived towards it. He could hear Bolg behind him and Kili didn't like to think about what would happen if the orc got hold of him.

Hurrying through the tunnel Kili was amazed he was still standing. Blood drenched his back whilst his arms and legs still hadn't regained any feeling. His heart banged against his ribs and although he knew he shouldn't, Kili found himself leaning against a crumbling wall as he tried to get enough air into his lungs. He shouldn't stop. He couldn't afford to stop. But equally it would do him no good if he dropped from exhaustion. As everything around him quietened Kili dared look behind him. Only moments ago Bolg has been running after him. But now there was nothing – just an empty tunnel. Pushing his hair back Kili blinked as odd rays of sunlight streamed through the tunnel opening. Staggering backwards Kili didn't dare breathe as a shadowy figure blocked out the sun. Bolg's one good eye stared down at him.

" _Got you!"_

Kili didn't bother struggling. He had no time to. Before he could blink Bolg wrapped one arm round him and picked him up. Kicking out Kili looked down to see the ground a couple of feet below him. Bolg's thick skin rubbed against his already ruined back. As he was taken back to the courtyard Kili was aware of more orcs coming out to see what was happening. He could already picture the laughter on their faces. A dwarf prince held in Bolg's grip like an insect. Like a worm.

" _Caught him trying to escape."_

Kili didn't have to look up to see Azog. He was now eye level with the pale orc who gave Kili a small smile.

" _Is our…treatment not good enough for a prince?"_

Kili pressed his lips together, refusing to give the slightest thing away. Azog nodded and Kili found himself face first on the ground. His knees stung and he felt warm blood sticking to his trousers. Bruises covered his bruises and he was sure he'd broken two ribs if not three.

" _Let us show him the hospitality he deserves!"_

At Azog's cry Kili was grabbed and dragged back towards the pole. Only this time his back was pressed against the wood. Small splinters dragged along the wounds and Kili tried not to think about any of them getting stuck. As the orcs finished tying his hands Azog got to his feet and reached over to take a torch from the orc closest to him. Even though it was still daylight the fire shone brightly and Kili shook his head. Azog strode over to him until the flames were millimetres from Kili's face.

" _Are you afraid yet?"_

Kili nodded; he hated fire. It was his one big fear after accidently burning himself when he was younger. Azog stroked his face.

" _Good."_

Kili watched as the torch was lowered until it reached his stomach. Biting his lip his body shook violently as the flames brushed against his skin. It hurt but not enough to cry. Azog nodded in approval before pushing the torch against Kili's skin. Kili had been burnt before but this was something new. The fire licked at his stomach and Kili didn't dare look down. He didn't think he could face the melting patch of skin. Azog removed the torch and Kili gave a shaky cough as the smoke stung at his eyes.

" _How many soldiers does Thorin have?"_

Kili shook his head and Azog wasted no time. Kili let out a howling scream as the torch was dragged down his left arm. The smell of burnt skin was incredibly nauseating and he forced himself to breathe through his mouth. Azog stepped back whilst Kili gave an almost inaudible whimper.

This would be a long night.

 _ **Poor, Poor, POOR Kili! So not only has his plan not worked but yet another escape has failed! Feel free to hurl abuse at Azog and Bolg for doing this to our poor prince! Will get plenty of Fili and Thorin in the next chapter by the way! Let me know what you think xxx**_


	16. When Two Becomes One

_**Big thanks to Aviendha91 for following.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – I know how you feel. They'll get what they deserve don't worry.**_

 _ **Ncis-lady – Desperate men and all that.**_

 _ **Littlemissthunderbird – I don't think you'll be saying 'yay' when you've finished. Glad you're really enjoying it.**_

 _ **LisaG16 – Aww, I can't promise anything.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – He's strong…I hope!**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – Don't worry, to be honest I was expecting far worse!**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Don't worry, I love Kili too much to actually kill him…or do I?**_

 _ **Guest – I apologise wholeheartedly**_

When Two Becomes One

Fili groaned as he felt that almost consistent pain shoot through his back. He had heavily underestimated how long it would take before he was full healed. Shaking his head he forced himself to battle through the pain. Kili was doing far worse than he was after all. It had been just over a week since finding the first orc camp and Fili had found nothing else that might lead him to Kili. Of course he could just find the quickest route to Dol Guldur and follow that. But supposing he had been wrong? Supposing the orcs had taken Kili someplace else? Fili didn't dare risk anything now. He had failed his brother once – he wasn't going to allow such a thing to happen ever again. The trees weren't as thick now and Fili was finding it far easier to make his way through.

None of this was right. He had never been by himself before. Fili couldn't remember his first few years. All he could remember was this little bundle of dark hair that was his brother. Fili had never been able to imagine a time when he would be without Kili because – as far as he was concerned – such a time didn't exist. They were brothers; they would be together no matter what happened. But the past three months it had just been him…no Kili.

Fili didn't like it.

He hated camping every night and not being able to tell his brother a joke or watch as Kili pulled endless pranks on Thorin or the others. Even though he was over eighty Fili joined in on the odd occasion, often giving Kili several new ideas. But now he couldn't do that. All he could do now was sit by the fire with only his pony for company. As he finished off his meal Fili wiped his hands on his trousers; making sure they were completely clean before taking Kili's raven in his hands. With a small sigh he gazed at the stuffed bird. Even though he still had his own toy lion Fili hadn't needed it for many years. But every so often he'd sneak into Kili's room and find his brother curled up with the raven crushed against his chest. And Fili knew right then Kili would be having a nightmare. No one had ever understood why Kili's were so bad. Fili didn't care why, he just hated the fact his brother and not he was plagued with them. And now Kili was alone with orcs, no doubt having nightmares every night and he didn't have his raven to look after him.

"I really miss you Kee." The tears were steadily making their way down Fili's nose. He had assumed he'd used up all of his tears earlier. But just staring at the toy bird brought every single childhood memory back. All of their games and 'adventures'. Fili remembered how he and Kili would 'battle' against an imaginary orc army and emerge the victors. Kili's wooden sword that hurt just as much as a real one if you got hit hard enough. Fili had come away with his fair share of bruises but he'd never paid any attention to them. As long as Kili was happy.

"I wish I was there with you. Then at least I could take some of your pain away."

The raven stared back and him and Fili let out a hollow laugh. He was eighty two years old and talking to a stuffed animal. But he had nothing else. He had no one else who would sit and listen. No one else who would be able to comfort him and wipe his tears away.

"I'm going to find you Kili. I promise you. I know it's asking a lot but please just hang in there. You can do it Kee. I know you can be strong even if you don't believe it!"

* * *

Fili was awake before the sun had even risen. He'd had no sleep last night due to an aching feeling in his stomach. It wasn't like a stomach ache, but Fili couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong today. That he was going to wish today had never happened. Daisy gave an indignant snort as Fili mounted her and kicked his heels in. The Greenwood looked beautiful in the sun, Fili couldn't deny it. But at the same time the forest held a sinister air about it. As though something was lurking in the shadows – waiting to pounce. Fili shook his head. He was being paranoid. Orcs had taken his brother and were hiding somewhere in the Greenwood. Of course he was going to have his suspicions about the forest. Patting Daisy's neck reassuringly Fili made his way through the forest. Even though he knew it wouldn't help him he wondered what everyone was doing back in Erebor. He knew Thorin would have gone after him but what about his mother? What had she done when she discovered her eldest son had run way?

"What is it girl?" Fili leaned in close as Daisy's ears twitched. Her hooves began dragging along the ground, causing Fili to tense in the saddle. Ponies only ever reacted like this if they smelt danger. And the only danger around here was from orcs. Holding Daisy with one hand Fili drew one of his swords with the other – all the while lying low in the saddle. Daisy gave a loud snort and he winced. If orcs were here the last thing he needed was to draw attention to himself like this. Daisy inched forward and with each movement Fili expected something to lunge at him from the bushes. When nothing happened he paused before sliding down from his pony and drawing his other sword. It wouldn't be the first time Daisy had been spooked by nothing; but Fili wasn't going to take any chances.

And that's when he to smelt it.

It was horrible. A mix blood, vomit and burnt trees. Holding one arm over his face Fili patted Daisy's neck in reassurance and forced his way forward. The smell was getting stronger but Fili tried not to pay any attention. For all he knew this could be the key to finding his brother. Or it could be absolutely nothing. But Fili was almost certain it was going to be the former. Pushing back several low hanging branches Fili's eyes almost popped out of his head. He'd reached a huge clearing where a small encampment had once stood. But now it resembled a battlefield more than anything. Orc corpses were scattered around and torn tents and food remnants littered the floor. Fili did his best to avoid stepping on anything, the forest was so quite the tiniest of noises sounded like a war cry. As he began looking it was clear he wasn't going to find anything that would help him find Kili. The only bodies belonged to orcs with the occasional warg here and there.

Looking up Fili's whole body tensed. Several feet to his left was a huge warg – one of the biggest he had seen. It's snout nudged against the orc body and Fili had no time to turn away as the beast ripped an arm away and chewed on it. Sheathing one sword and replacing it with his throwing axe Fili took several shaky breaths. He could try and sneak away and hope he wasn't seen. He doubted the warg would notice him if he went now. But the anger shooting through his body was too much. If he couldn't kill and orc to satisfy his revenge then a warg would do. Swinging his axe Fili didn't even wait for the warg to raise its head. The weapon flew through the air, striking the beast in the head with a solid 'thunk'. The warg stumbled forward before it's front legs gave way and it collapsed to the ground. Fili ran over and grabbed the axe before kicking at the animal with his boot. He couldn't deny it; that had felt good. Kneeling down he took out a knife and began to skin the animal. It would save him having to hunt again tonight and this would last far longer than the rabbits would.

Fili worked quickly and silently. Tossing the skin to one side he made short work of the animal, trying not to look at its organs. But as he turned away something glinted in the corner of his eye. Wrapping the last of the meat up Fili reached forward and grabbed at the glint. When his skin touched metal a small shiver crept into his skin. A shiver that chilled him when he held Kili's hair clasp in his hand.

"Kili?"

Fili didn't understand. Why had this been in a wargs stomach? It was covered in blood and the corners were burnt slightly but he could recognise this clasp even if it was smashed into a thousand pieces. Kili had never let this out of his sight and Fili knew a warg wouldn't just eat a stray object like this. They went for flesh and nothing else.

"Kili..?"

Fili's knees didn't have time to shake. Instead he fell to the ground, clutching the clasp so hard the pin dug into his palm and broke the skin. Blood trickled down but Fili didn't notice. Instead his stomach heaved and he threw up over what was left of the warg.

"KILI!"

He wasn't…? Kili couldn't be..? He was _Kili_ for Mahals' sake!

Out of desperation he frantically searched for his bond to Kili. If he could find _something! Anything!_ But no, he felt empty and hollow inside. Forcing himself to take another look at his brothers clasp Fili found himself nodding. He didn't want to but he was even so. Pressing it to his lips he curled up into a small ball as the tears arrived. Shaking Fili rocked back and forth whilst his brain was trying to accept what had just happened.

To accept that his baby brother was dead.

* * *

"Thorin!"

At Balin's voice Thorin look up. The old dwarf smiled warmly at him while Thorin raised an eyebrow. How could Balin think to smile at a time like this? Blinking back his tears Thorin allowed Balin to take him by the hand and lead him forward.

"We've found Fili."

Thorin blinked again. He'd heard Balin but his brain hadn't seemed able to register it properly. The old dwarf nodded – still smiling.

"We've found more of his trail. Dwalin went on ahead and he's a couple of miles away. No more. If we hurry then we'll catch up to him in no time."

Around him the others were all nodding and chattering, but Thorin was unable to share in their joy. The second Fili set eyes on him again… Thorin bit his lip. His nephew had every right to be angry and upset. Thorin would have been the same if anything like this had happened to Dis. Nodding at Balin, Thorin jumped onto his pony and gave it an encouraging kick.

He would find Fili and they would find Kili together. As a family.

* * *

Fili couldn't remember how long he had lain there for. Daisy had re-joined him, clearly not wishing to be on her own. But even her gentle nudges with her nose weren't enough to rouse him. Fili knew if he saw his pony he'd see Kili's bow. He'd see the pack that held Kili's raven. Hugging the clasp to his chest Fili gave another small shake. Night would fall in a few hours and orcs would start combing the area, drawn by the smell of blood. But Fili didn't care about any of that. Let the orcs come. He'd stand here and cut down each and every one until he himself was killed. And that was fine by Fili. At least then he would be with his brother again. He could apologise and beg Kili to forgive him for not being able to save him.

"Fili?"

At his uncles voice everything seemed to go in slow motion. He could hear several sets of footsteps moving towards him. Hands rubbing his arm and shoulder. His uncles voice in his ear.

"It's okay Fili. It's okay."

Nodding slowly Fili allowed his uncle to sit him up and kneel before him. Fili hid the clasp in his fist. He didn't want Thorin to know just yet. He wanted his uncle to be happy for a bit longer. Thorin gave him a shaky smile.

"We were so worried we wouldn't find you."

Fili nodded whilst reaching for his uncles' hand. He wanted to be hugged again, the way he had been as a child. He wanted to climb onto Thorin's lap and cry into his chest. But he couldn't so any of that. Instead all Fili could do was open up his fist and show Thorin the hair clasp. Thorin ran a finger over it.

"I don't understand."

"It's Kili's," Fili said in a low voice, "It was Kili's."

"Was?" Now Dwalin was leaning over, "Fili…when ye say 'was'?"

Fili lowered his head whilst tucking the clasp into his pocket. Thorin shook his head.

"No. No Fili there must be a mistake! He can't be…"

"Dead?" Eye blazing Fili glared at Thorin. Backing away he got to his feet and glared at the others.

"Kili is dead! My brother…my _baby brother_ is DEAD!"

Bursting into tears Fili staggered backwards. Thorin reached out for him but the blonde dwarf simply shook his head.

"Get away from me! This is all your fault! Had you kept going and not given up he'd still be alive!"

"You don't know that Fili," Nori interjected. Bofur nodded.

"Fili he could have been…it could have happened ages ago!"

"It's still his fault!" Fili didn't even look in his uncle direction.

"It's his fault Kili was taken and it's his fault he's gone!"

"Fili..?"

Rounding on his uncle Fili pulled out his knife.

"I hate you! You never loved Kili, you only pretended for his sake and now he's gone! He's gone and he's never going to come back! I'll never see him again and it's all your fault!"

Before Fili could lunge at Thorin Balin pulled him close and hugged him hard. Dropping the knife Fili clung to Balins coat, sobbing all the while into his chest. Balin nodded.

"Come on lad. Come on."

Fili pressed his face into the dwarfs coat whilst the others looked awkwardly at each other. Bofur pulled his hat off whilst Dori held Ori close against him. Thorin bowed his head.

No one said anything. Instead they just let Fili cry.

 _ **Erm…thinking of something comforting to say….don't really have anything I'm afraid. Other than I'm sending Fili big big hugs right now to try and ease the pain! I'll let you decide if he's being too hard on Thorin or not. Let me know what you all think xxx**_


	17. The Tate of Grief and Abandonment

_**Celebrisilweth – Yeah sometimes you have to put stuff in the story just for the sake of the plot.**_

 _ **KHB123 – Given it's been months you can't blame him for thinking the worst can you?**_

 _ **Nenithiel – I'm afraid I can't really answer that.**_

 _ **Littlemissthunderbird – I know! And yes guilty is one way of putting it.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – Yeah, and plus something's gonna happen in this update that'll only add to his lost hope.**_

 _ **Ncis-lady – I can't to be honest.**_

 _ **Dojonson41 – Honestly? Because that would make things far too easy.**_

 _ **LisaG16 – Something tells me you won't like this chapter very much**_

 _ **Mili – It will get better in a few chapters I promise. Just hang in there.**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – Because I'm an only child I always worry I'm not portraying their brotherly bond well so thanks for that. Aww I know feel sad that I've made you sad!**_

 _ **Guest – Yes those questions will be answered soon. Glad you are enjoying it**_

Taste of Grief and Abandonment

Fili licked his lips before easing away from Balin. The others refused to look at him and he took another look at Kili's hair clasp.

"Fili?" Thorin asked. Fili shook his head.

"He can't be dead," his voice was barely a whisper, "He can't be."

"Lad…I think we need to assume the worst." Balin said comfortingly. Fili sighed.

"We have a hair clasp. Nothing else! How do we know this means what we think it does? Maybe he left it for us! Maybe Kili left it so we knew we were on the right track!"

When no one replied Fili resisted the urge to punch them. He knew what they were thinking. That his grief was clouding his judgement.

"Fili, you were so certain before." Thorin hissed.

"So? I was exhausted, I'd had nightmares about finding him dead! Maybe I just saw the clasp and let my brain believe it for a few seconds? But I don't anymore. Kili isn't dead. He ISN'T!"

Fili would have carried on but Dwalin held a hand up for silence. For a few seconds no one said anything. Fili hardly dared breathe. Dwalin nodded before jumping to the side and dragging something from the bushes. Everyone gaped at the struggling orc – although this was more at its short height than anything else. Dwalin threw the orc to the ground before he, Thorin and Gloin pinned it down. Shoving the others aside Fili brought out a knife and dug it under the orcs neck whilst holding Kili's clasp in front of his face.

"Do you know who this belongs to?"

The orc spat at him and Dwalin shook it hard.

"Answer him!"

" _A dwarfling. Raven hair and pale skin."_

Fili froze before tightening his grip on the knife.

"What happened to him? Why did you take this from him?"

The orc shrugged and Fili forced himself not the gag at the vile stench coming from its mouth.

" _Will you let me go afterwards?"_

Fili nodded, ignoring the cold stares being shot his way. The orc laughed.

" _We heard him scream and we watched him cry. We broke him and we twisted him until there was nothing left!"_

"No," Fili's hand shook. The orc nodded.

" _It was his own fault. He should have told us what we wanted to know. Instead he was stupid and arrogant. His stupidity got him killed!"_

Fili didn't so much as blink. The orcs eyes widened for the slightest of seconds before Fili's knife sliced it's neck. Dropping the knife Fili held Kili's clasp in his hand.

 _We heard him scream and watched him cry._

"NO!" Fili couldn't breathe. He was aware of Balin hugging him close whilst the others seemed unwilling to move anywhere near him.

 _We broke him and twisted him until there was nothing left!_

Fili couldn't stop shaking. Of all the ways for his brother to die he had never imagined he would have been tortured to death.

He never would have imaged Kili dying at all.

* * *

No one dared do anything. Even when Fili had finally stopped crying the others couldn't even bring themselves to look in his direction. This was their fault. They should never have given up; if they had kept on going then they could have saved Kili. And that would haunt them for the rest of their days. Balin hugged Fili against him whilst the blonde prince buried his face in Balins neck. The simple gesture was so childlike Dwalin found himself unable to silence his sobs.

"Thorin..?" Bofur seemed unwilling to talk, "Thorin what…what should we do?"

Thorin didn't answer. Instead his head remained fixed on the ground.

"We go back. We need to tell Dis…" breaking off he turned to look at Fili who was still shaking.

"She needs to know."

"So we let them get away with it?" Dwalin roared, "We let those murdering bastards get away with what they've done?"

Thorin forced his head up and at the sight of his red eyes everyone bowed their heads. With leaden feet Thorin moved towards Dwalin and shook his head.

"Never. I'm going to go back to Erebor, raise and army and wipe every single orc from the face of this earth!"

Dwalin nodded whilst Balin gently pulled Fili to his feet. Fili still held Kili's clasp and at the sight of it Dwalin's shoulders began to shake again. No one said anything as Fili reached up behind him and pulled his own clasp out. For a few seconds his blonde mane fell over his shoulders But he was quick to pin it back and slide Kili's clasp in where his old one had been. His face was red and blotchy but the others noted he didn't try and hide his tears. Balin gave his hand a squeeze.

"Come on lad. Let's get you home."

Fili's head shake was so small no one even noticed for a few second. But when he carried on they gave each other small looks of alarm.

"No. I'm not going back to Erebor."

"Fili…" Thorin reached out but Fili hissed at him.

"Get away from me!" Looking over at Dwalin he clenched his fists.

"I'm not going. Not until I've found Kili's…not until I've found the orcs that took Kili and…"

As more tears fell he lowered his head, "I can't say it!"

Balin rubbed his back, "No one's expecting you to Fili."

Wiping his eyes Fili freed himself from the old dwarf's grip and moved towards his pony.

"I'm going to find them and I'm going to make them pay for what they did to me. For what they did to Kili," he flashed Thorin a glare, "However little you thought of Kili he did not deserve this!"

Thorin opened his mouth before shutting it. Instead it was Dwalin who found himself placing a restraining hand on Fili's shoulder.

"Lad, ye can't go off by yeself in this state."

"Can't I?" Fili's voice was low and dangerously cool, "Dwalin I'm your next king. Don't stand in my way else I'll be forced to hurt you."

Dwalin didn't so much as bat an eyelid. Fili's threats didn't scare him. Not when he'd spent long hours helping an infant Fili build snowmen in the deep winters. Not when he'd helped him and Kili hide from Thorin to avoid a lecture.

Not when he knew Fili was grieving and therefore didn't mean a word.

Dwalin pulled Fili away from the pony, raising an eyebrow at the knife in his hand.

"Lad ye not thinking straight. Put the knife down before someone gets hurt."

"Stay out of my way then!" Sheathing his knife Fili turned and grabbed Daisy's reins. With a roll of his eyes Dwalin moved forward and pulled him back. Fili staggered backwards but before he could so much as blink, Dwalin's fist smashed into his cheek. As Fili fell to the floor his eyes flickered and shut. Dwalin gave Thorin an apologetic shrug.

"I'm sorry Thorin. But did ye have any other way of getting him to come back?"

Thorin shook his head, "Tie him to his pony in case he comes round."

The rest of the group backed off as Dwalin bound Fili's hands and feet before lifting him up and slinging him over Daisy's saddle. If Kili had been here he'd have gone berserk at his brother being treated in such a way. But Kili wasn't here. He was never going to be here again. They would never again see his smile, hear his laugh. And they knew they would never see Fili smile again. Kili was his whole world! Without him he was a lost soul. Thorin stroked Fili's hair before kissing his forehead.

"I'm so sorry Fili."

Moving away he tied Daisy's reins to his own pony before mounting it.

"We'll set up camp later. It's too dangerous here."

Nodding the others made short work of getting onto their ponies. All of them flashed the unconscious Fili worried glances whilst Thorin fixed his gaze straight ahead. As the company began to move none of them noticed a small flicker of movement in the tress behind them.

None of them noticed the two pairs of red eyes watching them eagerly.

* * *

Shutting his eyes Kili threw his head back, only to wince when it struck the hard stone ground. His arms had been stretched out either side and were being pinned down by orcs who took great delight in bruising his already mangled wrists. Azog leant over him and Kili forced himself to open his eyes; knowing full well he'd see his blood dripping from the orcs blade. His torso burned with every breath and he could smell the blood dripping down his body. Azog leered at him before digging the very tip of the knife into Kili's breastbone.

" _Such a pretty scream!"_ Azog spat. Kili shook his head as the pale orc dug in the knife in and gently drew it across the right side of his chest. This one didn't hurt as much as the others. When the first cuts had been made Kili hadn't been able to stop himself from screaming. But now everything just blended in together. The harsh wind tearing at his body, the burning cuts that covered his body, the vile curses and threats being shot his way. Kili understood none of them but he knew the orcs weren't asking if he was alright.

"Please..!" Kili couldn't breathe, "Please just…just stop!"

" _You must learn the price for silence!"_

Azog ran his finger along the edge of the blade and admired the blood that flowed onto his finger. Wiping it on Kili's cheek he then patted his face.

" _Have you learnt it yet?"_

Kili wanted to spit at the orcs face. He wanted to shout every last curse he could think of. But instead he gave a small nod as hot tears dripped down his bruised cheeks.

"I understand,"

Azog nodded before digging the knife into Kili's cheek.

" _Very good. And who is your master now?"_

Kili clamped his mouth shut. This was wrong. Thorin was his king, his uncle, _his family!_ Fili was his brother! He needed to protect them! He couldn't give in, not now! He just had to hold on until Thorin came for him.

" _MASTER!"_

At the voice Azog got to his feet and the orcs holding Kili down did likewise. Pulling his swollen arms to his bleeding chest Kili curled into a small ball as he tried to control his tears. There wasn't a single part of his body that wasn't in agony right now. He was aware of the orcs talking over him and despite the crippling pain Kili tried to catch what they were saying. If anything it would give him something else to think about. Azog glanced down at him and Kili froze at the growing smile on the orcs face. As Azog rolled his onto his back Kili hissed with pain.

" _You still believe Oakenshield will come for you?"_

Kili froze. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say here. Azog shook his head.

" _Poor deluded prince. Your precious uncle isn't coming for you."_

"You're wrong!" Kili spat, "You know nothing!"

" _I know he's been seen heading back to Erebor with several other dwarfs."_

Kili shook his head weakly. Thorin wouldn't..? Thorin was looking for him! Azog nodded.

" _My scouts also told me they saw a blonde dwarf with them as well. Your…adopted brother I believe."_

Kili froze as Azog gave him a harsh kick in the stomach. As his head hit the ground he was vaguely aware of orcs pulling him to his feet. Head hanging and boots dragging along the ground Kili couldn't bring himself to raise his head.

" _Shall we put him back in his cage?"_

" _No."_ Azog forced Kili's head up and smiled, _"No put him in one of the cells. Make sure he's comfortable."_

Kili let out a small moan as the orcs dragged him away. Each step sent small shockwaves rattling through his body. His broken ribs crashed against each other whilst his stomach clawed at him, desperate for food. In the meantime his brain was a whirl. Azog's words keep running round and round his head and yet Kili couldn't make sense of any of it.

Fili would never leave him. Even if Thorin did Fili would never..?

Would he?

Kili heard the sound a metal door being swung open and he raised his head in time to see blackness rushing up to him. Falling down the few broken steps Kili hugged himself to try and avoid breaking any more of his body. The orcs laughed behind him before shutting the door and leaving him in pure blackness. Kili let out a rasping cough before forcing himself to his feet. It was somehow colder in here than outside and he wished more than ever for the tattered remains of his tunic. Even if it could do nothing more than warm an arm up. But it was no doubt being used to fuel the orcs fires by now. Instead Kili curled into a ball, not daring to move until his eyes adjusted.

Fili couldn't have left him?

The nausea grew in Kili's stomach and he only just moved his head in time. Ignoring the smell he simply hugged his knees against his body.

"He's lying. He's lying I know he's lying. You wouldn't leave me Fee. You said you'd always be there for me. He has to be lying!"

Kili shook his head. Azog hadn't been lying, there had been no hint of deceit in his eyes. Not even bothering to wipe away his tears Kili lay down in a foetal position.

He had always known Thorin didn't love him.

But Fili..?

Kili wasn't sure what was worse. Azog's torture or the knowledge his brother, his _world,_ had left him to die.

The answer was obvious.

* * *

No one spoke as they made camp. Dwalin gently lifted Fili's still unconscious body down from his pony and laid him out on the ground. Oin began mixing up a sleeping draft whilst Thorin covered his nephew with his own blanket and gently stroked his face.

"Oh Fili," tears dripped down Thorins nose, "You think you hate me. You've no idea how much I hate myself."

Balin placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Come on Thorin. Get something to eat. Leave him be for a bit."

Thorin paused, he wanted nothing more than to remain by Fili's side. But Balin had already pulled him towards the fire and sat him down. Dwalin placed a hand on his knee and before he could stop himself Thorin looked back at Fili's sleeping form.

Just Fili's.

"This isn't how it's meant to be." He sighed, "They aren't meant to be alone. They're meant to be together."

The others nodded whilst Bofur cleared his throat.

"I remember once when they were young lads. They were playing hide and seek and Kili had to find Fili. He ran past me and I could see the fear in his eyes. He thought Fili had gone from his world. I assumed it was just his age. But a few hours later I came across Fili. He looked like he was about to cry and he kept calling his brothers name. In the end I told him where Kili was hiding just so he'd be happy."

Thorin nodded before wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Before Kili was born, Fili often struggled to get to sleep. Even when he played with others he still seemed sad. And then when Kili arrived it all stopped. I've never seen someone love their baby brother so much. He'd carry him around in his tunic to keep him warm,"

Thorin forced a smile onto his face as a particularly happy memory surfaced.

"I remember, it must have been a few months before Kili's first birthday, I found Fili lying on his back by the fire. Kili was asleep on his chest with Fili's hand on his back. I've never seen Fili look more tired. But he told me he didn't dare go to sleep in case he accidently let go of his brother. I tried to pick Kili up but the second I moved him he clung to Fili's hair."

Thorin chocked out another sob, "Those two were destined to be together forever. And because of the cruelty and cowardice of a few orcs…"

Breaking off he hugged his knees gently before looking over at Balin.

"How is he going to survive this? How is he going to get by without his brother? His rock?"

Balin shook his head, "I don't know Thorin. I honestly don't know."

* * *

Kili wasn't sure how long it had been since being locked in his new cell. His eyes had gotten adjusted long ago and yet he hadn't moved an inch. Not only would it send ripples of pain running through him but because moving told him he was still alive. Kili didn't want that. He wanted to be dead and end this nightmare. His torso was a mess of clotted and dirtied wounds but Kili cared about none of that. He wanted his brother. He wanted Fili to be here and tell him it was all part of his plan to free him. That he was just tricking Azog and that he would come for Kili.

Kili didn't know why he believed Azog. For all he knew Fili could still be coming for him! But he somehow couldn't bring himself to believe it.

 _Kili gently pushed the bedroom door open. He hadn't been able to find Fili anywhere else. He'd tried asking mother but she'd just sent him away. Kili picked at his black tunic. He didn't understand why he had to wear this. Mother had told him his grandmother had gone. But if she had gone that meant she could still come back. So why was everyone crying and acting like something horrible had happened. Even Fili had been unwilling to hug him. Fili always liked to hug him no matter what._

 _Poking his head round the door Kili saw the hunched up figure of his brother. He knew Fili had come here to cry. He just didn't get why he couldn't cry in front of him._

" _Fili?"_

 _His brother froze and Kili slowly moved towards the bed. Fili had his back to him but instead of climbing up and hugging his brother Kili simply stood there with a pleading smile._

" _Fili. Why is everyone upset about grandmother?"_

 _Fili tensed before turning over. His face was red and Kili screwed up his nose. Fili sighed._

" _Because she's gone Kee. She's gone and she isn't coming back."_

 _Kili didn't understand. Why would their grandmother not want to come back? She loved their mother. She loved them._

" _Did I do something wrong? Did I upset her and that's why she's not coming back?"_

 _Fili shook his head as more tears fell, "No Kili. No you had nothing to do with it. Something…something happened and she won't be coming back to us."_

" _So I'll never see her again?"_

 _Fili shook his head, "You will one day Kee. I promise."_

 _Kili nodded before looking up at his big brother._

" _Are you going to leave me to?"_

 _Fili froze and Kili chewed on the end of his hair. Fili shook his head._

" _Why would you think that?"_

 _Kili shrugged and Fili patted the empty space of bed beside him. With a small smile Kili climbed onto the bed, not caring that his boots were getting mud on the sheets. After all Fili had his boots on. Fili pulled his close and kissed his forehead._

" _Listen to me Kili. I swear on my life I will never leave you. No matter what happens I promise you I will always come for you and I will always be there for you."_

 _Kili nodded, "I know you will Fili."_

Kili could feel the bile rise but this time he'd forced it down. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. His mother thought he'd been too young to remember it but she was wrong. Kili remembered his brother making that promise.

And now he would remember Fili breaking it.

Kili heard his cell being opened but he still didn't move. As heavy footsteps steadily made their way towards he forced himself to look up into Azog's face. The pale orc struck him round the face with his clawed hand and Kili hissed at the stinging sensation.

" _Who is your master now?"_

Kili gave a small nod and tears fell down his face.

"You are."

" _And are you ready to talk?"_

Kili paused. Even if his brother didn't love him his mother did. He couldn't break down and betray her like this. But he knew if he said no then Azog would hurt him. There'd be more whips and more knives. His body would be broken and twisted until he gave Azog what he wanted. He remembered Bolg's words from his whipping.

" _Everyone does eventually. It's all a matter of how strong you are."_

Kili wasn't strong.

Azog grabbed his face, _"Are you ready to talk."_

Kili nodded.

 _ **Aww man so many feels! Poor Fili assuming he just heard confirmation about Kili's death! And poor Kili believing he's been abandoned! Don't worry things will get happier – ish soon. Just hang on for a few more chapters I promise! Let me know what you think xxxx**_


	18. Everybody Hurts and Everybody Cries

_**Big thanks to Doresz9 for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **KHB123 – Don't worry things will get better at some point. I just need you to hang in there! And I guess Fili's anger just got the better of him.**_

 _ **LisaG16 – It depends how bad things get for him.**_

 _ **ColourGuardianoftheGalaxy – I know exactly how you feel!**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – Don't we always need a muffin, three biscuits, and a cup of tea in Bag End with thirteen dwarves a hobbit and a wizard?**_

 _ **Mili – Glad you are enjoying the flashbacks! And sorry for all the feels right now!**_

 _ **Dojonson41 – Hang in for about five more chapters!**_

 _ **Littlemissthunderbird – Glad you are enjoying the storyline despite everything.**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – Glad I got it alright. That's always a worry that I won't portray it properly as I have no real experience with an older brother.**_

 _ **Guest – I guess it all depends. If Azog hurts him enough them he might give in even if he doesn't want to.**_

Everybody Hurts and Everybody Cries

 _Two Months Later_

Curled up on his bed Fili licked his cracked lips. A tray full of breakfast sat on the table by his bed. But like most of the trays that his mother sent up Fili completely ignored it. He'd tried to eat but each bite made his insides curl up in disgust.

 _Kili was dead._

Fili gave a small sigh before reaching up and double checking the clasp was still in his hair. He'd refused to take it out ever since coming back. Even at night he couldn't bear the thought of removing it. He couldn't bear the idea of letting go of something his brother loved so much. Thorin had suggested cleaning it to rid it of the blood but Fili refused. Kili wouldn't have cleaned it. If it was cleaned it became Fili's clasp and not Kili's. Curling into an even smaller ball Fili looked down at himself. He knew he'd need to eat something soon. In the space of a month he'd lost so much weight he was starting to look starved. But he couldn't bring himself to move.

"Fili?"

At his mother's voice Fili made the effort to sit up. He knew his mother shared his pain at the very least. She brushed down her black dress before sitting down on the bed. Fili didn't say anything as she took his hand.

"How are you my little lion?"

Fili gave a small grunt and his mother sighed.

"Lunch is being served soon. If you want to come down they'll be plenty there for you."

Fili shrugged. Usually he and Kili would come to meal times together. If it was breakfast they'd always be late from having overslept and if it was lunch they'd always be late because they'd have been too busy and lost track of time. The idea of getting there early was alien to them.

But the point was they always went together.

Fili could hear his mother crying as she squeezed his shoulder.

"I know it hurts Fili. Believe me I know better than anyone how much it hurts."

Fili knew his mother was right. She'd lost her grandfather, her father, her brother, her husband and now her youngest son.

 _Kili was dead._

"But I also know that, after a while things get better. It'll always hurt but one day you wake up and things look better."

"It's like no one cares," Fili sniffed, "Everyone's carrying on as normal. It's like they don't care about him!"

"That's not true," his mother pulled him up and held him against her. Fili buried his face into her shoulder – he didn't want her to see his tears.

"Kili was loved by everyone in this mountain, and not just because he was a prince. But people grieve in different ways. And you have to remember that the world doesn't just stop for you, as much as we all want it to. Life moves on. We have to move on with it."

Fili shook his head before clinging his mother. He hadn't done that since he was a child.

"I can't!" he couldn't stop his tears; "I can't just move on and pretend nothing happened! He's my brother!"

His mother held him close, rocking him back and forth.

"I know he was my darling. Just like he was my son. And there won't be a day that goes by when I don't miss him! I'm not telling you to pretend nothing happened. I'm telling you that the best way of remembering your brother is by living your life. He'd want you to do it."

Fili knew his mother was right. She kissed his cheek before eyeing him carefully.

"Thorin…he wanted to see you."

"No," Fili eased himself from his mother's grip, "No I don't want him near me."

"Fili he's your uncle."

"No he isn't. If he hadn't given up he might have been able to save Kili. He's just as guilty as the orcs who murdered him!"

His mother flinched but Fili didn't care. The anger he'd been trying so hard to control was now spilling over.

"I don't want to see him. I don't want to acknowledge his existence! Because of him I've lost Kili. And I'm never going to get him back!"

His mother didn't say anything. Instead she simply kissed him on the forehead before getting to her feet. Moving to the other side of the bed she wordlessly picked up the tray.

"I'll have some lunch sent up to you. In case you get hungry."

Fili nodded, "I didn't mean to shout."

"I know you didn't."

"I just…I just want him back!"

His mother bowed her head before shutting the door behind her. As she did so Fili resumed his position on the bed. Only this time he had to bury his face in Kili's toy raven to stop the tears.

 _Kili was dead_

* * *

Thorin looked up as his sister sat down next to him at the table. He hadn't been able to eat anything all day. He knew Fili was wondering why he hadn't yet gotten the army together. But with Kili's funeral and doing what he could to help Dis; Thorin had been forced to put his revenge to one side. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts he forced himself to smile at Dis. Usually they would eat in the large dining room, but now it was just the two of them Thorin had decided they would eat in his rooms instead. Dis took his hand.

"I tried to talk to him Thorin."

Thorin shook his head, "He has every right to hate me sister. Without Kili…"

He would have said more, but instead he noticed the tears running down Dis' face. Thorin didn't have to say anything. Instead he just opened his arms and pulled his sister in for a hug.

"He was so young Thorin!"

He kissed the top of her hair whilst she screamed into his jacket.

"It's not fair he survived his birth just to die now!"

Thorin had no idea what to say, He remembered when he'd been forced to tell Dis her husband was dead. But her bond had already shattered long before that. He'd been unable to comfort her then just like he couldn't comfort her now. And that destroyed him.

 _Kili was dead_

Rubbing her back Thorin gently rocked her.

"If I could bring him back Dis I would. I'd offer up my own life to have him returned to us."

Dis gave a small nod, "But you can't. There's nothing in this world that can give me my son back!"

Thorin sighed and Dis gulped.

"Would he…would he have suffered Thorin?"

Thorin had no answer. He knew Kili would have been in pain ever since being taken. The beatings and the torture, but then to be ripped apart by Wargs...? Shaking his head he held Dis close.

"Don't focus on that. Instead focus on the fact that he's not in pain now. In up there in Mahals great halls. He's safe with his father."

Dis gave a small nod and wiped her eyes. Thorin knew that thought would offer her some comfort. Even if it wasn't much. Rubbing her back gently he forced himself to smile whilst his brain ran amok.

Dis was barely coping with Kili's death. Thorin knew Fili would never be able to survive it. He might be clinging on now but Thorin knew it was only a matter of time before they lost Fili as well.

* * *

"Fili, may I come in?"

At his uncles voice Fili's whole body froze. He'd moved from his bed to his chair by the fire but he wouldn't exactly call this improvement. He could hear his uncle moving towards him, out of the corner of his eyes Fili saw him kneel beside him. Two days since his outburst to his mother and Fili still felt the same cold anger towards his uncle.

"Fili."

"Get out."

To his credit Thorin didn't move. He didn't even flinch. Instead he grabbed Fili's hands, holding them tightly so Fili couldn't pull himself free.

"You aren't the only one who blames me. You aren't the only one who wants Kili back."

Forcing himself to look over Fili saw the tears falling down Thorins face. In that moment he realised how hard this had been on Thorin. Not just to lose his nephew but to know that his family held him responsible, to know that more could have been done to save Kili. Thorin sighed.

"Kili's gone. He's gone and nothing will bring him back. And each day I wake up wishing my own life could be taken in exchange for his. I would give up this whole mountain to see him alive and safe once more. But I can't. It's my fault he's gone and I have to live with that for the rest of my life."

Fili nodded as he slowly slid down from his chair and into Thorin's arms. Holding his uncle close against him Fili expected to be crying. But instead nothing came out but rasping cries.

"I was supposed to protect him Thorin. It was my job to keep him safe!"

"It was my job to keep you both safe," Thorin kissed him gently, "And I failed in the worst way possible."

Fili didn't nod, he didn't so much as move. Instead he clung to his uncle who rocked him back and forth as though he was a small child.

"I miss you Kee."

 _ **Ahh even more feels this time! Sorry for no Kili but we'll get plenty of him in the next chapter I promise. And yes Thorin IS going to get an army together and wreak his revenge. But I figured he'd want the funeral out of the way first (and they are a nightmare to plan). Let me know what you think xxx**_


	19. The Pawn Moves First

_**Big thanks to itslinadarling and SongHyeRii for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – Yeah I needed Fili and Thorin to reunite given what's coming up.**_

 _ **ColourGuardianoftheGalaxy – Well they'd need to organise the funeral which I know takes forever. Plus I wanted to give them time to grieve properly before anything happened. As for Bilbo and Gandalf – this is an AU where Smaug didn't take Erebor so Thorin never met those two.**_

 _ **LisaG16 – I know how you feel!**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – I don't really go on A03 much so haven't come across that one. But this has a happier ending I swear to you.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – It's coming up I'll say that much.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Yeah the next few chapters are going to be interesting.**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – I want one too! Yeah the revenge should be interesting.**_

 _ **Mili – It will get better I promise. We're only a few chapters away from things starting to look up.**_

The Pawn Moves First

Kili wrapped an arm around his stomach in order to stop his ribs rattling as he let out a harsh cough. But even that sent ripples of pain through his body as he pressed on one of his numerous wounds. Licking his lips he forced his head up only to be greeted with the darkness of his cell. Even though he could barely bring himself to breathe, never mind move, Kili was being guarded more and more now. Iron fetters had been attached to his ankles so he was now chained to the wall. As well as this an orc would come in each night to chain his hands and blindfold him so Kili was little more than a trussed up animal. It was pointless! Kili was in so much pain even trying to get through the day was becoming too much. He hadn't thought about escaping since Bolg had caught him. And that had been months ago. Biting his lip Kili tried to think about how long it had been since this whole ordeal had started. He had been taken towards the start of the summer months and they were now in the grip of winter. Doing some hurried sums in his head Kili gave a choked sob.

He had been a prisoner for six months. Maybe even a bit longer!

Resting his head against the stone floor he drew his knees up against his chest, trying to ignore the clinking sound of his chains. Six months since he had seen his mother, six months since the argument with Thorin. He hadn't ridden or used in bow in all of that time. He hadn't been able to pretend to be ill just so his mother would make him some soup.

He hadn't seen Fili in six months.

Even though he knew his brother had abandoned him Kili still clung to his memories of Fili. He had clung to the hope that Azog had been wrong and that Fili would save him. But when nothing had happened he had been forced to accept this was his life now. That his brother and his uncle didn't care about him and that all he was good for was Azog's punch bag. At the thought of the pale orc Kili froze. He had spent the past two days locked in here with only a few scraps of bread and a bowl of water. He couldn't see much in the dark but Kili knew he looked a mess. Sunken eyes and hollowed cheeks whilst mud, bruises and cuts littered his face. His whole body in fact was in a similar state although his arms and chest were covered in burns and whip scars as well. His wounds had done their best to heal but his whole body was riddled with ugly scars and infected wounds. How he had survived this long was the biggest mystery Kili would ever face.

And he had told Azog everything.

The orcs knew how large Thorin's army was, how they could sneak into Erebor unnoticed, the best attack points and the mountains strongest and weakest positions. Kili had done his best to keep quiet; but eventually the pain had been too much. He'd just wanted it all to stop.

* * *

Fili bowed his head, the only sound that could be heard was the wax dripping from the candles. Each member of his family had their own tomb with a well - crafted stone casket and carved figure of the deceased to decorate the lid. The last time he had been in the family vault was on his father's birthday. He and Kili came down every year to see him. But this time Fili was here for a different reason. His hand gently stroked the casket lid and Kili's figure stared back at him. The work was skilled enough, Fili couldn't fault that. But it wasn't the same as his brother. They joy and life that filled Kili wasn't shown in the stone. A plaque lay at the figures feet.

 _Here lies Kili, son of Vili and Dis._

 _Grandson to Thrain._

 _Brother to Fili._

 _The Brightest spark in the fires of Durin._

As the tears steadily fell down his face Fili traced Kili's name on the engraving. This was the first time he had been down here. He hadn't been able to do it before. It was as though coming down here made the whole thing truly official. That his brother was gone and this was all he had left of him.

"Fili?"

At his mothers voice Fili wiped his eyes. She placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Thorin said the ponies are ready and they'll be leaving in an hour."

Fili nodded. His uncle had finally made good his promise and gotten his army together. It had been far easier than anyone had assumed. Every single dwarf living in the mountain had wanted to ride out and kill the orcs who had taken Kili from them. Fili knew his mother wanted him to stay here. But there was no way he was missing out on this. Fili's hand didn't move from the plaque.

"I was just saying goodbye," he forced down his tears, "I've never been anywhere without him before. He'd have loved to have ridden off to battle."

His mother nodded, "I know he would have."

She handed him Kili's raven, "But he'll be there in your heart Fili."

"Can I..? Can I be alone please?"

His mother nodded before turning and hurrying through the vaults. Fili gave a small sigh before looking at the stone figures face. Kili's solemn face stared back. Kili had never seen his brother without a smile – and now it was the only way he would see him.

"I'll…I'll be back soon Kee. And when I come back I'll tell you all about it I promise. I'll even play a trick or two on Thorin for you."

Kissing the stone forehead Fili shut his eyes before turning on his heel and hurrying from the vaults.

* * *

Kili shut his eyes as a sudden burst of sunlight streamed into his cell. His skin was almost white from having spent so long locked up like this. However, the sun was quickly blocked with Azogs' huge form. Kili didn't even register the orcs presence anymore. Azog walked down the small flight of steps, clearly enjoying the echo it made in the cell. Kili forced his eyes open in time to see Azog lean over him.

" _Time to go worm!"_

Kili chewed the end of his tangled hair as he heard his chains being removed. At the sudden weight being taken away his ankles seemed to float away before coming back to him. Azog tapped his face before throwing a pile of rags at him.

" _Get up!"_

Kili forced his aching neck to nod as he pulled at the clothes. His boots and trousers were steadily being worn away to nothing and he'd been without a tunic for ages. Sniffing the clothes cautiously Kili sat up, hissing with pain as he did so, and eased a thick woollen tunic on. It was far too big for him but it would do. Azog said nothing as he forced his feet into the new boots. They rubbed against the sides of his feet and pinched his toes but at least they were warm. Azog nodded and grabbed him by his hair. Kili yelled in anger and pain as he was lifted off the ground and dragged towards the stairs. His legs hadn't moved for so long they'd actually set. Shaking them he tried to get feeling back in.

"Where are we going?" His dried and swollen lips meant all of his words were slurred. Azog shook him before pushing him outside. At the harsh sun Kili shut his eyes, hissing as the warmth stung his skin. Waiting for a few seconds he slowly opened them as Bolg moved towards him with a thick coil of rope. Kili said nothing as his hands were bound, only biting his lip as Bolg gave the rope an experimental tug to make sure it was secure enough. Azog gave Kili a nod.

" _It is time."_

That didn't sound good. Kili could feel his shaky legs shake even more. He opened his mouth when Azog roared something in Black Speech. As the surroundings orcs began cheering and yelling Kili felt very small, far smaller than he had ever felt. As several of them jumped onto wargs Kili shook his head, he wasn't riding on one of those again! He'd rather be dragged through the Greenwood. Bolg gave him a sneer.

" _Do not look so hopeful. Oakenshields heir doesn't deserve to ride any animal."_

So he would be walking then. Although he'd take that over the other options Kili's legs didn't relish the idea, especially after spending the past forty eight hours in chains. Azog yelled something again and the orcs began moving out. As the pale orc took the rope from Bolg Kili forced his stiff head up, ignoring the glint in Azog's eyes.

"Time for what?"

Azog leered at him, _"Time for you to be returned to your uncle."_

 _ **So for all those who wondered how Kili was doing I bet you hat me now. Don't be too upset he talked – I know I'd have broken down under that kind of torture. But hey Thorins going off to find Azog and Azog's going off to find Thorin – wonder how this will go? Let me know what you think xxx**_


	20. The Worst Kind of Pain

_**Nenithiel – Yeah I hope so to. But it's gonna take a very long time.**_

 _ **KHB123 – I have everything planned and it's gonna be interesting to say the least.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – Very worse indeed.**_

 _ **Wolf diyokai – It's only gonna be a few more chapters just hang in there.**_

 _ **PhoenixUniverse – Yeah I didn't want to make him this superhuman dwarf.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – This chapter's even sadder I'm afraid. And the reaction will be….well it'll be worth the wait.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Don't worry Thorin would understand. It'll be more a case of Kili needing to forgive himself. I just wanted to hug Fili so much!.**_

 _ **EdhelwenOnieta – You'll hate me even more after this one!**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – Yeah this chapter isn't much better.**_

 _ **Isky – Don't worry people will understand.**_

 _ **AN: So sorry it's taken me this long to update. Last week I moved into my new student house and we only got the internet up and running yesterday! Second AN – This chapter is gonna have a scene that some of you might find upsetting so I'm just putting in a warning now.**_

The Worst Kind of Pain

The company had barely spoken a word to Fili since they had started travelling. None of them knew what they were supposed to say. Nothing would bring a smile to his face; nothing would make him join in with the conversation. The only thing that could have done it was Kili. Until Kili's death none of the others had truly realised how much Fili needed his brother. They had always assumed Kili was the one who was lost by himself. They had assumed that because he was the younger one he would struggle without Fili. They had never assumed it could be the other way round.

The company travelled at the front with the army riding along behind. Fili hadn't asked how Thorin had gained Thranduils permission to take such a large number of dwarves through Mirkwood and he didn't really care. All he cared about was reaching Dol Guldur and burning it to the ground. He was aware of the others keeping a close eye on him. Fili had stayed in the middle of the group. If he went to the front he'd end up with Thorin and if he went too near the back one of the others would join him to stop him running off by himself. He spoke to no one and kept his head down, going to bed the earliest and often waking up long before the others. It wouldn't take them long to reach the old fortress but Fili often found himself wishing he hadn't gone. That he had stayed behind at Erebor with his mother. He wasn't ready; not yet.

"Fili?"

At Bofur's voice Fili gave a small nod. Out of the whole group the only two who had any chance of getting him to talk were Balin and Bofur. The hatted dwarf gave him a thin smile and Fili forced his head up. He was the only one who still wore black. Bofur reached over and squeezed his hand.

"We'll be stopping for lunch soon."

Fili nodded again and Bofur bit his lip.

"I know what's going through ye head Fili."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. Ye wish ye'd stayed behind. Ye wish ye hadn't come because it's not right to go without him."

A tear trickled down Fili's face as he nodded. Bofur gave his hand another comforting squeeze and this time Fili looked him in the eye.

"I thought…I thought if I tried to carry on then things would get better quickly."

"No," Bofur sighed, "No Fili they won't."

Fili appreciated his honesty. Bofur risked a glanced at Thorin before nodding.

"I won't lie. The next few months, maybe even years, will be hard. Ye'll wonder why everyone else is carrying on. Ye'll wonder if it's only you who cares about Kili. Ye'll have dreams about him and ye'll cry because ye know he's gone. But then, one day ye'll wake up and it'll be a part of ye life. The dreams will stop and ye'll realise it's possible to carry on."

When Fili didn't answer Bofur sighed.

"At least ye doing this for him lad. All of us are. No matter what the cost is we'll see they pay for what they did to the pair of ye."

Nodding Fili let go of Bofur's' hand and gripped his pony hard. Kili's raven had never left his pack and his bow was slung over his back instead of his swords which now rested at his hips. Bofur gave him one last look before moving his pony over to where Balin was. Fili watched as both dwarves muttered to each other in hurried, hushed tones. Every so often they flashed him worried glances and he forced himself to keep looking straight ahead.

He would do this for Kili.

* * *

By the time the orcs stopped to set up camp night had fallen hours ago. Halfway through the days Kili's legs had finally given up on him. No matter how many times the orcs yelled at him or hit him he couldn't walk. So in the end Bolg had slung him over his shoulder – allowing Kili a few desperately needed hours of sleep.

When Bolg dropped him on the ground Kili made no sound. Half asleep and half unconscious from exhaustion and pain he simply forced himself into a sitting position whilst the orcs around him began building several small fires and skinning rabbits. Kili looked at his bound hands. It had been a week since leaving the old fortress and he had to guess they were only another week or so from Thranduils palace. And then after that it would only take them a couple of days to reach Erebor. The thought of seeing Thorin and his family should have sent hope running through his body; but instead Kili felt nothing but sadness. How could he look forward to seeing a family who had abandoned him with the orcs? A family who were no doubt happy Kili wasn't coming back.

Kili shook his head as two orcs walked towards him. In the darkness Kili couldn't recognise them, only when they peered down at him did he stiffened. Red Eye poked his bloodied chest; smiling at the cry of pain.

" _Why so sad worm?"_

Scar nodded, _"Are we not good hosts for you?"_

"Go and burn in hell," Kili muttered. Red Eye raised an eyebrow.

" _Azog wants to see you. Mind you be on your best behaviour."_

Before Kili could even think about this he was roughly dragged to his feet and pulled through the camp. All around him the orcs laughed and jeered at him. Kili lowered his head, too frightened to meet their gazes.

" _Here's the dwarf worm master."_

'Worm' seemed to be his new name now. After months of being called nothing else Kili was surprised he still knew what his old name was. If he didn't say it every morning and every night he'd probably have given up and taken the name of 'Worm'. Once again on his knees Kili looked over at Azog who was staring at him thoughtfully.

" _Are you not happy? After all we're taking you back to your family."_

Kili shook his head, his body might be broken but his mouth wasn't. He had nothing left to lose after all.

"Bastard."

Azog froze and Kili held his hands to his chest.

" _You still have some spirit left."_

Kili nodded, "I'm not Thorin's heir for nothing you know. I will watch as he burns you to ashes before letting you scatter into the winds."

The orcs closest cursed him in black speech whilst Azog gave a small laugh.

" _You're words mean nothing to us Worm. Your uncle cannot touch us. It is I who shall burn him!"_

Kili froze; no matter what Thorin thought of him he loved his uncle to the ends of the earth.

"I'll kill you myself before I let you harm him!"

Azog threw back his head this time. Kili licked his lips as the pale orc laughed.

" _I can see we haven't broken you in yet have we? A worm must understand he is only alive to be trodden on by the boots of others."_

Kili said nothing as Azog examined his clawed hand.

" _Do you know why I am called 'the Defiler'?"_

Kili didn't know if he should answer that or not. After several seconds of silence Azog nodded.

" _Do you know how many men and women I have made scream and moan?"_

Before he could blink Kili was grabbed from behind by two orcs and forced onto his front. His bound hands dug into his battered ribcage and when he tried to move his head another orc grabbed a handful of his hair and kept him still. Azog nodded.

" _I want him on his front."_

Tears were falling down Kili's face as he was turned over. The pale orc knelt over him, gently running his claw down the middle of his body.

" _I've never yet had the pleasure of a dwarf. I wonder what they feel like."_

Kili shook his head weakly, "Please…please don't. I'm sorry, I sorry for what I said I didn't mean any of it!"

Azog cocked his head to one side and Kili gave him a pleading smile,

"I'll do anything you want. I'll let you beat me again. You can whip me I don't care. But please…please not this!"

Azog gave a slow nod, _"But I want to do this to you. I want to break you. I want to make you mine!"_

Kili thrashed and wriggled in the orcs grip. However they merely pinned him down even more. Azog stroked his face with his actual hand this time.

" _Don't worry worm. I'll make it quick."_

All of Kili's fighting and screaming was pointless.

* * *

Fili shifted the pile of wood in his arms before looking around him. It's been an hour since he'd left to find more firewood and he was still waiting for Dwalin or one of the others to appear and drag him back to the camp. He'd hear the sound of footsteps half an hour ago and Fili could have sworn he'd seen Bofur's furry hat not long after. Shaking his head he began moving towards the small fire they had set up. Most of the others were fast asleep even though the sun was only starting to set. Fili sighed. He wasn't going to run off. Where would he go? He had no brother to run to any more.

Dropping his pile by the fire Fili sat down and gently jabbed at the flames to keep them going. He was surprised his uncle had agreed for him to be on his watch. But it had been more than clear to everyone that Fili needed some time by himself. And now he had it. Chucking a few sticks into the fire, Fili rubbed his hands before bringing out Kili's raven. Despite all the months of clinging to it he still saw it as Kili's. It was Kili's and he was just borrowing it for a little while.

"It seems odd without you Kee," he kept in voice down in case he woke someone up, "You'd have loved this. I know you would have."

Fili allowed himself a small smile, "We had to cross a stream earlier and Dwalins pony got stuck. When he tried to free her she ran to join the others and he fell backwards into the river."

Fili sighed at the memory. That had been the first time he had smiled properly since Kili's death. He knew if his brother had been there he would have been beside himself with laughter.

"You'd have laughed so hard your head would have come off Kili! Thorin said so himself."

Fili paused for a few minutes, "I'm scared Kili. I'm scared because it doesn't hurt so much anymore. I'm scared to move on because you'll think I've forgotten you. I don't want you to think I don't care about you; because I do Kili. I care about no one else and I want you _here!"_

"How are you?"

At Thorins voice Fili dropped the raven in shock. Thorin gave him a wan smile before sitting down beside him. Fili gave a low nod.

"I'm fine. Do you mind if I go to bed?"

Thorin kissed his forehead, "Of course not Fili. I'll be right here if you need me."

Nodding Fili grabbed his blanket and curled up by his pack. Gently running his fingers along Kili's bow he pulled the blanket over his body and shut his eyes.

* * *

 _When Fili woke it was still dark. Easing the blanket off him he looked over to see no one sitting by the fire. Thorin must have gone to bed then. Hugging his knees against his chest Fili rested his chin on his knees and gave a small sigh._

 _He wanted to go home. He wanted to go and see his brother again._

" _Fili?"_

 _At the voice Fili wanted to be sick. Already he could feel the nausea creeping in._

" _Fili? Is…is that you?"_

 _Fili couldn't speak. His mouth kept opening and closing like a fishes but no words came out. He could see a figure cautiously limping towards him. Their hair clung to their face and their clothes were little more than rags. Forcing himself to his feet Fili shook his head. It wasn't… He hadn't heard that voice for over six months!_

" _Fee!"_

 _As he saw Kili, Fili wanted to collapse. His baby brother stood by the fire, staring at him with those big brown eyes. Fili gulped whilst forcing himself to look at the state Kili was in. His brother hugged his body tightly and even in the dark Fili could see the bruises and rope burns. Tears stained Kili's cheeks and as he took several stumbles forward Fili flinched._

 _This wasn't… Kili was dead! His brother was dead!_

 _But those eyes! And that face! It was Kili. It was no one else._

 _Fili nodded before opening out his arms, "I'm here Kee. I'm here."_

 _Kili nodded as more tears fell. Fili himself burst into tears as he pulled his brother against him. The pair held each other tightly, bruising each other's flesh until it was too much for Fili. Sinking to his knees he pulled Kili down with him. He wasn't going to let go. He was never going to let go._

" _Fili?"_

 _Shaking his head Fili pushed his brothers matted hair from his face. Blood and bruises covered most of Kili and Fili didn't want to think what the orcs had done to him._

" _I thought you were dead!" Fili sobbed, "The orc told us you had been killed!"_

 _Kili shook his head, "They said that so you wouldn't follow us."_

 _Fili bowed his head, fully aware of Kili gripping his wrists hard. Biting his lip he glanced back at his brother. Whatever he had been through, it had changed him forever._

" _Kili…"_

" _Why did you go home?" Kili's eyes were turning dark. Fili tried to free his hands but Kili held on._

" _Why didn't you keep going?"_

" _I thought…the orc said you were dead!"_

" _And you just believed that?" Kili's voice was rising and Fili knew the others would be woken up soon. Kili shook him hard._

" _Did you not even stop to think it might have been a lie? Did I mean so little to you that you decided to abandon me at the first opportunity?"_

" _Kili no," tears ran down Fili's cheeks. His brother needed to understand. He needed to realise what Fili had gone through. What their mother had gone through. Kili shook his head._

" _If you had carried on you could have stopped them hurting me. You could have stopped them breaking every bone in my body!"_

" _Kili…I'm sorry!"_

" _They told me you didn't love me! I didn't want to believe them and yet they were right!"_

" _Kili stop…KILI!"_

 _Fili watched in horror as Kili's eyes rolled back in their sockets. His whole body trembled before falling backwards. Within seconds Fili was kneeling over him, holding his hand and stroking his face._

" _Kili wake up! Come on Kili. Kili!"_

 _Kili's lifeless eyes glared back at him._

* * *

Fili couldn't stop screaming. Hugging himself and burying his head did nothing to quell his screams. All around him he could hear noises and shouts. Someone pulled him against them and Fili clung to the fur, allowing the person to rock him back and forth.

"Is he alright?"

"Yes…yes I think so."

"Was it a nightmare?"

"What happened? Is the lad okay?"

Fili wanted them to stop talking. He wanted Kili to hug him and tell him everything was alright.

"Fili?" That was Thorin's voice. Fili nodded and his uncle tightened his hold.

"Fili what happened?"

"My fault," Fili mumbled. His brain couldn't think of anything else, "All my fault."

"Fili?" Thorin peered at him closely and Fili nodded.

"I saw Kili…he said the orcs lied! He said I didn't love him!"

"Oh Fili!" Thorin kissed his forehead, "It was just a dream. Nothing more!"

Fili shook his head but kept quiet. Instead he fingers curled around the empty space where Kili's raven was. Freezing Fili looked down at the empty patch of ground.

"Where is it?"

"Where's what lad?" Bofur asked. Fili said nothing, instead trying to wriggle out of Thorins arms.

"Kili's raven. I had it and now it's gone. Someone's taken it!"

Thorin shushed him, "We'll find it Fili. We'll find it. Dwalin!"

The older dwarf nodded and he began searching around the campfire. Fili meanwhile clung to Thorins coat as his uncle gently rubbed his back.

"Fili?"

Fili didn't even look at Dwalin. Instead he grabbed the raven and held it against his chest. Thorin hugged him close.

"It's alright Fili. We're here for you."

Fili nodded. They might all be here. But the one person he needed wasn't.

They were never going to be.

* * *

Kili rolled onto his side, hissing as his freshly bounds wrists stung. He could hear Azog and several other orcs a few metres away. They were laughing and talking as though the past few hours hadn't happened. Curling into a ball Kili let out a choked sob. Everything hurt and each time he moved a hot pain shot through him. Kili shook his head; that pain was nothing compared to the one between his legs. He could feel the blood staining his trousers and he knew if he shut his eyes he'd see the smile on Azog's face and the leering faces of the others as he was pinned down.

He knew of course what happened between two people. He remembered having to sit down with Fili whilst Thorin had explained everything. How he and Fili kept flashing each other glances of horror if Thorin got too descriptive. But Kili knew that moments like that were supposed to be special. They were supposed to be good. But this..? This had been something else entirely. This had hurt. This had made him feel like a slab of meat. The second Azog had finished with him Kili hadn't been able to stop the shame running through his body. If Thorin ever found out about this, or Fili, Kili knew it would bring the ultimate dishonour to the line of Durin. That he, a prince, had allowed something so vile to happen to him.

Burying his head in the grass Kili let his tears fall. He wanted his toy raven. He wanted to hug it close to his chest and pour out his deepest feelings. He just wanted something to comfort him.

 _ **So yeah you wait all this time for an update and I just destroy you even more! I was unsure about putting in the scene with Kili and Azog but then I just decided to go with my gut instinct. And poor Fili having such a nightmare whilst Kili is alive and waiting for him! However there is some good news in that the reunion is just around the corner so hang in for that one. Thanks for waiting for me and let me know what you think xxx**_


	21. An Impossible Miracle

_**Celebrisilweth – Don't worry the comfort is going to come soon I promise.**_

 _ **Wolf diyokai – Okay so there is a sort of reunion in this chapter…it depends what you class as one really.**_

 _ **Yshxf – Things get better trust me**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Don't worry, Fili makes everything better.**_

 _ **SongHyeRii – Yeah I knew not everyone would like it. I like pushing boundaries with writing though and like including things that people don't talk about.**_

 _ **Briongloid fiodoir – I was just like "what's the worst thing Azog could ever do?" and this is what I got.**_

 _ **Sol Pyllon – Very nasty, but don't worry Kili (with his families help) WILL be able to start recovering from it. I plan to have chapters of his recovery to make you all feel better.**_

 _ **Isky – Yeah things will get interesting for Fili later on. And as for Kili things will get better I promise.**_

 _ **Littlemissthunderbird – I'm sending him big hugs**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – I've read only one which I why I kinda wanted to add it in. Don't worry the story won't end like that, I plan to have chapters of Kili getting better.**_

 _ **Dojoson41 – Yeah I know that**_

 _ **Guest – I completely respect that and I knew putting that in would be a risk. I always feel that because stuff like this does happen we shouldn't try and hide it.**_

An Impossible Miracle

If Fili had been in a bad way before leaving Erebor it was nothing compared to how he was feeling now. Every night he needed someone to rock him to sleep else he wouldn't shut his eyes. And the company always made sure someone sat with him in case he had another nightmare. His screams still filled their ears and every time they watched him a tiny bit of their hearts were ripped away.

They had passed Thranduils palace without any incidents and it would only take them a couple of weeks to reach the fortress. Thorin had assumed that would at least give his nephew some comfort; that they would soon be able to wreak their revenge on the orcs who had torn their family apart. But instead Fili became more and more withdrawn and more often than not Thorin found himself wishing he'd sent Fili home.

"Thorin?"

Balin sat down beside him and Thorin nodded. All around him the others were stopping to make lunch. Bombur and his small team had the job of making sure the army was fed and Thorin didn't envy the dwarf this huge task. Looking over he saw Fili sticking close to Bofur and as the hatted dwarf handed Fili a small toy animal he felt those tears falling again. His eighty two year old heir was gone. In his place was a small dwarfling who needed someone to hug him and show him he was loved.

"Thorin?"

Dragging his gaze away from Fili Thorin blinked at Balin. The older dwarf patted his knee gently.

"How are ye bearing up lad?"

Thorin shrugged, "It's Fili I'm worried about right now. I should never have let him come."

Balin raised an eyebrow, "I'm not sure how ye could have stopped him Thorin. If this had been Dis I'm pretty sure nothing would have kept you from trying to save her."

"But this is different," Thorin hissed. He didn't want Fili to hear him. Balin inched closer and Thorin nodded.

"The bond he and Kili shared is far stronger than the one between me and Dis. Even stronger than the one between me and Frerin. It's unheard of Balin!"

Balin paused, "Well, there have been some cases I admit. I think it's the fact they were born so close together in comparison to most siblings. And without their father they only had each other."

Balin broke off to take another look at Fili. With a small sigh he lowered his head in sorrow before looking back over at Thorin.

"Ye haven't answered my question. How are ye doing?"

Thorin shook his head, "I can't talk about it Balin. Not now. I know I need to, I know it'll help but I just can't. Not when my last words to him were so harsh!"

Balin rubbed his back gently whilst Thorin wiped his eyes. He had to remain strong for Fili's sake. One day he would be given his chance to grieve. But right now his priority was Fili. He needed to put him above everything else.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say Thorin," Balin sighed – his voice wavering, "I want to make it better but I know I can't."

Thorin bit his lip whilst squeezing his friends hand, "It's enough that you're here and you're willing to follow me."

Smiling, Balin gave Thorin's hand one last squeeze before getting to his feet and moving away to join his brother. As Thorin watched him go he found his eyes falling back towards Fili. His nephew clutched a bowl of soup and as he swallowed each mouthful Thorin nodded. He knew in time Fili would be able to cope with his grief. He knew in time things would get better.

* * *

They were all ready to go when it happened. Thorin was just making the final checks when he heard shouts coming from all around him. As swords and axes were drawn his first thought was of Fili. Glancing over he saw his nephew gripping both swords tightly and Thorin spotted Dwalin standing close behind him – no doubt in case Fili lost his head. Wielding his own sword Thorin's eyes widened as three huge shapes emerged from the trees. He heard the curses being yelled in Black Speech and if he hadn't caught sight if the dwarves armour he would have sliced the head off the closest creature. Instead he stepped back as two armoured dwarves wrestled with the struggling orc. Thorin didn't have to look to know Dwalin was holding Fili back. He could hear his nephews own curses well enough. Both dwarves kicked the orcs legs and pushed him to his knees. One grabbed his head and pulled it back whilst the other dug an axe against its neck and another in its stomach.

"We caught it watching the camp sire!" The fatter dwarf grunted. The orc wriggled but he simply punched it straight in the face and it fell silent. Thorin gave a small nod – he could feel his own hatred building. Looking over he saw Gloin was having to help Dwalin in holding Fili back. Pressing the tip of his sword into the orcs cheek Thorin leant in close; shuddering at the blood that coated its mouth.

"What where you doing here filth?"

The orc grinned and Thorin knew it was trying to provoke him into an attack. Shutting his eyes he took several deep breaths before trying again.

"I repeat. What were you doing here?"

The orc wrinkled its nose, _"I was sent here."_

"By who?" That was Fili. Looking over Thorin flinched at the thunderous look in his nephews eyes. The orc shrugged.

" _An old friend of Yours Oakenshield. He wants to talk."_

Gulping Thorin shared a glanced with Balin who gave a sad nod. Thorin sighed. He should have known Azog would be involved in this somehow. The orc had wanted control of the mountain for as long as Thorin could remember. Sheathing his sword he knelt before the orc.

"Tell him if he wants to face me then I am more than ready."

" _He wants to meet you alone,"_ the orc screeched as the axe at its neck scratched its skin. Black blood dripped down its neck. However Thorin didn't so much as shudder.

"I'm not that stupid."

" _He has a proposition for you. A deal."_

Thorin paused at this. He knew that in all likelihood this would turn out to be a trap. But what if he could use this to his advantage? Nodding he stepped back.

"Tell Azog that I will meet him. The forest border is several miles to the east. We will meet there in several hours."

The orc nodded and Thorin eyed the two dwarves who were holding it. They both shared glances with each other before dropping their weapons. Getting to its feet the orc gave Thorin a mocking bow before turning towards Fili.

" _I wonder if you have as good a scream as the other dwarfling."_

Within seconds both Dwalin, Gloin and Thorin rushed at Fili – dragging him back. The orc threw back its head in laughter before hurrying back through the trees. Thorin gasped as Fili lashed out at him and when he finally grabbed his wrists he knocked the swords from his hands.

"Fili enough!"

"That bastard!" Fili spat, "How dare he mention Kili like that?"

Dwalin held him close, "He's trying to goad ye lad. Nothing more."

Nodding Thorin brushed himself down – aware that everyone was staring at him.

"Thorin…about this meeting..." Balin began. Dwalin nodded.

"This is madness! Ye can't be serious?"

"I am Dwalin," Thorin sighed, "Azog might think he has destroyed us by taking Kili. But I intend to show him how wrong he is."

Dwalin nodded, "In which case I'm coming with ye," he held up a hand, "Don't try to talk me out of it because I won't listen."

Thorin smiled, "Thank you."

Kneeling beside Fili he held his nephew close. Fili gave a small sob before wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Listen to me Fili, Azog will pay for Kili's death. I promise you."

Fili nodded, "Just…let me be the one to kill him. Please?"

Thorin nodded, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

By the time they reached the forest border Thorin could feel his hands getting clammy. Dwalin clapped him on the shoulder reassuringly and it took all of Thorin's energy to nod in return. Already they could see the torches and as they finally left the Greenwood Thorin's mouth dropped.

"So many of them!"

A whole orc legion stretched out before them. Thorin watched in horror as several wargs snapped and lashed out at each other. Orcs roamed as far as the eye could see and he realised just how long Azog had been planning this whole affair.

"Thorin? What do we do?" Dwalin hissed. Thorin didn't say anything but he could hear the fear in his friends voice. He opened his mouth when their was a noise to his left. As the orc they had met earlier came out Thorin narrowed his eyes. The orc nodded.

" _You have arrived."_

"As promised," Thorin spat. The orc bowed again.

" _I will take you to Azog."_

"No," Dwalin stepped in, "Azog comes to us."

The orc screeched and Thorin raised a hand, "Dwalin it's fine. If they want to play then let them play."

" _That's more like it!"_

Thorin nodded as the orc strode off towards the huge encampment. As they followed he knew Dwalin was shooting his confused looks. Thorin himself had no idea why he was being so willing to follow the orcs orders. They could easily kill him and Dwalin and attack the others. But something told Thorin that wouldn't happen. This was too carefully planned. Everything was far too elaborate for Azog to just kill them and be done with it.

"I don't like this." Dwalin hissed. Thorin agreed. The orc led them into one section of the camp. All around them orcs were making themselves scarce. None of them even looked their way yet Thorin's hand didn't move from his sword until the place was empty.

"Well?" He folded his arms, "Where is Azog?"

 _Patience Oakenshield. Patience!"_

With that the orc hurried off – leaving the two dwarves alone. Inching close together Thorin bit his lip. He didn't want to think about the orcs because then he would think about Kili. The thought of his nephew being in Azog's hands..?

" _OAKENSIELD!"_

At the voice Thorins sword was out faster than he could blink. He heard Dwalin draw his own weapons and both stood their ground as Azog stepped forward. Thorin flinched at the scars covering the pale orcs face and chest. Azog meanwhile raised an eyebrow.

" _The great Thorin Oakenshield has paid us a visit."_

"Whatever you want to offer get on with it!" Thorin hissed. Azog nodded and Thorin watched as another pale orc strode forward. As Bolg grinned Thorin could feel the nausea rising even more and he forced it back down. He needed to keep calm and keep focused. Azog patted Bolgs shoulder before nodding.

" _I want the Lonely Mountain."_

"And I want my nephew back," Thorin chocked, "But it isn't going to happen."

Azog nodded, _"Ahh yes, your heir. You should be proud of him. He showed loyalty to you despite everything."_

Thorin blinked back his tears. It didn't matter what Kili did, he had always been proud of him.

"Just tell me what this deal of yours is."

" _The only way I can gain the Lonely Mountain is through your death. But even I know that is not always certain in a battle."_

"So?"

" _So I'm going to offer you a deal. You offer up your life to me."_

Dwalin tensed and Thorin frowned, "In return… what exactly?"

The smile on Azogs face caused his legs to lock.

" _In return you can have him."_

Thorin blinked in confusion at these words. But as Azog stepped to one side he saw another, slightly smaller orc with red eyes stepping forward. In one hand they held a long coil of rope and Thorin watched as a small human like figure stumbled after them. A bag had been thrown over their head and Thorin gave an involuntary shudder at the state of their body. Their clothes were dirty and torn to rags. The orc pushed the prisoner to their knees and removed the bag. Dark hair fell over their face and at the hollowed cheeks and sunken eyes Thorin was aware of his sword falling to the floor.

"It…it can't be…" Dwalin gasped. Thorin couldn't move. He couldn't even breathe. Azog nodded.

" _Offer up your life in exchange for your nephews!"_

 _ **THEY KNOW HE'S ALIVE! So I'm not sure if this counts as a reunion or not but given Thorin knows the truth things are going to look up for Kili. Next couple of chapters are going to have some insane feels though. Let me know what you all think xxx**_


	22. A Rescue Mission

_**Big thanks to JakePaulFan2012, hdwb and BunniesAndBatWings for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Wolf diyokai – Don't worry there will be a happy ending promise.**_

 _ **PhoenixUniverse – Aww thanks.**_

 _ **Vlnelson55 – Things aren't going to be much better for Fili I'm afraid.**_

 _ **Hdwb – Glad you are enjoying it.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – I've got the revenge all set up so fingers crossed you enjoy it.**_

 _ **Littlemissthunderbird – This next chapter will be even more of a killer.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – Yeah it's gonna be an interesting conversation. But Fili will get his own bit as well.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Of course they won't. You'll just have to read on and see.**_

 _ **Mili – Glad you are still enjoying it so much.**_

 _ **Guest – At least if I kill people off they stay dead. But yeah this is a very feels stuffed story.**_

 _ **AN: Sorry for not updating yesterday but I just ran out of time xxx**_

A Rescue Mission

Thorin shook his head weakly, never taking his eyes from the kneeling dwarf before him. Azog prodded them in the back and as a look of agonising pain crossed their face Thorin gave his head another shake. It wasn't Kili. Kili had been killed long ago and Azog was trying to trick him with this decoy. Kneeling down Thorin picked his sword up and sheathed it.

"You think you can trick me?"

Azog raised an eyebrow, _"You do not believe me?"_

"Why should I?" Thorin spat, "Give me one reason I should believe anything you say."

Azog examined his clawed hand before nodding. Thorin watched on as he pressed it into the dwarf's cheeks.

" _Get up worm."_

The dwarf gave a shaky nod and forced himself up. As he did so he bent over coughing and tears sprung to Thorins eyes. Whoever this dwarf was they had been through hell. How they were still alive was beyond belief. Azog stroked the dwarf's hair.

" _Tell him who you are."_

The dwarf shut his eyes as tears fell down his face. Taking a deep breath he opened them and stared straight at Thorin. His lips trembled and Thorin saw how bloodied they had become.

"Uncle…uncle please?"

Thorin forced down the bile at Kili's voice. Reaching out behind him, he took Dwalins hand whilst Azog patted Kili's cheek.

" _Very good."_

"Kili?" Thorin couldn't speak. All this time Kili had been _alive!_ And they had left him in Azog's hands? Kili nodded and Thorin took another look at his nephew. If Fili was here now then Azog would have been dead long ago. Thorin didn't want to think about the torture inflicted on Kili's body. Right now it was enough he was alive.

But for how much longer?

" _Offer me your life and I will give you back your heir."_ Azog said. Kili shook his head weakly.

"Uncle don't listen to him! He won't keep his wo-AHH!""

With a pained cry Kili slumped to his knees as blood trickled down his face. Bolg shook out his clenched fist and Thorin was aware of Dwalin's grip on his arm tightening. Azog smiled down at Kili.

" _It seems our worm is being far too talkative. We must remember to do something about that."_

"You will burn for this!" Thorin roared, "I will see to it that every last one of your burns before my eyes!"

" _You're threats are of no interest to me!"_ Azog rolled his eyes, _"All I care about is your answer. Do you accept the terms?"_

Thorin bit his lip. He knew if he said yes then Azog wouldn't give Kili back. He would most likely kill all three of them where they stood. He needed time to think of a rescue plan. But at the same time he couldn't bear the idea of Kili being with Azog any longer.

"Give him back to me."

" _You accept?"_

Thorin shuddered at the glee in the orcs voice, "No. But at least give me my nephew back. What use is he to you now? I give you my word not to leave or attack you."

" _In your own words Oakenshield…why should I believe you? No, you will get your nephew back only when you agree to the terms. Should you refuse..?"_

Thorin watched as Bolg pulled Kili's head back and dug a knife under his chin. No one dared move as Bolg gently stroked the knife across Kili's throat. It didn't leave any sort of mark but the message was clear. Thorin nodded.

"You will have my answer by dawn. I will meet you here and give it to you."

The look in Kili's eyes! Thorin wasn't sure whether it was relief he hadn't given himself up, or despair that his uncle was leaving him like this. Thorin gave Kili a pleading look with his eyes in the hope his nephew understood what he was doing. But instead Kili lowered his gaze. Azog nodded.

" _We have a deal."_

"Wait!" Thorin said as Bolg grabbed Kili, "I want your word that no harm will come to my nephew before then."

Azog nodded carelessly. Thorin stepped back, watching on as the bag was thrown over Kili's head once again and he was dragged to his feet. All around them the orcs began moving away but Thorin only had eyes for Kili's small figure being pushed along. When the orcs were finally out of sight did he let his knees do what they had been begging to do. Falling to the floor Thorin bent over as tears ran down his cheeks.

"It's okay Thorin," Dwalins voice cracked, "He's alive. That's all that matters."

"Look what they did to him Dwalin," Thorin shook his head, "We should never have gone back. We should have carried on. We could have saved him."

"Listen," Thorin looked up as Dwalin sat in front of him. Even though his own face was wet with tears the dwarf smiled.

"Ye can still save him Thorin. Ye still have a chance to get him out of there."

Thorin nodded. He did have a chance. One he thought he might not get. Allowing Dwalin to pull him to his feet the pair headed off towards the camp. Although Dwalin didn't say anything Thorin knew what was on his friends mind. It was the only thing he had been able to think about. Placing a hand on Dwalins arm he gently pulled his friend back.

"When we get back say nothing about Kili to the others."

Dwalin nodded and Thorin realised his friend hadn't understood.

"Including Fili."

Dwalin gulped, "Thorin ye can't hide this! Not from him. Thorin he needs to know Kili is alive!"

"And what do you think he will do if we tell him?" Thorin snapped, "He'll demand to go and rescue him and we won't be able to stop him. He'll try and save his brother and will end up getting the pair of them captured or killed! I'm not risking either of them. Not now!"

Blinking back his tears Thorin jutted his chin out and Dwalin nodded.

"Very well. But don't blame me if this blows up in your face later on."

Thorin allowed his friend to move on; unsure if he should fear Dwalins words or not. Instead he pushed it from his mind and tried to focus on the safest rescue plan possible.

* * *

When they reached the camp Thorin couldn't help but shoot Dwalin a look. However his friend simply sat down by the fire and grabbed a bowl and began serving himself some soup. Balin got to his feet and placed a hand on Thorin's shoulder.

"How did it go?"

Thorin bit his lip before nodding, "We're to camp here tonight. Then at dawn I'm going to go back and meet with him again."

Balin's eyes widened, "Are ye sure ye know what ye doing lad?"

Thorin shook his head, "No Balin I'm not. But it's better than nothing."

* * *

Fili gave a huge yawn before shaking his head. He'd gone to his tent the second Thorin and Dwalin had left to see Azog in order to get some sleep. After all he was going to need it for his plan to work. He had woken just after nightfall and after getting his things together as quietly as possible Fili nodded to himself. If Thorin thought he was going to sit back and do nothing whilst Kili's murderers were camped nearby then he had another thing coming. No, Fili was going to find those orcs and skin them alive. He gently ran a finger down his mourning braid and tapped the bead carefully.

"This is for you Kee."

Shutting his eyes in order to avoid any more tears Fili inched towards his tent entrance and poked his head out. As expected Gloin was sat by his tent with Oin on guard by the fire. No doubt there were other guards posted through the whole encampment but Fili didn't need to worry about them. They weren't in his path. Once he got past the fire he would be safe. In the darkness Gloin hadn't seen him, but that didn't stop Fili being extra careful when leaning forwards to grab a handful of stones. Licking his lips he gently flipped the first one in his hand before sitting up and bringing his arm back as far as he dared before throwing the stone. For a second he wondered if he'd aimed wrong and the stone would hit Gloin. But instead it crashed into the trees and Fili smiled as both brothers looked up. Not wasting time he threw another one before ducking back inside the tent.

"What was that?" Gloin whispered. Oin mumbled something and Fili crossed his fingers.

"Go and look. Go and look." He mumbled.

"Should we take a look?" Oin asked. Fili nodded before risking yet another glance. At first he wondered if he would have to throw another stone. But when Gloin picked up his sword he knew it would be fine. Both brothers headed off into the trees and Fili knew he had minutes before they were back. Scrambling to his feet he hurried from his tent and ran from the camp.

* * *

Despite the dark Fili knew he was heading in the right direction. All he had to do was follow the noise. Coming towards the edge of the Greenwood he knelt down behind several bushes and brought out his sharpest knife. Kili had brought it for his 80th birthday and it felt right to kill the orcs using his brothers gift. For a few seconds his sight was blurred by the vast amount of torches and it took him a while before everything fell into focus. As it did so however Fili's mouth dropped. There were so many of them. He could hear the orcs shrieks from here and it was a wonder none of the others had woken up to the sounds. At that thought Fili gulped. For all he knew one of the others could have woken up and found him gone. Sheathing his knife he crept out from his hiding place.

The whole clearing was bare except for a few odd clumps of rocks and bushes dotted about here and there. Using his height and the darkness as cover Fili ran towards the closest rock and dipped down behind it. He didn't care about any of the orcs. He wanted Azog and Bolg and he would be happy.

" _Please! Please just leave me alone!"_

Fili's hand hovered over his knife whilst his blood froze. He knew that voice better than his own. It was a voice he never thought he'd get to hear again.

And yet it couldn't be him. Thorin would have told him if Kili was alive?

Fili shook his head, he could still remember his nightmare. For all he knew his mind was playing tricks on him. Biting his lip he moved from his rock and scurried closer towards the camp. Best to make certain of everything before he acted. He couldn't afford for this to go wrong now.

" _Get moving worm!"_

Fili froze at the orcs words. They had a prisoner that much was certain. Shifting his weight onto his other knee he leant forward as a huge orc strode forward into his sights. They were at the edge of the orcs camp and Fili wondered if it was worth diving in and trying to free whoever the orcs had prisoner. Fili gave the orcs another look and realised it was pulling something along. A small figure stumbled close against it. Their hands had been tied behind their backs and Fili saw the orcs fist in their long hair. The orc threw the figure to the ground and as they rolled over Fili saw their face was covered in bruises.

"Please…" their voice was so small, "Please not that again. Not…not that!"

They tried carrying on but the orc stooped over them and tied a rag between their lips before patting their cheek. As they stepped aside Fili's heart plummeted.

"Kili!"

 _ **So yeah I really am that cruel! Don't be too harsh on Thorin for going back. He needed to think of a plan given he hadn't expected to see Kili alive. And at least now Fili knows so maybe he can save Kili? Let me know what you all think xx**_


	23. Hard Truths and Even Harder Choices

_**ColorGuardianoftheGalaxy – Pissed is one way of putting it.**_

 _ **Littlemissthunderbird – Happy ending I promise.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – I'm with you on that one. But at least Fili's knows his brother is alive.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Yeah it's certainly making things more complex for everyone.**_

 _ **PhoenixUniverse – Sorry I made you wait an extra day for it!**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – You won't be seeing much of THIS fight but I have my reasons which you'll find out in several chapters time. And yeah Fili won't be much good on his own but I can't blame him for trying.**_

 _ **LisaG16 – Just hang in for a couple more chapters.**_

 _ **Mili – Yeah those two will get what they deserve you can count on that.**_

Hard Truths and Even Harder Choices

There was no mistaking it. His brother was lying there before him, trussed up like an animal. He kicked out at the orc who simply slapped him on the backside before moving away. Fili bit his lip – inwardly cursing himself. How could he have been so stupid as to shout out like that? Tears fell down Fili's face as his brother drew his knees against his chest. Shaking his head Fili turned to one side and threw up on the grass beside him.

Kili was alive! This whole time he had been alive and in Azog's hands. All the things he could have suffered..? And it was all Fili's fault.

Taking his knife out Fili was about to run over to his brother when he saw the orc coming back. This time an even bigger orc was with it. As both leaned over Kili Fili found himself paralyzed. The bigger orc prodded Kili.

" _Only a few more hours left worm. And then your body will be alongside your uncles."_

Kili stiffened and Fili gave a low growl.

"Over my cold, dead, body."

Both orcs froze and for a second Fili wondered if they'd heard him. But as they moved away he let out the breath he had been holding. Tears made their way down Kili's face and Fili crept forward slightly. He wondered if he should call out but there was every chance the orcs would come back. As Kili whimpered again any thoughts for his own safety shot out of Fili's head. Diving from his hiding place it was only a few minutes before he collapsed by his brother.

"Ki…Kili?" His tears caused Fili to stumble over his words. Now he was up close he could see just how badly hurt Kili was. Bruises covered his face and no doubt every inch of his body. The tunic was falling off his shoulders and through the rips Fili saw several thin knife wounds along his chest. Kili's eyes flickered slightly and Fili gently pushed several matted strands of hair from his face.

"Oh Kili!"

Shaking his head Fili's fingers hurried to untie the rag around Kili's mouth. Thankfully the orcs huge hands meant any knots they tied weren't very hard to undo. Within seconds the gag came away and as Kili coughed and spluttered Fili rubbed his back – noting how much he winced.

"It's alright Kili. I'm here for you brother. I'm here."

"Fili?" Kili's voice was so faint Fili had to lean over him to hear him. He watched as Kili forced his eyes open.

"Fili?"

Fili nodded and Kili shook his head.

"No it's not you. It's not…you left me."

Even though he knew his brother was delirious Fili couldn't stop the guilt rushing through him. He _had_ left his brother with these orcs. He should have carried on. He should have shown Kili that he would never leave him. Forcing back his tears Fili began untying Kili's hands.

"I'll never leave you again Kili. I promise."

Kili looked up at him and all of Fili's childhood memories came crashing back to him. How Kili would have nightmares and he'd stay with him each night to keep him calm. How Kili was teased for not being stocky enough for a dwarf. How Thorin would sometimes talk down to him and make him feel worthless – leaving Fili to comfort his sobbing brother.

Fili gently eased the ropes away from Kili's wrists and as he looked down his anger rose in him again. Kili's wrists had been rubbed raw from the ropes. Several thin red lines crossed over each other on his wrists and in many places the skin had been broken over and over again leaving small areas of dried blood. Fili shuddered – had he been bound for much longer there was every chance Kili would have bled to death. Pulling the tunic sleeves over his wrists Fili stroked Kili's face. He wanted more than anything to hug his brother. To hug him and never let go. But he knew he had to get him out and back to the safety of the others.

"Kili? Listen, I'm going to get you out okay?"

"No," Kili shook his head, "No he'll catch me. He always catches me."

Shushing him Fili smiled, "Not this time Kili. I won't let him."

"But he'll catch us both! You need to run! You need to go before he comes back and finds you! Please just run!"

As Kili's voice got louder and louder Fili sighed. If they didn't move now the orcs would be on them before they could take another breath.

"Kili can you walk?"

"I…I think so."

"Good," Slipping an arm around his brothers waist Fili gently pulled him to his feet. Kili leant against him and Fili realised his whole arm could be wrapped around his brother. Blinking back the tears he watched as Kili leant against him. One hand gripping his shoulder for support and the other gently stroking the fur on his coat.

"Fili? Is it really you?"

He sounded so afraid. Fili nodded and kissed his forehead.

"It's me Kili."

Kili burst into tears, burying his face into Fili's coat. Unable to stop himself from crying Fili wiped his eyes and held Kili close against him.

"Come on; let's get you out of here."

He had to half drag, half carry his brother. Kili's legs could barely move and every so often he stumbled into Fili. Hugging him tightly Fili kept shushing Kili and whispering into his ear to keep him calm. There would be time for revenge later. But he needed to make sure Kili was safe.

"Come on Kee. It's not far, you can do it."

Kili nodded but Fili saw his eyes flickering again. Behind him he heard shouts in Black Speech and he was reminded of when he had managed to escape from the orcs all those months ago. As the shouts got louder Fili didn't even think about it. Ignoring Kili's cries of pain he scooped him into his arms and ran for his life. Kili lay with his head slumped against Fili's chest whilst Fili was trying not to think about the orcs that were now running after him. He only had to outrun them for a little longer. But already he could feel his chest tightening from the effort and the backs of his legs burned. Behind him the noises were getting steadily closer. If he didn't have Kili with him Fili might have given up. But as he took another look at his brother fire fuelled him and he put in one last burst of speed.

They were going to make it. He was sure of it.

Fili had no time to cry or even gasp. One second he was running, the next he had fallen to his knees. Out of instinct he tightened his grip on Kili who mumbled and forced his eyes open. Fili's ankle throbbed and he realised he must have sprained it. Shaking his head he tried to get up when several huge shapes surrounded him. Kili's breathing got more and more erratic and he clung to Fili who wrapped his arms around him in a show of protection. As one orc stepped forward Fili realised it was the huge orc he had seen earlier. It blinked it's one good eye and Fili gulped as he realised who had caught him. Bolg prodded Kili who moaned in pained.

" _Trying to escape were we?"_

Fili shoved his hand away, "Get away from him!"

" _He's a feisty one,"_ another orc laughed, _"Azog will be pleased to have two dwarves in his collection."_

Fili would have replied but his attention was drawn back to Kili's sobbing figure. His brother curled up against him; hiding his face in Fili's coat. Gently rubbing his back Fili got to his feet – never letting go of Kili who leant against him tearfully. Bolg nodded.

" _Back we go."_

Fili growled before nodding. Turning round he and Kili began the long and slow walk back to captivity.

* * *

Fili wasn't sure what to expect when they arrived but it certainly wasn't Azog's smiling face. Kili had stopped crying but when he looked Fili realised it was because his brother was on the verge of collapse. Azog loomed over him and despite everything Fili's knees trembled.

" _Search him."_

Bolg grabbed Fili whilst another orc pulled Kili away. As his brother's limp body fell to the floor Fili forced himself to stand still whilst every inch of his body was searched. When the last of his knives was thrown at his feet Bolg smacked him round the head whilst Azog narrowed his eyes.

" _You look familiar. There is something about your eyes."_

Gulping Fili looked over at Kili who was sending him strange looks. Fili narrowed his own eyes when a very familiar orc pushed his way forward. It might have been six months but Fili was never going to forget the orcs who had first held him prisoner. Red Eye nodded.

" _That's the one that escaped from us Master."_

Azog grabbed Fili's chin, _"This is the worms adopted brother then?"_

At hearing his brother being called such a vile thing Fili spat at Azog. He saw the bits of wet land on the orcs face but Azog simply raised an eyebrow. Meanwhile Fili's brain was whirling. He wasn't adopted! But another glance at Kili told him to keep quite. Azog pulled on one of his braids before letting Fili go. Rubbing his cheek Fili never let his gaze leave Kili who was now on his knees. Azog grabbed his brother by the hair and at the pain in Kili's voice it took three orcs to restrain Fili.

" _If this dwarf is Oakenshields adopted nephew, then why does he wear the braids of the first heir?"_

Kili shook his head weakly whilst Fili was trying to think of an answer. But, at the time he needed it most, his brain had left him. Azog nodded.

" _I think you have been lying to us! I think HE is Oakenshields heir and not you!"_

Fili expected Kili to cry again. He would have if Azog had been threatening him. But instead Kili forced himself to his feet and eyed Azog darkly.

"No amount of torture on this earth could _ever_ make me betray my brother!"

Fili waited for Azog to hit Kili. But instead the orc let him go and moved away. As the pale orcs gaze fell on him Fili forced himself to remain calm. Azog brought out a knife and dug it into his cheek.

" _I do not tolerate liars. If any of my men lie to me I punish them."_

"Leave him alone? Please! You've done enough to him!"

Azog nodded, _"But it is not enough for me."_

Turning back to Kili he nodded and two orcs forced him to his knees. Fili began shaking his head as the knife was taken away from his face and Azog moved towards Kili.

 _I have no use for a liars tongue,"_ he handed the knife to Bolg, _"Remove it."_

Bolg nodded before grabbing Kili's hair and pulling his head back. Three orcs held Fili back but that did nothing to stop his fighting. Kili wasn't even struggling and Fili realised how exhausted and injured his brother had to be. Bolg gently ran the knife down Kili's cheek and Fili saw the tears on his brothers face.

"NO!"

Pulling away from the orcs Fili sprinted over to Kili and wrenched the knife from Bolgs hand. The orc hadn't been expecting the attack and Fili was able to pull his brother away. Kili clung to his leg whilst Fili gripped him tightly.

"Lay a finger on him and I'll tell you nothing. No matter how much you torture me."

Azog shook his head, _"We have no need of your information. Your brother here has already been helpful to us."_

Gulping Fili looked down at Kili who shook his head weakly.

"I wanted them to stop," he whispered, "I just wanted them to stop hurting me."

Fili nodded and stroked his hair gently. He was aware of the orcs surrounding them. Azog barked something in his native tongue and Fili was roughly grabbed by two orcs. He watched as Kili received the same treatment. Both were dragged through the camp until they reached a wooden post that had been dug into the ground. The orcs held Fili in place as he was forced to watched Kili's hands being bound behind it. For one second he thought he would have to see his brother being whipped. But instead Kili sank to his knees and the orcs moved away. Fili didn't struggle as he too was tied up. Instead he was trying to think of a way out of this mess. The pole dug into his back but all Fili was aware of was Kili's fingers brushing against his.

The orcs moved away and Fili waited until they were out of earshot.

"Kili? Kili are you alright?"

His brother let out a choked sob, "They…they said you'd left me!"

Fili bowed his head, "Kee…we thought you were dead! Believe me if there had been any evidence you were alive I'd have carried on. You have to believe me Kili! If I had known the truth I wouldn't have left you here."

Kili said nothing. However Fili could feel his brothers fingers grip his. He held Kili's hands back in return – praying that things would get better in the morning.

* * *

They didn't.

Fili woke up with a stiff neck and stiff hands. He knew Kili would be in a similar state and when he tried to crane his neck he was forced to stop when the ache became too much. Leaning back he simply sat and waited as Bolgs shadow fell over his face. Fili still held his brothers hands and he could feel Kili stiffen. So at least Kili was awake. He was still with him.

But for how much longer?

Bolg gently kicked Fili's leg with his boot, _"Up you get your highness."_

Ignoring the mockery in the orcs voice Fili held his chin up high and allowed the orcs to untie him. As he was forced to his feet he looked over to see Kili was also being untied. Fili half expected them to be tied up again. But instead Bolg nodded and the orc holding Kili let go. Fili didn't have to say anything; instead he simply opened up his arms and Kili stumbled towards him. Hugging him tight Fili gently stroked his brothers hair.

"It's alright Kee. Thorin'll get us out I promise."

Kili mumbled something but Fili didn't catch it. Licking his lips both he and Kili slowly made their way back through the camp. Kili's boots dragged along the ground and it was taking all of Fili's strength to keep him standing. But even if his brother had been able to walk perfectly Fili wouldn't have let go. Not for the world. His sharp eyes scanned Kili's body – in the morning he looked far worse. Every inch of his face was swollen from cuts and bruises. His painfully thin body sagged against Fili who could feel the thick scars and wounds through the fabric. Shaking his head he held Kili even tighter.

Thorin would get them out. Meanwhile his job was to protect Kili as best he could.

Fili didn't bother to acknowledge Azog's gaze whilst Kili hid his face in his coat. Kissing his brothers forehead Fili was aware of the pale orc's presence. Azog nodded.

" _This way."_

Nodding Fili gave Kili a reassuring hug before they both followed Azog. All around them the orcs yelled and jeered at them – causing Kili to whimper. Gulping Fili kept his gaze dead ahead – refusing to let himself be provoked into a fight. Azog was walking incredibly slowly and yet Fili found his legs working like mad to keep up. He couldn't go too fast for Kili's sake but he knew if he lagged behind his brother risked taking his punishment. The encampment soon thinned out and Fili realised they had reached a small clearing. At the other end lay the borders of the Greenwood and his heart stopped when he saw two figures hurrying towards them. Only when he caught a glimpse of chain mail did he allow his hopes to rise. Kili's eyes flickered again but Fili gently shook him.

"It's Thorin! Kili look, it's Thorin!"

Kili shook his head, "He's come for you. Not me."

Fili would have replied but Azog had stopped walking. Fili grunted as Bolg pulled him and Kili back so they were out of sight. However, they could still hear what was being said.

" _Oakenshield! You came after all."_

"Where is my nephew?"

Fili had never heard Thorin sound so angry. But in the meantime his own anger raced through him. Thorin had known Kili was alive! He had known and not told him! Azog barked out a laugh.

" _I'm afraid you have not kept your word. Last night we had a visitor to our camp."  
_

"I don't understand."

" _Someone who tried to free your nephew."_

Fili gasped as Bolg grabbed him by the back of the neck and pushed him forward. Kili still clung to him and as they were both shoved into view Fili saw Thorins already pale face go white. He began shaking his head as Fili and Kili were pushed to their knees.

"Fili?"

Fili nodded, "Uncle I'm sorry. I couldn't just sit there knowing they were so close." He hugged Kili as tears fell down his cheeks. Thorin gave a dumb nod and Azog pulled on Fili's hair with his good hand.

" _The offer still stands. Your life for your nephews. But I'm going to be kind. I'll let you be the one to choose which nephew is spared and which one dies!"_

Clinging to his brother Fili kept his glance at Thorin who was shaking his head over and over again. Azog tightened his grip on Fili.

" _Which will it be Oakenshield? Which one do you love the most?"_

 _ **So yeah I really am that cruel! But at least Fili and Kili have been reunited which we were all waiting for to be fair. Just hang in for a couple more chapters and everything will start to get better again. But it's nice to see Fili protecting his brother and also nice to see that Kili still has a bit of fire left in him. As ever let me know what you think xxx**_


	24. A Bargain is Struck

_**Big thanks to Randomguest815 and bowhuntress for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **PhoenixUniverse – Yeah I try and update as regularly as possible because I know how it feels when some authors leave you waiting around for ages.**_

 _ **Emmakmc – Yeah so even though we have a few chapters until EVERYTHING'S alright I thought I'd give you their reunion. And of course Thorin has a plan…of sorts.**_

 _ **Vlnelson55 – Yeah I've been very cruel this fic haven't I?**_

 _ **LisaG16 – I think he does know that.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Yeah but don't worry in about a couple of chapters things will be better I promise. Just hang on in there.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – That's gonna get answered I promise.**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – I wanted to have kept some of his spirit despite everything and I knew he'd rather die than betray Fili. And yeah no pressure Thorin but both Fili and Kili will never forgive you if you mess up.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Hang in there please. There's a bit more bleakness I admit but trust me there will be a happy ending and it's coming up.**_

 _ **Dojoson41 – I figured that would make things too easy to be honest.**_

 _ **AN: I've had a few guest reviews on both this fic and another one asking for Fili/OC stories. I have got another Fili/OC fic in the works which will be published after this one but for those who really want to see it im afraid you'll have to wait until then. I only write two at a time because of the time it takes and the stress it puts me under. If you aren't a fan of Kili fics that fine by me but please don't keep asking for me to write specific fics immediately. Just hang in there and your Fili/OC fic will come to you.**_

A Bargain is Struck

No one said anything. The only sound that could be heard was Kili's muffled sobbing into Fili's coat. Azog twisted Fili's hair in his hand.

" _Well? Which nephew do you value the most? Which one will you save?"_

Thorin was shaking his head and Fili could see Dwalin shaking uncontrollably. Thorin locked eyes with Azog.

"What you ask of me is impossible."

" _That isn't an answer!"_

Thorin bowed before looking over at Fili who kissed the top of Kili's head before nodding.

"Take Kili."

"What?" Thorin gaped and Fili nodded.

"Take Kili and leave me here."

As he spoke he could sense his brother fidgeting in his grip. Tears formed in Fili's eyes as he looked down at his brother's swollen face. Kili shook his head.

"No, no Fili goes. Take Fili."

His eyes flickered again and Fili jolted him to keep him awake. Shaking his head he looked over at Thorin.

"You have to take Kili uncle. Please!"

"NO!"

At Kili's sudden cry Fili jumped. His brother clung to his tunic and buried his face in his chest.

"Fili don't do this. Don't leave me again."

Fili rubbed his back, "I don't have a choice Kee. I'd do anything to get you out of their hands and you know it."

Kili nodded but Fili noticed he still clung to him. Azog let go of his hair and pressed his clawed hand into Fili's cheek.

" _Very well. Hand the younger one back to his uncle and open the brothers throat."_

Fili had no time to react as a knife was jammed under his chin. Kili began screaming as orcs grabbed at him.

"WAIT!"

Thorins voice bellowed across the clearing as everything stopped. Azog dropped Kili who scurried over to Fili. Meanwhile the orc holding the knife stayed where he was and Fili could feel several drops of blood falling down his neck. Thorin looked over at Dwalin before nodding.

"You asked me to make the choice. Not them."

Azog rolled his eyes, _"Very well. What is your choice?"_

Thorin gave Fili a desperate glance. Even though he said nothing Fili understood what his uncle's plan was. Drawing himself up to his full height Thorin's face was unreadable.

"I choose neither of them."

Risking a glance up at Azog Fili realised the orc had not been expecting that. Thorin nodded.

"I will not be forced into killing my own flesh and blood. You will either return them both to me or I will take them from you!"

Azog cocked his head to one side, _"Is that your final answer?"_

"It is."

" _Then it seems we are at war Oakenshield!"_ Azog glanced over at Fili who quickly lowered his gaze,

" _I suggest you prepare yourself for the might of the orcish legions."_

Thorin said nothing and instead turned on his heel and began walking away. Dwalin stayed for a few minutes before giving Fili a tearful nod and following Thorin. Fili waited until both dwarves were nothing more than tiny specks in the distance before looking down at Kili.

"It's okay Kee. Everything's going to be alright."

Kili shook his head, "He doesn't want me. He doesn't want me Fili."

Fili rubbed his back – fully aware that any second now the orcs would grab them and haul them away.

"Of course he wants you. Kili Thorin was going to go to war with Azog because he believed the orcs had killed you! But he would never forgive himself if he left one of us behind to die. That would be like asking you to pick between me and mother."

Kili forced his mouth into a small smile before hissing with pain again. Nodding tearfully Fili forced himself to his feet and pulled Kili up with him. As Azog loomed over the pair Fili forced himself to swallow his fears. He could still remember the knife against his neck. How for those few seconds he believed he was going to die. That Kili would see his throat being cut. Before it all became too much Fili shook his head to clear it. He needed to work out how he was going to get Kili out. It was clear his brother was in no state to run or even walk by himself, but it was also clear these orcs would guard them the way Fili was guarding Kili now.

" _Take them away!"_ Azog barked. However as hands grabbed at them Fili watched as the pale orc held a hand up.

" _Wait!"_

He leaned down and grabbed Kili by the hair – pulling his head back. Kili didn't blink as the orc sniffed his face before letting go of him.

" _This one is of no use to use to us now. Take him to the warg pits and tie the older one up."_

" _NO!"_

Fili's screams were mixed up with Kili's as Bolg's thick paws grabbed his brother and tore him away. Kili might have been close to collapse earlier but now Fili watched his brother using every final ounce of strength left in in him. Kili lashed out at Bolg whilst Fili was doing all he could to pull himself free of the orcs pulling him back.

"KILI!"

His brother's sobs were getting louder and Fili could feel his heart snapping. A fist landed in his stomach; forcing him to double over and a kick to the back of his legs sent him to his knees. Tears of pain sprung to his eyes and Fili knew Azog was smiling at him.

" _Restrain him."_

Fili kicked out one last time before two mores orcs came and pinned him down. Within seconds his legs had been bound and his hands were being tied behind his back. Now on his front Fili looked to see Bolg slinging Kili's unconscious body over his shoulder.

"KILI!" He shook his head, "Please! Please just give him back to me!"

He would have said more but a thick rag was pulled between his lips and knotted tightly at the back of his head. Azog muttered something and Fili stiffened as a cloth was tied over his eyes. The last thing he remembered was something smashing into his head.

* * *

Kili woke with a gasp as something struck him round the face. Screwing his eyes up he glanced over to see Bolg standing over him. His cheek stung but that was nothing compared to the pain that was going on in the rest of his body. Ignoring his splitting headache he pushed himself up onto his elbows – expecting to see Fili lying beside him.

But he saw no one. Only orcs.

And that's when he remembered. His brother fighting to reach him as orc after orc pinned him down. Kili had seen them tie him up before one of Bolg's punches had meant the pain was too much and he'd blacked out.

" _Nice to see you awake."_

At Azog's voice Kili's whole body froze. The orc began circling him very slowly, his smile never leaving his face. Despite the agonising pain it would cause Kili drew his knees to his chest. He could still feel Azog's touch against his skin. The orcs cries and moans as he'd forced his way into him. Swallowing back the bile Kili met the orcs gaze.

"Where. Is. My. Brother?"

Quicker than he would have thought possible Azog lunged at Kili, his real hand grabbing him by the throat and lifting him off the ground. Any remaining fight Kili thought he had was gone in a blink as Azog shook him like a doll.

" _Do not fret over him. It is your own fate you should be more worried about worm!"_

Kili pulled at Azog's hand but he was so weak his fingers simply brushed over the orcs skin. Azog nodded and as his claw glinted in the harsh sun Kili waited for it to pierce his chest. He couldn't think of any reason Azog needed him alive. He had Fili now and that was all he would want. But as the claw ripped through material and not skin Kili frowned. The remains of his woollen tunic fell to the floor – leaving him bare chested – and Kili shivered in the cold air. Azog's grip didn't waver as he walked off and Kili waited for the moment when the orc dropped him. But even though the fear running through his body threatened to overwhelm him he couldn't keep Fili from his mind.

He was alive at least. Azog wouldn't risk losing his only good bargaining chip. But was he safe? Had he been hurt? Kili did his best to wriggle in Azog's hold but the orc ignored him. Only when he heard loud cries and growls from wargs did Kili stop his struggle. Craning his neck as best he could he saw Azog was leading him towards a huge pit. Hundreds of orcs surrounded it and their chanting got louder as Azog approached.

So did the roars from the wargs.

Azog gave Kili a small smile as the neared the very edge of the pit. Looking down Kili saw two huge wargs jumping and snapping at each other. Shaking his head he looked back over to Azog who nodded.

" _Let us see how strong you are once my wargs have ripped you to shreds!"_

Kili had no time to say anything or even register Azog's words. The orcs grip on him vanished and as the air rushed past him Kili's screams were drowned by the noise of the crowd.

* * *

Ever since Thorin had Dwalin had returned none of the dwarves had dared look in his direction. Gloin and Oin had discovered that Fili was missing minutes before Thorin returned. The look on his face was clear – Fili was now Azog's prisoner. Of course news that Kili was alive had been enough to send a short wave of cheer throughout the dwarves. But the fact that they now had two hostages to rescue quickly dampened the mood. Only Dwalin and Balin had been able to go near Thorin without fear of being attacked in a fit of rage. The others had simply watched on as the trio retreated into Thorin's huge tent.

Balin rubbed Thorins back as tears fell down his face, "They're alive Thorin. We must be thankful for that at least."

Thorin gave a slow nod; "If I had told him Kili was alive..?"

"No," Dwalin shook his head, "Had ye done that he'd have gone anyway. What we need to do now is work out how we're supposed to save them."

"If anything happens to either of them," Thorin sobbed, "If anything…"

Dwalin and Balin simply looked on as their king burst into yet another wave of sobs.

It took several hours but eventually Thorin emerged with the other two on either side. His face was still tear stained and blotchy but it was clear from the look in his eyes that he was ready for this war. Snapping his fingers the company and several others hurried over to him. Thorin nodded at each in turn.

"You know what challenge faces us. We need to keep Azog at bay long enough to rescue Fili and Kili."

The dwarves nodded at each other. After all these months of believing Kili to be dead the very sound of his name sounded strange to their ears. But they were quick to push that aside. Thorin pointed to Nori.

"Could you sneak into the camp and find them?"

Nori paused for a second – no doubt contemplating the responsibility of having this on his shoulders – before nodding.

"I'd need some help though. If Kili's as injured as you say I'd never get him out on my own."

"I'll go," Bofur nodded. Bifur spat something in khuzdul and Thorin smiled at both.

"Very well. When the orcs are focused on winning this battle we will take their prizes from them."

 _ **So yes still a bit bleak but Thorin's on his way to rescue Fili and Kili! And before everyone starts panicking I swear this fic will have a happy ending. I'm not going to be so cruel as to put you through this and then tear your hearts out right at the end. Hope you are all still enjoying it despite the sadness but things will look up VERY soon I promise you xxxx**_


	25. A Race Against Time

_**Big thanks to Kili's smile and NoirDixMois for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Yshxf – Yeah that seems a fairly accurate reaction.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – No I don't think he would last long. But I'm not going to have a sad ending I promise.**_

 _ **Mili – Yeah I thought I'd be extra cruel for you guys! But things will start to look up soon.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Okay sorry for any confusion. Yes he is in the warg pit and as for whether Thorin will get to him in time….you'll have to read on.**_

A Race Against Time

As both wargs advanced on him Kili forced himself to stay standing. All around him he could hear the cries and cheers of the orcs and he knew his chances of getting out alive were pretty much zero. He had spied a heavy looking axe on the other side of the pit but getting to it would be impossible. As for being able to use it..? He doubted he'd have been strong enough six months ago. Glancing up Kili saw Azog smiling down at him and he clenched his fists.

He would show the pale orc he hadn't won. He would prove he was worthy of the line of Durin. Every punch, every blow, every whipping, every touch, he would show that they hadn't won. Even if Azog had broken him Kili knew there was still a small part of him that was Kili, son of Vili.

" _Maybe we should invite the brother along to watch?"_

Kili froze at Azog's words. On one hand he knew Fili was still alive. But on the other he knew if Fili was forced to watch this he would break down. He wouldn't let Fili see this. Clenching his fists Kili dived to the floor – although he was so weak he pretty much fell – as the first warg dived. It leapt over Kili, crashing into the wall, before turning. But Kili wasn't looking. Instead he dragged himself to the other side of the pit and reached for the axe. He knew the second warg was running at him and for a few seconds he wondered if he would even make it. He could smell the wargs breath at the back of his neck when his fingers curled around the handle and he spun round. The axe barely lifted off the ground but it was enough to send the wargs backing away. They fixed him with low growls and hard stares whilst Kili clung to the axe. The cries on the orcs were getting louder and louder – they didn't care who won as long as they got a good fight.

Kili glanced down at himself – he'd never had the opportunity to really see what Azog had done to him. His bones pushed against his skin and several of the cuts on his torso had reopened, allowing the blood to mix in with the dirt. One skeletal hand grabbed the axe whilst the other shook slightly. Licking his swollen lips Kili raised his head and brushed his hair from his face. Both wargs faced him and he took the axe in both hands.

He was Kili, son of Vili.

The wargs sniffed at him; no doubt they smelt the blood.

He was Kili son of Vili.

The orcs were roaring now and Kili knew Azog's eyes were stuck on his figure.

He was Kili, brother of Fili.

The wargs leapt at him.

* * *

Thorin glanced at the dwarves lined up in front of him. The Nori, Bofur and Bifur were in a small corner going over the final touches of their plan whilst the others had donned their battle armour. Thorin had no idea when Azog would strike; all he knew was that he had to strike first. At the very least both he and Dwalin had a vague idea of how the orcs camp looked – something Azog hadn't thought of. He hoped.

"Thorin?"

At Balin's voice Thorin raised his head. To see his friend in armour again was a strange sight. Brushing down his own breast plate Thorin rubbed a hand over his face in thought. He knew there was no guarantee they would win. He knew there was no guarantee he would survive. But he would be damned if he wasn't able to guarantee his nephews lives.

"Nori, Bofur and Bifur are about to go."

Thorin nodded and moved away from Balin. As he approached the three huddled dwarves he forced himself to remain calm. No doubt they were already terrified about failing in their task – he didn't want to make them feel worse.

"Thorin," Nori bowed and Thorin gave him a small nod.

"Find Kili first. He's your priority."

He hated himself. He hated how he was side-lining Fili as though he meant nothing. But Fili was far stronger and healthier than Kili was. If Kili remained in the orcs grip for much longer then he wouldn't be alive for much longer. Fili could hold out for a few more hours. Kili couldn't.

Nori nodded and turned to go. Before he had a chance to move Thorin placed a hand on his shoulder and drew him back.

"Listen to me; should anything go wrong. Should you fail to get either of them out alive…"

Thorin paused – supposing he failed? Supposing both of his nephews died because he hadn't been able to save them? He shook his head.

"Should anything like that happen I want you to know there will be no backlash, no punishment and no blame attached to you. I swear it."

Nori nodded and Thorin was well aware of the relief in the three sets of eyes. Clapping Nori on the shoulder he stepped back and watched as the trio hurried off through the forest. Biting his lip he waited until Bofur's hat was just a speck before turning around and facing his army.

He would rescue them. He would save them.

* * *

Kili was oblivious to the orcs cheers as he fell to the floor. One warg sniffed him whilst the other whined in agony. He'd managed to slice one of it's hind legs with a very lucky bow from his axe. But his luck hadn't held out for much longer. Blood covered his arms and Kili wouldn't have been shocked if one was broken. It certainly felt that way. His matted hair fell over his face but it did nothing to hide the huge warg that pressed it's snout against his face. Kili wrapped his arms around his shivering body; he couldn't even kick out at the animal.

" _Kill the dwarf worm!"_

At Azog's voice Kili forced out a sob. For months he had wanted to die. He'd wanted his ordeal to be over. But now..? Now he wanted Fili. He wanted his brother with him. The brother who hadn't abandoned him. Who had instead grieved for him and ridden to war for him.

He wanted to say goodbye first.

Kili screamed as teeth clamped down on his body. Dirt clung to his arm as the warg lifted him up into the air. As the serrations tore through his skin Kili saw huge drops of blood falling to the ground. The warg shook him – rattling his bones – and as his vision blurred Kili knew he didn't have long.

And then he was back on the ground. All around him the orcs were shouting and screeching in their own language. The warg sniffed his face before hurrying away. Azog yelled something but the words blurred together for Kili. The sounds of the orcs were starting to die but he couldn't move to try and see what was happening. He could now hear others cries as well. They were in the common tongue but in another language. But the pain was overtaking now and Kili cried out as more blood fell from the gashes in his body.

So this was it then. This was what it was like to be close to death. The whole area was silent and yet Kili's blood pounded in his ears.

" _Kili?"_

That was Fili! His brother had found him! He would get him out of here!

Glancing up Kili blinked as Fili hurried towards him. His brother was far paler than before and as he neared Kili realised his brother was shining. Glowing even.

"Fi…" He couldn't get his mouth to work properly. Blood trailed from the corner of his lips as Fili knelt beside him and stroked his face.

" _Kili. My little brother."_

Fili sounded so far away. Shaking his head Kili tried to cling on to reality. More tears fell down his face whilst Fili gently shushed him.

"It hurts Fee," every word made him feel like his chest was about to shatter, "It hurt so much. I want it to stop."

" _It will soon Kili. I promise."_

"Fili, Fili please don't leave me."

Kili didn't want to be alone. He wanted Fili by his side. Holding out one hand he watched as Fili took it. But even though his brother was holding it Kili couldn't feel Fili's warm skin against is. More tears fell as the edges of his vision began to darken.

" _Kili listen to me. I will never leave you ever again. I will always be a part of you and you will never feel alone."_

"Fili…" Kili broke off as a harsh pain his him. Opening his eyes he watched as Fili began to twist and fade.

"Fili?"

" _Goodbye Kili, my brother."_

Letting his head slump on the floor Kili gave a weak nod, "Goodbye Fili."

The last thing he saw was Fili's smile.

* * *

Nori, Bifur and Bofur couldn't stop panicking as time went by. Getting into the orcs camp had been easy. Finding Fili and Kili had been the complete opposite. Thankfully they hadn't come across any orcs – no doubt because they were all busy fighting off Thorin and the rest of the dwarvish army. But as time had gone on they had begun to wonder if they had been too late.

"Suppose…" Bofur shook his head, "Suppose we don't find them…alive?"

Nori sighed, "I don't want to think about it."

Bofur nodded, completely oblivious to Bifur who was yelling at him. Glancing over he saw the other dwarf standing several metres away pointing madly behind a huge tent. Narrowing his eyes Bofur jogged over.

"What is it?"

Bifur rolled his eyes and the second Nori had joined them Bofur followed Bifurs gaze.

"Oh..!"

Nori was already running. Behind the tent was a huge wooden post with a small figure tied to it. Following Nori Bofur knew he had tears falling down his face as he saw that familiar mane of blonde hair. He knew Kili was their priority but there was no way they could just leave Fili like this. Nori was hunting for a knife and as Bofur knelt down beside the trussed up prince he forced down the nausea.

"Fili? Fili can you hear me?"

He expected no reply. Fili's hands and feet had been bound. A rag had been tied over his mouth and another over his eyes. But the dwarf gave a small nod and Bofur leant forward to remove the blindfold. Up close he could tell Fili's face had been beaten to a pulp and he had a feeling the rest of his body was in a similar state. The second the blindfold came away Bofur tore the gag out and Fili licked his lips.

"Bo...Bofur?"

"Aye lad, Thorin sent us."

Fili nodded nervously whilst Nori tore through the last of the ropes around his wrists. Everyone sat back as Fili rubbed his sore hands before forcing himself to his feet. He wobbled and out of instinct Bofur moved to grab him. However Fili straightened himself and as he began looking round everyone knew who he was looking for.

"Kili? Have you seen Kili?"

Bifur lowered his head and Bofur sighed.

"Not yet Fili."

Fili said nothing. Instead he simply pushed past the three of them. Bifur tried to call him back but Fili ignored him. Bofur watched the young dwarf half limp and half run towards the centre of the orcs camp.

He didn't blame Fili. He belonged with his brother.

* * *

Fili's whole body was screaming at him to sit down. When the orcs had been beating him they'd left him trussed up like an animal and he was certain several ribs were cracked if not broken.

But none of that mattered.

"KILI!"

He needed to find his brother. He needed to get him to safety. He had failed Kili twice already and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if it happened a third time. The whole camp was empty and Fili could hear the sounds of the raging battle only a few metres away. He knew he didn't have long – no matter who won Azog and his orcs would soon be back. He needed to get Kili to safety.

Yet he had no idea of where his brother would be.

Rubbing his throbbing head Fili shut his eyes in one last attempt to concentrate.

" _Take him to the warg pits"_

Azog's words blasted their way through Fili's mind. He'd caught a glimpse of those pits when he'd first been caught by Azog. The idea of Kili..? No, no Kili was fine. He had to be fine. Fili's aching legs seemed to give up protesting as he ran back the way he had come. He wasn't completely sure if he remembered the right way but he didn't have time to think and draw a map.

"Kili? Kili!"

As he neared the pit his nose twitched at the strong smell of blood. Although he knew the wargs were gone it was clear there had been a fight recently. _Very_ recently.

"Kili?" Edging towards the pit Fili leaned over. The smell of blood and flesh was overwhelming him. But that flew from his head as he saw the small, lifeless figure against the pit wall.

"KILI!"

Shaking his tears away Fili jumped down into the pit. The impact of landing probably jarred his ankles but he was in too much pain already to really notice any of it. Pushing himself to his feet Fili limped towards Kili's body. He could see patches of blood on the ground. Kneeling down by Kili he gently stroked his brothers face – flinching at how cold it was.

"Kili wake up?" He didn't think he had any more tears left, "Kili please wake up!"

 _ **So….i guess I plus is that Fili is free and has found Kili. Another plus is that Thorin and the others are fighting Azog. By the way apologies for not showing much of the battle but I have my reasons which you will find out in a few chapters time. So I know things have been a bit bleak for a few chapters but after this things get better so please just hang in there. Let me know what you think xxxx**_


	26. A Long Awaited Moment

_**Big thanks to AinaWGSD for following.**_

 _ **Emmakmc – No don't worry things will get better from now on.**_

 _ **Ktime27 – Aww thanks. Glad you are still enjoying it.**_

 _ **LisaG16 – This will be a nicer chapter for you.**_

 _ **Mili – Thanks for your perseverance! Things get a lot nicer for Fili and Kili now.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Don't worry. Things take a nicer turn now.**_

A Long Awaited Moment

Fili gently pulled Kili into his lap in the hope this would wake him up. Instead his brother's head lolled against his legs and Fili pressed a shaking hand to Kili's neck. At the shallow pulse he gave a small sigh.

"Oh Kili," he pressed his forehead against his brothers, "I'm sorry. So very sorry."

"Fili?"

Glancing up Fili saw Bofur and Bifur running towards him. He could make out the shape of Nori at the top of the pit. Wiping his eyes Fili hugged Kili against him as the other two drew to a halt. Bifur began babbling away whilst Bofur couldn't stop shaking.

"When we heard he was alive..? I didn't…I couldn't believe it!"

Fili nodded before noticing Kili held his left arm against his bloodied chest. Trying to ignore how much of a skeleton his brother was he gently pushed the arm to one side.

And then threw up beside Kili.

Bifur began rubbing his back gently whilst Fili couldn't stop shaking his head. He'd already seen the long thin gashes covering Kili's chest and although they had reopened they weren't the worst injury. Even the patches of blackened and scarred flesh weren't responsible. That belonged to the semi circles of bruises and tears in Kili's skin. Blood was steadily leaking from the wounds and when he forced himself to look again Fili realised that the cause of these injuries had torn so deeply into Kili's flesh that he could see hints of bone here and there.

"We need to get him back Fili," Bofur whispered.

Fili nodded before easing Kili into his arms and rising to his feet. His brother was so thin Fili could hardly feel his weight at all. Instead he had to keep looking down to ensure he was still there.

"We need to stop his wounds from bleeding!"

Bofur had barely finished when Bifur pulled his coat off and wrapped it around Kili's stomach. Giving the dwarf a small nod Fili held his brother against him. He still couldn't believe what was happening. All of his nightmares were nothing compared to holding Kili's body in his arms. Bofur waved his hands at him.

"Fili! We need to get him out of here! We don't have long before he bleeds to death."

It was that word that snapped Fili's mind back into place. He had the chance now to save Kili; to make up for having failed him before. He couldn't fail him again. Fili pressed a kiss on Kili's forehead.

"Don't worry Kili. You're going home."

* * *

Most of the journey out of the orcs camp passed by Fili in a blur. Nori and Bofur led the way with Bifur taking up the rear. Every time they turned a corner Fili half expected orcs to lunge at them. The noises of the battle had started to quieten and he had a sneaky suspicion Azog would soon be withdrawing his troops. Which meant they didn't have long before the camp was overrun with orcs once again. Instead Fili tried to focus on Kili. Every time he looked down he prayed to every god he knew of that his brother would open his eyes and look back at him. That he'd give Fili a weak smile; any kind of sign that told Fili he would be okay. But Kili did none of that and instead lay in Fili's arms as though he was dead.

"Fili?"

It took Fili a few seconds before he realised who that was. Nori and Bofur stepped aside to let Thorin pass. Glancing at his uncle Fili barely registered the tears and the smile of disbelief. Instead he gave his uncle a curt nod.

"Where's Oin?"

Thorin nodded dumbly and began leading the way. As he followed Fili knew the eyes of the entire encampment were on him. Or rather the body in his arms. He caught several snatches of whispers and forced himself to keep his eyes on the back of Thorin's head. A part of him wanted to hug his uncle and never let go, another part wanted to ask how the battle went, and another part wanted to kill Thorin for not telling him Kili was alive. As they reached a huge tent Thorin poked his head in for a few seconds before stepping back and allowing Fili through. Forcing a smile in his uncles direction Fili entered the tent in time to see Oin's mouth drop.

"By Durin's beard!"

"You need to save him," Fili gently eased past the healer and lay Kili down on the bed. Already Bifurs coat was soaked through with blood. Oin nodded.

"We don't have long lad. It won't take Azog long to strike when he knows you and ye brother are free."

"I don't care. Just make sure you save him!"

Nodding Oin rolled up his sleeves whilst Fili shrugged his coat off. His own body was in pure agony and he knew he should get himself looked at. But every time that thought came into his head he caught a glimpse of his brother on the bed and he knew he was right where he needed to be. As Oin began looking over the state of Kili, Fili was aware of Thorin behind him.

"Fili..?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to do something reckless."

"No," Fili shook his head, "No, as far as you're concerned only Kili would do something like that."

He jabbed a finger at his brother before rounding on Thorin.

"Look at him! He is _dying_ Thorin! The same dwarf you would belittle, the same dwarf who felt two inches tall in your presence. The nephew who always believed you could never ever love him has spent over six months being beaten and tortured and yet your main concern is still me!"

Thorin began shaking his head, "No Fili. No I did it to keep you both safe."

"Get out," Fili turned away from his uncle and instead moved to the other side of Kili's bed.

"Get out and stay out."

He expected Thorin to protest. However when he looked back up his uncle had gone. Nodding Fili rolled his sleeves up and looked over at Oin. The healer had two huge bowls of water, several bottle of liquids and about a dozen rolls of bandage. Fili tenderly stroked Kili's face.

"What do I need to do?"

Oin shook his head, "I don't know where to start lad? His stomach and back are by far the worst."

"How bad?" Even though Fili didn't want to hear the answer a small part of him knew he had to. Oin nodded.

"His back's been exposed to a whip repeatedly. He had severe burns covering most of his upper body and you can see the state of his front for yeself. His wrists are broken along with five ribs, his knee is dislocated and I think he has a bad sprain on his ankle."

Fili snorted at the last comment. When they were younger Kili had been famed for limping home with sprained ankles after their childhood games had gotten a bit too rough. Shaking his head fondly Fili took the cloth from Oin and began cleaning the deepest wounds on his stomach. He knew his hands were shaking and yet Oin made no comment.

"What…what did this?" Pointing to the bruises Fili caught a glance at the bowl of water Oin was using. Already the water had turned a dark red. The healer sighed.

"They look very much like the shape of a wargs jaw."

Fili gave a dumb nod. He should have known. Both he and Oin worked in silence; every so often Fili having to stop and compose himself. His brother wasn't going to die. He refused to let him die.

"Hold him down for me lad. I daren't risk him coming round and moving whilst I'm trying to stich him up."

Nodding Fili pinned his brother down – being careful not to press to hard in case he broke a bone. Oin may have had huge hands but Fili knew his skill with a needle was unmatched. It took hours but soon every gash on Kili's body had been stitched. Fili tried not to think about the scarring and instead took the roll of bandage.

"Make sure ye bandage his wrists tightly lad. That's right."

"Will this be enough to wake him?"

Oin rubbed his eyes, "I don't know lad. What I do know is he won't get better until he's back at Erebor as soon as possible."

Fili nodded, "I'll take him back the second you're done."

Oin placed a hand on his shoulder, "Lad ye need to get yeself seen to as well. Ye need rest and a good meal. We'll take him back tomorrow morning."

As he finished tying the last bandage Fili forced his head up.

"No, don't you understand? He needs to be home! I need to make sure he's _safe_! Mother…" Trailing off he gaped at Oin.

"Mother! Oh Mahal…she needs to know!"

"Well given ye going back tomorrow I'd let her find out when ye arrive."

Nodding Fili watched with a small grimace as Oin slipped Kili's knee back into place before using yet another bandage. Wiping the few remaining tear trails from his face Fili could feel his knees shaking. Oin rubbed his shoulder.

"Sit down lad. Ye'll do him no favours by collapsing."

"I want to help," Fili knew he sounded like a small child. Oin nodded.

"Talk to him. Even if he's not awake he might still hear you."

Before Fili could even open his mouth Oin had pulled up and chair and all but pushed him down into it. Fili took his brothers hand – shuddering at how it got lost in his own.

"Kili? I don't know if you can hear me right now but I just want you to know that you're safe. I'm right here brother and I swear to you that nothing is ever going to happen to you ever again. I'm going to take you home Kee. Where you belong."

Fili gently stroked Kili's hand before placing it back on the bed. Oin gently rubbed salve on his swollen face.

"Do we have any spare clothes lad? I imagine these rags will be infested with Mahal knows what."

Fili nodded, "I have some spares, and a blanket."

He gave Kili's hand a final squeeze before moving away. However he had barely moved three steps when he shook his head; more tears falling.

"Fili?"

"I…I can't!" He didn't bother wiping his eyes, instead he just sniffed pathetically. Oin rubbed his shoulder.

"Can't what?"

"I can't leave him! If I leave him Azog will take him away from me. I need to keep him safe and make sure he's alright and I can't do that if I'm not with him!"

He didn't even have a chance to feel his knees shaking. Instead Fili felt the cold earth on his legs as he curled into a small ball. Over the roar of his sobs he could hear Oin talking in hurried tones to someone outside. Fili didn't have to look to know Thorin was there. His uncle held him close.

"It's alright Fili. He's still alive and he's back with his family."

"No," Fili clung to his uncle. Despite his earlier protests he wanted Thorin and no one else right now.

"No it's not alright! I betrayed him! I left him with Azog and I let him be beaten and tortured."

As Thorin forced his head up Fili allowed himself a tiny hiccup. Thorin shook his head.

"No Fili. Don't you _dare_ blame yourself for what happened to Kili! You have been more than the perfect brother. You did everything you could to help get him out and if it wasn't for you we might never have been able to get him to safety. He's still alive because of you; never forget that."

Nodding Fili remained silent as Thorin helped him back towards the chair. Oin gave him a soft, sad smile whilst Fili retook Kili's hand – determined never to let go this time.

* * *

With a gasp Fili's eyes shot open and he sat bolt upright. Shaking his head he tried to clear the few remaining fragments of his nightmare. It'd started out with him dreaming about Kili's first riding lesson. How the pair of them had decided to race home. A race Fili would have let Kili win if his brothers pony hadn't thrown him off. But instead of Kili hitting the ground he was thrown into Azog's huge paws. Fili had been forced to watch his brother being beaten and mangled before his very eyes.

Rubbing his temples Fili gave a shaky sigh. He could see Oin pulling the blanket over his brothers still form. His rags had been removed and Fili's spare clothes covered him. Now that Kili's twisted and broken body was no longer on show Fili allowed himself a small amount of hope. His brother would get better. He would help his brother get better.

"Thorin? I need to talk to you?"

Even though Oin was clearly doing everything to keep his voice down Fili's ears pricked at his voice. Keeping his eyes fixated on Kili he waited until both dwarves had left the tent. Kissing his brothers forehead he got to his feet and eased himself towards the tent flaps. He could just about make out the shapes of Oin and his uncle. Once he was as close as he dared Fili leant closer in an effort to hear what they were saying.

"How bad is he? Be honest with me."

Oin paused and Fili could feel his hands shaking.

"Thorin I don't know what to say."

"The truth."

"The truth is it'll be a miracle if he makes it."

Pressing a hand to his mouth to mask his sobs Fili shut his eyes. Kili wasn't going to die. He couldn't die. Thorin mumbled something and Oin gave yet another sigh.

"Don't get me wrong Thorin; I'll do everything I can to save him. But with so many injuries and…"

"And what?"

Fili gave a small gulp as Oin's voice darkened, "His body is giving up. Something must have happened to him. Something far worse than any form of torture. And whatever it is it's stopping him from fighting. He's giving up and if it keeps on happening it'll kill him."

Shaking his head Fili backed away from the tent. Oin and Thorin moved away but none of that mattered to Fili. Kicking the chair away he eased himself onto Kili's bed – curling up beside his brothers lifeless body.

"Please don't leave me Kee. Please don't leave."

* * *

By the time dawn came everyone was already awake. Fili gently slid his coat over Kili's thin body before tucking his toy raven into the inside pocket and wrapping the blanket closely around him. He'd hoped that – at some point – Kili would have woken up by now. Even if it was just for a few minutes. But instead Kili looked far paler and sicker than before. Thorin had offered to take Kili but Fili had refused. Instead picking his brother up in his own swollen arms and limping towards his pony.

The whole camp was there to say goodbye. Fili, Thorin and Oin were to ride ahead whilst Balin and Dwalin were to take charge with getting the rest of the army back. But none of that was entering Fili's mind. Instead his gaze never left Kili's. Even when Dwalin took him to allow Fili to mount his pony Fili never stopped looking at his brother. Taking him from the older dwarfs arms Fili allowed himself a small sob as Kili curled up against him. His blood stained hair brushing against Fili's tunic. Hugging Kili close against him Fili shot Thorin a cold stare.

"Can we go please? Before he gets cold."

To Thorins credit he simply nodded and clicked his teeth. Spurring his own pony on Fili didn't bother to look back at the others. Instead he gently kissed Kili's hair.

He was finally bringing his brother home.

* * *

It took them only three and a half days to reach Erebor and it all that time Kili hadn't woken. Oin had done his best but it was clear Kili's only hope was the mountain. Fili meanwhile had said next to nothing the whole time. Choosing to remain by his brother side, never letting go off his hand and often whispering softly to him late into the night. He'd refused most offers and food and was getting barely any sleep – as such it wasn't long before he was close to collapse.

When they reached Erebor Fili glanced up at the battlements to see a figure looking down. As they turned away his stomach began to churn when he realised it wouldn't be long before his mother was down here. Sliding from the pony he gently took Kili into his arms.

"It's alright Kee. Look, you're home again."

His brother made no sound and Fili forced himself to rein in his anger. Azog would pay for what he had done to Kili. As far as he knew both the pale orc and Bolg were still alive – having withdrawn their army the second they knew they would lose.

"Sire!" An older dwarf grabbed Fili's pony before his eyes set on the limp figure in Fili's arms.

"By my beard! I…it's not…"

Pushing past the man Fili hurried towards the huge main doors that were already opening. His whole body was raging at him to rest but he needed to get Kili inside and out of the cold as soon as possible.

"Fili?"

There it was. His mothers voice. Glancing up Fili bit down his cry of surprise. He had never seen his mother look so lost and broken. Giving her a small nod he watched as she forced herself forward – her eyes locked onto Kili.

"It's…it can't be!" she choked. Fili nodded.

"It's him mama. It's really him."

He felt like a dwarfling again. He _wanted_ to be a dwarfling again. His mother shook her head whilst one of her hands reached out towards Kili. As her fingers brushed against his cold face she flinched before stroking her son.

"Oh Kili!"

She said something else but Fili didn't hear it. Already he could feel himself succumbing to the exhaustions that had been threatening him for the past two days. As Kili's body was taken from his arms he tried to cling onto his brother. But instead strong arms picked him up – holding him against their body. He could hear his mother crying but all Fili wanted was to have his brother back in his arms again. He was aware of being carried into Erebor and the huge doors closing in on him before everything went dark.

 _ **So even though we aren't completely one hundred percent back to normal at least things are looking up. Kili and Fili are both back home and things are getting better…for now! Thanks for sticking with this despite all the sadness but I promise you it's just going to get better from here. Let me know what you think xxxx**_


	27. Home Again

_**Nenithiel – The moment will be worth the wait I promise.**_

 _ **AinaWGSD – I've done rape and sexual assault scenes before but never one like that so I'm glad you thought I did a good job.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Yeah there are still gonna be a lot of feels but not as bad as before.**_

 _ **Mili – Happy you are still enjoying it.**_

 _ **Guest – You may need some more very soon.**_

Home Again

Thorin held Fili in his arms whilst Oin ran on ahead with Kili. He had known that his nephew was on the edge of collapsing and yet he hadn't been able to do anything to stop it. Every time he'd so much as looked at Fili he would be greeted with a sharp glare. He could see Dis out of the corner of his eyes and he wanted more than anything to hold her close. To comfort her now that she knew the truth. But instead all he could do was stare at her.

"I promise you sister; he'll be fine. Oin won't let him die."

He wasn't going to tell her what the healer had said. He wasn't even going to tell Fili. He'd known that his oldest nephew had overheard his conversation with Oin. Instead he was going to make sure Oin was proved wrong. That Kili would be able to pull through.

As they ran through the corridors Thorin knew they were attracting stares. Many dwarves gasped or cursed out loud as they caught glimpses of Kili but Thorin simply blocked them out. When they reached the infirmary he was aware of Oin yelling at the other healers. Thankfully the only other patients were a dwarf with a broken leg and a young girl who looked like she had just been told she was pregnant. Had it been any other occasion Thorin would have offered his congratulations. As it was he hurried past the girl and her husband and instead placed Fili down on the bed next to Kili's. The second a blanket covered Fili he turned he held his sister close as she sobbed into his chest.

"My baby boys!" her tears muffled her words but Thorin gently stroked her hair. Dis let out a small hiccup and when he saw her face it took all of Thorin's strength not to break down. Never before had he seen his sister look so lost and alone. Fili and Kili were all she had; without them her life wasn't worth living. Kissing her forehead he hugged her again.

"Listen to me Dis. They'll be fine. Oin is going to save them for you."

She nodded, "All this time Thorin. We thought…I thought he'd been taken from me!"

Thorin had no words to comfort her. Instead he drew her away and wrapped his arms around her whilst Oin and his team crowded round his nephews.

"It's alright Dis. He's alive. They both are and nothing else will ever matter."

* * *

When Fili woke his whole body ached like mad. His head pounded but he forced himself to ignore it as his fingers brushed against soft blankets. Licking his lips he turned his head to see he was in Kili's room. His brother lay in his own bed a few feet away from Fili. Kili's face had a hint of colour in his cheeks but apart from that he looked exactly the same as he had when Fili had found him in the warg pit.

"Fili?"

Glancing back over Fili saw his mother sitting by his bed. On her lap sat his toy lion and she clasped her hand together. Rubbing his head Fili forced himself up.

"Mother?"

She reached out and took his hand, "It's okay my little lion. It's okay."

"But Kili?" Fili pushed his blankets back and tried to get out of bed. However his mother was quick to push him back down.

"Lie still Fili. Your brother isn't going anywhere."

Fili forced himself to nod. He wanted to ask how Kili was doing. If he would ever wake. As his mother placed his toy lion by his side Fili noticed how much her hands were shaking.

"You've been out for a few days," she mumbled, "During that time…we almost lost him twice."

Fili's stomach churned but he forced himself to remain strong. He had brought Kili home. He had saved him from the orcs. His mother sighed before getting to her feet.

"The first time the wounds on his back reopened. He almost bled to death if Oin hadn't come in time. The next…I don't know he just seemed to stop breathing. I was so glad you weren't awake yourself. I didn't want you to see it."

Fili gave a small nod before looking down at himself. Through his nightshirt he could still see the hideous purple bruises that covered most of his body. Out of habit he rubbed his wrists before glancing over at Kili again.

"But he's alright now? He's going to be fine?"

His mother didn't say anything at first and instead walked over to Kili's bed. As she gently stroked his face Fili braced himself for whatever bad news she had for him. But instead she just nodded.

"Oin thinks he's out of danger. We'll know more when he wakes."

She took a deep breath before facing Fili, "Is there anything you need?"

He shook his head, "Could I…could I be alone with him for a bit please?"

He knew his mother wanted to stay. She'd hadn't seen Kili in six months and had thought him dead. But Fili didn't care about any of that. He just wanted it to be him and Kili. The way it should have been. His mother nodded and Fili watched as she placed a kiss on Kili's head before doing the same to him. When she reached the door she paused before looking back at him.

"Just so you know; Thorin's already started work on destroying Kili's tomb."

Fili gave her a grateful smile as she shut the door behind her. He waited a few seconds before easing himself out of bed and limping over to where Kili lay. Kili's raven was tucked in between Kili's arm and his side. Fili smiled fondly.

"Wake up whenever you're ready Kee. I'm not going to move from this spot I promise. I'm not leaving you ever again."

* * *

When Thorin poked his head around the door his first sight was the figure of Fili curled up next to Kili's still form. Blinking back the tears Thorin silently slipped into the room and made his way over towards the bed. Fili held one of Kili's hands in his and as he peered over Thorin realised his older nephew was fast asleep. Drawing up a chair he sat on the other side of the bed and took Kili's other hand.

"Oh Kili," he whispered so as not to wake Fili, "Oh Kili I'm so sorry. To think; if I hadn't been so angry and harsh with you none of this would have ever happened."

Thorin licked his lips, his eyes unable to move from Kili's face.

"I love you so much Kili. When I thought you were dead…" he broke off and then shook his head.

"No, no I'm not going to talk about that. Because you aren't dead. You've come back to us. I've been given a chance to show you how proud I am of you and how much you mean to me. Please, just allow me this chance Kili."

He knew he wouldn't be able to carry on. Instead Thorin got to his feet, kissed Kili's forehead before leaving the room.

* * *

When Kili's eyes opened everything blurred and swam together for a few moments. He could make out the sound of people talking. They weren't orcs but he couldn't make anything else out. A shape loomed over him and as a hand took his Kili froze all over.

He hadn't escaped. He was still a prisoner.

The hands gripped his shoulders as his struggling increased. The voices were getting louder now and Kili tried to curl up into a ball. But as he did so fire shot through his body and she screamed in pain. The voices were still talking but Kili only had eyes for the shape above him. They were too small to be Azog.

"Kili?"

That voice. He knew it, Kili was sure of it. But he couldn't place it. As the pain in his body began to subside everything started moving into focus. He could feel the cool sheets the covered his aching body, the bandages brushing against his skin. One hand still held his whilst another gently pushed his hair away from his forehead.

"Kee?"

Licking his lips Kili gave a small jump as Fili's face snapped back into focus. His brother was sitting cross-legged on his bed; tears streaming down his face.

"Kili! Oh Kili!"

As Fili leaned in for a hug Kili instantly backed away. Fili bit his lip before glancing over his shoulder. Following his brothers gaze Kili saw Oin staring at him.

"Nice to see you're still with us," the healers own eyes were wet with tears. Kili gave a small nod as his own eyes watered. Looking round at his room he allowed Fili to push him back down onto the bed. His brothers hand were shaking.

"I didn't…I thought you weren't going to wake! I thought I'd been too late!"

Kili shook his head; wishing he could make his mouth work. But even that movement sent pain coursing through him. Clinging to his blanket with one hand he gave Fili's a small squeeze.

"Fili? Where are we?"

"In your room Kili," his brother whispered, "Back home in Erebor."

"Home?" The word felt alien to Kili. It had been almost seven months since he had last seen this place. The sheets didn't feel right, they were far too soft for him. Glancing down he saw the only thing covering his naked body were the bandages and the blankets. Fili let go of his hand.

"I need to tell mother and Thorin you're awake!"

"No!" Kili almost pulled his brother on top of him. Fili frowned but didn't move.

"No, no don't let them come in."

"Kili…" Fili seemed to be at a loss. Kili licked his swollen lips. He couldn't see his mother and Thorin. He'd betrayed them to Azog. He wasn't worthy of his title. He couldn't see them.

"Please, please don't let them come."

"Kee," Fili gave him a sad smile, "Kee they aren't going to hurt you. Nothing is going to hurt you I promise."

"I don't…Fee please don't let them come," his chest was getting tighter, "Please! Please!"

Kili said nothing as Fili gave him a small nod before gently hugging him close.

"Okay Kee. It's okay. I won't let them if you don't want to."

Nodding Kili clung to Fili before looking over to see Oin standing over them.

"Lad, maybe his mother should see him at the very least."

"NO!" Kili tightened his hold on Fili, "No! I just want Fili!"

Oin opened his mouth but Fili nodded, "Of course brother. I won't let anybody come in if you don't want me to."

Oin bowed his head and Kili buried his own against Fili's chest. Every moment hurt but none of that compared to the guilt building up inside of his stomach. He had betrayed his family to Azog. They would hate him. Thorin would disown him. Maybe even have him exiled for his treachery. He could sense Fili moving away and he tightened his grip. Fili gently took his hands and held them – looking at Kili square in the eye.

"It's alright Kee. I'm going to tell mother and Thorin you're awake and then I'll come straight back I swear."

Kili gave a small nod; should he believe Fili? Fili had promised to always be there for him and yet he had been a prisoner for seven months! Fili had left him there; Kili knew his brother had thought him dead but how did he know this was the truth? Fili seemed to sense he was thinking this because he gently lifted Kili's head up and kissed his forehead.

"Tell you what Kee. If I'm not back in…twenty minutes I'll give you my toy lion."

Kili nodded eagerly. Fili loved that lion more than anything. Far more than anyone other than Kili was aware of. Fili got to his feet before following Oin from the room. As the door shut behind them Kili forced himself to lie back down. Every inch of his body hurt but the pain wasn't as bad as it had been before.

He was home. He was free.

* * *

Fili looked down at the floor uncomfortably as his mother and Thorin tried to take in what he had just said. That Kili was awake but didn't want to see them. Having blinked his own tears back he forced himself to look at his mother. He agreed with Kili's decision not to let Thorin in. His uncle didn't deserve to see Kili. But Fili knew his mother would be struggling to cope with the news. Sure enough when he saw her he saw more tears crawling down her face.

"But…he's alright?"

Fili nodded and his mother looked over at Oin.

"Then why is he being like this?"

Fili hid his clenched fists behind his back. Hearing his mother ask why Kili "was being like this" made him sound like a naughty child. Not a young man who had just been dragged through months of torture and abuse. Oin reached out and held her hand in an attempt to comfort her.

"The lads physical injures will only take a few months to heal. But his mental state…that could take longer. Assuming it ever fully heals. He needs to be given the time to adjust to everything that has happened and we need to let him do that his own way."

"So…we sit back and do nothing?" Thorin spat. Oin nodded.

"Do what Kili wants. Only let Fili be with him until he feels more comfortable around others. Ye have to remember Fili was a prisoner as well. As far as Kili is concerned only his brother has any idea of what he's been through."

Fili nodded; already his mind was trying to work out how he was supposed to help Kili. As far as he could tell his brother had reverted back to a childlike state. Shaking his head he glanced at Oin.

"How do we help him? How do I help him?"

Oin paused and Fili already knew his answer.

"I don't know lad. I really don't know."

Fili nodded, "Can I go now? I don't want to leave him any longer."

He didn't even wait for anyone to nod. Instead Fili turned on his heel and hurried back down the corridor. A small part of him couldn't yet believe this was happening. That his brother was back at Erebor. Safe from Azog.

And that left another worry in Fili's mind. What would they do about Azog and Bolg? If the pale orc had been right then Kili had told him the best way to attack Erebor. For all Fili knew Azog and his army were marching on Erebor. Pushing that from his mind he gently opened the door that was – for now – both his and Kili's room. His little brother was sitting up in his bed with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Kili rocked back and forth and Fili could hear him mumbling under his breath. As he got closer he realised Kili was counting.

"780, 781,782,"

Fili paused before clearing his throat. Kili didn't so much as blink and Fili gave a sad smile at his brother. It was as though he'd gone back in time by sixty years and his brother was still a young dwarfling. Shedding his fur coat he sat down on the bed and took hold of Kili's hands.

"Kili?"

Kili froze before looking at him. At the vague and broken look he saw Fili had to turn away for a second. The light that had made a home in Kili's eyes was gone – wiped out. His brother wasn't counting and Fili could feel how clammy Kili's palms were.

"I'm back. How long was I?"

Kili nodded, "I don't know. I don't think it was twenty minutes though."

He sounded so lost. So afraid. Leaning over Fili grabbed his toy lion and pressed it into Kili's hands.

"You can have it anyway Kili. For being so brave whilst I wasn't here."

He expected Kili to smile or to give a small nod. Instead tears dripped down his face and his fingers all but crushed the lions body. Fili rubbed his brothers back as Kili burst into rasping sobs.

"Kee?"

"I'm…I'm not brave!" Kili leant against him whilst Fili gingerly hugged him – unsure if he would rub against any of his wounds.

"I'm not the brave one Fee! You are! I'm the weak one. The stupid, useless one. The one who'd be better off dead!"

"No Kili. No you are not!" Fili tightened his grip as much as he dared, "To have gone through an ordeal like that and to still be alive takes real courage Kee. I would never have been able to do it."

"But…but I let him…break me! I let him do what he did and I didn't fight him!"

Fili turned Kili so his brother could hide his face in his tunic. As he pressed his forehead against Kili's he thought over what his brother had said.

"Kili…is that why you don't want to see mother and Thorin?"

Kili froze and for a while Fili didn't think his brother would answer. But eventually Kili gave a stiff nod and Fili shook his head.

"Oh Kili…Kili you don't understand! They just want to see you. To finally believe that you're still alive after all this time! They wouldn't think that of you I know it."

Kili shook his head, "Please Fili. Please…I don't want to see them."

Fili bit down on his protests. Kili had only been awake for a few hours and here he was pressuring him to see his family. No. No this needed to be done at Kili's pace and no one else's. Nodding he gently stroked his brothers face before helping him lie back down. Kili pulled the covers up over himself with one hand and hugged his two toys to his chest with the other. As he watched his younger brother steadily fall asleep Fili pushed his fringe from his face.

Everyone else seemed convinced they had saved Kili. But Fili knew they hadn't. They had saved his body; but they hadn't saved _him_.

 _ **So on the plus side Kili's awake and back with his family. However we still have the small issue of his mental state to overcome before everything can become a complete happy ending. However, like I said things are going to go up from here. Let me know what you think xxxx**_


	28. Mind Over Matter

_**ColourGuardianoftheGalaxy – Haha! That sounds like me when I read some similar Kili fics. Don't worry though I intend on fixing our poor brave prince.**_

 _ **LisaG16 – Yeah, but it's also going to be interesting to see how Fili copes with everything as well.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – I imagine both to be honest.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – It's been really hard writing! I've no real idea what I'm doing so I'm sort of hoping for the best really.**_

 _ **Hdwb – Aww thanks! I'd love a brother like Fili.**_

 _ **Mili – Yeah Azog isn't just going to vanish I can promise you that. But Kili will come first as far as the story is concerned.**_

Mind Over Matter

Kili stared absentmindedly at the sleeping figure of his brother in the bed next to his. He had half expected Fili to sleep in his own room now that he was awake. But instead his brother seemed to have taken up an almost permanent space in Kili's bedroom. Kili liked it. It was like when they were younger and had to share a room just so they could sleep at night. Kili wished he was back there. When he and Fili were children not princes. They didn't have the pressure and expectations of others weighing down on them.

Breaking his gaze from his brother Kili stared down at himself. Before he had gone to sleep Fili had suggested he wear a nightshirt so he didn't accidently scratch any of his wounds. But the second the soft fabric brushed against his skin Kili had frozen. It didn't feel right. He wanted the rough woollen tunic he'd worn when he was in Azog's hands. Princes wore soft, cotton nightshirts. Traitors didn't. Kili also had a feeling Fili had suggested the nightshirt so his bandages weren't on show. His entire back and torso had been bound up along with his arms and tops of his legs. Blinking back his tears Kili looked over at Fili one last time. His brother was more exhausted than he was – having refused to go to sleep before he did. Kili shook his head. Fili shouldn't be caring for him. He had betrayed them all.

He deserved to be punished for what he did.

" _I've never yet had the pleasure of a dwarf. I wonder what they feel like?"_

Azog's voice cut through him like diamonds. Forcing his nausea back down Kili did allow himself a small gasp. He could still feel the Pale orcs skin on his. Those fingers bruising his flesh. Glancing down Kili saw that Fili's toy lion was by his side whilst his raven was still stuck in his hands. Tears dripped down his face as he slowly brought the raven up so it was at eye level. Kili could feel his ravens eyes stare at him accusingly.

" _I want to break you!"_

Chest tightening Kili clutched his raven by its neck. Without even blinking he threw it across the room – watching as it struck the floor before rolling to a stop. In that same movement he grabbed Fili's lion and threw that in the same direction. He couldn't have those eyes staring at him. Eyes that watched on as he was pinned down and forced upon.

" _I want to make you mine!"_

Shutting his eyes Kili clamped his hands over his ears – rocking back and forth the whole time. He did belong to Azog. He had allowed the orc to touch him in a way no one was supposed to. Bringing his hands away from his ears Kili looked over at Fili once again whilst his hands gently brushed against the bandages around his body.

" _Fili wouldn't have let himself be touched like that."_

Now he could hear Thorin's voice. Shaking his head Kili forced himself to swallow his tears. Without realising it he had removed his nightshirt and was now steadily undoing the bandages around his body.

" _Fili wouldn't have allowed himself to be forced like that."_

Kili wanted to talk; to explain to Thorin that he hadn't wanted Azog to hurt him like that. But his throat seemed to be closed off to him. Even though his hands were shaking it didn't take long for the bandages to be removed. Without even blinking Kili moved on to the ones covering his arms.

" _Fili wouldn't have let Azog defile him like that."_

All that remained were the ones around his wrists and legs. Within minutes they too were gone. Bowing his head Kili looked down at his ruined body. His arms were covered in small cuts, bruises and burns and he knew the majority would leave no scars. The same went for his legs but his body was a different state. Dozens of long, thin cuts criss crossed over his chest whilst his ribs were covered in a variety if shades of purple. Patches of burnt and melted skin shouted at him here and there and any clear patches of skin were covered in smaller bruises. Kili ran a finger along one of the cuts.

He could still feel Azog's touch on him. He could still feel Azog _inside_ him. Kili gazed at his nails. They were filthy and broken and he didn't dare think what was on them. Shutting his eyes he dug his nails into one of the cuts on his chest before pulling. The pain wasn't anything new and yet he still threw his head back with a gasp. Already he could feel the stiches coming loose and the blood trailing down his skin. Opening his eyes Kili wasted no time in moving to the next cut. The pain rang through his ears; blocking out Azog and Thorins laughter that was now screaming at him.

"Get out!" He rocked back and forth as he moved on to the fifth cut, "Get out of me!"

Blood covered his hands. Dripping down his body it stained the blankets. With his other hand Kili began clawing at his arm. The wounds there weren't as bad and yet he still managed to undo stiches and tear his burnt flesh. Cold tears were running down his face and it was taking all of his effort to not cry any more than he already was.

"Please get out," his lips wobbled, "Please get out of me?"

Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Fili stirring. Shaking his head Kili's already frenzied arms went into chaos. In the blink of an eye the pale colour of his skin was stained red with small blackened freckles. He could hear shouting but none of it registered in his mind. He needed to get the orcs touch off of him. He needed to get Azog out!

" _KILI!"_

Hands grabbed at his own - forcing them back. Screaming Kili lashed out at his attacker who dodged and increased his already bruising grip. The figure began screaming and as more blood fell Kili could feel his limbs growing heavy. More shouts could be heard and the figure standing over him started pushing him back down. Kili shook his head weakly as more shadows began to crowd him. He needed to fight. He couldn't let Azog do this to him again. Someone kept saying his name over and over again. Blinking his sore eyes Kili opened his mouth to respond when someone pressed a cloth over his mouth. Without even thinking about it he took a breath; his head swimming from the sweet scent

"Kili?"

The voice sounded so far away now. The cloth came away but Kili could already feel his eyes shutting. Allowing himself to be pinned down he closed his eyes.

* * *

Fili couldn't stop shaking as Kili's head lolled on the pillow. Oin removed the cloth and gave a shake of the head.

"I'm so sorry lad. But I had no idea how else I could sedate him in time."

Fili nodded – his eyes never leaving Kili's bloodied figure. The bandages that had been carefully tied around him had been thrown to the floor. Blood stained the pillows and sheets and Fili could still see several of the more serious wounds gently leaking blood. Letting go of his brothers wrists he gazed at Oin.

"What..? Why?"

For a few seconds Oin didn't answer and Fili could see the healer was trying to blink back his tears. Pushing Kili's hair from his eyes Fili bowed his head. He hadn't meant to go to sleep. He hadn't wanted to. But he had been unable to keep his eyes open and he knew he'd need some time to rest. But if he hadn't he could have stopped Kili.

Supposing he hadn't woken up?

Bile rose in his throat. Supposing he'd woken up the next morning to see Kili's lifeless body? Fili was vaguely aware of Oin running around but it was all he could do to remain standing.

"Fili?"

He shook his head. He was supposed to be looking after Kili. He was supposed to be helping him get better!

"Fili!"

Fili jumped at the voice. Oin threw him the bloodied blankets.

"Wrap these round his body to stop the bleeding."

Before Fili could even blink the healer had run from the room. Allowing his own tears to fall now Fili roughly tied the blankets over Kili's middle in the hope it would stop him losing any more blood.

"Why Kili?"

He couldn't understand it. To see his brother deliberately hurting himself hurt more than any torture he could be given. Once the blanket had been tied Fili grabbed Kili's hand that lay limply by his side. Holding it tightly he stroked his brothers knuckles. He wanted to talk to Kili. To let his brother know that he was here and he wasn't going to leave him. But he couldn't think of the right words that would bring Kili any comfort.

"Fili?"

At Oins' voice Fili let go of Kili and stepped back. The healer dumped his supply bag at the foot of the bed and gave Kili a quick look over.

"What..? Can you do anything?"

Oin nodded but the movement was so small Fili almost missed it.

"It's not going to be pretty I'm afraid. I'll need to stop the bleeding before cleaning all the wounds. The stiches will need to come out and be replaced and I'm worried he's managed to infect his wounds."

Fili frowned before looking down at the state of Kili's hands. Underneath all of the blood he could see that the nails were caked with dirt and grime. Shuddering he looked up to see Oin handing him a bowl of water and a cloth.

"If ye could start cleaning away the blood."

Fili didn't respond. Instead he simply sat down beside Kili's bed and picked up the cloth. He could already see sweat on Kili's forehead and he knew there was a strong possibility Kili would have a fever by tonight. Oin was already at work – doing his best to remove the stiches and stem the bleeding. Trying not to imagine the new state Kili's body was in Fili dipped the cloth into the water, squeezed it gently, before running it along Kili's hand. The blood came away easily and Fili forced himself not to look at the bowl full of dark crimson water. Instead he kept his gaze on Kili's face as Kili's eyes screwed up in pain.

"It's alright Kili. I'm here now. I'm here."

The hours passed by agonisingly until finally Oin had finished his job. Fili didn't glance up as the old dwarf packed up his things. But when he heard the rustling of leather his attention was caught. Glancing up he looked in horror at the leather restraints in Oin's hands.

"What..?" realisation dawned, "No."

"Fili I have no choice." He could tell Oin had no more wish to do this than Fili did. Stepping back Fili watched as Oin gently tied one of the leather straps around Kili's bandaged wrists before tying to the other end to the bed post. As he did the same with the other Fili's knees shook and he found himself sitting back down.

"Oin you can't tie him up like this!"

"Fili I said I had no choice!" Oin shook his head, "The lad has just tried to harm himself and if we want him to recover then we can't allow for that to happen again. It's for his own safety."

"He has just spent six months in the hands of orcs. Six months being bound and chained so that Azog and his filth could do what they wanted to him. Suppose he wakes up and finds himself tied down? He'll think we're trying to hurt him the way the orcs did! He'll think we're the enemies."

"Fili..?" Oin shook his head and instead stepped back as Fili got to his feet and hurriedly undid the leather restraints. Gazing down at Kili's face he sighed before chucking the bonds on his own bed and re taking his seat. Oin gave him a small nod before turning and walking towards the door. Taking Kili's hand Fili didn't bother to hide his tears any more.

* * *

 _Kili's chest hurt with every breath he took. It was like shards of metal being shoved through his body every time he moved. Forcing himself to look up he shuddered as Azog loomed over him. Bolg's hands crushed Kili's arms and yet Kili was determined not to collapse. He would stay standing no matter what they did to him. Azog didn't even have to move; instead he just leaned over and brushed against Kili's cheek with his claw._

" _Do I scare you worm?"_

 _Kili was nodding before he could stop himself. With a small smile Azog stroked his face before bringing his claw down Kili's neck._

" _You are right to fear me," Azog snapped, "You know what I do to those who displease me."_

 _Kili lowered his head sadly as Bolg tightened his grip – forcing him to remain standing. Kili licked his dry lips. He didn't think he could have Azog force him again. He'd sooner die than go through that. Another hand grabbed his hair, pulling his head up so Kili was made to stare into the orcs eyes._

" _Your brother has displeased me."_

 _Kili's blood ran cold. Fili wasn't here! Fili was back home in Erebor! All around the orcs began laughing and jeering; but Kili only noticed the curses and shouts that managed to be heard above the din. Glancing to one side he watched as the orcs parted to reveal Red Eye dragging Fili along. His brother was pushed to his knees whilst Kili was doing all he could not to throw up._

 _Fili wasn't meant to be here. Fili was meant to be safe._

 _Azog nodded at Kili before turning and moving towards his brother who shot Kili a glance of horror._

" _Kili?"_

 _If he could have Kili would have shaken his head. Tears pooled in Fili's eyes._

" _They said…I thought you were dead!"_

 _Azog nodded at the orc who was holding Fili and as his brother was released Kili struggled weakly in Bolg's grip._

" _Please! Please just leave him alone!"_

 _Azog didn't turn his head. Instead he jabbed Fili in the chest with his claw._

" _I wonder how his scream sounds? I wonder if the first heir of Oakenshield has more to give me than you could?"_

* * *

Fili gently dabbed at Kili's forehead with a wet cloth. Oin had cleaned and re-stitched his wounds but a small fever had already set in. Kili's fists had been clenching and unclenching the sheets and his head tossed from side to side erratically. His breathing was getting more laboured and sweat ran down his body in rivers. Fili shook his head to clear the sleep from his eyes.

"Kili…I never thanked you for saving my life all those months ago. If you hadn't then I would have shared your fate."

Pausing to wet the cloth again Fili bit his lip as his brother moaned in his sleep.

"But I should have shared it Kee. I should have been by your side through that ordeal. Every beating, every burn and every injury I should have shared. I should have pushed you off that cliff instead of it being the other way around. I hope you can forgive me Kili. I pray you can forgive me."

"Fi...Fili?" Kili's eyes remained closed but Fili still heard him. Leaning closer he took Kili's hand in his own.

"It's alright Kili. I'm here. I'm here for you now brother."

Kili gave his head a weak shake.

"No…Fili please…Fili please don't."

Fili shook his head weakly, "Kili I don't understand?"

"Don't let him take me again."

"I won't Kili. I swear it on our fathers grave."

Fili had no idea of Kili had heard him or not. Instead he watched on as the pain increased in his little brothers face.

* * *

 _Kili watched as orcs pushed Fili onto his front. Their hands pulled his coat off before forcing his tunic up. Fili kicked out at them whilst Kili could do nothing but stare as Azog pressed his boot on Fili's back._

" _This one certainly has more fight."_

" _Please!" Kili's voice was hoarse from his screaming earlier, "Please don't hurt him! Please I'll do anything!"_

 _Azog nodded, "Would it hurt you, to see your brother being raped like you were?"_

 _Kili nodding – noting how Fili's cursing got even louder at that word. Azog smiled._

" _In which case," he nodded at Bolg who shoved Kili onto his knees, "I'll make sure you have the best view."_

 _Tears blurred Kili's vision as Azog straddled the still struggling Fili. Kili turned his head but someone grabbed it and turned it so he was forced to watch._

 _In the end he had no idea who was screaming more. Fili. Himself. Or Azog._

* * *

Kili forced his eyes open. His head felt like it was being repeatedly thrown against a wall whilst the rest of his body ached too much to move it. Blinking away the sleep he looked to his right to see his brother staring down at him worriedly.

"How…How are you?" Fili seemed almost hesitant to speak. As though the wrong words would shatter everything. Kili gave a small nod before glancing down at his newly bandaged body. Fili held his hand tightly.

"When I woke up…watching you do that to yourself!"

Kili lowered his head in shame. However he was aware of Fili shaking his head.

"It's alright Kili. I'm not angry with you. I was just worried. I don't…I don't understand why you would try and hurt yourself like that?"

"I deserve it," Kili mumbled as he toyed with his blanket. Fili bowed his head before sitting down on the other side of the bed. Kili shuffled over so Fili had more room and when his brother was lying down beside him he gingerly reached out a hand.

"Can I hug you?"

Fili didn't answer. Instead he took Kili's arm and wrapped it across his stomach. Kili curled up against his brothers body, hiding his face in his tunic.

"Why do you think you deserved it Kee?"

"Because I'm a traitor."

"What?" Kili caught the hint of laughter in Fili's voice. His brother clearly thought he was joking. But he _was_ a traitor. Azog was going to take Erebor and it would all be Kili's fault. He clung to Fili's tunic.

"I told Azog _everything_!" Kili sobbed, "All about Erebor and Thorin and his army. Everything"

Fili opened his mouth but Kili shook his head,

"I tried to keep quiet Fee. But he kept hurting me. He promised he would stop if I told him and I wanted it to stop SO much!"

Kili could feel Fili rubbing the back of his hair softly.

"You're no traitor Kili."

"But…you wouldn't have told them. Thorin wouldn't have. You'd have both been brave and loyal to the end."

He heard Fili sigh and this time Kili looked his brother straight in the eye. Fili shook his head.

"If we had both been their prisoners I'd have told Azog everything he wanted to know so I would be able to keep you safe."

"But you weren't there," Kili mumbled. Fili nodded.

"And I pray that I could go back in time and change things so that I was there. But my point is you went through something no one else has ever been forced to go through. You didn't want to tell Azog what you did. You did it because you're only mortal Kili. We can only take so much before breaking down."

Kili nodded. Azog had indeed broken him. He'd broken him so many times he would never be put back together properly. Fili kissed his forehead.

"I know you won't believe me yet Kee, but I promise you you're not a traitor and no one will think of you like that."

"Thorin will," Kili froze at the mention of his uncle, "He'll think I wanted to tell Azog. He won't think I'm loyal to him. He'll have me exiled or even executed for what I've done!"

"Hey hey!" Fili pulled him in for another hug, "Kili don't be silly. Thorin will be the last person to think you betrayed him! He isn't going to punish you; he won't even send you to bed without supper. Instead he's going to make sure Azog and Bolg pay for everything they have done to you."

Kili nodded and Fili gave him a weak smile.

"Do you feel better now?"

Kili nodded and Fili hugged him close. But Kili didn't feel better.

Instead he felt much worse.

 _ **So I know this wasn't exactly the most happy of chapters but for Kili his mind isn't going to get better overnight. To be honest it's really hard writing his mental recovery so I might just do it over small time jumps to stop it from getting too stale. However he will be fixed I promise you all. Let me know what you think xxx**_


	29. Road to Recovery

_**Big thanks to gioiagirl216 for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – Yeah I'm having to do time jumps else it just gets a bit stale.**_

 _ **Hdwb – I didn't want Fili to be forgotten about given he has stuff to deal with as well. Thanks for all the compliments!**_

 _ **Nenithiel – It'll take time but Kili will get fixed I promise.**_

 _ **ColorGuradianoftheGlaxay – Yeah I know, but given Kili has always believed Thorin hasn't loved him as much as Fili you can't blame him too much given his mental state right now.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Yeah that will happen eventually but I don't want to rush Kili. Sending him loads of hugs though.**_

 _ **Guest – Aww I'm sorry. But you may need some more tissues soon.**_

 _ **Mili – I always feel so bad when I do stuff like this to Fili and Kili!**_

 _ **Filikililove – Not this fic but I am considering doing a very short Durincest fic at some point in the near future.**_

 _ **Dojonson41 – You'll have to wait and find out!**_

Road to Recovery

 _A Month Later_

Sitting cross legged on his bed Fili looked over as his brother did the same thing. He still couldn't believe it had been a month since Kili had been brought home. A month of knowing his brother was alive. A month of knowing Kili was safe and back with his family.

But it was also a month of having to see how broken Kili was. How lost. A month of hearing his screams as nightmares crowded his sleep. A month of him staying locked in his room – too afraid to leave in case the orcs took him again. A month of Fili trying to work out how to get his brother back. Rubbing his eyes Fili looked over to see Kili playing with his toy raven and now Fili's toy lion. Kili's unbraided hair fell over his face. It was now thicker and stronger compared to last month. A plain blue tunic covered his body whilst dark brown trousers covered his legs. If you forgot about the scars on Kili's skin you could almost believe that nothing had happened. That the nightmare of the past six months had never existed.

"Kili?"

His brother was muttering under his breath as he made the lion chase his 'flying' raven. At the light in Kili's eyes Fili was well aware of the tears in his. His brother still had a long way to go. But now there was hope that Kili could be mended. That Fili could help his younger brother. He still had no idea exactly what Kili had suffered and he hadn't really asked. He didn't want to push his brother too far in case they went back to square one. He didn't care how long it took. For Kili's sake he'd wait the rest of his life.

"Kee?"

His brother glanced up at him and Fili forced himself to smile.

"Thorin…he was wondering if he could come and see you today."

Kili froze and shook his head. Getting to his feet Fili forced himself to keep calm. After his talk with Kili he had assumed that his brother would feel more at ease about seeing Thorin. Kili had certainly been willing to see his mother. But Thorin was still excluded; his only contact with Kili was through Fili. And although Fili was still angry at Thorin for his part in all of this he knew that seeing his uncle would help convince Kili he hadn't betrayed them.

"Are you sure Kee?" He knelt by his bed and Kili licked his lips, "Thorin really misses you. He asks after you every day."

Kili nodded and Fili reached over and took his hand. It was trembling. Kili had been doing that a lot recently. Oin had put it down to the shock of everything that had happened.

"Do I have to see him?"

"No," Fili smiled, "No of course not Kee. I just wanted to ask that's all."

Getting to his feet Fili watched as Kili carried on playing with his toys. The sight reminded him of when the pair of them used to play together. They'd chase each other before 'attacking' one another with their toy animals. Wiping his eyes Fili nodded.

"Okay well I'm going to go and see him. Let him know how you are doing."

Fili hadn't even turned when Kili gasped. The toys dropped to the floor as Kili grabbed Fili's tunic and pulled him back.

"Please don't go. Please don't leave me."

The trembling was getting worse as Fili sat down and held his brother close.

"Kili…"

"If you go what's to stop Azog from taking me again?"

Leaning down Fili picked up the toy raven and the toy lion. Stroking the lions fur he sat them at the foot of Kili's bed so they were facing the door.

"Kee? Your raven and my lion are going to keep you safe. Nothing is going to get through that door without their say so. Is that okay?"

Kili paused before nodding. Ruffling his hair Fili got to his feet and hurried towards the door.

"Fili?"

"Hmm?"

"Please don't be too long."

Nodding Fili opened the door and entered the corridor. Taking a deep breath he turned and headed in the direction towards Thorins study. On the way several dwarves stopped him to ask how Kili was. Fili kept it as brief as possible. Not because he wanted to get away but because he had promised Kili he wouldn't be long. Thankfully most of them seemed to understand he didn't want to leave his brother and soon Fili found himself outside Thorin's door. Licking his lips he hurriedly knocked before opening.

"Uncle?"

"Fili," Thorin got up out of his chair and moved away from his desk. Shutting the door behind him Fili embraced his uncle who then led him to a set of chairs by the fireplace. Sitting down Fili sat back as Thorin poured him some tea. Only when his uncle had sat down did he start to talk.

"I did ask Kili if he'd let you see him…I'm sorry."

Thorin gave a sad sigh, "It's okay Fili. He needs to take things at his own pace. I can't blame him for not wanting to see me. Not when I was so hard with him before."

Fili nodded before taking a sip of his tea. Sitting back he braced himself for Thorin's questions.

"How is he?"

Fili nodded, "Getting better. Most of his injuries are healing well although I imagine the majority are going to leave scars."

"What about his state of mind?"

Fili set his tea on the carpet; knowing this part of the conversation would easily be the worst.

"I don't know. He doesn't have nightmares every night now. Just three or four times a week. His body still trembles and trying to get him away from any kind of cuddly toy is a big mistake."

Pausing Fili forced down his tears, "It's like he's a child again Thorin. Actually no, it isn't. At least when he was a child he laughed and joked. He was always smiling and talking. He made everyone's day that bit brighter. And now…now that's all gone."

As Thorin took his hand Fili looked up. Thorin forced a smile on his face.

"Three months ago we believed Kili was dead. That he had been taken from us forever. And now..? Now we know the truth. You must never give up hope Fili. In time I know he will get better. I know he'll be the Kili that we knew before this ordeal ever took place."

Fili nodded, he couldn't bring himself to place any doubt. Thorin was filled with enough guilt already. Fili couldn't bring himself to add to it. Instead he finished his tea.

Thorin nodded, "Has he told you…what happened to him?"

Fili shook his head, "To be honest I don't think I want to know Thorin. What he went through…no one should ever have to go through that."

"Has he given any reason why he won't see me?"

Fili bit his lip as Thorin ran a hand through his hair.

"I know I was hard on Kili. I know that…if I hadn't said those things to him none of this might have happened."

"It's not that. In fact I don't think Kili even cares about that anymore."

"Then what?"

Fili flinched at Thorin's voice. He had never heard his uncle sound so desperate for forgiveness. He rubbed his hands together.

"Kili…he was tortured because Azog wanted information about Erebor. And in the end Kili couldn't take the pain and he told him what he wanted to know."

"I don't understand what that has to do with it?"

"Don't you?" Fili's lid on his anger was starting to slip. For the sake of not scaring Kili he had been forced to keep his temper bottled up. But now he couldn't help himself.

"You always made Kili feel like he wasn't worthy to be your heir! And now – in his eyes – he's betrayed you to Azog. He think's you'll have him punished for breaking down under torture! He's terrified Thorin!"

Getting up Thorin placed a hand on Fili's shoulder and sat him back down.

"I don't know what to do Thorin. I want to help him but I don't know how!"

Thorin nodded, "Go back to your brother. In a few days I'll go and see Kili. Try to explain it all to him."

Fili nodded, "Very well. But I swear if you upset him I'll never let you see him ever again."

Thorin nodded, "If I upset him Fili I won't allow myself within two hundred miles of him."

* * *

When Fili got back to his room he found Kili sitting on his bed and not his own. Also his brother no longer had his toys in his hands but was instead staring at a small bundle of leather. Fili gently shut the door behind him.

"I'm back Kee."

Kili didn't do anything. Instead he glared at Fili who was staring at what his brother held in his hands.

"Kili?"

"You lied to me!" Kili choked, "You lied!"

"I..?" Fili's heart dropped as he saw what Kili was holding. It was the same leather restraints he had stopped Oin using all those weeks ago. He remembered shoving them under his pillow – intending to throw them away – and then he must have forgotten all about them. Shaking his head Fili inched closer to Kili who was sobbing quietly.

"Kili just listen to me for a second."

"You said I'd be safe. That nothing would hurt me."

"I was telling the truth," Fili knelt in front of his brother and took the restraints from Kili's hands.

"Kee…you had just hurt yourself and we had no idea if you would do it again. Oin said it was for your own safety but I stopped him," he held Kili's hands, "I stopped him from tying you up Kili. I would rather take my chances than see you bound again."

Kili nodded slowly and Fili could see a smile had crept onto his little brothers face.

"I didn't think you'd want that. I just saw them and…and it brought it back," he rubbed his wrists. The bandages were off but Fili could still see the scars from where the ropes had worn away the skin.

"I could see them leering at me as I was tied down," Kili gasped, "Those jeering smiles and cruel eyes."

Fili got up so he was beside his brother, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

"It's alright Kili. It's alright."

* * *

When the door opened Kili instantly looked up – expecting to see Fili. His brother had gone to see their mother and to bring him back some food. After the first couple of weeks of being sick after every meal Kili's stomach finally calmed down and he was now able to eat without being sick. Meat still unnerved him as he remembered Scar shoving that raw meat into his mouth.

As he saw the figure in the doorway Kili froze. He'd never seen his uncle look so pale and yet the very sight of Thorin sent shivers running through him. Kili drew his knees to his chest. It's had been three days since he'd last been asked if he wanted to see Thorin. He hadn't been ready then and he wasn't ready now. However, to his relief, Thorin seemed equally nervous.

"Kili…I..?" he licked his lips, "How are you?"

Kili gave a small nod and Thorin smiled before walking towards the bed and sitting down on the end. Kili lowered his head; wishing that Fili was here so that he would be strong enough to take whatever punishment Thorin was going to give him.

"I spoke to Fili earlier," Thorin's voice wasn't what Kili expected. He expected it to be harsh and cold. But instead all he could hear was love. Glancing up Kili saw tears forming in his uncle's eyes.

"He told me why you didn't want to see me."

Kili nodded and Thorin stroked his hair.

"I came to tell you that I'm not angry at you Kili."

"You don't mean that. You're always angry at me."

Thorin froze, "You honestly believe that?"

"I know you hate me. My being born almost killed your sister. I've never been the heir you've wanted. I've brought shame on our family and now I've betrayed them."

"No Kili. No you haven't betrayed anyone."

"But I told Azog…"

Thorin shook his head, "Kili when Azog first dragged you forward my first thought was that I would willingly give up Erebor and myself in exchange for your safety. This place might be our home but at the end of the day the safety of you, your brother and my sister will always be more important."

"But you wouldn't have talked. Fili wouldn't have. He'd have made you proud." Kili sniffed. He hated the fact that tears were coming. Thorin inched forward until he was sitting side by side.

"I can't say what I would have done because I've never been in your position. I don't know what you went through and I'm not going to make you tell me. But I know that you will always, _always_ make me proud Kili. You survived being a prisoner of Azog for six months! And even before that I was proud of you. You fought back so many trials life threw at you and you always came out smiling. I've never shown you how proud I am of you. How much I love you and I am so very sorry for that."

Tears coursed down Kili's face as Thorin enveloped him into a gentle hug. Clinging to his uncle Kili buried his face to muffle his sob whilst Thorin rocked him back and forth.

"You haven't betrayed me Kili. You could never betray me."

* * *

Thorin couldn't have known it at the time but it words had a far greater effect than he could have imagined. When Kili woke the next day he somehow found it far easier to get out of bed. He was even washed and dressed before Fili was. Something that had never happened even before he had been abducted. Fili rubbed his tired eyes at him, mouth open in shock.

"Kili?"

Toying with his sleeves Kili shrugged. It was as though Thorin's words had lifted the final chain tied around his body. Suddenly the world looked a lot more brighter than it had done. He could still feel Azog's touch on him. But it didn't scare him the way it used to. As he waited for his brother to get dressed Kili eyed the door nervously. Could he..? Could he actually go out into the mountain? Fili would no doubt think so, but what if Kili was rushing things too much.

There was only one way to find out.

Fili had barely pulled his coat on when Kili was opening the door.

"Kili?"

"I was thinking of going to breakfast instead of having it in my room. Is that…would that be okay?"

He'd never seen Fili smile so much. His older brother linked arms with him and all but pushed him from the room.

"Kili…that would make my day!"

Blushing Kili allowed Fili to lead him down the corridor. As they walked other dwarves stopped and stared as they went past. Even though he understood why they were staring Kili couldn't help but shrink against Fili. His brother rubbed his arm encouragingly and as they went along Kili gave a few shy smiles to those that they passed. However, when they got to the doors that led towards the great hall he faltered. Fili hugged him close.

"Kili…don't force yourself if you don't want to."

Kili paused. Normally in Erebor everyone ate in the great hall together for breakfast and dinner. He knew today would be no exception. It would be so much easier for him to turn and walk away. But he couldn't let something like this beat him. Azog hadn't and neither would this. Kili nodded at Fili who pushed open one of the doors and together they stepped inside.

Everyone fell silent.

As the eyes of everyone rested on him Kili was tempted to turn and run straight back out. Fili tightened his grip on his hand and as he looked around the room Kili spied his uncle and his mother sitting at the high table. Even from his distance he could see the surprise and joy on their faces. Fili gave him an encouraging nudge and Kili forced his shaking feet to move.

The second he did everyone started clapping.

Kili had no idea who started it but within seconds the whole hall was clapping and cheering for him. Even Thorin was. Turning to his brother Kili shook his head.

"I…what have I done?"

Fili shook his head before pulling Kili in for a hug.

"You survived Kili. You didn't need to do anything else."

Nodding Kili allowed his brother to lead him through the rows of people. He caught glimpses of Dwalin and Balin. He caught sight of Bofurs' hat and it was hard not to miss Bomburs bulk. Blinking back his tears he went to slid into his seat between Fili and his mother. Underneath the table she took his hand.

"My beautiful baby," she smiled.

Kili nodded, sitting back as food was piled onto his plate. He knew he'd never manage it all but that didn't matter. He thought the cheering would go on forever when Thorin got to his feet and the noise slowly died. Thorin raised his glass.

"What we have all just witnessed is something that – several months ago we would have believed to be a dream. My youngest nephew has been through an ordeal worse than death and he has survived. He has come back to us. And for that I shall be eternally grateful."

He raised his glass, "To Kili."

"TO KILI!"

 _ **Aww so things are taking a turn for the better now! Thorin got to see Kili and everything's getting a bit lighter for us all. I still can't believe we only have a few more chapters until it's the end! Seems like yesterday I was posting the first chapter! Let me know what you think xxx**_


	30. Some Things We Never Forget

_**PhoenixUniverse – Yeah that was a lovely moment for us all.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – I needed something happy for you all after everything you've been through**_

 _ **Hdwb – Yeah these things take time.**_

 _ **Guest – No not really. Although I have about five fics going round in my brain right now so it's very very cluttered.**_

Some Things We Never Forget

 _Two Weeks Later_

Fili leant against the doorway – his eyes never leaving the curled up figure of his brother in the arm chair. Like every year winter had come suddenly and without any warning. Kili's body was still too thin and weak to get through it safely and so he'd been wrapped up in several layers of tunics and blankets. Rubbing his old hands Fili smiled to himself as Kili flicked through a book. His toy raven still sat in his lap whilst a mug of hot tea sat on the small table beside his chair. The pair of them were still sharing a room and – although he hadn't said anything – Fili was dreading the day he went back to his own. At least when he was sharing with Kili he knew where his brother was each night. He knew that he'd be there in seconds if Kili had another nightmare or a panic attack.

Fili sighed as he saw Kili's hands give a small tremble. His brother still hadn't told him about what he had been through and Fili had been under pressure from Oin to get him to talk about it. The older dwarf claimed it would help Kili come to terms with what had happened. But Fili had been deliberately putting it off until he knew for certain that Kili was ready to talk.

"Fili?"

Kili's voice dragged him from his thoughts. Nodding Fili moved away from his spot in the doorway and moved towards his brother who gave him a weak smile. He was smiling more and more now. He still had nightmares and he still had small moments where he would stare into space – no doubt reliving his ordeal. But with every extra smile Fili's hope increased. Kneeling in front of Kili he bit his lip.

"I don't want to push you Kili but I've been talking to Oin and he wonders if maybe you should start talking about…what you went through."

Kili's smile remained but it was clear it was now forced. Fili gripped his hand hard.

"Only if you want to though. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to."

Kili nodded and Fili smiled back at him.

"Oin thinks it'll help you get better that's all. He isn't trying to upset you."

"But I don't want to upset _you_ ," Kili whispered. He silently closed the book and pushed it to one side.

"I don't want to make you upset Fee."

Fili shook his head, "I don't matter Kili. If it helps you get better then I'll do anything."

Kili nodded and shakily got to his feet. Fili did likewise and he saw how much Kili was holding his raven.

"So..?"

"I…" Kili paused, "Just, promise me you won't hate me."

Fili gave his brothers hand another squeeze, "Kili nothing on this earth could make me hate you."

Kili smiled before moving over towards his bed. He sat down crossed legged and rearranged the blanket around his shoulders. Only when his brother was comfy did Fili sit down next to him.

"Whenever you're ready Kili. If you want to stop at any point then you can okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

Fili kept silent as his brother spoke. Not daring to interrupt at any point no matter how much he wanted to. Kili went straight from the moment the pair had been separated and throughout his whole story Fili kept a tight grip on his hand. Every so often Kili's voice would crack and he'd take a few deep breaths before carrying on. His eyes never left his raven and Fili's insides felt worse and worse as time went on. He expected to be sickened by the actual torture that Kili had gone through. But instead it was the smaller things that caused his stomach to churn horribly. How Kili had been made to watch someone's throat being cut. How he had been force fed raw meat. How he'd been locked in a bird cage like a pet animal.

Silent tears made their way down Kili's face and when he finished he gave a small nod. Fili said nothing and instead drew Kili against him in a hug. Never before had he been more proud of his brother. To have had to relieve all that had clearly taken all of Kili's strength.

"Oh Kili," Fili shook his head – more than ever wishing he had been able to be by Kili's side this whole time. Kili clung to him.

"Please don't make me do that again."

"Of course not." Fili had no intention of getting Kili to repeat his story. And yet he had a small nagging feeling at the back of his mind. Even though he hadn't said anything he knew Kili hadn't told him _everything_. A part of him was tempted to leave it; Kili had overcome a huge milestone today. It wouldn't do well to push him. Yet he knew that if Kili kept it hidden for too long then he might never fully recover.

"Kili? You did tell me everything that happened didn't you?"

Kili stiffened – giving Fili confirmation – before shaking his head. Tearfully he glanced up at him.

"Please…Fili please don't make me tell you."

"Kili I just want to help you."

"But you'll hate me. You'll be ashamed of me. Please Fili I can't! I just can't!"

Rubbing Kili's back soothingly Fili sighed.

"Kili, if you tell me now then we never have to speak of it again. I'll never mention it to Thorin or mother."

Fili wondered if he was being too pushy with Kili. But he couldn't deny he was now curious about what had happened. Kili held his raven against his chest before nodding.

"You have to swear never to tell anyone else. Promise me Fili!"

Nodding Fili placed a hand over his heart, "I swear it Kee."

Kili took a deep breath, "It was when we left Dol Guldur. We'd made camp and I was taken to see Azog. He smiled at me and I couldn't help myself. I kept yelling at him and screaming at him. I knew he'd hurt me but I couldn't stop! I needed him to see there was still a bit of me left inside."

"And did he hurt you?"

"In…in a way," Kili stammered, "He…he asked if I knew why he was called 'the Defiler'. I should have known then what he was going to do but my brain seemed to block it all out. He told me he'd never had the pleasure of a dwarf before. It was like he wanted me to feel _lucky_! Then I was pushed onto my front. I thought he'd just get it over with. But he wanted to see my face so he had me turned over. I tried kicking out but then just pinned me down. I begged him not to do it but he just laughed at me."

Kili shuddered, "It hurt so much. Everything felt bruised…down there. And…and I could feel blood on my legs. I told myself that hadn't happened. That I hadn't just been…" he shook his head as the tears began to fall.

"I didn't want him to do it Fili. I could never have wanted something like that! Please believe me!"

Fili watched on as Kili doubled over. His brothers' body was shaking more than ever and he gave his back a gentle rub whilst his own brain was trying not to think about what Azog had done. To think that Kili had been 'touched' in that way..? The fact that Kili assumed people would think he'd wanted it was sickening enough. Shaking his head he pushed his own private disgust to one side and hugged the small ball that was Kili's sobbing form.

"Kili…I don't know what to say. But I know you wouldn't have wanted that to happen. I know I can't take any of your pain away but…but I'm going to be there for you. For the rest of my life I'll always be there for you."

* * *

When the door opened Fili didn't look up. Kili had been asleep for a good few hours and he couldn't bring himself to wake him. Instead he glanced over to see Oin looking down at the pair of them.

"How's he doing?"

Fili nodded, "This is the longest he's been asleep without having any nightmares."

Oin nodded and placed a small bottle on Kili's bedside table.

"In case he needs it I've brought him another sleeping draught."

Fili nodded before glancing up.

"Oin. Can you keep a secret?"

"That would depend on what the secret is."

Fili nodded, "Kili told me about what happened to him. There was…one thing that I think he's going to find hardest to deal with."

"Which is?"

Shutting his eyes Fili did his best to get his thoughts together. He was going to say this once and never again.

"Azog raped him."

Glancing at Oin he was stunned to see the healer nodding.

"I know lad," Oin said sadly, "When ye first brought him in I looked him over. I could tell he had been…touched."

"And you didn't tell anyone?"

"I spoke to Kili about it when you were off seeing ye mother or Thorin. I explained I wasn't going to tell anyone without his consent. It was for him to talk about not me."

Fili gulped as Oin's eyes darkened.

"If I ever get another chance I'm going to see to it that Azog's head is ripped from his body inch by inch for what he did to ye brother."

Fili nodded as he gently held Kili's hand. His brothers' face began to shift and when he gave a small whimper Fili knew he was about to have yet another nightmare.

"You'll have to get in line Oin."

* * *

The next day Fili noticed Kili looked a lot better than he had recently. Even though his brother might not believe it now Fili knew that getting Kili to talk had done him the world of good. And yet as Kili held his toy raven against his chest Fili knew there were some obstacles that were going to be harder to overcome than others.

"Kili? Did you fancy going to the training rooms today?"

His brother had been putting on weight and Fili wondered if venting out his anger would help Kili. But his brother shook his head.

"Not today Fili."

Biting his lip Fili knelt in front of his brother.

"Listen to me Kili. The fact that Azog raped you…"

"Don't use that word," Kili whispered, "Please…don't use that word."

"Why?"

"Because it makes it sound like I didn't fight." Kili stammered.

"It makes it sound like I allowed this to happen to me. That I was weak and defenceless. I don't want people thinking that."

Rubbing Kili hands Fili nodded.

"They won't Kee. They don't even have to know this happened if you don't want them to. All I was going to say was that, Azog might have…hurt you. But that doesn't mean you can't carry on living your life. This isn't going to go away overnight and I don't expect it to. But maybe if you try and get back into normality you can prove to Azog and Bolg and all the others that they didn't break you. That you're still Kili."

His brother paused before nodding. Kili wiped his face with the back of his hand and glanced over at Fili.

"So…you don't hate me now you know what he did?"

Fili allowed his tears to fall as he embraced Kili close against him. Burying his face in his brother's neck he shook his head.

"What he did to you…it changes nothing Kili. You are still my brother and I love you."

 _ **SO MANY FEELS! I think this might be one of the sweetest chapters just because it shows how much Fili loves his brother. So Fili finally knows the truth and now we can move on for some revenge time! Let me know what you think xxxx**_


	31. It's Not Yet Over

_**Big thanks to Hannahrachelle for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **ColorGuardianoftheGalaxy – You'll have to get behind me I'm afraid!**_

 _ **Celebrisilweth – He is isn't he?**_

 _ **Sol Phyllon – Happy you enjoyed it.**_

 _ **Emmakmc – Revenge won't get any sweeter I can assure you.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – I wanted to do time jumps to make it more realistic without boring all of you.**_

 _ **Hdwb – Awww. And yes time to kick some orc ass!**_

 _ **Mili – This was probably the most emotional to write for me.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Yeah I just needed a big Fili/Kili moment with Fili showing Kili how much he loves him. As for Oin it didn't seem like him to know and tell people without Kili's consent.**_

 _ **Guest – I'm always proud of my beautiful princes.**_

It's Not Yet Over

 _A Month Later_

Kili toyed with his lunch – fully aware that his mother, Thorin and Fili were watching him. He had only recently started coming to lunch. Oddly enough he felt more relaxed in the huge crowds at breakfast and dinner. He could hide away and not get noticed. But at lunch times when it was just him and his family he felt like he was on show the whole time. Thorin and his mother spoke together in low voices whilst Kili clung to his brothers' hand under the table. Even though it hadn't seemed like it at the time he was glad he told Fili about what he had gone through. It meant he didn't have to hide anymore. He didn't have to worry about his brother finding out his shameful secret.

"Kili?"

Looking up at his mother Kili forced a smile onto his face. Since his return his mother had done nothing but fuss over him. Kili had never said anything but sometimes he wanted his mother to give him some space. But he supposed it was her way of coping with everything that she had been out through and so he had stayed quiet for her sake.

"If you don't want it then you don't have to have it."

Kili glanced down at his meal. Bread, cheese, meat and some fruit. Not exactly a meal fit for a king but he had to be careful with what he ate. Tightening his grip on Fili's hand Kili shook his head.

"No it's not that. No I was just thinking that's all."

His mother nodded and Kili gave her a genuine smile this time. But as he did so he could see the worry increasing on Thorins face. Kili wanted to ask what was wrong; but he had a small feeling Thorin wouldn't tell him. Instead he fixed his attention back on his plate. Already his stomach was starting to ache. Finishing the last of the bread and cheese Kili pushed his plate to one side – watching as Fili took his leftovers and finished them off.

"What are you going to do now then?" Thorin asked. Kili bit his lips – feeling like a small child. He knew he should start getting back into his studies. If anything it would help take his mind off what he had been through. But he couldn't deny the fact that he enjoyed not having any expectations being placed on him and he intended to keep things that way for as long as possible. Downing his drink he nodded.

"I was thinking of going to the archery range today."

His mother beamed and Kili smiled back. He hadn't picked up his bow since he had been taken. At the thought of that Kili realised it had been almost a year since his capture! Glancing down at himself Kili caught a glimpse of his chest underneath his tunic. He could see the very tops of some of his scars whilst his burnt flesh still stung from time to time. This would be his reminder of what he had suffered. Of what he had survived. And even if every woman in Middle Earth was repulsed by the sight of him he would still regard his scars as a good thing. They were proof that he was strong and brave.

"Hmm?"

Kili realised his mother was speaking to him. She reached over the table and rubbed his shoulder.

"Just don't be too long okay."

Nodding Kili got up from the table and waited for Fili to do the same. His brother hurriedly down the last of his own drink before nodding at the other two and getting up to follow Kili. Kili meanwhile was already moving through the halls. Although he was excited about picking up his bow again he was incredibly nervous. He still wasn't up to his full strength yet and chances were it'd take a lot of time before he would be as good as he used to be. But as Fili pushed open the doors into the archery range and worries Kili had were instantly pushed aside. With a smile he hurried towards the first target and picked up the practice bow. Fitting the arrow he took a deep breath before looking around at Fili. His brother gave a small nod and Kili took aim.

He had underestimated how strong he once was. Before his arm had never ached until the very last second. But now his body was trembling and he was forced to release too early. It hit the target but only just. Kili bit his lip before picking up another arrow and trying again.

This time he missed.

He knew it shouldn't bother him. He had been through months of torture after all. But he couldn't help it. He had never been good with an axe and wasn't as skilled as Fili was with a sword. For Kili archery was the one thing he exceled at. He tried to blink back his tears but it was already too late. Letting the bow drop to the floor Kili wiped his eyes as Fili rubbed his back.

"Kili? Kili what's wrong?"

"I don't know," Kili shook his head. Already his sorrow was being replaced with the shame of crying over something so trivial.

"It's just; I didn't expect to be as good as I used to be. I knew it would take time. But I didn't think I'd be this weak!"

Fili eased his head up and Kili wiped away the rest of his tears.

"It's the only thing I'm good at Fee! And now…now it's like Azog's taken this away from me as well."

Kili watched as his brother picked up the bow and placed it back in his hands.

"Listen to me Kili. You can do this. Just keep at it and trust me, you'll be just as good if not better before you know it. Then you can show Azog he shouldn't have messed with the line of Durin."

Nodding Kili reached over and fitted his third arrow. This time he paused before taking aim. Giving his hands time to get into the natural positions before lifting the bow. As he pulled back the string he could feel his arms start to ache and the string cut into his fingers. Pushing all of that from his mind Kili focused on the target and fired.

"Well done brother," Fili whispered.

Kili looked at the target. His arrow had landed somewhere in the middle. It wasn't great but it was a start at the very least.

* * *

As he had expected Kili lost complete track of time. He didn't hit anything closer to the centre but only one more of his arrows missed the target completely. Even though he knew he'd wake up with stiff arms he couldn't bring himself to put his bow down once he'd fired his last shot. Gripping it against his body his fingers gently stroked the wood. Fili smiled at him.

"We can come again tomorrow if you like Kili."

Kili would like that. He'd like it very much. Yet he couldn't stop himself from talking.

"Won't Thorin want you? You know for meetings?"

Fili nodded, "But I'm not going to them."

Kili shook his head; he couldn't allow his brother to skip important duties like this just on his behalf. However Fili rubbed his shoulders.

"Kili…I spent months think that you were dead. That I would never see you again. That a time like this would just become a distant memory. And then I realised you were alive. Alive and in so much danger. Even though you're safe now…" he licked his lips, "I…I don't want to come back from a meeting or from one of my lessons to find you gone again. I don't think I could cope with it."

Gently placing the bow back where he found it Kili squeezed Fili's hand.

"I'm not going anywhere Fili. I promise."

Fili opened his mouth when there was a shout behind them. Glancing over Fili's shoulder Kili frowned as he saw Dwalin hurrying towards them. The bulky dwarf wasn't exactly known for his stamina and the sight of him running brought a smile to Kili's lips. However, as Dwalin neared them, Kili's smile vanished when he saw the worried look fixated across Dwalin's' whole face. As his eyes landed on Kili he gave a small gulp.

"Kili…I didn't realise you would be here."

"What is it?" Fili asked sharply. Dwalin glanced at him, then at Kili and back to Fili.

"Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else Fili."

Kili gripped his brother's hand as his chest began to tighten. Fili gave him a comforting smile before facing Dwalin.

"Whatever it is Kili has a right to know as well."

Dwalin sighed, "Very well," he glanced at Kili, "I really don't know how I can make this any easier lad."

"Make…make what easier?" Kili licked his lips and slowly withdrew his hand from Fili's. Dwalin shook his head.

"We've seen sightings of Azog, Bolg and a small army encamped at Ravenhill."

Whatever Fili said Kili didn't catch any of it. Already he was backing away towards the door. He was aware of his brother moving towards him but Kili couldn't stop shaking.

Azog had come for him. Azog was going to take him back.

Turning away from the other two Kili sprinted from the room.

* * *

He didn't remember getting to his room. He just remembered shutting the door behind him and falling to his knees.

Azog was going to take him away.

He had to hide. Head flinging from side to side Kili did a quick run-down of all possible hiding spots. He was too big to go under the bed. And besides it was so obvious Azog would check their first. He could try the cupboard – but he didn't think he'd last long in a dark and cramped hole.

The bathroom.

Forcing his numb legs to work Kili got to his feet and staggered towards his bathroom. His fingers slipped on the door handle and he shut it behind him and locked it. Curling into a ball he leant against the door as tears made rivers along his face. He couldn't let Azog take him. He'd sooner kill himself that let the orc touch him again.

"Kili?"

At the first Kili screamed before shaking his head as Fili called his name again. Pressing one ear to the door Kili heard the sounds of his brother sitting down on the other side.

"Kili let me in?"

"No…no I can't!"

"Why?"

"Because…" Kili shut his eyes, "Because then Azog will be able to get me. I don't want him to take me Fili."

There was a pause before Fili sighed, "Kili I promise you. I _swear_ to you, Azog won't ever lay a finger on you ever again. I won't let him."

"But he's here," Kili wished he wasn't shaking as much, "Dwalin said…he's here to get me back!"

"Kili listen to me. The world will burn before anyone in this mountain lets Azog take you. Please Kili just open the door and let me in. Please!"

Kili paused before nodding. As his hand moved towards the lock he froze. What if this was a trick? What if Azog was making Fili say these things? But it was that thought that had Kili unlocking the door and reaching for the handle. He couldn't sit back whilst Fili could be in danger. Getting to his feet he slowly inched the door open and poked his head round.

Apart from Fili the room was empty.

His brother jumped to his feet and pulled Kili out of the bathroom.

"Oh Kili!"

"You won't let him get me Fili? You're not going to let him hurt me again are you?"

Fili gripped his shoulders as a dark look crossed his eyes.

"Never. Kili I'm going to see that he suffers for what he's done to you."

Nodding Kili allowed his brother to pull him towards his bed and sit him down on it. Out of habit he grabbed his toy raven and cuddled it against his chest.

"Thorin…" Fili paused, "Thorin's sending out a small army at dawn. We're hoping we can take them by surprise and kill them all before they can attack."

"We?"

Fili nodded, "Kili I want that piece of filth dead at my feet. I want to see the look in his eyes when I kill him."

"But…"Kili shook his head, "But if you go who's going to keep me safe?"

"Thorin's going to have guards placed at your room," Fili handed over his toy lion, "And these will keep you safe Kili. Just like they always have."

"But they aren't _you_!" Blinking away some of his tears Kili hugged his brother hard.

"What if they fail and Azog gets me? You would never fail Fili. I know you wouldn't. Please just stay! I'm begging you!"

Fili rubbed his back softly and when he looked at his brothers eyes Kili could see Fili was thinking it over. But in the end Fili shook his head.

"Kee…I want to stay with you and keep you safe. But I need to do this. I need to make him pay for every single thing he did to you. Please understand this?"

Kili gave a small nod before letting go of Fili and lying down on his bed.

"Kee?"

Kili didn't answer. Instead he held the toys against his body before shutting his eyes and allowing himself to be taken by the world of nightmares.

* * *

When he woke the next morning Kili glanced over to see Fili's bed empty. Biting his lip he hurriedly got dress before moving towards the door. He couldn't explain the attitude that had come over him but he was determined not to be left behind. Fili may have wanted revenge but no one could ever hope to understand the rage and hatred that Kili had been building up all of these months. He wanted to see Azog's face again. He wanted to look at the orcs horror when he found out Kili wasn't broken. When he found out Kili wasn't his to control.

And there was another reason that had wormed it's way into Kili's mind. Fili was going to kill Azog. But supposing Azog hurt Fili? Supposing he killed him to prove to Kili that he would never be free of the Pale orc. Kili couldn't allow anything to happen to his brother. He needed to make sure Fili was safe and not at risk of falling into Azog's hands.

"Sire!"

Kili nodded at the two guards outside his door. He made to move when one of them pulled him back.

"We were ordered not to let anyone enter or leave."

Kili drew himself up to his full height and pulled out his sword.

"I need to give this to my brother. You don't expect him to go into battle without a sword do you?"

Both guard glanced at each other and Kili flashed one of them a small smile.

"I'll only be twenty minutes I promise."

Nodding they both stepped aside and Kili began making his way towards the armoury. Hopefully he wouldn't be too late.

* * *

As he finished strapping his chest plate Fili licked his dry lips. This would be the first time he had ever been in a battle and he wished more than ever that Kili was by his side. He had considered asking Kili if he wished to join in. But one look at the terror in his brothers face had stopped him from asking. Checking all of his knives Fili sheathed his swords before retying one of his vambraces to make sure it was secure. Satisfied he was ready he looked over to see Thorin giving him a proud nod. Around fifty dwarves had been asked to fight and all had agreed within seconds. Fili knew his mother hadn't wanted him to do this. But he needed to. He needed to do this for Kili and for himself. For the pain he had been forced to go through because of Azog.

"Kili!"

Fili gaped at the figure of his brother. Nearly everyone else in the armoury was having the same reaction; but Kili ignored them all. Instead he walked calmly towards Fili who simply stared at him.

"Kili…I don't…what are you doing here?"

The look in Kili's eyes was one he had never ever seen before. Kili gave him a curt nod.

"I want my revenge Fili. I want to fight."

 _ **So here it is! Revenge time! Got another nice fluff moment between the two before Azog had to come and spoil it. Poor Kili thinking Azog's going to get him. But at least now the brothers can wreak their revenge! Let me know what you think xxx**_


	32. When the Boy Becomes a Man

_**Big thanks to Nyea for following/favouriting.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – Yeah the company will be fighting. Despite the sad ending I loved the actual battle in BOTFA so I've basically nicked bits from that to help write this. As for Kili I just think he deserves to have his revenge.**_

 _ **Syreen – Yeah Azog is going to try and break Kili down. But fingers crossed!**_

 _ **Dojonson41 – Yeah that sounds about right.**_

 _ **Mili – Thanks for still reading despite all the emotional upheaval! But indeed this is the showdown!**_

The Boy becomes a Man

As his brother stared at him Kili bit his bottom lip nervously. All around him he was aware of the stares and shocked glances being thrown his way. Fili opened his mouth before shutting it and opening it.

"Kili I…you can't."

"Why not," Clenching his fists Kili forced back his anger. He knew Fili just wanted him safe. His brother sighed before taking his hand and pulling him into a small corner. Kili knew Thorin was close on their heels. Fili ran a hand through his hair.

"Kili you aren't strong enough yet. You can't push yourself too much."

"Fili you don't understand," Kili hissed, "Azog…I need to do this."

Fili folded his arms and shook his head, "Well you aren't. I'm going to have you taken back to your room. I'll do it myself if I have to."

Kili could fee his legs trembling. Fili had never _ever_ treated him like a naughty child before. Even when they were young. Fili must have realised he'd said the wrong thing because his face softened in seconds and he took Kili's hand.

"Oh Kee. Look I didn't mean to be so harsh. I just…I won't be able to keep you safe out there. And you aren't strong enough to wield weapons yet."

Kili knew what that meant. It meant he would be a liability if he went and fought. But none of that mattered to him. He eased himself out of Fili's grip.

"Don't you get it yet Fee? I need to do this. You say you want to get revenge but what you have been through is nothing compared to me! I have spent the better part of a year allowing that…that thing to touch me and hurt me and break me in ways I never even knew existed! Your need for revenge is nothing compared to mine!"

"And your guilt is nothing compared to mine!" Fili yelled. Kili blinked at him and Fili sighed.

"Everything…it was all my fault. What happened to you I allowed that to take place."

"No. No Fili…"

"Yes. I should never have taken you out that day. I should have forced the orcs to take me and not you, to beat me and not you. For the love of Durin I should have pushed you off that bloody cliff!" Fili wiped his face with the back of his hand, "Kili I know you want revenge for what he did. But I need to make amends for the fact that I failed you. I failed my baby brother and it's because of me that he was hurt."

Noticing how much Fili was shaking Kili reached out and pulled his brother in for a hug.

"No Fili. No you didn't fail me. None of this was your fault. Please you have to believe me."

Fili nodded, "I just…I want him dead! I want to hear him scream and beg for mercy!"

Kili nodded, "So lets make that happen together."

Fili paused and Kili could see doubt still lingering in Fili's face. However when his brother nodded Kili couldn't help his small squeal. However Fili held up a hand.

"One condition? You stick by my side at all times."

Kili nodded and allowed Fili to lead him towards the armoury.

* * *

Kili patted down his armour before glancing down at the sword with a small sigh. His arm had ached after he'd pulled the sword from the rack. He knew he'd never be able to use it in battle. He'd be useless. He'd probably end up getting everyone killed. He wouldn't be able to do this.

And then he saw Fili smiling proudly at him. Kili licked his lips before drawing himself up to his full height.

He could do this.

He _would_ do this.

Fili gently rubbed his shoulder, "Kee…are you sure you want to do this?"

Kili nodded. However as Thorin came into view he faltered. No doubt his uncle was going to have him escorted back to his rooms. As he glanced at Thorin Kili was almost sure that's what his uncle was going to say. However Thorin simply nodded.

"Your father would be proud of you. Of both of you."

Kili sneaked a glance at Fili and he was glad to see his brother blinking back the tears. Thorin then clapped Kili on the shoulder.

"Kili...even though your mother will skin me alive when she finds out; I want you on that battlefield. I want you and your brother to have your revenge."

Kili nodded, noticing how worried Thorin looked. His uncle sighed.

"But when you're out there…Kili you're going to come face to face with Azog. The orc who hurt you and tortured you. And even though it kills me to say this but – for the sake of everyone else – you need to remain calm when you see him. You can't allow your anger at him to decide your actions."

Kili nodded whilst Fili moved up beside him, "I'm not letting him out of my sight Thorin. I swear it."

Thorin nodded before drawing his sword.

"In which case; let's do this!"

* * *

As they stood outside the mountain Kili shivered slightly in the cold wind. Thorin made orders for half of their number to sneak round the back of Ravenhill before he told the other half to start making their way. The plan was to surround Azog before striking and although he tried to keep calm Kili had a bad feeling about all of this. As they walked he stuck close to Fili's side and every so often had to look over to reassure himself his brother was there. Biting his lip he then looked over at Ravenhill. As he drew closer he couldn't help but be taken back by it's huge size. Essentially it was a huge stone cliff covered in ice with the remains of an old fortress. The fortress had been nothing but ruins for hundreds of years and Kili knew it was the perfect place for Azog to hide.

"Fili? Kili?"

At Thorin's voice both Kili and his brother moved up to the front where Thorin was waiting. Kili gazed up at the huge wall of rock and ice and he gave a small shudder. He hadn't thought about it until now but how were they supposed to get up there? Thorin nodded at him.

"You will both stay in the middle of the group unless I say so," he then lowered his voice, "and should I tell you to go back to the mountain there will be no arguments. Promise me that else you go back right now."

"I promise uncle," Fili said solemnly. Kili nodded. Where Fili went he would go. Already he could feel the nerves start to creep up on him. Thorin gave them both small smiles before turning back to the wall of rock. Kili cleared his throat.

"Exactly how do we get to the top of Ravenhill?"

Thorin winked at him, "When the fortress was first built the dwarves who did so built a hidden entrance inside the cliff itself. The idea was that it could be used as an escape route if needed."

He then pressed on a small patch of rock before stepping back as the dust fell to the floor and a short, fat square of rock slid backwards. Smiling Thorin pushed on the makeshift door until it was fully open to reveal nothing but blackness. Kili gripped his brothers hand – not caring if anyone was watching them. Thorin glanced over at the rest of the group.

"Lets go."

Fili and Kili waited as the others filed past before slipping in at the middle. The second they entered the cliff they were plunged into darkness and Kili tightened his grip on Fili's arms. They heard low whispered warning them were the steps began but Kili still stubbed his toe on the first one. As they climbed he tried not to think about how high this was and instead thought about how he was going to get his revenge on Azog.

"Are you okay Kee?"

Kili nodded before realising Fili wouldn't be able to see him.

"Yes. Yes I think so."

There was a pause, "Good."

Kili said nothing as they carried on climbing. Already he could feel his legs aching and he uttered a curse inside his head. How could he expect to fight if he could barely walk up some steps? However, before his legs gave way entirely he was blinded with sunlight as Fili moved aside and Kili found himself standing on a huge clearing of pure ice. All around him he caught sight of the fortress ruins – most of which were nothing more than crumbled steps and broken walls. As Thorin began handing out orders Kili gave a nervous gulp as he glanced around. Azog could be hiding anywhere. He could be watching Kili right now. Waiting for the right moment to reach out and grab him.

"Kili?"

Flinching at the voice Kili looked over to see Fili staring at him worriedly. Forcing his face into what he hoped was a smooth expression he nodded.

"I'm fine."

Fili didn't look convinced but he didn't press the matter. Kili licked his lips as Thorin came over to them.

"Now what happens uncle?" Fili drew his two swords whilst Kili forced himself not to look nervous.

"Thorin glanced around, "I'm not sure. I don't like the idea of waiting here. We're far too exposed. But I've no idea where Azog could be."

"I'll go," Kili offered. Fili went white whilst Thorin shook his head.

"Kili you're staying where I can see you."

"Well," Kili knew he was sounding like a whiny child, "Well what if both me and Fili went to have a look?"

He saw his brother nodding. Fili sheathed both of his swords.

"He's got a point. We're the best people for the job uncle."

Thorin sighed and Kili knew his uncle wanted to say no. However Thorin simply glanced at him.

"Are you sure you're up to it Kili?"

Nodding Kili smiled as Thorin nodded.

"Very well. Go and scout for us and then come back immediately. Do not engage."

Kili nodded before hurrying after Fili who was already walking off. As he caught up to his brother Kili held his shaking hands together. Supposing he saw Azog and froze? Kili hadn't even considered that possibility that he might choke in the orcs presence. Supposing he did that and something happened to Fili?

He shook his head. Nothing would happen to Fili. And he wasn't going to choke. He was stronger than that. He would prove that Azog hadn't broken him. He and Fili both made their way through a small tunnel that led into another part of Ravenhill. Even though everything around him was silent Kili could have sworn he heard something close behind him. But when he glanced around and saw nothing he shook his head and followed Fili up some more steps.

"Maybe we should split up?" Kili whispered. Fili blinked at him.

"What did you just say?"

"I said we should split up?" Kili held his hand together and Fili nodded.

"Yes I heard you. I just didn't quite believe what I'd heard. Kee I'm not letting you out of my sight for a single minute!"

Kili bit his lip and nodded slowly.

"I know I know. I just…well I thought we could cover far more ground. Besides it'd only involve me looking around a few corners by myself. I think even I can do that."

He watched the cogs work in Fili's head and he knew his brother wanted to say no. But Kili was right; they did need to cover more ground and splitting up was the only way they could it. Fili cursed before nodding.

"Fine. But listen to me. You don't stray from this area and we meet back here in ten minutes. Understand?"

Nodding Kili allowed Fili to pull him in for a hug.

"I love you Kili," Fili whispered, "And I'm so proud of you."

Nodding Kili beamed at Fili before turning and hurrying around a corner. As he heard the sound of his brothers footsteps die down he couldn't deny that a small part of his brain was regretting his decision. Now that he was all alone he felt far more vulnerable than ever before. Nothing could stop Azog taking him now.

And that's when he heard it.

At first it sounded like a small rumble. But as the sound grew louder Kili realised it was the sound of footsteps mixed in with loud roars and shrieks. He heard Bolg's roar above the rest and without even bothering to look he turned and sprinted back to where he had left Fili.

He had to get out.

He needed to run and hide before they found him.

Kili could hear his ragged breathing as he forced himself to go back through the tunnel. He could still hear the noises along with the cries of the dwarves. Shaking the tears away he slowed to a halt as he neared the tunnel entrance. Peering out Kili glanced around.

"Fili?" He didn't dare raise his voice to more than a whisper, "Fili please?"

His brother would be alright. His brother had to be alright.

"Fili!"

The only sound he heard was shouts in both black speech and Khuzdul. Kili stayed rooted in his hiding place as he caught sight of Thorin and twenty or so dwarves running towards him. Thorin gave a huge cry and the group stopped and began to form a circle. Kili's trembling fingers clutched at the rock as he saw the orcs surround the dwarves. Hot tears were running down his face as he pressed his body further into the shadows.

He shouldn't be hiding. He should be fighting.

But if he moved they'd catch him. They'd catch him and break him all over again.

"Fili?"

Kili glanced for any sign of his brother. Satisfied Fili wasn't there he licked his lips.

He couldn't do this. He was too weak.

Turning Kili stumbled back along the tunnel and away from the fighting. With one hand he brushed the tears away.

He couldn't help them. He wasn't strong enough to help them. They would die and it was all his fault.

Kili gasped as the wind hit him in the face. Glancing up he realised he was much further along than he realised. The tunnels exit couldn't be too far away given that both wind and now light were pushing through. Nodding Kili forced his numb legs to move. If he could get out maybe he could find Fili.

" _Going somewhere worm."_

Kili sank to the ground as any remaining strength was taken from him. Azog's eyes shone in the dark and as the huge orc blocked the light Kili feebly tried to pull his sword out.

"No. No please. Please I'm begging you."

Azog loomed over him and now that he was close Kili saw the metal claw had been replaced with a huge curved blade. Azog pressed the tip into his cheek.

" _I've missed your company worm. I've missed your screams and moans."_

Kili shook his head weakly and Azog removed the blade from his face.

" _Get up."_

Kili sobbed weakly as he did so. His hands hung limp by his sides whilst Azog looked him over. The sounds of battle could still be heard and Kili tried to shut them out from his mind. Azog grabbed him by the hair and as he was pulled along Kili couldn't stop his cries.

"Please! Please just let me go! I've given you everything you want! Just let me go!"

Azog said nothing and Kili gave up on his shouts as he was dragged along the tunnel.

 _ **So I bet you thought we'd have a nice revenge filled battle and things would go back to normal? Wrong! Just throwing this one last cliff - hanger in for you. But I promise happy endings and revenge coming up next so don't panic. Let me know what you think xxxx**_


	33. When the Man Becomes a Prince

_**Big thanks to . .tree for favouriting.**_

 _ **SongHyeRii – Yeah…yeah I did.**_

 _ **PhoenixUniverse –I knew Kili would struggle to come face to face with Azog despite everything.**_

 _ **Emmakmc – Aww don't worry things will get better**_

 _ **Syeern – It'll certainly be an interesting confrontation between the two.**_

 _ **Sorrellkaren – No this will have a happy ending.**_

 _ **Nenithiel – Aww**_

 _ **Hannahrachelle – Yeah I did nick a few things from the fight in BOTFA but with a happier ending.**_

 _ **Kili's smile – Hang in there!**_

 _ **Dojonson41 – Kili is strong enough…I hope.**_

 _ **Mili – It took a while deciding who got to have revenge but I think you'll like it.**_

 _ **Guest – Despite everything I think Kili will be able to take down Azog.**_

 _ **Guest – I don't think it was hard to understand in the sense you knew what was going on at least. But I get the confusion around Thorin's choices. To be perfectly honest I did it for plot convenience as I needed to find a way for Kili to get separated and then found by Azog**_

When the Man Becomes a Prince

As they walked Kili couldn't stop sobbing. Azog made no sound but every so often tightened his grip on Kili's hair. With each wince and cry the orcs smile grew. Kili gave a small gasp as they reached the tunnel exit and were both engulfed by the bright sunlight. The grip on him vanished and he fell to the ground. Sliding on the sheer ice Kili forced his head up and his heart slowed.

"No." He breathed. Below him he could see Thorin and his group fighting against the orcs with everything they had. But for every orc that got cut down another was there to replace it. Kili pushed himself to his feet – mindful of the ice he was standing on. The wind flew through his hair and when he looked down he saw that they were on an ice ledge a good forty or fifty feet from the ground. Certainly it was high enough to kill him if he fell. Azog held up his arm and the sword hand glinted in the light. Kili's lip trembled.

"What do you want from me? Please I…I can't give you anything else."

As Azog loomed over his shaking form Kili's mind was filled with the memories of the past few months. The orcs twisting and breaking his bones whilst his flesh was burnt and cut until there was nothing left of him. He barely noticed Azog's other fist grabbing the front of his shirt and dragging him towards the cliff edge. But as his heels brushed against the very edge of the ice Kili began to struggle weakly in the orcs grip.

" _OAKENSHIELD!"_

At Azog's voice everything stopped. Kili turned his head as best he could. He could tell from the silence that the fighting had stopped and he could just about see Thorin watching him with a look of horror. Azog ran his bladed hand down Kili's face and neck.

" _It seems your nephew couldn't stay free of me for long. How does it feel to see him for what he really is? A feeble worm trapped in my grasp."_

Tears were falling thick and fast now for Kili. Thorin was screaming something at Azog but the words weren't registering in Kili's mind. Azog dug the very tip of his blade into his throat and Kili forced himself to stare the orc dead in the eye.

"You think you control me? You think you own me? Well you're wrong!"

Azog sniffed his face, _"You are the one who is wrong. I do control you. I do own you. I took away your innocence. You cannot escape me."_

At the memories of Azog's assault Kili's fighting stopped and he felt himself go limp in the orcs hold. Azog nodded before glancing over Kili's shoulder and back at the battlefield.

" _Remember the face of your nephew Oakenshield. The next time you see it there won't be a body attached!"_

Kili forced down the bile at this as Azog dragged him away from the edge. The orc still held onto him and Kili gave a small nod.

"If you wish to kill me then just do it."

Azog shook his head and released Kili who fell to the floor. As his already sore limbs hit the ice Kili groaned and rolled over. Azog planted his boot on his chest to stop him from rising any more.

" _I want to get some more use of you before you die. I want to hear you scream and moan again. I want to feel your skin against mine. I want to see the fear and terror in your eyes."_

Kili had no response for this. Azog's boot moved from his stomach to his neck and as the pressure increased Kili's head fell back as he tried to get air into his lungs. He could feel the tip of a blade being pressed into his thigh but as spots began to appear before his eyes Kili gave a small shake of the head.

He had been so wrong.

Azog _did_ control him. He _did_ own him.

" _KILI!"_

At Fili's voice the pressure on Kili's neck vanished and he took a deep breath – tasting the air with satisfaction. The blade was still being pressed against his thigh but Kili ignored that as he turned to see Fili standing in the tunnel entrance with both swords out.

"Let. Him. Go." He swung both blades for good measure, "NOW!"

Azog smiled before bringing the blade away from Kili's leg. Giving Fili a shaky smile Kili realised tears were falling down his brothers face. Fili nodded and began to move forward when Kili's whole body stiffened as Azog's blade was jammed under his chin. Already he could feel the skin being broken. Glancing over he saw Fili was equally frozen. Azog nodded.

" _One move and I cut his throat."_

Fili nodded and stepped back. As he sheathed the swords Kili licked his lips.

"Fili," he knew talking was going to make the cut on his neck even worse but he couldn't help it.

"Fili don't be an idiot."

"Kili shut up." Fili blinked back his tears, "Just…just please stop talking."

" _You should listen to him,"_ Azog smiled as he moved the blade away, _"But then, if you had done that you wouldn't have told me what you had."_

Nodding Kili watched as the orc ran his bladed hand down his body and leg.

" _You're a traitor,"_ Azog sniffed, _"You do not deserve to be from the line of Durin."_

"Kili don't listen to him!" Fili snapped, "Please for the love of Durin don't listen to him."

Kili nodded when Azog grabbed his face and turned him back to face him.

" _You're a parasite!"_ He hissed, _"Your only purpose in life is to be trodden on by the boots of others. You think anyone could possibly love you after what you have done? After you betrayed your own people? Your own family?"_

Kili's words were caught in his throat and he looked at Fili who was shaking his head.

"Kee…" he took a deep breath, "Kili look at me. Just at me and nothing else okay. Forget about Thorin. Forget about mother. Forget about everyone else and just think about me for a second. You have NOT betrayed me. Nothing you could do would ever be betrayal in my eyes! I swear to you Kili, your my brother and I love you no matter what!"

Kili didn't bother to wipe away his tears and instead stared up at Azog.

"You're nothing to me," he hissed, "I don't even fear you anymore because I know you can't hurt me anymore than you already have. Nothing you can possibly do will break me. Do you see your army? They're about to be wiped out. You've lost Azog. You've lost."

The orc nodded and as the sick smile appeared back on his face Kili froze. Azog glanced at Fili before turning back to Kili.

" _Maybe I have. But that doesn't mean I don't want to hear you scream."_

Kili only had time to blink before Azog drove his blade into his thigh. Throwing his head back Kili shut his eyes as pain burned in his whole leg. He knew he was screaming but he couldn't help it. Forcing his eyes open he saw Azog pull his blade free before running his finger in the blood and wiping it on Kili's face.

" _Not so brave now are we?"_

Gasping Kili shook his head weakly as Azog pressed the bloodied blade against his shoulder. The orc nodded and raised his arm when Fili's screams drowned out the silence. Looking around Kili saw his brother running at Azog madly. One sword was in the air whilst the other was already slicing Azog's arm. The orc raced and staggered backwards away from Kili. Forcing himself to his knees Kili gasped as Fili crashed beside him and pulled him in for a hug. Kili's knees burned but he gritted his teeth and held Fili against him.

"Kili! Kili are you alright?"

Kili didn't answer at first and Fili gave him a small shake.

"Are you alright!"

Nodding Kili allowed Fili to pull him to his feet. He could see Azog holding one hand to his injured arm and he gave a small swallow. The orc snarled and Kili's eyes widened as Azog ran towards them – aiming to stick his blade into Fili's back. With a single movement Kili pushed his brother aside – screaming as the blade drove into his shoulder. He caught a glimpse of Fili almost throwing himself at Azog who dodged the attacked and kicked Fili into a huge wall of ice. As his brothers limp body fell to the ground Kili's hand grabbed at his sword and he pulled it out. He could barely stand, one of his arms was useless and each time he looked at Azog he wanted to freeze.

He couldn't fight him. He just couldn't.

Fili gave a weak cough and tried to get to his feet when Azog's fist slammed into his face and ribs. Blood poured down one half of Fili's face as tears crawled down Kili's and he forced his hands to hold his sword.

"Get away from him!"

At first he didn't think Azog had heard him. But then the orc glanced in his direction and began moving towards him. Kili forced himself to remain calm.

He could do this. For Fili's sake he would do it.

Azog lunged and Kili used his height to duck before striking his own blow at Azog's leg. The orc roared at Kili could feel his arms burning as he sliced Azog's side before running behind him and aiming for the back of the knee. He missed and instead Azog's boot caught him in the stomach – sending him backwards beside his brother. Turning onto his side he tapped Fili's face.

"Fili? Fili wake up."

As his brother screwed his eyes up Kili was aware of Azog standing right behind him. Pushing to his feet he stood in front of Fili and forced his aching arms to keep holding his sword. Azog sighed.

" _When this is over who shall I use first? You or your brother?"_

Kili could still remember his nightmares about Azog raping Fili. Shaking his head he gripped his sword with both hands as fire flooded through his veins.

"You can do anything you like to me. But I will burn before I allow you to touch him."

Azog raised his blade – aiming to slice Kili's neck. But Kili leaned backwards to avoid the blow before running and leaping into the air. Azog said nothing as the blade pierced his chest and as he dropped to the floor Kili could hear his brother getting to his feet behind him. Blood leaked from Azog's body and as he glanced to the side Kili smiled at the bruised and battered figure of his brother.

"Are you alright?"

Fili nodded, "You?"

"Never better."

Smiling Fili grabbed Kili's arm and began pulling him towards the tunnel. Out of instinct Kili fought in his brothers grip but Fili didn't relent.

"Fili let me go!"

"No chance," Fili pushed him along the tunnel, "I made that mistake once. I'm never doing it again."

Kili opened his mouth before shutting it again as Azog's roars could still be heard. With a small gulp he nodded before hurrying after Fili.

* * *

It didn't take them long to join the others. But given the dwarves were still in the midst of battle Kili wasn't surprised they went unnoticed. He watched on as Thorin and Dwalin took Bolg on whilst the rest of the company were battling away at the orcs. The earth shook behind them and Kili gripped Fili's hand before turning round in time to see Azog emerge from the tunnel. The orc pointed his blade at Kili.

" _You will watch every one you love be ripped apart before I allow you to die."_

Kili gripped his sword, fully aware that the sounds of battle behind him were quietening. It was as though Azog had been able to silence his army with a single look. He glanced over his shoulder to see the majority of the orcs backing away whilst the dwarves stood in a huge circle formation – weapons aimed at the opposition. Even Bolg had stopped fighting, leaving Thorin and Dwalin to hurry towards Kili and his brother. Azog glanced around.

" _All of this because of a mountain?"_

"No," Thorin spat, "Because of what you did to my nephew."

Kili watched as Azog threw back his head in laughter.

" _You really love him don't you? Even though he betrayed you?"_

Thorin shook his head whilst Kili was forcing his insides to stop shaking. Azog winked at him before glancing back at Thorin.

" _Even though he let me defile him?"_

Kili felt sick to the stomach. He didn't dare glance over at Thorin and instead shook his head.

"That's a lie!"

" _Is it?"_ Azog smiled thinly and Kili forced himself to look at Thorin who had gone white.

"You..? You mean you…to Kili..?" Thorin choked. Kili found himself nodding.

"He did," he then glared at Azog, "But I _never_ let it happen. I fought. I kicked and punched. I did everything I physically could to try and stop you!"

" _But it wasn't enough was it?"_

Gripping his sword Kili forced himself to take deep breaths. His brain was trying to think of how he could turn this around. He certainly knew how his old self would have dealt with this. Grinning at Fili, Kili locked eyes with Azog.

"I'm not sure why you sound proud of what you did to me," he forced himself to ignore the churning of his stomach,

"After all, it's not like you were any good."

Azog froze and Kili could have sworn he heard his brother stifling a laugh. Nodding he was aware of Fili inching closer towards him as he carried on talking.

"You might have been the first person who…did that, to me. But really, not exactly your finest hour," he swallowed the bile in his throat, "You must be losing your touch."

With a roar Azog swung at him. Diving to the side Kili stumbled beside Fili who grabbed his arm.

"Kili are you alright?"

Forcing a nod Kili glanced to see the battle carrying on all around him. It was like his words had kick started everything again. Thorin gave him a desperate glance before turning to Bolg. Kili shook his head.

"We'll be fine," he didn't want to face his uncle. Not after this. Smiling at Fili he gave a breathless nod.

"Together?"

Fili nodded, "Together."

They both stood back to back as Azog lunged again. Despite everything that had happened, Kili's training slotted into place as he and Fili did their best to bring down Azog. They managed to dodge enough blows whilst landing plenty of their own. But nothing seemed to be able to kill this creature. The fact that their feet kept slipping on the ice wasn't helping at all. Azog was bleeding from at least half a dozen wounds and yet he was still standing. Kili's injured shoulder was numb from pain and every time he put weight on his leg he wanted to collapse. Spitting blood from his mouth he looked up in time to see Azog's fists smash into his face. Reeling from the blow Kili stumbled backwards – leaving his chest wide open.

"KILI!"

He heard Fili's voice seconds before he felt the pain. As Azog's blade sliced across his chest Kili gave a small gasp of surprise before falling to his knees. Blood began to pour over his chain mail and with a shaking arm he tried his best to stop the bleeding. Azog shook his head.

"Pitiful."

Kili said nothing as he felt the blade under his chin. All he wanted to do was lie down and sleep forever. His eyes widened as he saw the figure of Fili running at Azog. The pale orc narrowed his eyes and spun round at the last second. He knocked one of Fili's swords from his hand before slicing at his other arm – causing the other blade to fall. Kili watched on as his brother grabbed a knife but Azog grabbed his free arm and twisted it behind his back. A kick sent Fili to his knees and the knife skidded across the ice towards Kili who had fallen onto his front from the effort of trying to remain upright. Fili struggled but Azog simply placed his bladed hand against his throat.

"Do you have any last words for your brother before I relieve him of his head?"

Forcing his head up Kili tried to talk but all he could do was give a small croak. Fili shook his head.

"Kili run!"

"No…" Kili's eyes caught sight of the knife that lay mere inches away from him. Azog sighed and dug the blade into Fili's neck. Satisfied the orc wasn't looking Kili forced his injured arm to reach out and grabbed the blade – holding it to his chest.

"You should be thankful," Azog crooned to Fili, "At least now you won't see the look in your brother's eyes as I kill him."

Fili said something but Kili wasn't listening. He knew he only had seconds to act now. Forcing himself up onto his knees he drew his arm back and without even trying to aim he threw it towards the orc. It hit Azog squarely in the neck and the orc stumbled backwards in surprise. Kili watched as Fili freed himself and jumped to his feet. Picking up one of his swords Fili swung it above his head before slicing Azog's stomach open with it.

"You took my brother away from me! You beat him and you hurt him!"

The sword slashed Azog's chest this time as the orc fell to his knees. Kili tried to get up put the pain in his body was too much and he fell back to the ground. Fili wiped the reaming tears.

"You broke him. And now you are going to pay!"

Azog said nothing as Fili drove his sword into his chest. Instead the orc let out a spine chilling roar before falling backwards with Fili's sword still stuck in his body. Tears made their way down Kili's face as he saw Fili limping towards him. Another glance at Azog told him the orc was still alive. Fili knelt down and gently pulled him to his feet. Kili could feel his chest tightening as Fili handed him a knife.

"He's all your Kee."

With Fili's help Kili limped towards Azog. The orcs eyes were half open and Kili knew he didn't have long. Kneeling down he dug the tip of his blade into the orcs neck.

"Listen to me. LISTEN!"

Azog's eyes snapped open and Kili smiled.

"You will never, ever own me."

Without blinking Kili drove the knife into Azog's neck. The orcs body flailed slightly before going still. Kili gave a small gasp and his hands let go of the knife as though it had burnt him. Fili rubbed his back soothingly.

"Kili?"

"I..?" Kili shook his head and allowed Fili to turn him away from the body. Burying his face in Fili's chest he clung to his brother who hugged him tightly.

"It's alright Kili," Fili whispered, "It's alright. It's over."

 _ **I honestly don't know what to say. I think that was one of my favouriting chapters to write mainly because it has my three favourite things in it. Fili, Kili and a battle. Plus we have our happy ending! The next chapter is going to be a sort of epilogue type thing to wrap it all up so let me know what you think xxx**_


	34. Everything Will Be Alright

_**Nenithiel – Yeah nice to see him sort of back to his usual self.**_

 _ **PhoenixUniverse – It's just going tidy everything up for you. And for the record I always do happy endings no matter what.**_

 _ **Emmakmc – I always planned for him to be the one to kill Azog – with Fili's help of course.**_

 _ **Syeern – You'll find that out at the start of this chapter. And yes Kili will grow stronger from this.**_

 _ **Yshxf – A very long awaited revenge as well!**_

 _ **Mili – Yeah I'm sad this is the end. But I plan to do other Fili Kili fics in the future at some point. I did another one before this called 'My Brothers Soul' which is basically a short Fili/Kili fic if you wanted to check it out.**_

 _ **KiliDragonFriend – I knew the whole rape thing would upset some people but I like adding in controversial stuff with my writing. As for the idea of doing an alternative fic that sounds really cool. If you wanted you could create an account and PM me the fic if you wanted as I think reviews have a word limit to them or something. But yeah at least you get a happy ending (with Fili and Kili I will never do sad endings)**_

 _ **Guest – He has hasn't he? I just want to take him and hug him now.**_

 _ **Guest – Indeed it is sweet! And much deserved!**_

Everything Will Be Alright

No one said anything as they returned to the mountain. The bodies of Azog, Bolg and the rest of the dead orcs had been piled up and burnt. Kili kept close to Fili's side, not bothering to look where he was even putting his feet. Despite all the bravado he had felt earlier he couldn't stop shaking. Now everyone knew what had happened to him. How Azog had used him and dirtied him. Kili sighed. He didn't mind Fili knowing. Fili hadn't judged him. Fili still loved him. But Thorin? He wasn't so sure.

"Over here lads."

At Oin's voice Kili glanced up. The healer ushered both him and Fili towards two beds in the far corner of the infirmary. As he eased out of his armour Kili winced at how much agony he was in. Glancing over at Fili he knew his brother was in a similar state. Oin pressed a thick cloth to the wound of his chest.

"It's not too deep lad. I doubt it'll scar."

Kili giggled. It's not like it would make any difference if it did. As Fili was fussed over Kili clutched the edges of the bed desperately.

"Kili? Kili what is it?"

Kili shook his head before looking at Fili.

"I…Thorin knows."

Fili nodded slowly, "I know Kee. I was there when Azog told him what he'd done to you."

Kili shook his head again as that familiar fear began to eat away at him again.

"But he _knows_! He knows that Azog…he knows!"

Fili forced a smile onto his face.

"Kee, Thorin won't care. I promise you."

"But…" Kili was interrupted as Oin handed him a bottle of clear liquid.

"Drink this. It'll help with the pain."

Knowing how bad it would taste Kili braced himself before downing it in one. As the vile tasting tonic forced it's way down his throat he shuddered before pulling his tunic back on. As Fili did the same Kili couldn't help his yawn. He hadn't gotten any sleep last night and his recent injuries had pushed him to the brink of exhaustion. Fili rubbed his back.

"Let's get some sleep Kili."

"But Thorin…"

Fili shushed him, "It'll be alright Kili. I promise."

* * *

Kili went to sleep hoping that things would seem better in the morning.

They didn't.

The sick feeling hadn't left his stomach and he rubbed the sleep from his eyes in a futile effort to wake himself up. He said nothing to Fili as he dressed and when there was a knock on the door he couldn't stop himself from jumping. Fili rubbed his arm before glancing at the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's me."

At his uncle's voice Kili began shaking his head.

"No, no I can't see him. Fili please I…I can't. I won't!"

Rubbing his back Fili flashed him a soft smile.

"Kili listen to me. Thorin will not care about what Azog did to you. I promise you."

Kili carried on shaking his head but Fili was moving towards the door. Just as his brother pulled it open Kili backed himself up against the wall. Thorin gave him a tired smile and if he had to guess Kili would have said Thorin hadn't gotten any sleep either.

"Good morning," he glanced over at Fili, "I wondered if I could speak with Kili…alone?"

Fili nodded before taking Kili's hand.

"I'll be right outside Kee. I promise."

To prove his point he walked into the corridor and planted himself opposite the doorway. Kili gave him a small smile which suddenly vanished as Thorin shut the door behind him.

"Kili."

Kili shook his head, "I'm sorry. I so sorry uncle."

"I..?" Thorin shook his head, "Kili I don't understand? Why are you apologising?"

"Because…because of what Azog did to me."

Thorin's face was unreadable and in three long strides he stood right before Kili. As his uncle pulled him in for a hug Kili couldn't help his gasp.

"You have _nothing_ to apologise for Kili," Thorin's voice was starting to waver, "What that piece of filth did wasn't your fault."

"But Fili wouldn't have let it happen. You wouldn't have let it happen. But I did. I did because I'm weak and stupid!"

Thorin said nothing and instead tightened his grip with one arm whilst stroking Kili's hair with the other. Kili clung to his uncles tunic in the hope of muffling his sobs.

"It was horrible," he mumbled, "I couldn't stop him. All I could do was cry. He kept laughing – they all did."

Thorin kissed his forehead before letting go of Kili who held his shaking hands together.

"Listen to me Kili. What happened to you doesn't define who you are as a person. You aren't stupid. You're one of the smartest people I know. And you are far from weak. To have gone through six months of torture at the hands of orcs and to still be standing – never mind still fighting – that takes more than just courage Kili. What Azog did, it's always going to hurt. But I know you're strong enough to stop it from controlling you. To stop it from deciding who you are going to become."

Kili gave a small gulp as Thorin rubbed his arms.

"Was I shocked when I found out that you have been hurt like that? Yes I was. But the second I knew any blame I felt was directed at Azog. I only wish I had been able to make him pay for it. But I'm so very happy that you and your brother did."

Bowing his head Kili nodded as Thorin turned and opened the door.

"Fili, I'd like to speak to you now please."

Kili looked up to see Fili enter. The second his brother was standing beside him he took his hand. Thorin eyed them both and Kili was shocked to see tears in his uncles eyes.

"When I saw you and Azog…" Thorin broke off and stroked Kili's hair, "It was like my nightmares coming true. I was so worried I'd lose you both today. No matter that you are my heirs; you are my family and I would do everything it took to make sure you are both safe and happy. Had I had this attitude several months ago then none of this would have ever happened."

He glanced at the pair, "I know I sometimes allow my temper to get the better of me. But I hope in the future I can control it better. But even if I sometimes can't; know that nothing you can do will ever stop me loving you."

Nodding Kili smiled at Thorin who kissed him and Fili on the forehead before his uncle moved away. Kili didn't say anything until the bedroom door was shut and the sound of Thorin's footsteps died away. When that had happened he sat down on his bed and drew his knees against his chest. Fili rubbed his arm gently.

"Thank you," Kili stammered. Fili raised an eyebrow.

"For what?"

"For…" Kili didn't know what to say. He owed everything to Fili and yet thank you seemed so inadequate. However he gave a nervous swallow and smiled back.

"For being my brother."

 _ **So here we are at the end! Big thanks to everyone who has followed/favorited/reviewed or even just read this story because it means the world to me and I love you all so much! Stay tuned in though because I have another Fili/OC fic coming in two or three weeks. Let me know what you all think xxx**_


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